


Beautiful Chaos

by anyrei, mugglerock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, And Former Angels are Damsels in Distress, And the Repercussions of It, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ass to Mouth, Astroglide Makes an Appearance, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bathroom Sex, Because Fuck You SPN Writers, Begging, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Canon Compliant Until S9E3, Cas is a slut, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Cute, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Dorks, Cock Slut Castiel, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dean Cries But That's Canon, Dean Has a Lot of Guilt, Dean Winchester Doesn’t Think He’s Good Enough, Dirty Talk, Don't Judge, Excessive Use of Pop Culture References, Exhibitionism, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Frankie Where Are You?, Friends to Lovers, Fun Parallels, Hand Jobs, He’s New to Sex and Has Fun, Holy Rusted Angst Batman!, Human Castiel, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity (Not Between the Main Pairing), I’m Right Here Any and Damn Proud of You, Look at me Doing Tags, M/M, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Miscommunication is the Real Villain Here, Mutual Masturbation, Non-Consensual Touching, Not A Creepy Rape Culture Fifty Shades Way, Ogres Are Like Onions, Oral Sex, Possessive Dean Winchester, Power Play, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Prostitution, Protective Dean Winchester, Public Sex, Rimming, Romance, Rough Sex, Season 9 Rewrite, Sex Addiction, Sex Toys, Sexual Coercion, Slow Build, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Slow Burn, Top Dean Winchester, Unsafe Sex, Wall Sex, but in a cute way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 09:44:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 141,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13701927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: When your comprehension of Chaos Theory stems from Jeff Goldblum’s character in Jurassic Park, there’s a distinct possibility that said comprehension is paltry at best. But whether the chaotic events in Dean Winchester’s life are actually an anarchic mathematical probability, or simply a drop of water running down different paths on his hand; Dean was certain of one thing:He was completely and totally fucked. And not in a good way.[This is a prompt-based rewrite of Season 9 of Supernatural, in which Dean was upfront with Cas from the get-go and helped him get used to being human.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LoverAwakened](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoverAwakened/gifts).



> Frankie here: Well, what started out as a fun little prompt has now turned into this epic, million word long rewrite of S9. Now, granted, we fixed a few of the problematic situations with a pseudo cop out, but that’s because we focused solely on the developing friendship/relationship between Dean and Cas. We decided to focus on the relationships, and Cas dealing with his new found humanity, instead of the case stuff. You guys get enough case shit in the show. We hope you like what we did here. Fuck, I’ll be perfectly honest, this is probably one of my favorite versions of the characters we’ve ever written.
> 
> Again, heed the tags, and, of course, this is smutsville! We hope you like what we did with your prompt [loverawakened](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoverAwakened/pseuds/LoverAwakened)! You’re one of our favorites (shh, don’t tell anyone) and we absolutely adored writing this for you. We're sorry it took so long! Also: I’m sure you weren’t expecting a 140+k fic for your prompt, but go big or go home, right, Any? 
> 
> Also, this fic is partially based on [purgatory-jar](https://purgatory-jar.tumblr.com/)’s beautiful art for the [Destiel art book](http://thedestielartbook.tumblr.com/). She gave us permission to reference her work [here](https://purgatory-jar.tumblr.com/post/163179235557/i-forgot-i-never-published-my-entry-for)! So please, check her out! She’s one of the best artists in the fandom so, if you haven’t seen or heard of her work, the hell is wrong with you? Go worship her now!
> 
> Here you are ladies and jellyspoons! A rewrite for season nine! We hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Any here: I’m a bit nervous about this one, cuz I went a bit creative with Cas’s characterization but I hope you guys will like it. Since the first time I watched “The end” in season 5 I wondered what happened to Cas that he had changed so drastically. So what I did here is trying to write a merge between endverse!Cas and now!Cas and I really hope it works for you guys. Anyway it was super fun to write. Thank you so much LoverAwakened for your prompt. We love you so much <3! I feel like this note already goes on too long, cuz as you guys know Frankie and I aren’t able to write anything short. So without further ado, have fun reading!
> 
>  **Prompt from LoverAwakened:**  
>  Hey! Sorry it took me so long, it's been crazy lately. Okay so, I was thinking for the writing prompt or whatever... Season 9, human Cas, Dean challenges Zeke when he tells Dean that if Cas stays, he abandons Sam and Sam will die without him. 
> 
> So, destiel, obviously. I want ANGST. I don't know how, but I want it. But with a happy ending. :D So, maybe Dean goes to talk to Cas while he's eating the burrito, and instead of kicking him out he fesses up about the angel possession and they figure out how to save sam together, or maybe Dean doesn't tell Cas shit and he tries to do it himself but still lets Cas stay and challenges Zeke to go ahead and take off Sam will be fine. I dunno. This scenario has just been tumbling around my head and I wanted to write it, but between Helping Hand, Woven in my Soul, and another story that i haven't published any of yet but am writing, I can't get to it right now and I think you and muggle would be PERFECT to write something like this :D
> 
>  **Edited to add** : You can follow us on our joint tumblr [here](https://the-real-anyrock.tumblr.com/)! We've had some radio silence because we've been writing so much, but don't you worry, we'll start doing challenges and silly stuff again soon! <3<3

****

 

**Chapter 1**

 

Dean was fucking lit and torn at the same time. The bullshit ultimatum Ezekiel gave him was just that.  _ Bullshit.  _ Cas came to bat for them time and time again and having to either kick him out or possibly lose his brother… He hated himself a little bit for knowing he’d always choose Sam. 

 

It was tempting to flip Ezekiel off and take his chances. But Dean knew better than to play with that fire. Instead, he made his way to the library, where Cas was sitting at one of the tables, making love to a microwave burrito. 

 

When Cas saw Dean approach, he raised his burrito to him in salute and said, “Epic food. I can’t get enough.” Cas took another bite and Dean felt about a million times worse for what he was about to do.

 

Unable to bring himself to look Cas in the eye, he stared down at the table. “Cas, uh, can we talk?”

 

“Of course.”

 

He finally got the balls to make eye contact, and Cas pulled the chair next to him out for Dean to sit. Dean couldn’t bring himself to take it. 

 

And then, to add insult to injury, Cas said, “Dean, you know I always appreciate our talks, our time together.”

 

_ Way to pour salt into an open wound.  _ Dean moved to sit on the table. He cleared his throat and finally said, “Listen, buddy. Um… You can’t stay.”

 

The look on Cas’s face was… it was like Dean had told a five-year-old kid that Santa wasn’t real, Superman was dead, and he lied about the puppy he bought him, all at the same time. Instantly, Dean knew what he needed to do. Craning his neck to see that his brother wasn’t anywhere within sight, Dean turned to Cas and grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. 

 

“Come on. We’re getting the hell out of here.”

 

Cas's expression went from completely heartbroken to totally confused in under a second, before ultimately settling on a worried expression. "Dean, what’s wrong?" Although he had asked, he instantly followed Dean in the direction of the garage.

 

“Can’t talk here, get in,” he ordered, doing a double take around Baby to make sure Sam didn’t see them or follow them. When he sat down behind her wheel, he looked at Cas. “I’ve gotta tell you something, and I’m gonna need you to listen before you interject with your opinion, okay?”

 

Cas nodded quietly, giving Dean an expectant and simultaneously worried look.

 

As Dean pulled Baby out of the garage, he waited until they were at least a mile away from the bunker before he started talking. “So, uh… when you guys got the boot. The trials… they fucked Sammy up, Cas. Like, near death. An angel offered to help us. To help Sammy. But, I… Shit, Cas. This is gonna sound terrible, but I kinda tricked Sam into saying yes to being the angel’s vessel so he could heal him from the inside.”

 

Cas gave him a shocked, wide-eyed look, but just as promised, he didn't say anything. Instead, his look changed into a questioning one.

 

“I know what you're thinking, but when you told me Ezekiel was trustworthy, I made the call.” Dean turned down a sparse dirt road until they pulled up to an old abandoned quarry. He stopped Baby and turned to face Cas. “Sam has no idea that Zeke is still in him. And knowing you're hunted, the guy is totally freaked that he'll be next for helping us. Helping you. Sammy isn't well enough yet, so he threatened to leave if you didn't.”

 

Dean sighed and shook his head. “I know it's shitty, but I wanted you to know the whole story.”

 

Cas nodded slowly and looked down at his folded hands in his lap before he quietly asked, “May I talk again?”

 

“Ye – yeah. Of course.”

 

For a long moment Cas didn’t say anything. It looked like he was contemplating everything until he finally nodded and said, “I understand. It’s Sam, you didn't have a choice. I won't do anything to jeopardize Sam’s healing.” 

 

Cas opened the door of the Impala and got out of the car, walking away from it.

 

Without hesitation, Dean jumped out and darted after him. “Whoa, man! I wasn't just dropping you off in the middle of nowhere to get rid of you. I just wanted privacy to figure out what we should do.”

 

Cas tilted his head for a moment. “I saw the damage to Sam’s body. It will take months to heal Sam from the inside. It's best if I just leave and you call me when Ezekiel has left.”

 

Hearing those words come out of Cas’s mouth made him feel worse about the situation. Not better. Besides, abandoning his best friend when he needed him most was not sitting right with Dean. “Look. While he's got me by the balls when it comes to you being at the bunker, he doesn't have a say on what happens when he's not around.”

 

Dean clapped Cas’s shoulder and nodded. “You always wanted to be a hunter, right?”

 

Cas nodded slowly, his familiar confused expression taking over again. “Yes, but… Dean, I – I'm human now. Any advantage I had as an angel to balance out my inexperience is gone.” He looked down again, his voice broken and quiet. “Now, I have nothing.”

 

“If I recall,” Dean started as he ducked his head to look Cas in the eye. “You held your own before when Eve made you limp. Besides…” Dean smirked. “How would you feel about a crash course on bein’ a hunter?”

 

“You really think I could be a hunter?” Cas asked skeptically.

 

Dean chuckled. “You never met Garth, did you?”

 

Cas shook his head before he looked around and sighed. “Dean, I don’t want to be a liability. If you just drop me off by the road, I can try to get to a bigger city. Lay low, maybe find some work.”

 

“Dude, you’re not a liability. We’re just gonna have to be creative.” Dean looked around before turning back to Cas with a comforting smile. “When I’m not workin’ cases with Sam, we could set you up somewhere and start your training. Come on, you tellin’ me you’re not even a  _ little  _ interested in getting trained by a Winchester?” Dean waggled his eyebrows.

 

Cas answered with a shy smile and Dean knew he had won. “Where would I go?” he asked after a moment before his expression changed into a worried one again. “It needs to be somewhere where I can acquire money and food.”

 

Dean looped his arm over Cas’s shoulder and smirked. “Get your ass back in the car and I’ll show you the wonderful world of squatting.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Corporate America. That's what Dean called it when, after twenty minutes, they found an abandoned warehouse only a half-hour drive away from the bunker. They carefully scouted the place out and Dean made a fist pump when they found a developed attic in one of the buildings. It was clear that no one had been in the building for ages. There was dust everywhere and the window in the roof slope was so dirty that nearly no light was coming through.

 

Cas swiped his fingers over it and the beam of light highlighted the dust on the dark wood floorboards. “And you think I can just stay here? No one will come?”

 

Dean shook his head. “This place hasn’t been touched in months. Maybe even years. And even if there’s a rent-a-pig that periodically checks on this place, I promise they don’t come all the way up here. It’s perfect.” Dean smiled as he looked around again. “We’re gonna need to get you some stuff, though.” He pulled out his cellphone  –  clearly sending a text message  –  before he pocketed it again. 

 

“Like, something to sleep on… I won’t need more than that.” Cas still felt like a burden, no matter what Dean said. He wasn't used to needing help and it bothered him.

 

“You will absolutely need more than that.” Dean chuckled and used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe across the dust caked window, letting a little more sunlight filter into the attic. He hummed thoughtfully and said, “Figure if we use a couple credit cards, we can set you up with a mini fridge, a hot plate, a wifi hotspot, a laptop of your own, and a couple changes of clothes.” 

 

He pursed his lips as he looked at Cas. “As far as showers, you can probably sneak into the bunker when we’re gone. I’ll grab you a phone too, so I can text you anytime Sammy and I take off.”

 

“Don’t you think that’s too risky?” Cas asked slowly. 

 

“Well, only if you leave a friggin’ mess and rob us blind, making Sam question if someone entered the place. If you just slip in, use the shower and then leave, you’ll be good. Just… make sure you use my stuff. Don’t use Sam’s fancy shit. He can always tell when I use it.”

 

“Of course.” Cas nodded quietly. “Will you… visit me once we get all this stuff?”

 

Dean grinned broadly. “Who the fuck else is gonna train you?”

 

“But what will you tell Sam? Won’t he get suspicious if you leave?”

 

“Not if we play it right. Sometimes he goes out for a run. Sometimes I go out for a drink. Or a, uh… Well…” Dean smirked and waggled his eyebrows. “If I tell him I’m off to find a blue-eyed piece to occupy my time, he wouldn’t question it. And it’s technically not a lie.”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at Dean for a moment before he understood what Dean was implying. "You're implying that you’ll go out to find someone with blue eyes to have sex with, but in reality you’ll spend your time with me. How is that technically ‘not a lie’?"

 

Dean chuckled. “Because you have blue eyes and will be occupying my time. Sammy  _ assuming _ the implication that I’m getting laid is  _ why  _ it isn’t technically a lie.” He dusted his hand off on his jeans and shrugged. “Besides, lying is part of being a hunter and one you should probably work on.” 

 

Cas scratched the back of his neck with a deep sigh. “I see... So where do we start here?”

 

“First, I say we get all the supplies and whatever you need. Once you’re set up, I’ll shoot Sam a text and you and I will pick up some dinner and get to work on painting every anti-demon and anti-angel sigil wherever we can reach.”

 

Cas lifted his shirt to show Dean his tattoo. "I think I might need a second one. This only protects me from being detected by other angels. I need to add something against reapers and I need one against demon possession."

 

Dean nodded. “Okay. I know a guy. He’ll do it cheap. Hell, if you’re willin’ to suck his dick, he’d do it for free.” 

 

He didn't have any money and he needed the tattoos. Cas bit his lower lip before he looked up at Dean. "I’ve never done that before."

 

That was met with a choked laugh. “Fuck, Cas. I was kidding. I mean, I know the guy actually  _ would  _ tattoo you for free if you sucked his dick, but…” Dean clapped his hand on Cas’s shoulder and shook his head. “I got you. You don’t have to whore yourself out.”

 

"Is that really a way someone can make money?" Cas asked after a moment. He needed to find a way to be independent from Dean's financial aid. If this didn’t work out, he would be on his own. He needed a fallback plan.

 

“While you technically fall into the absent father category, there are other ways to get money. I'll teach you how to hustle.”

 

“Alright.” That was probably a better way. Since he had close to no experience with sexual interaction, at least with Dean teaching him a new skill-set from scratch there wasn't much that could go wrong. He still decided to research sexual intercourse as soon as he had a laptop. Just to be sure. “What will you tell Sam about where you are today?”

 

“Told him I was checking on a possible lead. He and Kevin are busy with translating the tablet anyway. I’m sure he’s happy I’m out of his Fabio hair.” Dean grinned as he moved towards the door. “Alright. Ready?”

 

“Yes.” He gave Dean a timid smile before he added a quiet, "Thank you, Dean."

 

Dean nodded. “Don’t thank me. We could save ourselves a fuck ton of work if you could just stay where you belong.”

 

“But that isn’t an option and… you don’t have to do this for me, Dean.” 

 

“You’re family, Cas. We take care of each other.” He half expected Dean to smirk, or laugh to solidify his teasing nature, but his friend’s expression was serious.

 

Cas gave Dean a long look, trying to accept that Dean really meant those words, although he couldn't possibly fathom  _ why.  _

 

The truth was that Cas felt lost. He wasn't an angel anymore, he wasn't  _ anything _ . He felt weak, vulnerable, subjected to a million things he didn’t need to worry about before. And the worst part of it was, he felt entirely useless. 

 

But maybe that would change when Dean started teaching him to be a hunter. At least maybe then he could feel useful again. So he nodded and added, "I also need something to clean this place."

 

Dean smiled as he held the door open for Cas. “We’ll pick up cleaning supplies. I’ll see what I can do about the whole electricity thing, too. I bet we can rig something.”

 

“Rig?” Cas asked. There was still so much to learn. Maybe Dean could even teach him how to steal and drive a car.

 

“Yeah. Bet we could tap into a nearby power source and leech the electricity. It’s what Sammy and I would do when we’d have to squat.” Dean carefully looked around for signs of people, before ushering Cas out of the building. As they made their way back to the Impala, Dean took note of the empty parking lot. “Yeah. I’m betting we can get you set up. And at the very least, we’ll steal you a car and you can use it to charge stuff that needs charging.”

 

“Would you teach me how to drive?” Cas asked after a moment. “And how to steal and maintain a car?” He only knew the basics, but since he had never driven a car, he lacked the practical experience.

 

Dean looked contemplative for a moment before he fished out the keys to his car and tossed them to Cas. “Fine. But if you hurt Baby, I’m dropping you off to the nearest group of angels.”

 

Cas’s eyes widened as he promptly returned the car keys, pushing them into Dean’s hand. “No. Just no. I was talking about my own car, if we steal one.”

 

He laughed and placed them back in Cas’s palm. “Come on, you scaredy cat. Let’s get you used to being behind the wheel.”

 

“But… what if I make a mistake and I scratch your car?” Cas asked slowly. He didn’t want to die. Or worse, make Dean angry with him, possibly destroying their friendship.

 

“Then you have to be my slave for a week and do all the stuff I don’t wanna do.” Dean grinned and hip checked Cas. “Come on. It’s a big, empty parking lot. If you manage to scratch her here, then you are incapable of driving and will never be allowed to get behind a wheel.”

 

“No pressure then.” Cas chuckled nervously, remembering all of the times he had angered Fate in the past. He should have killed her when he had the chance.

 

Dean rolled his eyes and slid into the passenger seat of the Impala. That alone was a jarring sight. Cas had never once seen the man sit anywhere but the driver’s seat. It almost seemed wrong. Dean leaned over and started pointing to the dials on the dashboard. “That’s the speedometer, so you know how fast you’re going. This…” Dean touched the gearshift and continued, “Is how you shift her into gear. After you start her engine, pull this down until the marker is under the ‘D’ to drive. ‘R’ is reverse, ‘P’ is park, ‘N’ is neutral.”

 

Cas fumbled the key into the ignition with a nervous look towards Dean before he stepped onto the break and carefully started the engine. His hand went to the gearshift, for a moment touching Dean's fingers before he pulled his hand away.

 

Dean didn’t appear to notice, he just nodded and sat back. “Alright, give her a minute to warm her engine up first. When you kick it into drive, take your foot off the brake and gently press on the gas.”

 

Cas did exactly what Dean told him, trying to slow down his breathing and way too quick beating heart as he carefully started to drive through the empty parking lot.

 

“Good, you’re doin’ good, Cas. You can go a little faster.”

 

“Why?” Cas hoped Dean hadn't heard the insecurity in his voice. "I think I'm going fast enough."

 

Dean chuckled and leaned over slightly, pushing hard on Cas’s knee, accelerating to twice the speed they had been going.

 

“Dean!” Cas tried to pull away, in order to slow down. His heartbeat was bordering an unhealthy pace when he swerved in the parking lot. 

 

“Shit!” Dean released his hold on Cas’s knee. 

 

Cas immediately slowed the car down, breathing hard as he finally brought them to a stop before he shifted the gear into park. Cas shut off the engine and gave Dean an unamused look. “Can we do something else before my heart goes into cardiac arrest?”

 

Dean chuckled and nodded. “Yeah. That’s enough driving for today I think.” He sighed and looked at his watch. “I say tattoo first. Jerry closes shop at seven and I’d feel better knowing you got your ink before anything else.”

 

“Me, too,” Cas admitted. In his mind, he was already drawing out the symbols to upgrade the tattoo he already had, while he pondered the placement of the other tattoos. He got out of the car, noticing with surprise that his legs felt weak, so he braced his palms against door frame of the Impala to steady himself for a moment. 

 

Being human was strange. There were a lot of physical reactions he still needed to get used to; like fear, or arousal. The latter happening more often than he wanted to admit to himself. It had been a lot easier to deal with it as an angel, when he still had complete control over his body. Now, his body seemed to crave everything that it had been denied over the years. It wasn’t a nice feeling. It felt like he was losing control to a hunger deep inside of him that he didn’t know how to fill.

 

“Aww, Cas, buddy, I’m sorry!” Dean was suddenly at his side. He was chuckling, but there was an airiness to the sound that implied sympathy, as opposed to mocking. Dean gently grasped his shoulders to steady him. “That was a dick move, man. I’m sorry. You gonna be okay?”

 

Cas gave him a reassuring smile. "Yes. I apologize. I guess I am a... 'scary cat'?" He wasn't sure if that was the expression Dean had used to describe him.

 

Dean laughed again, shaking his head in amusement. “You know, considering you’re a dude who’s literally thrown himself out of windows and shit, it’s kind of surprising. Not gonna lie, I  _ kinda  _ want to take you on a rollercoaster now.”

 

"It's easy not being scared if you know you can't get hurt." Cas bit his lower lip, wondering what else would scare him now that he was human. "I'm vulnerable. Everything feels different now." 

 

At that Dean appeared to sober a little. “Shit. Sorry, Cas. I didn’t think of it like that. Come on. Let’s hit the road and you can…” He appeared to be struggling to say the next part, but he apparently found the strength. “As an apology for being all kinds of a dick today, you can pick the music.”

 

Cas gave Dean a reassuring smile. "You're not a dick. And I like your music, Dean."

 

“Bet you say that to all the hunters.” His teasing tone was accompanied by a salacious wink.

 

“I don’t like Sam’s music and I told him so. Repeatedly,” Cas answered truthfully.

 

Dean barked out a laugh as he slid into the driver’s seat. “Well, that seals that, then.”

 

Cas had no idea what Dean was saying, but he liked seeing him smile. For some reason, it made him smile, too. The first genuine smile, considering the day he had.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

They pulled up in front of a pretty unremarkable building in an economically depressed area of town. There were mismatched boards of plywood criss crossed haphazardly over the windows of the building they approached and graffiti on the walls. But to be fair, most of the buildings looked like that. 

 

When Dean opened a rusty-looking steel door, he held it open for Cas to take as he opened a second door. Cas looked inside and was surprised at how clean the interior of the building was. Especially considering its exterior. 

 

Dean barked out a sharp, “Yo! Jerry! Got a stat ink!” 

 

There was a groaned expletive in a room partitioned off by stable doors. They slammed open to reveal a burly, older man with a darker complexion, broad shoulders, and a slight gut jutting out. Narrowed, dark brown eyes widened in surprise and his entire face lit up at seeing Dean. The smile on his face made him seem rather attractive.

 

“Son of a bitch. My favorite Winchester! What’s good?”

 

Dean chuckled and reached out to shake the man’s hand. Now standing closer to him, he was surprised at just how tall he was. “You know. Same shit, different day,” Dean answered.

 

Jerry laughed and nodded. “I hear that.” He looked down at Cas then, the expression on his face turned almost predatory as he licked over his bottom lip. “Who’s the pretty boy?” The question was directed at Dean, but Jerry never took his eyes off of Cas.

 

Cas turned around to look behind him, wondering who Jerry had meant before realization struck.

 

“Yeah, baby. I was talkin’ about you,” Jerry affirmed as his lips curled up in amusement.

 

Cas gave the man a shy smile before he answered, "My name is Castiel."

 

“Ain’t that pretty?”

 

Dean let out an annoyed sigh. “He needs ink. The usual. Can you cut us a deal?”

 

In that moment, Jerry appeared to become the representation of professionalism. “You know the deal. C-note for each piece.”

 

“Come on,” Dean urged, folding his arms over his chest. “Fifty a piece and I’ll buy you a couple of rounds next time.”

 

Jerry looked down at Dean with an unreadable expression for a moment. “Alright. It’s a deal, but, uh…” Jerry smirked and stepped a little closer to Cas. “Blue eyes, I can give  _ you  _ an even better deal with lips like yours.”

 

Cas tilted his head as he handed Jerry the piece of paper he had drawn the sigils on. “What do my lips have to do with it?” 

 

Dean slammed his cash down on the counter next to the man. “Jerry. Shut up and give him a tattoo.”

 

“You didn’t even let him answer,” Jerry sneered. He took a step back, bracing his hands on the counter behind him as he raked his eyes over Cas’s body appreciatively. “Whaddya say, sweetheart? Wanna show me what that pretty mouth can do?”

 

"Are you suggesting that I suck your dick?" Cas asked slowly, the prospect was making him curious. Especially because Dean had to pay so much money for the tattoo and he felt bad about it.

 

Jerry tongued the side of his mouth and waggled his eyebrows. “If I was?”

 

Dean leaned forward and yanked Jerry forward by his t-shirt collar. It was surprising how almost comical it was, considering their size difference. “You need to shut the fuck up and do your job.”

 

"Dean!" Cas interjected forcefully. "He was asking me."

 

He turned to look at Cas, blinking a few times slowly, purposefully. Dean appeared to be waging a war within himself. “No,” he growled at Cas before letting go of Jerry with an annoyed glare.

 

“S’matter, Dean-y? You liked sucking my cock so much you’re gettin’ jealous?”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and flipped the man off. “Fuck off, Jerry.”

 

“I want to, Jerry,” Cas interjected. He was getting angry from the context of their conversation and it wasn’t fair that Dean was making decisions for him. Just because he was new at being human didn’t mean he couldn’t look after himself or make his own decisions.

 

Jerry’s eyes lit up, but before anything else could happen, Dean yanked Cas by the sleeve of his shirt, pulling him away from Jerry with a clipped, “Give us a minute.” When they reached the other end of the tattoo shop, Dean looked down at Cas with an extremely annoyed expression. “The fuck are you doing? I have the money to pay for your ink.”

 

"But I want to gain more experience with sex. You have sex with people all the time, why don't you want me to have my own experiences?"

 

“Dude!” Dean pulled Cas even closer to the door and whispered harshly, “Sex: yes! Not selling yourself. Don’t whore yourself out if you can help it. If you need to get laid so badly, I’ll take your ass to a bar and you can pick up a waitress like the rest of us.”

 

“I don’t understand the difference. Jerry and I both gain something from it. You don't need to pay and I get my experience. How is that a bad thing?"

 

Dean opened his mouth as though he was about to say something. He raised his finger and no sound came out. Instead his question was met with a mirthless chuckle and feigned smile of annoyance. The smile Dean usually had when he was trying to be patient with him, but was actually on the verge of yelling at him. 

 

With a deep, steadying breath, bracing his hand over his mouth, Dean finally managed to calm down enough to respond, “I really don’t want to stand here, explaining the logistics and ethics of selling your body in exchange for goods or money. I’m gonna ask you, as your best friend, please.  _ Please  _ don’t suck Jerry’s dick in exchange for a tattoo.”

 

“Did you do it?” Cas asked after a moment.

 

Dean let out a huff and clicked his tongue. After a beat, he finally said, “That what you wanna hear? Fine.  _ Yes.  _ It was after Dad fucking sold his soul to save my ass. Sammy and me were broke, we didn’t have the kind of time to hustle the kind of cash you need for a tattoo, let alone two. So, yeah. I got Jerry to do us both for a blowjob. And I kind of hate myself for doing it. So, if that’s what you wanna do, go ahead. I can’t stop you.”

 

He scoffed and shook his head. “Fuck this. Do what you want, Cas.” Dean stormed out of the shop before he could even process what just happened.

 

Cas felt torn. He had wanted to do it, but he also didn’t want Dean to be angry with him. When he went back to the chair, he looked up at Jerry with a head shake. “I’ll pay with the money.”

 

“Could always suck my dick out of the kindness of your heart,” Jerry suggested as he placed a toothpick in his mouth and smirked.

 

“I don’t want Dean to be annoyed with me, so I have to decline.” Cas sighed deeply before he lifted his t-shirt and pulled it off, showing Jerry where he wanted the additional symbols. “I think I want the other one on my back, between my shoulder blades.”

 

Jerry grunted his understanding. “Standard anti-demon, angel, enchilada?”

 

“Enchilada?” Cas asked with a confused head tilt.

 

“Damn, you’re cute. No wonder Winchester’s hung up on you,” he said with a chuckle. “Alright, let me draw ‘em up, get a stencil. If you gotta piss, or need to do whatever outside, I’ll be about fifteen minutes. Then we’ll be set up and ready for ya’.”

 

Cas scrunched up his nose, not only because he didn't understand what Jerry meant by Dean being, “hung up,” on him, but also with the prospect of urinating. He still hated the fact that he had to. He nodded and quickly pulled his shirt on again before he went outside. He couldn’t see Dean when he went outside, so he rounded the shop to the back alley. 

 

He quickly urinated behind one of the dumpsters and startled when he noticed Dean leaning against the wall a few feet away from him. He tucked himself in and went over to his friend, letting out a deep sigh. "I'm sorry, Dean. I didn’t want to make you angry.” 

 

Dean shook his head. “Nah, man. It’s not my place to dictate where you stick your dick. Or in this case, where you take dick. You wanna sell yourself, that’s your deal.”

 

“I’m not. I’m paying for the tattoo with your money. But if I'm honest, I still feel bad about that."

 

Dean looked at him for a moment and exhaled a sigh of relief. “Thank fuck. And don’t worry about the cash. Once you learn to hustle, you can get me back, alright?”

 

"Okay." Cas took in a deep breath before chewing his lower lip for a moment. "You didn't want me to do it  _ not  _ because you were making decisions for me, but because you were worried?"

 

That appeared to take him aback. Dean’s brow furrowed in bemusement as he searched Cas’s face for his sincerity. “You thought I was tellin’ you what to do?”

 

"Yes. I was afraid, now that I'm human, you would think I can't make my own decisions or that... I needed protection." Cas gave him a pained look. "After the thing with April... I know why you would think that... But I don't want to stop myself from having new experiences just because my first weeks of being human have been less than ideal."

 

Dean laughed and looped his arm over Cas’s shoulder. “Now don’t get me wrong, I’m gonna worry about you. That’s what friends do. But if you’re gonna fuck someone, do it for the right reasons. ‘Cause you’re lonely, horny, or believe in love or something. Don’t do it for money. Or tattoos.”

 

"He offered that I can suck his dick out of the kindness of my heart, but I declined. Should I take him up on that offer?"

 

Dean’s expression turned serious in that moment and he shook his head. “No. ‘Cause then I’m gonna have to pop all the tires of his car and you’re not gonna want to be filled with that guilt, are you?”

 

Cas shook his head quickly before he gave Dean a thoughtful look. “I don’t understand your rules of how to get a sexual partner, but I accept your judgment about Jerry. Will you stay with me while I get my tattoo?”

 

“Why not? Curious to see if you’re a baby when you get poked.”

 

“I already got one tattoo and the pain was manageable,” Cas responded dryly. 

 

Dean smirked. “Guess you don’t need me to hold your hand then.”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at Dean. “No.” He shook his head with a playful smile before he made his way back into the shop. Jerry told him to get ready once he was inside and Cas pulled his shirt off again, folding it over one of the chairs.

 

Jerry pulled out a bottle with a green liquid inside. Pouring it over a paper towel, he cleaned over the area under his ribcage next to the other tattoo he’d indicated earlier. It was cold and sort of tingled. Then Jerry pulled a piece of paper out and pressed it to the area. He pulled his chair out and pointed to the full length mirror in the corner. “Make sure the placement is where you want it.”

 

Cas got up and walked over to the mirror, looking down at his abdomen in the reflection to get a good look. “That’s exactly right.” 

 

Jerry patted the chair. “Alright. Hop on. Let’s get to it.”

 

Cas sat down and leaned back against the comfortable chair, giving Dean a quick smile.

 

Dean chuckled and leaned against the counter. “Don’t be too gentle with him, Jerry.”

 

That was met with a sharp bark of laughter. “You sure got a funny way of flirtin’, Winchester.”

 

It was difficult to not smile at the way Jerry had the ability to silence Dean with his comments. Dean’s cheeks appeared to redden slightly and his response was a rather sad, “Shut up.”

 

Jerry chuckled and put a couple of sterile gloves on. He braced a hand against Cas’s torso to pull the skin taut. He held the needle over the area beneath his ribcage and looked up. “Ready?”

 

Cas nodded, biting his lip. He knew this wasn’t a very pleasant experience, but he had suffered hours upon hours of torture in his lifetime. This would be nothing in comparison.

 

He still hissed quietly when Jerry started, but it was just the initial sensation. Once the pain had reached a constant level, he managed to suppress it. He looked at Dean as a distraction, taking in his smile and the boyish way his green eyes were lit up by his amusement. Not for the first time, he caught himself thinking how attractive Dean was. It wasn’t something he wanted to think about. Dean was his best friend and they were family, but still… in the quietness of his mind, with the additional things he had to deal with as a human, like arousal, he noticed that his thoughts strayed to certain areas they shouldn’t go.

 

“Gonna get a little spicy,” Jerry warned as the needle drew closer and closer to the sensitive area under his ribcage.

 

Cas grimaced at the new painful sensation from the needle’s contact with his nerves. He needed a distraction. "Dean?"

 

“Changed your mind about the hand holdin’?” he asked with a chuckle as his voice drew closer.

 

"I just wanted you to tell me something distracting, but if you want to hold my hand, you can do that, too," Cas smugly retorted.

 

Dean grabbed the chair on the other side of Cas, pulling it up and making it a point to sit on his hands. “S’up, buttercup?” he asked, playfully batting his eyelashes in feigned innocence.

 

“I hope that isn't your new nickname for me. That’s even worse than ‘huggy bear’."

 

Jerry groaned. “Can you tone down the cutesy crap? I almost wouldn’t believe you offered to suck my cock half an hour ago.”

 

“Hey,” Dean warned.

 

The older man nodded in acquiescence. “Yeah, yeah. ‘Do your fucking job, Jerry’.”

 

When Jerry got closer to his ribcage again, Cas grimaced and his hand involuntarily slid over to Dean, grabbing his knee.

 

“If you ask me nicely,” Dean sing-songed, pulling out one of his hands and waving his fingers at Cas.

 

Cas chuckled lowly and was chastised by Jerry for the movement. He gave Dean a long look before he reached out to his hand with a smile. "Please. Would you hold my hand?"

 

Dean hummed thoughtfully, tapping his finger against his chin, before he smirked and grabbed Cas’s hand. “Only ‘cause you asked so nicely.”

 

Jerry groaned again. “You two are giving me diabetes.”

 

"I'm sure that's not how you get that illness, Jerry," Cas tried to reassure the man as he intertwined his fingers with Dean's and squeezed a little. He got a weird fluttery feeling in his stomach and chest when Dean rubbed his thumb over the side of his hand.

 

When the needle struck a nerve, he squeezed Dean’s hand so hard, there were little crescent shaped indentations from the way his nails had dug in. Still, Dean never released his hold on his hand.

 

“Gotta say, it’s not often I tattoo a guy holdin’ hands with his boyfriend,” Jerry muttered with an amused chuckle.

 

Dean rolled his eyes and ignored him. He leaned in to get a look. “How’s it comin’?”

 

Jerry continued working without ever looking up. “It’s comin’. Be patient. Art takes time.”

 

“It’s just a bunch of squiggly lines,” Dean pointed out, winking at Cas as he looked back at Jerry.

 

The older man withdrew the needle and looked up at Dean. “Keep insulting me. I’ll tattoo a dick on your boyfriend.”

 

“Maybe he’d like that,” Dean sneered in response.

 

“No, I wouldn't," Cas tried to intervene, “and I'm not Dean's boyfriend."

 

Jerry chuckled and quirked his brow. “Does that mean your pretty little lips wrapped around my dick is back on the table?”

 

Cas shook his head. "Dean told me I should only do it for the right reason." He looked at Dean with a frown. "If I met Jerry in a bar, would that be a right reason by your definition?"

 

Dean gave Cas an unamused look and turned back to Jerry. “Offer your dick one more time and I’ll cut it off.”

 

Jerry feigned a high pitched voice and mimicked Dean before returning his attention to Cas’s side. “Tell me what bar and when, and I’ll be there,” he whispered.

 

"What bars are around here?" Cas whispered back.

 

Dean let go of Cas’s hand with an annoyed huff and barked, “You done yet?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. This one’s almost done. Then the other.” Jerry was concentrating for another minute or so before he drew back and pulled off the gloves. “Wanna check it out and take a break before the next one?”

 

"I won't need a break, but I'd like to look," Cas answered, giving Dean an insecure look. He had annoyed him again and he wasn't sure why.

 

There was a sharp trilling noise that emanated from Dean’s cellphone and he looked down at the display. “Shit. It’s Sammy. I’m gonna take this outside.” Casting a look at Cas’s side as he passed by, he nodded to Cas and ducked out of the door as he answered the phone with a gruff, “Yeah?”

 

Jerry had moved over to his desk where he was bent over, writing on a piece of paper.

 

Cas sat up on the chair, giving Jerry a questioning look. “How do you want me to sit for the other one?”

 

Jerry smirked and nodded for Cas to stand up. When he did, Jerry immediately invaded Cas’s personal space. He slid the piece of paper he’d been writing on slowly into the front pocket of his jeans. “That’s where I’ll be later, if you’re serious. As for your position? I want you on your stomach,” he breathed into Cas’s ear as he trailed his other hand along the hem of his pants.

 

Cas could feel his own dick twitch at Jerry's words, a trail of goosebumps following the path where Jerry's hands touched Cas's bare skin. He licked over his suddenly dry lips and nodded before he laid down on his stomach. 

 

Cas liked that Jerry was so direct. He was often confused by innuendo and references. But Jerry was very clear about what he wanted and that appealed to Cas. Made him curious. 

 

Jerry chuckled. “Aren’t you obedient?” He leaned over Cas and licked a swipe up the shell of his ear before he said, “I like that.”

 

Cas gasped, his hips involuntarily rocked into the padding beneath him. He had no idea how Jerry was doing this to him. He felt embarrassed by his lack of self control, but at the same time excited because it felt so good.

 

“Well, now I’m really disappointed you turned me down,” Jerry grumbled playfully as he slid his finger down Cas’s spine. When his hand reached the hem of his jeans again, he tugged them down a little, revealing the top half of his ass. “Damn, sweetheart. You’ve got a great ass.”

 

Cas felt his face heating up. The way Jerry made him feel vulnerable and exposed somehow magnified his arousal. Jerry's hands felt strong, but gentle at the same time, and he seemed to know exactly where to touch Cas. 

 

"Thank you," he whispered, bracing himself on his elbows when he looked back at Jerry. "Maybe I'll change my mind."

 

Jerry quirked his brow. “Dean’ll be mad.”

 

“Dean is  _ not  _ my boyfriend,” Cas repeated. “And he said it’s okay as long as I don’t sell my body for money or tattoos.”

 

He appeared to regard him for a moment before he smirked. “Then get your fine ass in the other room and show me what else you can do with that mouth besides talk.”

 

Cas looked in the direction of the door. "Dean might come back any minute. I would rather meet you later at the bar."

 

“I'm gonna want more than a blow job if you're gonna make me wait.” Jerry swiped the pad of his thumb over Cas’s bottom lip, a little roughly. “Mmm. These fucking lips.”

 

Cas looked up at Jerry, his mouth open and heart beating erratically, the same pace when Dean had startled him earlier. "What more do you want?" he whispered breathlessly, already feeling the accumulative wet spot clinging to his boxers.

 

“Sweetheart, I'll take whatever you're willing to give.”

 

Cas smiled shyly up at the other man, excited over the prospect. "Then I'll see you tonight." 

 

“Don't tease me, baby,” he murmured, sliding his thumb between Cas’s lips.

 

Cas licked at his thumb that tasted very clean, which didn't come as a surprise seeing how immaculate Jerry kept his shop. He licked a second time before he wrapped his lips around Jerry’s thumb and sucked it into his mouth.

 

The groan that escaped Jerry’s lips was even deeper than his voice. “Oh, you’re gonna be fun.”

 

Cas let go of the man’s finger and smiled up at Jerry, still feeling shy, but happy about the fact that Jerry thought he was fun. He hoped his inexperience wouldn’t be too apparent. He didn’t want to go into this night unprepared.

 

“Alright, sexy. Get back in position. Winchester will assume you sucked me off if you’re not at least part way tattooed.”

 

Cas chuckled and turned around, biting his lip as he felt Jerry’s strong hands on his back. It hurt more than the other tattoo on his front, especially when the needle went over his vertebrae. But somehow all he could think about was the prospect of having sex and it made the pain much more manageable. 

 

The door slammed open and he could hear Dean’s sigh of relief. “I was almost worried I’d find you guys fucking on the table.”

 

Jerry chuckled. “Not at my station. I keep this place sterile. You woulda found us on the floor.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” As he sat down in the same chair again, he gently touched Cas’s shoulder. “You doin’ okay?”

 

Cas hummed, pressing his forehead against his elbows to hide his face. "I'll survive," he pressed out.

 

Jerry surreptitiously trailed his free hand down Cas’s side, the one that Dean couldn’t see, his fingers teasing Cas’s skin with feather light touches as he got lower, and bolder. “He’s takin’ it like a man.”

 

Cas couldn't suppress a quiet moan when Jerry started to touch him, his breathing got shallow and he hoped Dean wouldn't notice the subtle rocking of his hips against the padding under him. 

 

When he lifted his hips, Jerry managed to snake his hand under his stomach. A latex gloved hand then started trailing down past his navel. 

 

Cas bit his lower lip hard so the moans wouldn’t escape. His whole body tingled with a desperate need. It became so intense, he probably would have let Jerry do anything to him. In fact, he needed Jerry to do anything to him.

 

“Cas, you sure you're okay?” Dean asked, his voice rife with concern.

 

Cas hummed and made an “okay” sign with the hand closest to Dean, hoping that would lift his friend's concern.

 

Jerry murmured, “He's just fine.” When Jerry’s hand cupped his erection over his jeans, Cas couldn't help but groan. He hoped Dean would think he was just in pain. 

 

Dean stood up and drew closer. “Cas, do you need Jerry to stop?”

 

“Yeah, sweetheart? Want me to stop?” Jerry practically purred as he started rubbing Cas’s erection.

 

"No!" Cas nearly yelled before he cleared his throat. "I mean, no, uh… uh, um, please go on."

 

Jerry chuckled and started rubbing a little faster. Cas almost couldn't feel the pain of the needle anymore over the lust filled fog that was clouding his brain.

 

Dean cleared his throat. “I'm gonna take a leak.” He sounded a little weird, but Cas couldn't focus on that. He exhaled a sigh of relief at Dean’s quick departure.

 

As soon as Dean was out of the door, he moaned without holding back anymore.

 

Jerry stopped his gun and turned Cas’s hip up, his groin now facing Jerry. And the door. Jerry ripped off the glove and expertly opened Cas’s fly, slipping his hand through the opening in his boxers. A warm, surprisingly soft hand gripped his hard cock and he almost saw stars.

 

“Think I can make you come before he comes back?” He started pumping Cas a little faster.

 

Cas was already close, so he nodded, licking over his dry lips. "Yes. Oh, uh! Yes, please," he begged as he bucked his hips to fuck into Jerry's hand.

 

Jerry chuckled again, swiping his thumb over the head of Cas’s dick, rubbing the precome over his length before stroking at an even faster pace. “Damn, baby. You're the best kind of freak. You secretly hoping Dean walks in and sees you coming over my hand?”

 

Cas suddenly imagined Dean's green eyes on him, looking at his state of undress, flushed with arousal and need, and the fantasy pushed him right over the edge. Cas came with a gasp and a low groan, all over Jerry's hand and his own stomach. For a moment, he must have blacked out because the next thing he noticed was Jerry chuckling and wiping him down with a towel.

 

“Yeah, best kind of freak. I'm looking forward to tonight.” Jerry handed Cas a couple of baby wipes as he started re-cleaning his station.

 

Cas wiped away the last of the evidence of what they had done and smiled at Jerry. "Me, too."

 

If just a handjob could make him feel this way, what could more feel like? He intended to find out. But the fact that he had thought about Dean shortly before he came... he tried not to think about that.

 

“Ready to finish?” Jerry asked as he reapplied the gloves.

 

Cas grinned and nodded enthusiastically before he turned around. "Thank you, Jerry. That was... amazing."

 

“Wait ‘til tonight,” he promised as he braced his hand on Cas’s shoulder and turned on the gun. He leaned in close and whispered, “All I wanna do right now is feel how fucking tight you are.”

 

Cas's breathing hitched as he imagined Jerry fucking him. He knew the basics of anal sex, but he also knew his knowledge was limited. Maybe he could ask Dean about it. 

 

In that moment, the door creaked open and thankfully he had the pain of the tattoo to distract him. “How much time is left? We've got shit to do, Jerry.”

 

“He'll be done in less than ten minutes. So calm your tits, Winchester.”

 

Cas distracted himself by counting to sixty, ten times in a row, before he opened his eyes and met Dean’s gaze. Dean looked away again almost immediately, but Cas didn’t have a chance to think about it because Jerry gently stroked down his spine before he shut off the gun.

 

“There you are, sweetheart. All inked and ready to go.” Jerry held his hand out to Cas to help him sit up.

 

Cas took his hand and let himself get pulled into Jerry’s personal space. He looked up at him, giving him a shy smile. “Thank you, Jerry.”

 

“Any time, sweetness.” Jerry smirked at him.

 

Dean cleared his throat in annoyance. He held the money out to Jerry. “Thanks, Jerry.”

 

“Feel free to bring him back anytime,” he said as he took the money.

 

Dean rolled his eyes and looked at Cas. “Ready?

 

“Yes, I’m ready, Dean.” Cas followed Dean outside, but not without giving Jerry another smile and a quick wave. He felt incredible. Content. The pain from his new tattoos more than manageable.

 

“Dean? You know a lot about sex, right?” Cas asked as soon as they were back in the Impala.

 

“I guess. Why?” he asked in response as he shifted the car into reverse and started backing out of the parking lot.

 

“Do you have any helpful tips for the first time with a man?” Cas asked as he tried to get comfortable without pressing his back against the seat. 

 

The car came to an abrupt stop, so much so, if he hadn’t been wearing the seatbelt, he would have collided with the windshield. Dean looked at Cas in surprise. “Why would you think I’d know about having sex with guys?”

 

Cas gave him a surprised look before he shrugged. “I thought your general knowledge and experience could only be better than mine. I wasn’t assuming anything.”

 

Dean chuckled kind of nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t think gay sex is the same as straight, Cas. I… You wanna fuck a guy?”

 

Cas shook his head and corrected, “I want to get fucked by a guy. Hopefully tonight.”

 

The look on Dean’s face was a combination of surprise and something else he couldn’t quite place. Hopefully, with more time spent as a human, he’d start to understand human emotions and facial expressions a little better. Dean swallowed dryly and put the car into drive as he answered, “Right. Uh… Wow. Okay.”

 

“You said I should do it for the right reasons. Like being horny and feeling lonely. There’s no money and tattoos involved,” Cas explained, so Dean wouldn’t get angry again.

 

“No, you’re right. I did say that. I just… I didn’t peg you for being gay,” he responded, keeping his eyes purposefully on the road. Which was actually quite unlike Dean. The man had a tendency to maintain full eye contact when they had conversations, even if he was driving.

 

Cas tilted his head and frowned at Dean. “Being gay would be if I'm only interested in a male sexual partner. But I don't care about the gender of people.”

 

Dean nodded. “Guess I can’t argue that. Well, if you’re gonna be fucking and fucked, the one thing I can tell you is, lube is your friend, and don’t fuck anyone without a raincoat.”

 

“I thought you need to be naked if you had sex. What good would a raincoat do?”

 

That was met with a bark of laughter. “We also gotta get you up on slang. A raincoat is protection. A condom?”

 

Cas rubbed his chin, suddenly feeling insecure. “Now the prospect of having sex seems a little daunting. I don’t know what a condom is… or what to do with lube. I didn’t know this was so complicated. Centuries ago people just had sex.”

 

“Well, lube isn’t really needed unless you’re doing anal. Which  _ you  _ want to do. A condom is like… It’s latex that goes over your dick. Before you stick your dick in an ass, or a vagina, you strap that bad boy on to prevent any STD’s… uh, sexually transmitted diseases. So, whoever you try to get to fuck you tonight, make him wear a condom, or don’t fuck him. And if it’s Jerry, maybe make him wear two.” Dean smirked at him with a challenging arch of his brow as he turned the vehicle left down a busy road.

 

“It's Jerry. He likes that I'm obedient.” Cas grinned, feeling proud of himself that he managed to get someone to like him.

 

“I bet,” Dean said with a chuckle. “Maybe next time, don’t let him jerk you off with your best friend a foot away from you guys, though…”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, feeling heat rise to his face. “I apologize. I didn’t think you noticed. Not that I thought much in that moment.”

 

Dean gave him an unamused look. “I get it’s all new and exciting, but you gotta realize, things like sex in public are technically illegal, so be careful. And also, I know Jerry. I’m honestly surprised he was being  _ that  _ subtle.”

 

“He wasn’t subtle with me. I liked that he was very direct with his wishes. I didn't feel confused by him,” Cas explained before he looked back at Dean. “As soon as you were outside, he…” Cas squinted his eyes, not sure if there was a word that described what Jerry had done. But just the memory of it, when he had invaded his personal space and touched him so unapologetically, made his cock twitch again. 

 

Cas pulled the piece of paper Jerry had given him out of his pocket. It had a name of a bar and an address on it. He sighed, realizing the mistake in his plan, meeting the man again. He had no car.

 

“He what?” Dean asked as he looked over his shoulder before merging into a different lane.

 

Cas looked up at Dean again with a confused head tilt before he remembered that he hadn’t finished his sentence. “Oh, I don’t know the word to describe what he did.”

 

Dean quirked his brow and looked at Cas in seriousness. “He didn’t do anything you didn’t want, right?”

 

Cas thought about that for a moment. “I didn’t know I wanted it until he had done it. Is that wrong?”

 

“Not technically. If you ever say no though, you stick to your guns, okay? Don’t let someone take advantage of you.” Dean pulled into a parking lot of a department store and when they got into a stall, he put the car in park and turned to look at Cas. “This is all kinda new and if you’re curious, or you have questions, you can come to me. I’ll help you to the best of my ability. Okay?”

 

“Thank you, Dean. You’ve been very helpful.” Cas chewed on his lower lip before he asked, “What if someone did something I wouldn’t have agreed to if this person had asked, but was too surprised and aroused to think about it?”

 

Dean braced his hand over Cas’s. “Okay, so don't let people touch you without asking first. That's not cool. Do I need to go back and castrate Jerry? ‘Cause I'll fucking do it.”

 

Cas gave Dean a long, insecure look. Jerry had touched him without asking and Dean said that kind of behavior wasn’t ‘cool’. On the other hand, he had been very aroused in that moment and wasn’t thinking at all. Now that his mind was clear again, he wasn’t sure about anything anymore. “I didn’t say no when he pulled down my pants,” he murmured more to himself.

 

Dean's eyebrows shot up. “I'm gonna fucking kill him.”

 

Cas gave Dean a shocked look. "Please don't! I'm still trying to figure this out. He touched me before he did that and I liked it. And when he pulled down my pants... I was surprised, but I liked how it made me feel... I... It's just now I'm confused if I should have liked it, because you said it wasn't 'cool'."

 

Dean sighed and sat back in his seat. He was silent for a moment, apparently trying to figure out what to say. “Okay. So… If you’re interested in someone sexually and you’ve both kind of acknowledged it, it’s okay if that person touches you. But, uh…” He looked out the window and pointed at a very unkempt man, greasy hair, and a surly scowl on his face. “If that guy came up to you and did what Jerry did, what would you have done?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at the man Dean had pointed to before he realized that he couldn't see people's essence anymore. He sighed in frustration. "I would feel attacked."

 

“And that’s what it would be. An attack. If you touch someone who hasn’t given you the go ahead or  _ you  _ get touched by someone you haven’t expressed interest in, that’s not cool. But if  – for some fucking reason –  you’ve got a thing for Jerry… Then, mazel tov, I guess?”

 

"I don't have a thing for Jerry, Dean. I want to have sex and he is available without me having to go through all the confusing human things, like dating, innuendos, and references. My social skills aren't good enough for more. This is easier," Cas explained matter of factly.

 

Dean nodded. “I get it, man. Why do you think I only hook up with waitresses and bartenders? No strings, man. We don’t live the kind of life that includes romance, candlelit dinners, and vacations in Paris. But we’re human. We got itches to scratch. So, if you want to fuck random guys, do it. But please, be careful. If someone hurts you, I really don’t wanna have to deal with having to bury a human body.”

 

Cas nodded before he sighed deeply. "But I can't go to that bar tonight because I don't have a car yet. And maybe we should add... condoms and lube to the shopping list."

 

There was a beat of silence before Dean sighed. “Where are you meeting Jerry?”

 

Cas showed Dean the piece of paper with a questioning look. “Is that far away?”

 

Dean took the paper and looked down at it, before pulling out his cellphone. He was apparently plugging in the coordinates. He looked at Cas. “Do you really wanna fuck him?”

 

"Why not?"

 

“It’s just…” Dean shook his head. “Nope. Not my place to judge. But, uh… You’re gonna want to...” He let out a sigh. “Like I said. Guy’s kind of a slut. Make him wear two condoms, I’m not kidding.”

 

"Do you think he has condoms? Or is it customary that I bring them myself?"

 

“Yeah, bring some just in case. Don’t rely on other people to be responsible,” he murmured as he got out of the car. Dean looked at him as they started walking towards the entrance. “Oh, man. You’re giving up your anal v-card to Jerry. I wish I could tell Sam.” He chuckled good naturedly.

 

Cas stopped in his tracks and tilted his head. “You sound like you don’t approve. If Jerry had multiple sex partners as you implied, isn’t it a good thing that he has so much experience?”

 

“Cas, buddy… If you like the guy, it doesn’t matter what I think. And just so you know,” Dean said with a smirk before he chuckled. “As your best friend, I’m allowed to make fun of you for hooking up with people I’m not a fan of.”

 

"I don't know Jerry enough to tell you if I like him." Cas scratched his chin. "Can you at least tell me why you aren't a 'fan'?"

 

Dean sighed and shook his head. “He’s a nice enough guy. Kind of a horndog, and a huge skeeze. Trust me, I wasn’t the first person to suck him off for a tattoo. And I sure as hell wasn’t the last. But if it’s experience you’re looking for, he’s more than qualified. And if you have a thing for dick size, you won’t be disappointed.”

 

"I don't know if I have a thing for dick size. I'm starting to learn all kinds of new things about what I like." Cas gave Dean an excited smile. "I apparently like being given orders."

 

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me at all.” Dean chuckled as he grabbed a shopping cart and they stepped inside. 

 

“Why is that?” Cas asked, curiously taking his surroundings in. He wondered what Dean wanted to buy first.

 

“Kinda ingrained into you, wasn’t it? To take orders.” Dean smiled at him, it wasn’t meant cruelly, it almost sounded like a compliment.

 

Cas nodded slowly when he started to understand. "It makes me feel good, to be obedient, getting orders, because it reminds me of my life before all of this. I guess it makes sense that it also gives me pleasure as a human."

 

He walked next to Dean, giving him a thoughtful look. "Jerry seemed to like that about me. Are there a lot of people out there who like an obedient sexual partner?"

 

“Depends. I prefer it to be a little more, uh… equal, I guess. Sometimes I’m in the mood to be taken care of, and sometimes I’m in the mood to be in charge.” Dean took them down the aisle with toiletries and stopped in front of a large display of a different variety of condoms. Dean grabbed a box labeled ‘magnum’ and at Cas’s quirked brow, he muttered, “Trust me. If you’re fucking Jerry, you’ll need this one.”

 

Cas took the box from him and it landed in the shopping cart before his eyes thoughtfully roamed over the display. "And which should I get if I want to have sex with someone other than Jerry?" Some of the condoms said "ribbed for her pleasure" and he held one of the boxes up for Dean to see. "Is that guaranteed only for women, or would a man get pleasure from this, too?"

 

Dean chuckled. “It’s bullshit. It doesn’t actually feel different. The only condoms that are special that you can feel a difference is the Fire and Ice ones. Like putting Tiger Balm on your dick. It’s weird, but not  _ totally  _ unpleasant. Yeah, you wanna go with standards.” He grabbed a box of Trojans and one marked Durex. “In my opinion, these two brands are the most reliable for not breaking. Just regular condoms should work with any person you hook up with.”

 

He reached over and grabbed a large purple tube marked Astroglide. “This is lube. Lube is your friend, Cas.”

 

Cas took the purple bottle from him and read the fine print on it.  _ Slip into pleasure. Gel. Personal Lubricant.  _ He looked up at Dean with a frown because that was a very vague description. "It doesn't say how to use it."

 

“I guess it would be a little weird to have instructions.” Dean looked around before popping the bottle open and pouring a small amount on Cas’s fingers. “So, it’s used to make it… smoother when you fuck or jerk off. If you want to, of course. Just, uh…” He grabbed Cas’s hand and extended his index finger. Dean circled his fist around the digit and started rubbing the lubrication over it. “You rub it on a dick, yours or someone else’s. And for penetrative sex, you use this in the, uh… hole you want to fuck, or get fucked I guess.”

 

Cas swallowed dryly when Dean was standing so close to him, rubbing the lube over his finger. Their eyes met and Cas couldn't look away until he felt the familiar heat rising to his face again. He licked over his suddenly – too – dry lips and nodded slowly. "I understand. Thank you."

 

“Yup, uh… Yeah.” Dean released his hold on Cas’s hand and then proceeded to explain everything he could as they went through the store. He grabbed things like new clothes, a cheap laptop, a wifi hotspot, some cleaning supplies, a hot plate, mini fridge, and various foods that didn’t require cooking.

 

Cas actually felt tired when they were done. “I didn’t know that shopping could be so exhausting,” he said after they had loaded everything into the trunk of the Impala.

 

Dean laughed. “Yeah. S’why I make Sammy do it as often as I can. I hate it.” When they got into the car, Dean reached over to the glove box and grabbed a cellphone. He handed it to Cas. “Used to be one of my old phones, but it’ll do you for what you need. Mine and Sammy’s numbers are already programmed into it.”

 

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas gave Dean a shy smile. “I’m saying that a lot today.”

 

“Hey. It’s the least I could do after kicking you out.” Dean looked down as he started the car. The slight frown on his face spoke louder than any words either of them possessed. Dean clearly felt bad. He felt guilty. 

 

Cas laid his hand over Dean's and squeezed his hand. "Don't feel bad about this, Dean. You know how important Sam is to me. I would never do anything to endanger him. And it's only temporary. Once Ezekiel is gone, I can come back... Although, I still don't understand why he didn’t just talk to me. I would have understood if he didn't want me close after everything." Cas sighed deeply, feeling sad that so many good relationships he had in the past with other angels had been destroyed because of his mistakes. "I guess he's afraid of me, like all the other angels that I once called friends. It shouldn't surprise me."

 

Dean shook his head. “He didn’t seem scared of you. More like scared of the other pigeons.”

 

Cas scratched the back of his head with a thoughtful expression. “That doesn’t make any sense. Why would he be afraid of the other angels? Ezekiel is a well-respected and loved soldier. Did he tell you why he is afraid?”

 

“No. Just that he was pretty sure helping you and us basically put a target on his back.”

 

Cas nodded slowly. “He might be right in that assessment. I’m grateful that he’s still helping you, even though it’s dangerous for him. It’s good to know that there are still a few good angels out there,” he whispered the last few words as an overwhelming sadness bloomed within his heart. He missed being an angel. He leaned his head against the window and stared outside.

 

He wished he could have been the one helping Sam to heal.

 

Suddenly, he was shaken out of his reverie when Dean swerved the car and came to an abrupt stop. “Yes!” he cried out, darting out of the vehicle.

 

Cas frowned and got out of the car, wondering what Dean had seen that got him so excited. 

 

He ran in between two buildings and came back with a relatively clean looking mattress. Dean grinned. “Somewhere to sleep!”

 

Cas grinned widely and helped Dean carry the mattress back to the car when he noticed it was much bigger than he had thought and wouldn’t fit into the Impala.

 

“How do we get it in the car?”

 

**…. :::: :::: …..**

 

The fact that they had managed to get all the crap they’d picked up into the attic without being spotted once was a goddamn miracle, but Dean wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Cas had been cleaning the attic, while Dean was setting it up. Making it look like as much of a home as you could when you’re squatting.

 

Dean set the mattress on the floor under the window. Grabbing a couple of flat crates to use as a makeshift box spring, he placed the mattress on top of it. There were outlets, so using wires and a few other illegal tricks he’d learned from Frank, Dean was able to supply Cas’s little corner with enough electricity to keep his fridge running and to charge whatever he needed to charge.

 

When Cas was finished with dusting and getting rid of the cobwebs, Dean grabbed a couple of paintbrushes and spray paint cans before he looked over to Cas. “Ready to redecorate?”

 

Cas took one of the paintbrushes from him before he asked with a grin, "I'll paint the angelic sigils and you take the demonic ones?"

 

“Sounds fair,” he said with a chuckle. Dean grabbed the spray paint, while Cas grabbed the black can of paint. Dean walked over to the wall closest to the bed. “I’ll get this wall if you want to take that one?” He pointed at the wall with the window.

 

Dean looked at the cans of spray paint and chuckled to himself before he grabbed the black one and wrote in big, blocky letters (reminiscent of tagging), the word: Squatting. He grabbed the red can next and started spraying all of the different protective sigils he could think of. No point in just warding against angels and demons.

 

Cas started painting the sigils on his side of the room with a concentrated frown on his face. When he was finally finished, he stepped back and looked them over with a critical expression. He looked way too serious which made Dean’s fingers itch to chuck some paint in his face.

 

And apparently, the immature part of him won. Dean grabbed the other brush and dipped it into the spare can of paint before flicking it at Cas’s face. The surprised gasp and narrowed eyes glaring in his direction caused Dean to laugh outright. Dean gave him a cheesy grin before feigning an innocent tone and asked, “What?”

 

"You did that on purpose," Cas accused as he slowly walked up to Dean.

 

“I did,” he affirmed with a smirk.

 

Cas swiped his fingers through his paintbrush before he painted a streak of black paint over Dean’s cheek with his fingers, raising a challenging eyebrow at Dean. 

 

“Alright,” Dean murmured. He tongued the side of his mouth and arched his brow in challenge. “That’s how it’s gonna be?”

 

Cas answered with painting a dot on Dean’s nose.

 

“Oh, you’re gonna regret that.” Dean was lightning fast as he dunked his brush in the can and proceeded to paint stripes up Cas’s neck. He quickly grabbed Cas by the forearm and wrestled him onto the mattress, straddling his hips, holding his arms down with his knees. Who said being bowlegged didn’t have its advantages?

 

Dean snickered and leaned forward before he started painting a big, black dick on the side of Cas’s face.  _ Might as well get used to that if he’s gonna hook up with Jerry.  _

 

Cas struggled and laughed the whole time, trying to buck Dean off as he arched his hips upward. "Dean! That's..." Cas started to laugh again. "That tickles." 

 

His struggling came to an immediate stop before Cas gave Dean a surprised look. "I'm ticklish."

 

There was no way in Hell to stop the outright maniacal laugh that escaped. “Oh, Cas. You really shouldn’t have told me that.” Dean grinned at the wide eyed and pleading look Cas gave him as he tossed the paintbrush on the ground. Dean tilted his head in feigned contemplation and hummed, “I wonder just  _ how  _ ticklish you are…”

 

Cas tried to struggle against his grip again. When it didn't work, he gave Dean a wide-eyed look again. "Probably not very ticklish. I'm sure there is no reason to test it."

 

“You sure?” Dean teased as he immediately started tickling Cas’s sides. The continued struggling in between bouts of laughter brought an evil grin to his face. “I don’t know, Cas. You seem pretty fucking ticklish.”

 

"Gnnn please, Dean," Cas breathed out in between choked laughter, "Please sto-o-o-p. I'll do anything!"

 

“Anything?” he asked, tone teasing and entirely suggestive as he continued his trail up Cas’s torso, pleased to note that the dude seemed to be ticklish  _ everywhere. _

 

“Yes, anything. Anything you want, Dean,” Cas breathed out in another futile attempt to get free as he rocked his hips against Dean again.

 

That was dangerous territory. Dean laughed and released his hold on Cas. He shifted and moved to sit on the bed next to him. “Alright. But when I collect, you can’t refuse.”

 

Cas nodded and sat up on the mattress, giving Dean a shy smile as he looked up at him through dark lashes. "What do you want?"

 

“I’ll tell ya’ when I think of it.” Dean chuckled. Cas looked ridiculous. His stupid sex hair was sticking up even more than usual, his cheeks were flushed from exertion and laughter, and there was a huge black dick on the side of his face. He was pretty damn cu –

 

His thoughts came to a screeching halt. Dean shook his head and moved away from Cas. Like moving away from his friend would help him escape his stupid gay thoughts. Dean forced a smile. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up so you can go… do whatever with Jerry.”

 

“Suck his dick and get fucked,” Cas supplied helpfully, trying to rub the paint off of his cheek before he looked up at Dean. “I need your help. Not just with the paint. Can you give me advice on how to suck a dick?”

 

If he had been drinking something in that moment, he would have choked. It was like Cas lost his inhibitions along with his damn wings. Swearing, sex, and being so… open about it. Dean furrowed his brow. How the fuck do you teach someone how to suck a dick without a hands-on approach anyway?

 

Dean shook his head of his thoughts and looked at his friend. “Are you serious?”

 

“Yes. You said I could ask you anything.” He retracted his hand and looked at the paint on it with a frown. “I don’t like to go into a new situation unprepared. It leaves too much room for error.”

 

“Well, I mean… Sex is a kind of learning experience anyway. I can give you some tips, but you’re probably going to have to figure a lot of it out by trying it, you know?”  _ Why the hell was it suddenly so fucking warm?  _ Dean tugged at the collar of his shirt and cleared his throat. Maybe he had a fever?

 

Cas walked up right into his personal space before he handed Dean a wet towel with a raised eyebrow. "I suspect you drew a penis on my face, so I want you to remove it. And your tips would be highly appreciated."

 

Dean feigned innocence. “I have no idea how that big black dick got on your face. Maybe Jerry did it. You know, earlier, when you were distracted.” Yeah, it was official. Making fun of his best friend was one of his favorite things.

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him. “No, that was you. Jerry would have given me the real thing.”

 

“Damn, Cas.” Dean laughed. He liked this side of his best friend. He took the towel from him. “Alright, gimme your face and I'll make sure you're pretty for your man.” He grasped Cas’s chin and started wiping the paint off.

 

"You wanted to give me tips," Cas reminded Dean again with a playful glint in his way – too – blue eyes.

 

“Right.” Dean kept his concentration on cleaning Cas’s face. If he made eye contact, he wasn't going to be able to say what he was about to say. “So, uh… More than anything, listen to and watch how he reacts. You'll be able to tell if he's enjoying himself. Um, have you ever eaten a popsicle?”

 

“No. Why is that relevant?”

 

“Well, it’ll give you an idea.”  _ Damnit.  _ Dean rolled his eyes at himself and realized he needed to be less of a little bitch about things. After Cas’s face was clean, Dean took a step back and said, “Gimme your hand.”

 

Cas reached over with his right hand, giving Dean an expectant, but confused look.

 

Taking a deep breath, Dean extended Cas’s index finger. “What I’m about to do: first, take note of what to do when it’s a dick in your mouth, and second… If you  _ ever  _ tell anyone about this, I’ll make you spend a day with Crowley.”

 

Cas scrunched up his nose and nodded, sounding a bit breathless as his eyes were glued to Dean's mouth. "I won't tell anyone.”

 

_ Now or never, Winchester.  _ Dean closed his eyes and wrapped his lips around Cas’s finger. He started circling his tongue around the digit as he gently sucked. He was pretty sure the heat in his cheeks made his face bright red. Hopefully the shitty lighting hid that. When Dean pulled off, he tapped his tongue on the tip of Cas’s finger and finally withdrew. “Uh… Like that. Something like that oughta get you there.”

 

Cas pulled Dean's hand closer to his face and extended Dean's index finger. Before he could say anything, Cas had already wrapped his lips around his finger, perfectly replicating what Dean had just done. When he tapped his tongue on the tip of Dean's finger, he tilted his head. "Like that?" 

 

_ When did I die and end up in porn heaven?  _ Dean shook his head in a daze. “Uh… Yeah.” Cas was a quick study and Dean wasn’t entirely ready for an existential crisis, so he took a step back from Cas and forced his thoughts to go any other direction than south.

 

To his bad luck, Cas had another question. “Should I swallow?”

 

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “Uh… Yes, if you want? It’s not… It’s not a great taste.”

 

Cas gave him a long look before he squinted his eyes at Dean, stating, “I’m making you uncomfortable.”

 

_ Great.  _ Now he felt like a dick again. Dean sighed. “Look, if you have questions, I told you I’d help you. And I mean it. But yeah, the fact that I’m giving you sex tips for when you hook up with Jerry is weirding me out a little.”

 

“Because it’s Jerry, or because it’s me?” Cas asked with an unreadable expression. Even though he was human now, and his facial expressions had a bigger range, he still had the poker face down.

 

“Definitely Jerry. Your sluttiness seems almost cute. His is creepy.” Dean’s lips halfway tilted in a crooked smile of reassurance. 

 

Cas stepped closer, staring intently into Dean’s eyes. "As my friend, would you rather see someone else be my first?" There was something about the way he asked that question. An underlying implication that Dean wasn’t entirely sure he was ready for.

 

And yet, the selfish, possessive part of Dean wanted to scream, ‘yes!’, but the realistic and terrified part won out. He shook his head. “I just want you to be safe. That's all I care about.” That wasn't  _ technically  _ a lie.

 

Cas stepped closer, his gaze still intense. "Do you think I will be safe with Jerry?"

 

Again, the selfish part of him was daring him to take over. Instead, Dean looked at Cas and asked, “Does he make  _ you _ feel unsafe or unsure?”

 

"No." Cas shook his head. "But you know him better than I do."

 

“Well, I can guarantee he's not a reaper working for the angels,” he offered with a smirk.

 

For a fleeting moment, it looked like Cas was disappointed with his answer before he suddenly turned away from Dean with a light shrug. “Alright.”

 

He went over to the mattress and pulled off his t-shirt, before he looked through his new clothing with a concentrated frown. After a moment, he pulled out a dark blue shirt and shrugged into it, buttoning it up to the top. 

 

Dean crossed over to him and shook his head. “No, dude. You look like a waiter.” He started unbuttoning the first two top buttons. “You wanna play the part, you gotta look it.”

 

Cas looked up at him with a soft smile. “You think I look good enough?” he asked before he ripped open the box of magnum condoms and put two of them in the back pocket of his jeans.

 

Dean looked Cas over appraisingly. He actually looked really good. Too good for a tool like Jerry, but he was trying really hard to be a supportive and understanding friend. Granted, if Cas was living with them and there wasn’t the added guilt that he kicked him out, Dean knew he’d be far less accepting of it. It was kind of amazing how guilt makes you into a less judgemental dick.

 

“You’ll be the prettiest princess at the ball,” he teased.

 

Cas gave him a quick, lopsided grin before he frowned. “Is the bar far away from here? Could I walk back if I needed to?"

 

“No, man. It’s way too far to walk.” Dean sighed and looked at Cas. “Do you want a ride? I know Jerry can drop you back here after.”

 

Cas nodded thoughtfully. "Thank you, Dean. Maybe I can get him to drop me nearby. I don't want anyone to know where I live."

 

“Good idea. And if you run into trouble, or you need me to come get you, just call. I’ll come right back,” he assured. While he honestly wasn’t worried about Jerry  – Dean had known the guy for years  – it was the fact that he was dropping Cas off at (probably) some skeezy gay bar that wasn’t sitting right with him for some reason. 

 

“Thank you. If you don’t have any time tomorrow, I will research a way to acquire my own car.” 

 

Dean nodded. “I’ll let you know. Depends on whether or not we get a case.”

 

Cas went over to his bed again and searched his hoodie for something that Dean couldn't see at first. Turned out to be his wallet and angel blade. He put his wallet in his other back pocket before he grabbed the black leather jacket that Dean had chosen as part of Cas's new look. Cas was clearly trying to find a way to place his blade on the inside of his jacket. After a few failed attempts, he sighed in frustration and threw the blade onto the mattress. 

 

“I need to upgrade this jacket,” he murmured, looking annoyed.

 

“It’s cooler than your trench coat, though.” Dean really liked the look, if he was honest. Cas in a leather jacket seemed kind of right. “Here,” he said as he held his hand out for Cas to give him the blade. Dean reached into the internal pocket of Cas’s jacket, ignoring the bemused smile his friend was giving him, considering he was still wearing said jacket, and found the seam of the pocket. 

 

With a quick jerk, Dean ripped the seam slightly and slid the blade into the pocket, angling it to go through the hole in the seam, now resting along the internal hem of the jacket. Dean felt pretty impressed with himself for ripping a right sized hole to prevent the hilt from slipping through. 

 

“There,” he said with a smile as he took a step back. “Now you’re good.”

 

“Now I’ve got protection,” Cas grinned, elbowing his side.

 

Dean chuckled and arched his brow. “Just make sure you don’t mix ‘em up.”

 

Cas winked at Dean with a smirk. “I won’t. I had a good teacher.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Jerry wasn’t there when they arrived at the bar, which wasn’t surprising because he had told Cas that he would be there at a later hour. So Cas used the time to get a feel for the bar and the people, trying to soak in as much knowledge about social interaction as possible, trying to learn to blend in.

 

To his surprise Dean had come into the bar with him, although he hadn’t been very forthcoming with a reason. He had mumbled something about waiting until Jerry was there and Cas had accepted that explanation, though he felt there was more to it. He wondered if Dean still felt the need to look after him, as if Cas was a baby in a trench coat… well, leather jacket now. It also reminded him that he should start to train in hand to hand combat since he hadn’t even been able to shake off Dean when he had tickled him.

 

It bothered him. At least he still had his angel blade.

 

Dean had pulled him over to the bar and bought them both a beer, before he sneaked him a few dollar bills for his wallet, because apparently, it was always important to have some cash on him. 

 

The beer didn’t taste bad and after half of it, Cas felt relaxed and started smiling. He tried to remember that his alcohol tolerance as a human… sucked.

 

He chuckled when he used that word in his mind. He liked Dean’s vocabulary. He wanted to mimic it more often to blend in. Dean gave him a confused look, probably because he had started to laugh without any obvious reason.

 

He felt nervous about his meeting with Jerry. Very nervous and he hoped Dean wouldn’t notice. 

 

“Penny for your thoughts,” Dean said as he rested his elbow on the bar and took a long swig from his bottle.

 

“I have a lot of thoughts,” Cas replied vaguely. It wasn’t technically a lie. Also something he had learned from Dean.

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “You know, every thought you share takes a penny off on what I paid for today. You’ll have less debt.” He winked at him before taking another swig.

 

Cas bit his lower lip before he looked up at Dean. "I'm nervous."

 

_ So much for not letting Dean know. _ But he still felt guilty about the amount of money Dean had spent on him today.

 

“Why?” he asked, regarding him seriously.

 

“Because I feel like there is so much I still don’t know,” Cas answered honestly.

 

Dean smiled and shrugged. “Only one way to learn, right?”

 

Before he could answer, a younger man  –  easily ten years Dean’s junior  –  slid in front of Dean, leaning against the bar as he looked Cas over. Cas had to refrain from laughing at the indignant eyebrow raise Dean gave the back of the man’s head as he backed up.

 

“You here with anyone?” the man asked. He was rather handsome, fair complexion, dirty blond hair, and a pleasing smile. He had a lithe and smaller frame, and spoke with a rather pleasant sounding southern drawl.

 

“Yes,” Cas answered with a shy smile. “You’re standing in front of him.”

 

When the young man turned to look back at Dean, the hunter sneered at the kid and barked, “Beat it, bitch.”

 

The young guy let out an annoyed huff and stormed away from them. Dean moved his stool back to where it had been and shook his head in apparent amazement. He looked down at himself and pulled his jacket open as he asked, “Like, you can see me, right? I’m not blending in with the background or something?”

 

Cas chuckled and gave him a thoughtful look. “Maybe they all somehow know you only like women as a sexual partner.”

 

As Dean was about to retort, an older Hispanic man sidled up next to Cas on his other side and whispered in a thick accent if he could buy Cas a drink.

 

Cas felt flattered with the attention he was getting. Finding a male sexual partner seemed to be a lot easier than finding a woman. He turned to the man behind him with a smile, thanking him before he explained that he was already sharing a drink with someone.

 

Dean leaned across Cas and barked, “You see me with him, right? We’re clearly having a conversation. Fuck off.”

 

The Hispanic guy flipped him off before he stated, “You’re just sitting next to him. No one in his right mind would sit there for over ten minutes and not kiss those fucking sinful lips."

 

“It’s called romance, you asshole. Maybe I wanted to get to know him,” Dean countered with a challenging quirk of his brow.

 

The guy tsked and shook his head. "You’re totally not into him." 

 

In that moment, the man from earlier walked past them, obviously having overheard their conversation. He nodded at the Hispanic guy. "Right? I totally got the best friend vibe from him, like he’s just the wingman or whatever." 

 

The Hispanic guy gave Dean a smug grin. “You’re clearly not his date.”

 

Cas followed the conversation with curiosity up until the point the Hispanic man had stated that Dean wasn’t interested in Cas. He had no idea why that comment had left a painful sting in his heart. It was probably the reason for his next words, “He actually  _ is  _ my date and I’m only interested in him. So if you both would excuse us.”

 

Dean poked his tongue out at them before they left, because apparently his best friend had the maturity level of a six-year-old, and then smiled at Cas smugly. “Attaboy, Cas. Now that’s how you say no.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, knowing that he would have said yes to that first guy in a heartbeat if Dean hadn't been there. “That only worked because you were here.”

 

“See? I’m good for something.” Dean clinked his beer against Cas’s and finished it before wiping the errant drop he spilled with the back of his hand. It was almost distracting.

 

“You’re good for a lot of things,” Cas murmured before he took another swig of his beer, licking absentmindedly on the rim of the bottle for the last drop.

 

“Dude,” Dean groaned. “You tryin’ to get  _ every  _ guy in here to buy you a drink?”

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion. “Why? Did I do something wrong?”

 

He chuckled and shook his head. “Nevermind.” Dean nodded at his now empty bottle. “You want another?”

 

Cas looked at his now empty bottle thinking that it was the reason people wanted to buy him drinks. He still had so much to learn. He would drink the next one slower. "Yes, thank you." He smiled at Dean before he frowned when his gaze fell on the clock on the wall. Jerry would be here soon. "Are you sure you want to wait here until Jerry arrives? You already did so much for me today."

 

He felt guilty for stealing so much of Dean's time.

 

Dean smiled. “Think of it as a favor to me. If he doesn’t show, then you aren’t being stranded.”

 

Cas bit his lower lip, wondering if he was hoping for Jerry to show or not. He was still nervous, but he was also horny. He wanted to have sex. But a big part of him had wanted Dean to talk him out of it before they left. His musings were interrupted when Dean put a second bottle next to him on the counter. He startled slightly, looking at the clock again, only to see that just three minutes had passed.

 

“Have you ever been nervous before sex, Dean?” Cas asked finally.

 

“Course. Anytime you try something new, man. Nerves are normal,” he assured as he sat back down. “The more you do it, the less nervous you get.”

 

A treacherous thought reminded him of the fact that this wasn't the first time he had wished he could have a new experience with Dean instead of someone else. Not just because Dean was the most important person in his life, but also because he felt… safe with him.

 

But even he knew he couldn’t just ask Dean to have sex with him. And not just because Dean was exclusively interested in women. 

 

He took a swig of his new beer, hoping the alcohol would help with his nervousness. Unfortunately, the only thing it had done for him so far was cause the need to urinate. 

 

“Excuse me,” he murmured before he left Dean at the bar to go to the bathroom. 

 

The bathroom was empty and he went to one of the urinals to get it over with, feeling slightly better when he was done. He washed his hands and looked at himself in the mirror, rifling his hand through his hair when he noticed it was a mess. He tried to get it straightened out, but his fumbling was only worsening it. 

 

"Need some help, handsome?" an unknown voice suddenly asked from behind him.

 

Cas looked up and noticed a very attractive man in the reflection of the mirror. He reminded him a lot of Inias. Dark hair and piercing blue eyes, a gentle smile playing around his lips. In that moment, he found he missed Inias very much. And that thought made him feel even more lonely. He returned the stranger’s smile, trying to remind himself that the man wasn’t Inias. Just someone who shared a lot of similarities with his vessel. “My hair seems to have a mind of its own.”

 

The man laughed. It was a deep and pleasant sound. He slid to stand next to Cas, still looking at him through the mirror. “So, this look wasn’t earned, huh?”

 

Cas didn't understand what the man was talking about, forcing him to curse his inexperience once again. "I think I have to blame the wind outside."

 

“Don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing,” he said with a sly smile.

 

Cas was sixty-seven percent sure the man was flirting with him, so he took a leap of faith and attempted to flirt back, hoping it would work. He gave the man a shy smile and rifled his fingers through his hair again, giving him a questioning look. "What do you think?"

 

The man’s smile turned into an outright smirk as he swiftly grabbed Cas by the hips and flipped him around, now crowding him against the counter. “I think I wanna try that.”

 

Cas's breathing hitched as he tried to understand what was happening. The man was using too many innuendos for Cas to get a clear idea of what he wanted. Maybe he just wanted to help him with his hair. He frowned before he tilted his head. “What do you want to try?”

 

That was met with a chuckle as he raked his hand through Cas’s hair before tugging it slightly, bringing his face closer. The man tilted his head slightly, purposefully licking his lips as he blatantly stared at Cas’s. “You a kisser?”

 

"Yes?" Cas answered, sounding as insecure as he felt, wondering if the man wanted to kiss him. He didn't even know his name. 

 

“Good,” he murmured as he closed the gap between them. His lips were slightly chapped and it was weird when he thought about the fact that they were basically battling each other’s face. His thoughts returned to the time he kissed Meg, like the stranger was kissing Cas. He’d enjoyed the sensation very much, but it was just as bizarre to him as an angel as it was to him now as a human.

 

The man groaned and stuck his tongue in Cas’s mouth. He bit back the gasp of surprise and went with it, assuming that it was what he was supposed to do. Cas mimicked what he’d done to Dean’s fingers earlier and was rewarded with another pleased moan. The guy started frantically undoing Cas’s pants, never breaking contact.

 

Cas wasn't sure what to do. This was all going so fast, but he could already feel his erection straining against his jeans. The man was very handsome and he felt attracted to him because he looked like Inias, but...

 

He stopped kissing the man and pulled back. “What’s your name?”

 

“Whatever you want it to be,” he murmured as he gripped Cas’s hips and guided him into the stall behind them. He latched the lock and pressed in again, resuming his unbuckling of Cas’s pants.

 

Cas was hard now. He loved being manhandled, recognizing this as one of his weaknesses. He reached over to help... Not-Inias with his jeans, opening them up and pulling them down. "What do you want?" he asked, feeling breathless from the kisses and the way Not-Inias was pressing him against the wall.

 

“You prepped?” he asked, voice husky and deep.

 

He didn't know what that meant and for the second time that day, Cas wondered why he thought it had been a good idea to go into a situation without the proper research. "I... um... I don't know what that means."

 

Not-Inias smirked. “That means no.” He leaned in and licked along the seam of Cas’s lips. “Good.” Without hesitation, he flipped Cas around, his hands now bracing the wall. Not-Inias gripped Cas’s pants and pulled them and his underwear down to his calves.

 

He dropped to his knees and spread Cas’s cheeks apart. “Fuck. You look unused.”

 

Cas had no idea why Not-Inias's words aroused him so much. What he was doing with him felt incredible and made his knees weak. "I'm new to this," he admitted breathlessly.

 

“Seriously?” he asked, leaning around his side to look up at Cas.

 

Cas nodded, feeling his face heating up. "Is that... a problem?"

 

Not-Inias shook his head and groaned outright. “Fuck no it isn’t. That’s fucking hot.” He returned his attention to Cas’s ass. Strong, deft fingers kneaded his cheeks as they were spread. Not-Inias leaned in close enough, Cas could feel the man’s heated breath against his hole.

 

When the man’s tongue suddenly started licking his rim, Cas groaned outright at the sensation. Not-Inias proceeded to lick and slurp at his hole until his tongue snaked its way inside.

 

Cas gasped and moaned loudly, pressing his forehead against the wall. He had no idea sex could feel this mind-blowing. "Uh, yes... um, oh... fuck," Cas gasped out uncontrollably.

 

Not-Inias started circling his tongue as his lips cupped Cas’s entrance. As the pleasure shivered through him, Not-Inias suddenly pulled away and Cas had to refrain from outright whimpering at the loss of contact. He could hear a little fumbling and a cap being popped open before a slick, wet finger replaced the man’s lips.

 

The way he teased his hole, Cas realized why humans could get addicted to sex. Not-Inias slipped his finger inside and the combined pressure and slight burn was both a little strange and immensely satisfying. He wanted more.

 

His instincts were thankfully starting to take over as he rocked his hips back, against the man's finger to get him to push it deeper. He didn't expect the overwhelming jolt of pleasure to course through his body as the man crooked his finger inside of him. "Fuck," he gasped out. "Oh, uh, please do that again."

 

Not-Inias chuckled and purposely tapped that spot again, almost whiting out his vision. It felt so incredible, he almost didn’t realize when the man had gotten another finger inside of him. Now there were two fingers tapping that spot in between a burning, widening stretch when he scissored his fingers.

 

It hurt a little, but it was nothing in comparison to the immense pleasure he was feeling. Like he was melting under Not-Inias’s capable hands. He felt like he was losing his mind, his only anchor being the way he braced himself against the wall. Cas was unable to stop moaning, thinking that he would do anything for this man should he ask for it. “Please,” he breathed out brokenly, though he didn’t know what he was begging for.

 

“I’ll give you what you need, don’t you worry,” Not-Inias said as he carefully slipped a third finger inside of Cas. He started pumping his fingers in and out, the man’s breathing coming out in ragged pants, hitting his dampened skin and causing a shiver to course through Cas.

 

He had no idea how much longer he could take it. He had never felt anything even remotely similar, and even that one time having sex with the reaper paled against what this man was doing to him. He was incredibly thankful that Not-Inias seemed to know what Cas needed and that he was more than happy to give it to Cas.

 

When his fingers pulled out entirely, Cas almost growled at the loss. Not-Inias chuckled and stood up. Cas could hear the man’s pants being unbuckled and dropped as well as the sound of foil being ripped open. He craned his neck to look back and was almost mesmerized as he watched Not-Inias slip a condom onto his dick before coating himself in lube.

 

Not-Inias drew closer and guided the head of his hard cock to Cas’s entrance. “You want it?”

 

Cas looked back at the attractive man and smiled. He was happy his first time happened with someone so capable. "Yes," he breathed out. "Please."

 

Without hesitation, he carefully pushed in. Cas let out a sigh when the head of the man’s cock breached him and sunk inside. It was much bigger than the man’s fingers, intensifying the burn. Not-Inias let out an appreciative groan as he slowly pushed in, deeper and deeper. “Fuck… I forgot how good a virgin ass was.”

 

Cas felt so filled and stretched. It hurt more now, but Not-Inias's praise about his ass made him groan. He wanted to give him as much pleasure as he had given to Cas. 

 

Not-Inias continued to slowly sink in when the man’s right hand wrapped around Cas’s erection. He started pumping his cock as he began whispering filthy things in his ear. “You’re so fucking tight. A cunt could never beat your fucking ass.”

 

Cas choked back a relieved sob when Not-Inias started to stroke his erection. The man was completely inside of him and when he slowly pulled back, his dick rubbed directly over that magical spot. He leaned back against Not-Inias, desperate to hear his voice whisper more filthy things into his ear. 

 

“You like that, baby? You like your tight hole being stretched on my dick?” Not-Inias pulled out halfway before slamming in and striking the spot again, his hand never once faltering as it continued to pump Cas’s erection.

 

"Yes! You feel so, uh! Uh, good," Cas panted, rocking his hips back. It stopped hurting now and he just felt stretched, and filled, and oh, so good. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking the assault of pleasure when Not-Inias started to fuck him hard, fast, and deep. 

 

Heat was pooling in his groin, his balls started to tighten and he knew he was close. He couldn't stop moaning. "Uh, Uh, I… I'm so close."

 

Not-Inias panted out between groans, “I bet you are. I love virgin whores. The kind of whore who gives up his ass for the first time to a stranger in a bar bathroom.” His pace never relented through the litany of insulting compliments.

 

Cas had no idea why that last comment brought him so close to the brink. He gasped and moaned, desperately trying to stop himself from coming.

 

“Mmmm,” Not-Inias moaned as he chuckled. “Somebody liked that. I could feel you clench. You’re gonna be a needy little whore.” He started thrusting faster. “Can’t wait to have this ass again… mmm… after you’ve ridden every guy in town ‘cause you fucking need it, don’t you?” Not-Inias started pumping Cas’s dick in time with his thrusts. “Tell me how much you need it.”

 

Cas panted loudly from the way he felt on the edge again. An edge Not-Inias seemed to pull him away from with a soft shift of his hips and staggering of his thrusts. Cas thought he was losing his mind with the lust and need he was feeling. In that moment he wanted everything Not-Inias had said. He wanted to have all the cocks he could get, and he wanted Not-Inias to fuck him again after. He moaned, his breathing came out in short gasps when he whimpered. "I need to get filled. Please. I need your cock."

 

“Fuck…” he groaned out as he started fucking into him even harder. The sound of skin slapping against skin was unmistakable. 

 

When he heard the door of the bathroom open, he gasped and braced his hand over his mouth to stifle himself. 

 

Not-Inias let go of Cas’s cock to grab his hand and yank it away. “Don’t censor yourself. Let ‘em hear how badly you need to get filled.” He began thrusting into Cas, pace unbidden and rough as he fisted Cas’s cock again. “Come on, baby.”

 

Cas couldn't have stopped himself even if he wanted to. The pleasure was just too much. He moaned loudly, losing himself completely in the way Not-Inias made him feel. "Yes, please, please, uh," he moaned, "please, I need your cock."

 

That was met with a chuckle before Not-Inias started practically pounding into Cas. His breathing was heavy and Cas knew there would be bruising from how tight Not-Inias’s grip was on his hip. “Oh, fuck… Fuck… Yeah, baby. Milk my fucking dick.”

 

The orgasm hit him with such a surprising force that he nearly blacked out. There was only pleasure and nothing else and, for a moment, Cas felt light, as if he was flying. 

 

Not-Inias moaned as his hips stilled. He could feel the man’s cock twitch as he spilled into the condom. Not-Inias pressed his forehead against the back of Cas’s neck as he steadied his breathing. A moment later, he let out a deep exhale and pulled out of Cas.

 

Cas winced for a moment when Not-Inias pulled his cock out of him. That had hurt a little and his hole felt like it would probably start hurting in a few hours, too. But fuck, it had been worth any pain that would follow. Cas turned around and smiled at Not-Inias as he was still trying to catch his breath. "Thank you."

 

Not-Inias chuckled as he pulled off the condom and tossed it into the toilet. “You were a great fuck. Lookin’ forward to seeing how much of a self-fulfilling prophecy you become.” He pulled up his pants and pressed a kiss to Cas’s lips. “I’m usually here on weekends. Hit me up if you want another round.”

 

Cas nodded, still smiling from the high of endorphins coursing through his body. “I will.” He bent over and carefully pulled up his pants, tucking his shirt back in.

 

Not-Inias nodded and opened the door of the stall, disappearing back into the bar before Cas had even buckled his belt.

 

Cas concentrated on fumbling with his belt, suddenly feeling too relaxed to do anything. He chuckled again as he finally managed to buckle his belt and left the bathroom to go back to Dean. 

 

Before he sat down next to Dean, his gaze fell on the clock and it reminded him coldly that he had forgotten about his “date” with Jerry. His gaze wandered through the bar, but he couldn’t spot Jerry anywhere, so he went back to Dean and sat down next to him.

 

“Hey,” Dean greeted as he handed him back his beer. “Bad news. Jerry shot me a text. He’s not gonna make it tonight.”

 

Cas felt relieved by that news and nodded. "I'm sorry for making you wait here all alone."

 

Dean shrugged. “Got hit on a couple of times. So I guess  _ somebody’s  _ not the only pretty boy in the bar.”

 

Cas chuckled at Dean and gave him a soft smile. "I could have told you that."

 

“Well… You wanna call it a night? Give punching your v-card up until next time?”

 

“Actually…” Cas scratched the back of his neck.

 

Dean’s eyes widened and he barked out a laugh. “I’ll be damned.” He shook his head in amusement and moved to stand. “Come on, then.”

 

Cas chugged the rest of his beer and stood up as well, following Dean outside with a huge grin on his face when he remembered how nervous he had been, and how amazing his first time had turned out to be. Unexpected, but still amazing.

 

As soon as the door shut behind them and they moved towards the parking lot, they turned at a sharp bark of, “Hey!”

 

When they turned around, the first guy who had hit on Cas that night was approaching them. 

 

Dean stepped in front of Cas and waved his hand at the guy. “Buddy, he already told you he’s not interested. You’re bordering on pathetic now.”

 

The guy sneered at Dean. “Well, he’s not interested in you either. He was fucking some other guy ten minutes ago in the john. Thought you’d like to know your boyfriend is a huge slut.”

 

At that Dean chuckled and used his height to intimidate the man. He stepped up to him, gazing down. There was a good few inches in height difference. “Doesn’t matter. Either way he’s comin’ home with me.” Dean turned back to Cas and gently palmed his lower back to turn them away from the guy.

 

Dean craned his neck to look back at the guy over his shoulder. Cas watched his every move in curiosity. Dean winked at Cas and moved his hand lower, cupping his ass and grabbing a firm handful in obvious display for the stranger’s benefit. He then waved at the man with his other hand.

 

Cas closed his eyes for a moment, letting out a soft moan with the feeling of Dean's hand on his ass.

 

At that Dean let out a genuine laugh. He shook his head as they reached the Impala. Releasing his hold on Cas, he looked at him with an amused smile and said, “Slut.”

 

"I think Not-Inias called me a whore," Cas replied dryly before he went to the other side of the Impala to get in.

 

“The fuck was the guy’s name?” Dean shook his head as he slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine.

 

"I don't know his name. He said I could call him whatever I wanted," Cas tried to explain before he leaned back in the seat of the Impala. His tattoo didn't hurt as much in that moment. "I was attracted to him because he looked like Inias. But other than his appearance, he was nothing like him, so I called him Not-Inias."

 

Dean looked at him, his mouth agape, expression entirely amazed. “Your first time was in a dirty bar bathroom with a guy who’s name you never got?”

 

Cas nodded with a grin before he tiredly replied, "The new me. That's apparently how I roll."

 

The expression on Dean’s face instantly changed from stunned to pained. He almost looked broken. Before he could ask, Dean braced his hand on Cas’s shoulder and licked his lip before using his other hand to emphasize his words. “I’m gonna need you to listen to me very carefully, okay?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at Dean before he nodded. “Alright.”

 

Dean took a deep breath before he squeezed Cas’s shoulder and said, “I know you used to belong to a much better club. I know that there’s a part of you that feels broken… useless, because you don’t have your wings. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. You aren’t my best friend because you’re an angel, or because you could use your mojo to help me and Sammy. You’re my best friend because of this…” He pointed to the left side of Cas’s chest.

 

“The part of you that helped us when it was against orders. The part of you that risked everything for me and my brother time and time again. So you don’t need to drown yourself in sex, or drugs, or decadence. Indulge, sure, but don’t get lost in it. Because the most valuable part of what makes you, you? No one can fucking take that away. So please, promise me… Don’t lose it.”

 

Cas stared at Dean, his heart painfully skipped a few beats before he looked away as his eyes started to burn. He pressed his lips into a thin line, unable to look at Dean.

 

With a few words, Dean had managed to pierce through the wall he had built up over the years. A wall made out of insecurity, worthlessness, and staggering guilt. He just couldn't deal with the mess that laid in its wake. Dean had said everything he longed to… No, he  _ needed  _ to hear. But he didn't feel ready for those words.

 

"I want to go back, Dean," he whispered after a long moment.

 

Dean nodded and let go of Cas’s shoulder. Bracing his hands on the wheel, he started pulling out of the lot, back onto the road. Cas had no idea how long it had been before Dean finally broke the silence between them.

 

“So, I thought you never did any cloud seeding in Heaven?”

 

Cas turned his gaze away from the blackness of the night that was rushing by them to look at Dean with a tired, confused gaze. "I never had sex with another angel."

 

“I dunno, man. Fucking a rando ‘cause he reminded you of an old friend. Not sure I believe you.” Dean had a smirk firmly in place as he glanced over at Cas. 

 

Cas turned to look through the windshield. He smiled softly when he thought about Inias. "Inias and I were more than friends. But we never had a sexual relationship."

 

Dean smiled back. After a beat, he stroked his chin and said, “Alright. I gotta ask. If you didn’t even get the guy’s name, did you even get a good look at him? I mean, did you guys even speak?” His tone was light hearted and teasing.

 

Cas turned to look at Dean. "I was so nervous, but what this man did to me, Dean... I don't know. I think I finally understand why so many angels chose to fall for this." He chuckled as he shook his head slightly. "We didn't talk much and he turned me around to fuck me, so I can’t say I got a good look."

 

“Damn, Cas,” Dean breathed out in a laugh. “You really are a slut.” The way he said it didn’t sound anything like an insult.

 

Cas shot Dean a questioning look. "Not-Inias did that a lot. He said things to me that sounded insulting, but didn't feel that way. More like the opposite."

 

Dean looked at Cas in surprise. “Like what?” he asked hesitantly.

 

"He liked to call me a needy whore and that he couldn't wait to have me again after I've ridden every guy in town." When Cas repeated the words, he felt his cock twitch again and almost chuckled how easily those words had such an effect on him.

 

Dean let out an almost impressed scoff. He smirked at Cas. “You’re kind of a freak, Cas.” He nodded and added, “I like it.”

 

Cas chuckled and shifted in his seat to look at Dean fully. “I think I really like sex. And now that I have a comparison between sex with a woman and a man, I think I will stick to men.” Cas scratched his head, before he added, “I just don’t get kissing.”

 

“What do you mean you ‘don’t get’ kissing?”

 

Cas shrugged, scrunching up his nose. "It feels nice every time I kiss someone, but it's not... it's not what I thought it would be. It’s always described in literature and movies as something that feels amazing and special, but... not with me."

 

Dean nodded as he looked over his shoulder to merge onto the highway. “Some people just suck at kissing. Once you get a good kisser, you’ll know.”

 

Cas thought about it for a moment. He couldn't imagine that Not-Inias had been a bad kisser. "Are you sure about that?" he asked skeptically.

 

“Trust me. I’ve had plenty of bad kissers myself.”

 

"I don't think Not-Inias was a bad kisser. He seemed to have a lot of experience. Maybe it's me." Cas tilted his head before he nodded. "It's probably me."

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “It’s not.”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow at Dean. "You don't know that, Dean. And it would make sense. I haven’t done much kissing in my life."

 

“Dude…” Dean braced his arm along the backrest of the front seat and gave Cas a pointed look. “You left a friggin’ demon in a lust-filled daze from a kiss. There’s no way you’re bad at it.”

 

"It may have felt good for Meg, but it didn't feel special to me." He chuckled when he thought back to that time. "I only kissed her back because I thought that was the appropriate response to what she had done. I mimicked what I saw on TV because I thought I had to. Nothing more."

 

Dean laughed and shook his head. “Typical. That kiss probably rocked her little demonic world and you thought you were being a gentleman.”

 

“So it’s just the others?” Cas asked slowly, still not really believing it. 

 

“Yeah, I promise. When you get kissed for real, you’ll know.”

 

"So theoretically, I just need to find a good kisser to experience a great kiss?" Cas hummed with a flirty and playful grin in Dean's direction. "Where would I find one of those?"

 

Dean rolled his eyes and pushed Cas’s face away. “Slow your roll, sex fiend. I ain’t that kinda gal.”

 

Cas chuckled again, still noticing the effect of the two beers and how relaxed he felt after he had sex. “So, Dean… what kind of girl are you?”

 

“The wine and dine kind. I don’t put out until the fifth date,” he countered without missing a beat.

 

Cas hummed before he shook his head. "Another reason why I should stick to men. No dates. No attachments. Just sex." He sat up in his seat before he looked at Dean again. "You’ve been doing the same thing for years with women. Does that mean you're a slut, too?"

 

“I like to think of myself as worldly,” he said haughtily as he straightened an invisible tie.

 

“You’re a slut, Dean,” Cas repeated, just because it was true and he could.

 

“Well,” Dean said as he smirked at him, “takes one to know one, Cas.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: This chapter contains a sexual assault scene as well as some dubious consent.

**Chapter 2**

 

It had been at least two days since the damn spell started wearing off. Dean couldn’t understand animals any longer, but he kept having these, “moments,” as Sammy liked to call them. 

 

When they got back to the garage of the bunker, they were cleaning out the surprise the Colonel had left in Baby’s backseat. Sam had grabbed a dustbuster for all of the dog hair and when he turned it on, Dean snapped at him. For some reason, the sound made Dean feel queasy and anxious. Sam didn’t stop laughing for a good ten minutes. And that was only because Dean had given him a dead arm.

 

It was just little things here and there, but they were manageable. No, Dean’s  _ real  _ problem was the fact that Sammy wasn’t stupid. The line of questioning he had when they were leaving that vegan bakery, it was too close. If he figured out that he was being possessed by a friggin’ angel, not only would he probably try to whip Dean’s ass, but he’d eject Zeke and possibly kill himself in the process.

 

If shit like this kept happening, Sam was going to figure it out and Dean couldn’t let that happen. Not yet. Not until he knew he was better. Sam was out for a run when Dean decided he needed a soundboard.

 

Without hesitation, Dean’s fingers drew to Cas’s name in his phone. He’d changed it to Slut. Dean chuckled and hit call, leaning against a table in the library as he waited for him to pick up.

 

When Cas answered after the third ring, his voice sounded tired and scratchy, "Hello, Dean."

 

“Hey, uh… you busy?”

 

"Not particularly." Dean heard some rustling and scratching in the background before Cas asked, "Are you okay?"

 

Dean double checked to make sure Sammy wasn’t back and Kevin couldn’t hear him. “Uh, actually… I need to get your opinion on something. You up for a shooting lesson?”

 

“You coming over?” Cas asked slowly.

 

“Yeah, I’ll come get you. I’ll be there in half an hour.”

 

“Oh, um, okay. I’ll see you then.” There was some shuffling in the background and then silence. 

 

Dean looked down at his phone, the call was ended.

 

That was a weird reaction. Dean was half tempted to call him back and ask what that had been about. The guy was on the lam basically, it’s not like he had a full dance card. Shaking his head, Dean got up and grabbed his keys. He shot Sam and Kevin a text that he was going out to unwind and got into Baby.

 

The urge to stick his head out of the window was overwhelming.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

“You did what?” Cas asked as he lowered his gun. Giving Dean an amused but confused look.

 

They’d found an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town with a huge gaping hole in the back wall of the building. It didn’t take long to set the empty bottles along different surfaces and on the ground to start their shooting lesson. Cas was doing okay. He’d hit one bottle after seven shots. Dude  _ definitely  _ needed the lesson.

 

Dean rolled his eyes as he folded his arms over his chest. “Yuck it up, chuckles. Yeah, I almost got into a fight with a pigeon.”

 

"Pigeons are assbutts," Cas agreed as his gaze wandered back to the bottles. 

 

He took the opportunity to look at Cas. The guy looked really human. He was wearing one of Dean’s old band t-shirts, a pair of jeans, and his hair was ridiculous. It looked like he’d stuck his finger in a damn light socket. But the fur on his face? That kinda suited him. Actually, humanity looked damn good on Cas.

 

Dean shook his head of his thoughts and tried to focus on what Cas had said. “Yeah, you’re tellin’ me. Winged rats.” He sighed and looked down then. “Cas, Sammy’s getting suspicious.”

 

Cas turned around to him and frowned. "How? What happened?"

 

“So this guy had found some spell that gave him the ability of whatever he ate. Like if he ate a snake, he could unhinge his jaw and swallow something huge whole. And he could sense Sammy wasn’t all Sammy. He asked him what he was and I think I explained it away… But shit, Cas. He’s not stupid.”

 

Cas looked concerned as he chewed on his lower lip for a moment. "It's still a big leap to angel possession. Sam knows that angels can't possess people against their will."

 

That was true. Dean let out an almost relieved sigh. “You’re right. See? This was why I needed to hang out with you. Be my soundboard.”

 

Cas gave him a quick smile and shrugged, a gesture he hadn't seen on him before and made him look much more human. "Also he knows that he was severely damaged by the trials. Supernatural creatures can pick up on that."

 

“Man, Cas. I should’ve called you instead of stewin’ over this for the last couple of days.” Dean got closer to Cas and tapped his shoulder. “Don’t close one eye when you’re aiming. Keep both eyes open. See twice as good.”

 

Cas aimed at one of the bottles again, relaxing his shoulders and his breathing just like Dean had showed him. Cas still seemed to be a quick study. "I know you don't like lying to Sam, but we both know how he will react if he finds out. Let Ezekiel finish his work. It's only a few weeks."

 

That was easier said than done. Cas wasn’t taking into account Dean’s guilt over the fact that, yet again, he was keeping secrets from someone he cared about. And that almost always ended badly. Dean sighed and nodded. “I know. Thanks for hearin’ me out.”

 

Cas shot the bottle and it shattered into a million pieces before he lowered the gun and gave Dean a long look. "Of course." He grabbed Dean's left shoulder and squeezed it. "You're saving his life, Dean. You aren't lying to cover up something selfish. I'm sure if Sam had been in a different place, without the pain, he would have made the choice of taking Ezekiel's help."

 

Dean smiled and nodded his understanding. He tapped Cas’s hand and chuckled. “Come on. Let’s turn you into Annie Oakley already.”

 

Cas frowned and tilted his head. “Who is Annie Oakley?”

 

“One of the best American sharpshooters to have ever lived. Seriously, Cas. How do you know so little about humanity? I mean, didn’t you guys just basically watch all of us until the stupid apocalypse shit?”

 

“A few angels did. I wasn’t one of them.” Cas aimed at the next bottle, but missed. “Fuck.”

 

“Here,” Dean said as he braced his hand over Cas’s. Their arms flush against each other, Dean leaned in close, head almost resting on Cas’s shoulder as he continued to explain. He tapped at the back of Cas’s right leg. “Bring your leg back a little more.” 

 

Cas did, but Dean noticed that he was breathing quicker than before, biting his lower lip.

 

Trying to not think about that reaction, Dean again focused on the task at hand. He braced his other hand against Cas’s lower back. “Alright, so your target needs to align in both your rear and front sights, so when you look there should be equal sized gaps of light.” He used his index finger on Cas’s hand to tilt the position of the gun slightly.

 

Cas hummed and squinted his eyes a little, his body felt tense under Dean's touch. Not at all relaxed anymore like before.

 

“Cas, you gotta relax. Loosen up a bit,” he urged as he started rubbing a soothing circle over his back. 

 

Somehow it had the opposite effect. Cas growled, "It would be more relaxing if you stopped touching me." Right after he said that he looked alarmed and gave Dean a shocked look. "I'm sorry. I – I didn't mean that."

 

Dean released his grip on the guy either way, taking a step back, hands raised in surrender. “It’s fine. Sorry, man.”

 

Cas shook his head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." Cas looked down and sighed deeply before he repeated, "Sorry." His friend took in a few calming breaths, trying to relax his shoulders as he raised the gun again. He looked frustrated and Dean could see that his aim was still off. 

 

“What’s goin’ on with you, man?” Dean asked carefully. He took a step closer, but still made sure to not touch him.

 

"Nothing," Cas answered in a clipped tone. "I'm fine." He adjusted his aim, effortlessly pulled the trigger, and hit the bottle. When he lowered the gun, he didn’t look at Dean as he said, “See?”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. “You know, I’ve been pretty open with you. You’re the only one who knows what I did for Sam. I’ve been more honest with you than I have with Sam in a long time. The least you could do is pay me the same courtesy.”

 

Cas sighed deeply and looked up at the ceiling. "I don't want to complain. That's all. You have more than enough problems without listening to mine. I’ll have to deal with this on my own."

 

“Bullshit. Friendship goes both ways.” Dean looked at Cas and sighed. He waved at Cas and said, “Come on… Let me hear it.”

 

Cas still seemed hesitant before he looked down. "Being human sucks. I hate it. I have no idea what I'm doing here. I feel lonely and I use my time doing stupid things to distract myself from my thoughts." He suddenly pulled off his shirt and Dean could see that his back had a few massive purpling bruises. "I thought it was a good idea to get back into shape and I fell from one of the containers in the warehouse because I wasn't careful enough. I'm not used to being careful... I just..." Cas's lips pressed into a thin line as he kicked a stone away. "I'm just so angry and I don't know what to do."

 

_ Damn.  _ Dean felt like a dick. Here he was, bitching about his trivial shit, when he hadn’t even thought to ask how Cas was dealing with being human. Fully human. And apparently, the answer was, “not great.” Dean sighed and moved to sit on one of the dirty, dusty crates. “C’mere, man. Sit with me.”

 

Cas sat down next to Dean, rubbing his hand over his face before he gave Dean a sheepish look. “I’m sorry. I’m not used to all these emotions and they tend to get the better of me.”

 

“Don’t be sorry. Look. It’s not gonna be easy. Do you want to end this for now and focus on getting you a car? That way you can leave if you need to?”

 

“Yes,” Cas nodded. “I’d like to have a car.”

 

Dean clapped him on the shoulder and smiled. “Alright, let me clean up here, then we’ll have you practice driving a little more before we go shopping.”

 

“Can’t I just practice with my own car? Driving yours is… scary.” Cas squinted his eyes at Dean before he added,  _ “Very  _ scary.”

 

“Cas, man. I get it. But you need to learn to  _ drive  _ a car, before you steal one.”

 

Cas leaned back on the crate with a defeated sound as he massaged the bridge of his nose. The new position revealed how low his jeans hung below wicked sharp hip bones. The skin around his new tattoo was still slightly red. "Alright," he breathed out. "But I’ll just do this because I need a car. Being stuck in the warehouse makes me stir crazy and I really start to miss my wings."

 

_ Shit.  _ Dean hadn’t thought of that either. If he woke up one day and there were no cars left, it would drive him nuts. Not having the ability to just, get in and go somewhere else. He couldn’t imagine what it must feel like for Cas. Baby wasn’t physically attached to Dean.

 

“Then let’s get started.”

 

Cas reached out to Dean and he pulled him up from the crate. As soon as he was standing, he let go of Dean’s hand and fished his shirt from the ground, pulling it over his head. Dean had no idea how, but Cas had managed to mess up his hair even more. “I'm ready.”

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Come on, Sonic.” He started walking towards Baby, feeling a little anxious about giving Cas the keys to her again. But he didn’t really have any other choice and the dude needed to learn how to drive.

 

Cas took the keys, looking how Dean felt before he finally relented and opened the driver's door. “This just feels wrong, Dean.” Cas told him as his fingers slid over the steering wheel and Dean sat down next to him.

 

“Not gonna lie. Doesn’t feel right sittin’ shotgun, either.” Dean gave him a reassuring smile. “Come on. No time like the present.”

 

Cas sat there like he had a stick up his ass, all tense, but at least he looked like he was focused on the task when he started the car and slowly started driving in the empty lot in front of the warehouse.

 

“Where do you want me to drive, Dean?”

 

“Just around the lot for a while. Get used to her. When you feel ready, we’re gonna hit the road.”

 

Cas nodded tersely, before he drove one slow circle after another around the parking lot.  He still didn't look anywhere near ready after the fifteenth circle.

 

“Buddy, you gotta relax. Just think…” Dean braced his arm along the back of Baby’s seat and smiled as he said, “The sooner you get this down, the closer you get to goin’ back to that bar and fucking some other rando in the bathroom. Without having to ask for a ride.”

 

Cas didn’t seem to react to that but, when he steered Baby onto the road, Dean knew he had managed to motivate him. Just that he was still driving too slow.

 

“Can you give me Jerry’s number?” Cas asked suddenly.

 

The urge to ask why was overwhelming. Dean wasn’t stupid. He knew why, but he wanted to ask anyway. He’d been hoping Cas had given up on Jerry after the night at the bar. He hadn’t been completely honest with Cas about Jerry’s absence. The guy  _ had  _ texted Dean, but not to bail. He’d said he could see Baby in the lot and congratulated him on having gotten the balls to make a move on Cas.

 

Dean didn’t correct him. Because he really didn’t want Cas to fuck Jerry and he didn’t know why. It didn’t bother him that he fucked the guy that reminded him of his sort of ex from Heaven. But for some reason, Jerry was different. He summed it up to the fact that Jerry fucks anything that moves and it was just Dean’s innate protective streak.

 

With a sigh Dean nodded. It wasn’t his place to make these calls for Cas. “Yeah, but you gotta be careful what you text him. His wife can get a little crazy sometimes.”

 

Cas gave him a quick surprised look before he returned his focus on the street again. He had gradually increased the acceleration and was now starting to drive at a normal speed. He even looked a little more relaxed. Maybe the distraction was helping him. “Jerry’s married?”

 

Dean laughed in surprise. “Yeah. Didn’t you see the wedding ring?”

 

Cas shook his head, appearing thoughtful for a moment. “I promise I will text him discreetly.”

 

_ Huh.  _ A part of him had hoped that would’ve fazed Cas. Dean couldn’t help but feel a little impressed by how casual he was being. Maybe the guy had spent way too much time around Dean. “Alright. I’ll text you his number. Oh, hook a right at the next light. You hungry?”

 

Cas took the turn without any issue. He seemed to have forgotten about his initial fears, obviously distracted by whatever he was thinking about. Dean could practically hear the gears turning without needing Cas’s half-there response for confirmation that he wasn’t entirely present. “Thank you. Yes, I'm hungry.”

 

“Dude, stop daydreaming about Jerry’s dick and keep your eyes on the road,” he teased. 

 

Cas shot him an annoyed look. “I'm not thinking about Jerry’s dick, Dean. Why would you think that?”

 

Dean shot him an incredulous look. “You asked me for the guy’s number and now you’re distracted. Two and two usually equals four.”

 

“I'm thinking about getting another tattoo,” Cas explained calmly.

 

“Bullseye tramp stamp?” Dean sassed, smirking at his friend.

 

Cas gave him a confused look before he shook his head. After a moment he quietly murmured, “Wings.”

 

Cas had this bad habit of turning Dean’s jokes into something sad, enough so that he felt like a total asshole. It was a defense mechanism. Turning everything into a joke. If he didn’t do that, something like what Cas just said would make him fucking cry. And he was sick of that shit.

 

Dean patted Cas’s knee and nodded. “It’ll look awesome.”

 

Cas gave him a quick smile before he nodded to the right side of the street. “Is this where you wanted to eat? Aunt Millie’s Burgers?”

 

“Yes. You’re gonna cream yourself when you taste their cheeseburger. And don’t even get me started on the pie.” Dean nodded at Cas to pull into a parking spot that had no cars around it. The guy was doing well, but he was worried Cas might have a meltdown trying to park between two cars.

 

To his surprise Cas parked Baby without any problems, throwing the keys over to Dean after he had shut off the engine. “Is ‘creaming myself’ a synonym for coming in my pants?”

 

Dean laughed as they got out. He nodded over her roof at Cas. “You’re getting better and better at understanding slang.”

 

Cas smiled at him. “Thanks. And don't worry that I'll… cream myself. I took care of myself when you called earlier.”

 

“Dude! Really?” Dean shook his head in amazement as they walked to the entrance of the tiny dive diner.

 

"You had impeccable timing when you called, Dean," Cas added dryly.

 

Dean let out a groan. “Seriously? You answered the phone mid-jerk off session?”

 

“It was that, or risk you getting worried, driving over and finding me in a situation like that,” Cas said with a shrug as he held the door open for Dean.

 

“I’m not  _ that  _ bad,” Dean argued as he stepped inside. He grabbed a couple of menus and nodded for Cas to follow him to a booth near the back of the restaurant. Just in case there were any ear hustlers in the area.

 

“Actually you are. And you know it.” Cas smirked before he sat down next to Dean in the booth. He then looked slightly confused before he murmured an apology and stood up again to sit down across from Dean. He shrugged. “Creature of habit.”

 

Dean laughed in surprise.  _ Huh.  _ He’d never realized that when it was the three of them, Cas almost always sat next to Dean. “Alright, so anyway. You’re doing great so far. Any questions?”

 

“About what?” Cas asked in confusion. “Driving, or masturbation?”

 

Grabbing his menu, he playfully tapped Cas’s head with it. “Cut it out.”

 

“I guess that answers my question,” Cas growled before he flipped open the menu and hid his face behind it.

 

“Dude, what’s your deal?” Dean sank back against his seat and sighed at the menu he was presently holding a staring contest with.

 

Cas lowered the menu to look over it. “I don’t think I have any questions about driving. It went rather well at the end, don’t you think?”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah. I think once you started relaxing, your natural instincts kicked in.” He regarded Cas for a moment. He heard the unsaid implication in the guy’s comment. Dean folded his hands over the table and sighed again. He knew he was going to regret this. “Do you have questions about masturbation?”

 

Cas gave him a long look with an unreadable facial expression before he said, “I can ask the internet. Don’t worry.”

 

_ Take the out, Winchester. _ And that was exactly what he should have done, but for some reason, it wasn’t what he did. “I don’t mind.”

 

Cas gave him another long look before he shrugged. "Okay. Why does it take so long? And why doesn't it feel as good as having sex?"

 

"Because you haven't tried the pie yet, sweetie," the waitress, who suddenly appeared next to him, answered Cas's question with a smirk.

 

Cas looked up at her in surprise before he started to explain, “I wasn’t talking about the food. I was talking about – ”

 

Dean laughed and waved Cas off. “Yeah, I told my friend the pie here is better than sex.” He made it a point to read her name badge. “Uh, Doris, can you just grab us both a bacon cheeseburger, fries, couple a cokes, and a slice of your cherry pie?”

 

“Sure thing, sugar.” She winked at him and when she turned around, she was swinging her hips a bit more prominently to show off her cute little ass.

 

Well, how the hell could he say no to that? Dean craned his neck as he watched her walk away with an appreciative grin. When she disappeared behind the counter, Dean looked back at Cas and shrugged helplessly at the annoyed expression on his face. “What?”

 

“You didn’t ask me what I wanted to eat.” Cas dropped the menu on the table. “Why did you give me a menu when you didn’t let me choose?”

 

_ Shit.  _ That was kind of douchey of him. “Sorry, Cas. I just assumed since you love cheeseburgers you would’ve wanted that.”

 

Cas braced his chin on his hand before he gave Dean a sheepish look. “I wanted that.”

 

Dean fixed him with an annoyed expression and smacked him with the menu again. “Then why get all pissy?”

 

“You still could have  _ asked.  _ I could have wanted to try something new, since I can actually taste food now.” Cas smacked him back with his own menu. “You’re only saved this time because you know me so well.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and sank back into his seat. “Get fucked once and you’re suddenly a girlfriend.”

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

 

“You’re being a girl,” he elaborated.

 

"I don't understand. How am I being a girl?"

 

Dean shook his head and sighed. “By getting upset over something that doesn’t really matter, dude. I ordered exactly what you wanted, and you’re pissed because I didn’t ask you first.”

 

"Yeah, honey. Your boyfriend just wanted to be romantic. A lot of guys order for their loved ones to show them they are interested in them and attentive to their needs,” Doris explained when she suddenly appeared out of nowhere again, with their drinks and burgers. 

 

At that Dean stared at her incredulously. Boyfriend? Goddamnit, why the hell did everyone assume he and Cas were a thing? Can’t two guys grab a drink together, or dinner, without it being gay? Dean ignored her comment and thanked her for the food as he took his plate from her.

 

Cas wasn't saying anything when she put the plate in front of him. He was just looking down, but Dean could see his cheeks had a slightly red hue. 

 

"Enjoy your meal," Doris chirped in a perky tone before she grinned and winked at Dean again, departing in a bouncy flourish.

 

“I wasn’t, uh… being romantic, I swear,” Dean defended when he was sure the waitress was out of earshot.

 

"I know," Cas replied quietly as he poked at his fries, chewing on his lower lip. When he looked up, there was stark insecurity in his eyes. "The waitress is flirting with you, even though she thinks we're a couple."

 

“Huh,” Dean murmured around the fry in his mouth. “You’re right. Now I kinda want to see what would happen if I asked for her number.”

 

Cas leaned back and gave him a smirk. “I want to see that now, too.”

 

“That a dare?” Dean asked, arching his brow in challenge.

 

Cas carefully wrapped his fingers around his burger and nodded. "It is."

 

Dean clicked his tongue. “Alright. Next time she stops at the table, I’ll get her digits.”

 

“Good luck.” Cas chuckled before he bit into his burger with a deeply satisfied groan. He closed his eyes and chewed, humming before he swallowed and looked up at Dean again. “Oh, fuck, this is good.”

 

Dean almost did a spit take when Cas said ‘fuck’ like that. Hearing him swear was one thing that he was slowly getting used to, but hearing him moan like that  _ and  _ swear? Dean tugged at his collar slightly at the flush he felt and took a swig of his Coke. “Told ya’,” was all he murmured before focusing on his own burger.

 

Cas continued to make love to his damn burger, not caring that Dean’s presence was bordering on voyeurism at that point. Especially when Cas started to lick some sauce sensually from his fingers, preceding yet another moan before he took a bite. 

 

“Holy shit, dude. You need to stop,” Dean snapped, surprised at his own frankness.

 

Cas’s eyes snapped open in surprise as he slowly lowered his burger and gave him a puzzled look. He swallowed before he asked, “Stop what?”

 

“You sound like you’re fucking that burger, dude.”

 

"Sorry." Cas put the burger down. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable." Cas squinted his eyes at him. “Although that reminds me that you haven't answered my earlier question."

 

_ Shit.  _ He was kind of hoping Cas forgot. Dean sighed and asked, “What material are you using?”

 

Cas frowned before he answered, “My hand.”

 

“No, dude. I mean, do you jerk off to porn clips? Magazines? Your imagination?”

 

Cas raised a surprised eyebrow at Dean’s question before he answered, “Um, nothing.”

 

He sighed. “That’s your problem, dude. You’ve got a laptop. Go to redtube and just… search.”

 

Cas nodded slowly. “I’ll try that. Thanks.” He eyed his burger skeptically before he took a thankfully quiet bite out of it this time.

 

When they both were finished, the waitress brought them the cherry pie, smiling at Cas and Dean. “The best for last?”

 

Dean nodded appreciatively and leaned forward. “So, uh… Doris. We were wondering what would happen if I asked for your number?” He winked at Cas.

 

She grinned as she leaned forward, revealing her nice neckline. "You guys interested in a threesome?"

 

He probably looked like a friggin’ Looney Tune character the way his jaw dropped. Dean chuckled nervously and shook his head. “We’re not  _ actually  _ boyfriends.”

 

She raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "That wasn't my question, sugar."

 

Dean shook his head again, trying to get his breathing under control. “Sorry, I can’t do a devil’s threeway.”

 

“It’s not gay, if it’s in a threeway.” She smirked at him.

 

He actually did choke on his soda. Cas was just watching the interaction with an amused expression on his face. The bastard. Dean cleared his throat. “Uh… Still. I’m, uh… I don’t share.”

 

Doris sighed. "That's disappointing. I thought you were more laid back. Well, it was worth a try."

 

“I share," Cas suddenly responded with a smug grin. "If you find another guy who is willing, I'm in."

 

Doris’s eyes lit up and she leaned over, scribbling something, probably her number, on a napkin and made it a point to hand it to Cas. “Shoot me a text and we’ll stay in touch, sugar.”

 

“I will. Thank you.” Cas gave her a charming smile and Dean wondered where the fuck he had learned that.

 

Dean stared at Cas for a moment after Doris left. “Thought you preferred men?” he accused.

 

"I do." Cas grinned smugly, taking a sip from his Coke. "But a threesome sounds like a lot of fun."

 

Shaking his head in amazement Dean refrained from scoffing. “You're something else.”

 

Cas bit into his cherry pie and moaned, before he gave Dean a shocked look and apologized with his mouth full.

 

Dean shook his head and laughed. “Told ya’. Better than sex.”

 

Cas swallowed his mouthful and raised his eyebrow. "It is really good. But I'm not sure it compares to sex." 

 

“You're nuts.”

 

“Or I have better sex than you.” Cas grinned smugly.

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. “You've only had sex twice.”

 

Cas chuckled and nodded. "And it was still better than the pie." He licked some of the cherry sauce from his finger before he added, "I have to say that I'm surprised you said no to the waitress."

 

“I wasn't lying. I don't share. I prefer focusing on one person.” Dean grabbed his fork and took a huge bite out of his piece.

 

"Did you ever try it?" Cas asked, tone curious.

 

“A threesome?” Dean clarified. At Cas’s nod Dean shrugged his shoulders. “Couple of times. It's not really what it's cracked up to be.”

 

“With two women? Or another man?” 

 

Dean shook his head. “Only women. Only things I've done with guys is a blowjob here and there.”

 

Cas scratched his chin, nodding slowly. “I can imagine that it’s more difficult with two women, because you need to focus on both. But if you have help from another man in a threesome, you could still keep the focus on the woman. You wouldn’t need to split it.”

 

“Well yeah, but then you might have to worry about competing.” Dean had never seen the appeal in sharing a lady with another guy. Especially if that other guy ended up being better in the sack than him.

 

“What if you share a woman with someone who isn't competitive and not very experienced?" Cas asked slowly.

 

Dean laughed outright at that. “Dude, why are you trying to make a threeway happen with me? It's never gonna happen.”

 

Cas leaned back with a sigh, before he intertwined his fingers and stretched his arms over his head. “It was worth a try.”

 

He had no idea what to say to that. Was Cas being serious? Dean shook his head and looked down at the last piece of his pie and pushed the plate towards Cas. “You can have it.”

 

Cas stared at him like he had lost his damn mind. “You’re giving me your pie?” he asked incredulously. “Are you feeling sick?”

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “I was just trying to be nice.”

 

Cas looked more than skeptical, but at least he wasn’t questioning him any further. “We could share it… oh, wait! I forgot. You don’t like sharing.” He didn’t say it in a way that made it sound like an accusation, more like disappointment and defeat.

 

“Do you need me to take you to a bar so you can get laid? Is that what this is?” While he was mostly joking, Dean was genuinely curious if that was why Cas was so on edge and acting weird.

 

Cas looked up in surprise before he tilted his head. “Or we can get me a car so you don't have to babysit me anymore.”

 

Almost surprised at being right, Dean nodded. “Alright, we'll get you mobile so you can slut it up.”

 

“Thanks,” Cas said wryly before he pushed the pie over to Dean. “Keep the pie.”

 

Dean slid the plate back in front of himself and forked the last bite into his mouth, giving Cas a goofy smile. “Don't know what you're missing,” he teased with his mouth full.

 

“I'm aware,” Cas replied cryptically before he got up and walked over to the waitress to whisper something to her.

 

Cas was getting ballsier all the time. Dean wasn't sure if it was humanity’s influence, or something else. When he came back to the booth, Dean asked outright, “What was that about?”

 

“I changed my mind and told her,” he explained with a shrug.

 

“Why?”

 

“I want to wait until I get better at this,” Cas said after a moment, the slight hesitation made it sound a lot like a half truth.

 

Dean didn’t really believe him, but he decided it was probably best to change the subject anyway. He tossed a couple of bills on the table and stood up. “Come on. Let’s get you a car.”

 

At that Cas grinned, looking excited for the first time that day. Dean clapped his hand on his shoulder and smiled as they made their way out of the little diner and back to Baby. Cas moved to the passenger side and Dean shook his head.

 

Tossing the keys to Cas again, he said, “You’re driving.”

 

Cas gave him a pained look. “Why?”

 

Dean shrugged and said, “Practice makes perfect.”

 

“I never understood that saying. Humans aren't machines. They can't  _ be  _ perfect. It should be ‘practice makes better’.” At least Cas got behind the wheel without any more protest.

 

“Where do you want to go?” he asked as soon as Dean sat down.

 

“If we’re gonna steal a car, we’re gonna do it in another town. Can’t drive a car you stole in the town you’re staying. One cop pulls you over and you’re done.” Dean leaned forward and pointed. “Hook a right and then left at the light. We’re hittin’ the highway.”

 

Cas seemed a lot more relaxed behind the wheel, turning onto the highway without any reticence. His shoulders were no longer tense, but Dean caught the way Cas wouldn’t lean back against the seat. The one time he did, he scrunched up his nose and hunched forward again. “How do you choose a car to steal?”

 

“Well…” he started as he turned to face Cas a little more. “You want an older car. All of the newer cars are either way too complicated to hotwire quickly, or have a way of being tracked. And you’re gonna want a car that’s kind of… Boring. Nothing that stands out. Maybe a Honda or something.”

 

Cas shifted in the seat and rolled his shoulders. “That makes sense.”

 

“And you don’t want a stick if you can avoid it.” Dean snickered and smirked at Cas before he added, “Or maybe  _ you  _ do.”

 

Cas didn’t seem to get it because he just frowned and asked, “You’re referring to the gearshift?”

 

Dean laughed. “Technically, yeah. But seriously, avoid sticks.”

 

“Alright.” Cas nodded before he murmured, ”Avoid sticks.”

 

The urge to make another sex pun was overwhelming, but considering they kept going over Cas’s head, Dean just nodded and sank back against the passenger seat, looking out of the window at the passing by highway signs. “I think we should go a couple of towns over, just to be safe. You okay with driving for a couple of hours?”

 

Cas nodded before he shot Dean a concerned look. “What did you tell Sam about where you are? I hope I'm not taking up too much of your time.”

 

“Only taking me away from research, which I’m super grateful for, so don’t worry about it,” he answered with a smile. 

 

“When do you need to go home?” Cas asked quietly, sounding a bit weird.

 

“You tryin’ to get rid of me?” 

 

Cas shook his head before he bit his lip. “I wondered if it's okay… if you… um… stay a bit longer than the last time.”

 

Dean chuckled and pinched Cas’s cheek. “Awww, you want a slumber party?”

 

Cas rolled his eyes as he tried to get away from Dean’s hand. “I'm starting to regret asking,” he murmured, but there was no heat to it.

 

“Yeah, I can shoot Sammy a text and let him know a hot, blue eyed thing wants me to stay the night,” he teased.

 

Cas chuckled lowly. “It’s technically not a lie.”

 

“You’re not wrong.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Later that day, Cas was the proud “owner” of a silver Ford that was probably twenty years old, but still in a better shape than the age would have suggested. It would do the job of taking him wherever he wanted to go.

 

Cas was lying on his stomach, researching stuff about car maintenance and slumber parties, waiting for Dean to come back from his beer and pizza run.

 

He was wearing his favorite shirt, Dean’s old AC/DC t-shirt, feeling happy that Dean had agreed to spend time with him. When he and Sam had been on a case, Cas was surprised how much he missed him. Which was weird, because he couldn’t remember missing Dean before. On the other hand, when he still had his wings, it only took him a second to go to Dean. But now he had lost that freedom.

 

Even though a trip to that bar had been his ‘plan b’ and he felt slightly sexually frustrated (and was lying to himself about the ‘slightly' part), he would rather spend his night with Dean than having sex. He could hit the bar tomorrow. Maybe Jerry would go with him.

 

He pulled his phone from his back pocket and thought about a discreet text message.

 

_ Cas: Hi Jerry. It’s Castiel. I want to talk to you about a tattoo. Would you meet me tomorrow at the place you suggested last time? _

 

He wasn’t expecting his phone to ring a moment later. It was Jerry calling. He answered it with a smile. “Hello, Jerry.”

 

“Hey, sweetheart. I didn’t want to ask in text, but is ‘tattoo talk’ code for my dick?”

 

Cas chuckled, he really liked that Jerry was so direct. It was so easy to talk to him. “No, I really wanted to talk about a tattoo, but I'm not opposed to more.”

 

The laugh that followed was melodic and appreciative. “Damn. Winchester not enough for you?”

 

Cas frowned before he repeated, “I told you that he’s not my boyfriend.”

 

“S’not how  _ he  _ made it sound. Anyway, yes. I’ll meet you at that bar tomorrow. We can talk tattoos and… well… hopefully that ‘more’ you hinted at.”

 

Cas palmed his erection, cursing his body for how easily he could get aroused just by  _ talking  _ about sex. He wondered what Jerry had meant by his comment about Dean, but in that moment, he had something different on his mind. “Good. I'm looking forward to that. Especially the ‘more'.”

 

Jerry groaned and chuckled. “Damn, baby. Me, too. I’ll be there at eight. Don’t show up with Winchester this time.”

 

“How did you know he drove me there the last time?” 

 

“His –” There was some shuffling and a murmured expletive. “Shit, sweetheart. I’ve gotta go. The wife just walked in.”

 

“Alright. See you tomorrow,” Cas breathed out before he ended the call with an annoyed look towards his erection. “Damn it.”

 

In that moment, Dean came through the door, juggling a pizza and a couple of six packs. He approached the mattress and dropped the pizza next to Cas before carefully placing the beer on the ground. He then dropped himself next to Cas and grinned as he reached for the box and opened it on his lap. “Hungry?”

 

“Very,” Cas answered dryly, thinking to himself that he wasn’t just hungry for food. He carefully pocketed his phone again before he turned around on the mattress to lie on his stomach. Mostly to hide his erection from Dean. He didn't think it through when the friction caused a wave of pleasure to run through his body. 

 

Cas groaned lowly in frustration and sank his face into the mattress. 

 

Dean tapped the top of his head. “You okay?”

 

_ No.  _ But that wasn't something he could tell Dean. He took a few calming breaths before he braced himself on his elbows and looked at the pizza. Maybe a distraction would help to make his boner disappear. He aimed for a reassuring smile and nod, hoping Dean would buy it when he tried to grab a piece of pizza, which was impossibly difficult in his current position. If he wanted to eat, he was going to have to sit up.

 

Before he could move, Dean shuffled himself, holding the pizza out as he laid down on his stomach next to Cas. He placed the opened box on the floor in front of them and leaned over to grab a slice. He handed it to Cas before he grabbed himself one, giving him a cheesy smile as he took a large bite.

 

Grateful that his situation was averted, Cas started to relax and eat the pizza with a grateful smile. It was delicious, definitely moving closer to his top five favorite meals. After he licked his fingers clean, he gave Dean a sideways look. “Jerry seems to believe you are my boyfriend.”

 

“Jerry’s a jackass,” he murmured around a mouthful of pizza.

 

“Did you say something to him on the day we were supposed to meet?” Cas asked curiously, a tiny voice still somehow hoped Dean did, indeed, say something to Jerry so he wouldn’t show up. The tiny voice that wanted Dean to care about him.

 

Dean craned his neck to look at him, brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

 

“He just told me that you made it sound like I was your boyfriend,” Cas explained, trying to read Dean’s expression.

 

Dean sighed and grabbed another slice of pizza. “He did show up. He saw my car and congratulated me on growing a pair and I… I just didn’t correct him.”

 

Cas couldn’t help but smile before he asked, “Why?”

 

“I swear, I’m not trying to interfere. If you wanna bang him, you’re going to, I just… I’d rather you not.” Dean couldn’t make eye contact with Cas, he kept his gaze focused on his pizza.

 

Cas felt torn. He wanted to tell Dean that he wouldn’t have sex with Jerry, but he knew he would be too weak to say no to Jerry tomorrow. “I'm meeting him tomorrow because I had questions about the tattoo I'm thinking about.” Cas sighed deeply before he decided to be honest. “I'm not sure if I'll be able to say no. I'm too… easy… at the moment.”

 

Dean turned to look at him and nodded. “Look, do what you want to do. Don’t avoid fucking Jerry if you want to. Just because I think you could do better, doesn’t mean dick.”

 

Cas sighed in frustration as he turned around on the bed, immediately regretting that move with the way his back was still hurting. He looked at the ceiling, rubbing his hand over his face. “I lied earlier today. I tried masturbating and I failed. So I feel very frustrated now and… I'm not looking for a relationship with Jerry. I just need to get laid. And if I don't find someone before I meet Jerry, it's going to be him.”

 

Dean looked like a deer in headlights for a brief moment before he moved to sit up on his knees. “Do you want me to go? You could try again? Maybe hit up a bar?”

 

Cas gave him a sad look and shook his head. “I want to spend my time with you. Sex isn't going anywhere.”

 

“You sure you don’t want me to step outside for ten minutes? You could relieve yourself and maybe you won’t be so frustrated?”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think the hundredth time would work better? I only made it worse by trying.”

 

Dean shook his head in bemusement and grabbed Cas’s laptop, reseating himself with his legs crossed as he opened it. “Were you jerking off with sandpaper? Nah, man. Here.” He handed the laptop to Cas and there were several videos on the page. “Use the lube if you want and just… do to yourself what your Not-Ex did to you. Well, as much as you can.”

 

Cas leaned over the mattress to grab the lube before he murmured, “I can't do what he did to myself. He fucked me.” He pulled the laptop closer and started to open the button of his jeans.

 

“Dude! I’m still in here!” Dean laughed in amazement as he moved away from Cas. 

 

Cas looked up at Dean with a frown. “I don't mind.”

 

“Uh…” Dean looked like a cross between confused and unsure.

 

It was then that Cas realized that Dean might have a problem with it. He remembered vaguely that there was a rule about not watching porn with other men in the room.

 

“I don't have to watch the video if that’s against the rule you once taught me,“ he offered.

 

Dean stared at him for a moment. “It’s not about you watching porn in front of me.”

 

Cas’s frown deepened before he gave Dean an insecure and questioning look. “Then stay?”

 

Dean let out a pained sigh and looked at Cas for a beat. He moved to sit up against the wall on the bed, he chuckled mirthlessly and said, “If you tell Sammy, I fucking swear…”

 

Cas hummed as he open his jeans completely and freed his painfully hard erection. “I don’t want to think of your brother right now, Dean,” Cas growled as he wrapped his fingers around himself and started to stroke.

 

Dean let out a breathy, almost panicked laugh. When Cas looked at him, he was staring up at the ceiling. 

 

Cas was a bit worried about Dean, but he tried to not get distracted from the task at hand. He started with lazy strokes to build up the pleasure and it felt really good, but not even close to enough. His breathing hitched when he let his thumb slide over the head and through the precome, just like Jerry had done. He couldn’t suppress the deep, breathy moan when he thought about the way both Jerry and Not-Inias had handled him. Like he was a toy for their pleasure. He liked that thought. He tried to recall how it had felt to be fucked by Not-Inias, but he quickly stopped himself as he noticed he was just making it worse.

 

Now he wanted... no, he  _ needed  _ a cock inside of him. What he was doing just wasn’t enough and it wouldn't replace the real thing. He let out a frustrated growl before he stopped stroking his dick and sat up on the bed, running his fingers through his hair in aggravation. “It's not working.”

 

Dean was still staring up at the ceiling as he said, “Focus on one fantasy. Whatever you want. Remember the way your Not-Ex fucked you, or a new fantasy. Maybe you’re getting fucked in your new car.”

 

Cas groaned at Dean’s words, but he shook his head. “I tried thinking of him, but it just leaves me wanting more. I just need something inside me.”

 

“Then do that,” Dean responded cryptically. He sighed, his focus still on the ceiling. “Use your fingers.”

 

Cas wondered for a second if he had understood that correctly. His research on masturbating only suggested using his hand on his erection. “You think that will work? If I push my fingers inside of me?”

 

He could almost see the heat rising into Dean’s cheeks. Dean nodded, eyes permanently glued to the ceiling at that point. “Yeah. Grab your lube. Stroking your dick and fingering yourself should help.”

 

Cas wondered what on the ceiling was so fascinating when he pulled off his jeans and boxers completely and knelt on the bed, spreading his legs as he opened the purple bottle. He squeezed some of the cold liquid onto his fingers and experimentally rubbed over it before he continued to stroke his erection with his other hand. He gasped when he slid his slick fingers to his hole and rubbed over it, eagerly pushing one finger inside.

 

“Fuck, yes,” he moaned.

 

“When you're in as far as you can go, curl your fingers up towards your navel.” Dean’s voice hitched slightly as he turned to now look at a different area of the room.

 

Cas crooked his finger and gasped as he hit that magic spot. “Oh, fuck, yes,” he moaned, rubbing over it, losing himself completely in the moment of pleasure, moaning and gasping out in the ecstasy he was feeling.

 

He had stopped stroking his cock when he started to get close, his hand now free and he instinctively reached out to grab Dean's hand on the mattress for purchase, for something to hold on to.

 

Dean gasped and drew away from him. “Cas, man… holding my hand when you're fingering yourself is all kinds of weird.”

 

“Sorry,” Cas breathed out as he sank his fingers in the blanket instead. He tried to imagine being with Inias this way, getting fucked by someone he felt a connection with, but it was difficult since their relationship had never been sexual. So he replaced it with the way Not-Inias had taken him, hard and determined without holding back, second guessing, or a hidden agenda. He had told him what he wanted and Cas had given it to him.

 

He wanted to give everything to someone… again. 

 

To his surprise, Dean huffed out in annoyance and leaned in close to Cas. He whispered, “Grab your dick. Stroke slowly.”

 

His breathing hitched and his dick was throbbing as he followed Dean's order without thinking, starting to stroke himself slowly. He tried to not think about how much it was turning him on.

 

“You can't tell anyone about this,” Dean murmured as he drew closer and whispered hotly into his ear, “I bet you wish those fingers were a huge cock, don't you? You needy little slut.”

 

Cas gasped and started to stroke himself quicker and harder as he pushed a third finger inside, succumbing to the stretch and burn. “Yes, uh... oh, yes, I need to get filled,” he moaned out.

 

Dean chuckled darkly. “Bet you need it so bad you'd let it happen anywhere. I bet if I took you to the middle of a busy street, you would happily drop to all fours.”

 

It felt exactly like what Not-Inias had done with him. Like Dean was making him go crazy with need and desperate want. “Yes, yes I would. Anything to get a cock in me. Uh, please uh, fuck.” 

 

“That what you need? A cock to split you open and make you scream?”

 

“Yes, I need a cock, please. Ugn, I'm ready, opened up to take, uh... mhhh...” He was so close, he could feel the heat and tension in his balls.

 

Dean never touched him, but still his presence, the heated way he whispered filthy things in his ear, he might as well have been touching Cas from the way it was affecting him. “Tell me how bad you want it, Cas. Beg for me.”

 

Cas choked back a sob when the pleasure became so overwhelming he thought he might die. “Please, please… I need you. I need your cock. Fuck me… um, uggh, I would do anything… give anything. Take me please.” It probably wasn't coherent, but he couldn’t think anymore. Just feel.

 

“Come for me,” he growled into Cas’s ear, his voice huskier than he'd ever heard it before.

 

And like the obedient slut he was, Dean’s order was exactly what he needed to get pushed over the edge. He leaned back against the mattress, pushing his shirt up as he came with a deep groan, painting his stomach and his chest with his come.

 

He was slightly startled when a baby wipe came into contact with his torso. Dean was cleaning him up, eyes looking anywhere but Cas.

 

“You don't have to do that, Dean,” Cas murmured tiredly, his throat sounding hoarse. He tried to sit up, but failed and fell back against the mattress before he started to chuckle. He felt so light, like he was flying.

 

“I'm almost done,” he murmured. When he sat back, he tossed the wipes on Cas’s chest. “I'll, uh… let you get your dick.”

 

Cas took the wipes and winced a bit when he cleaned up his dick and the rest of the lube off of his ass. He felt a little over sensitive, but so good and relaxed. 

 

Dean had been right. Masturbation could be good, although he suspected that was largely because of Dean's help.

 

He pulled his boxers on and threw the used wipes in a bucket nearby before he knelt back on the bed and grinned at Dean. "Thank you for your help. I feel so much better now."

 

Dean nodded and still seemed incapable of making eye contact. He moved to lay horizontally across the bed and grabbed a beer, popping off the cap and taking a long swig. 

 

Cas grabbed a beer as well and moved to lay down next to him, giving him a worried look. “Are you okay, Dean?”

 

“Peachy,” he croaked out as he polished off his entire beer in under a few minutes and grabbed another one.

 

“You only say peachy when you don’t feel okay,” Cas stated. “Are you worried about Sam?”

 

Dean craned his neck to finally look at Cas. His expression was relatively unreadable, but still serious. There was a beat of silence before he said, “I’m trying to process what just happened.”

 

Cas was surprised by Dean’s admission. He assumed Dean was okay with helping him, since he had stayed and helped him without Cas asking. Now he felt like he had missed something. He bit his lip and frowned before he stated, "I made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention."

 

“Nah, man, it wasn’t just you… I… Remember the spell I told you about?”

 

“The one where you were able to talk to animals and had the instincts of a dog?” Cas asked, taking a few sips of his beer.

 

Dean nodded and took another swig of his own beer. “I, uh… I could smell you.”

 

“What do you mean?” Cas pulled his t-shirt up to smell it, but other than the fact he wouldn’t mind a shower, he did not smell anything weird.

 

“No, dude. I could smell  _ you.”  _ Dean gave Cas a pointed look, clearly silently pleading with him to understand.

 

It took Cas a few moments before he did. “Oh, you mean my arousal… That’s why you stayed… Because of your instincts and not because you wanted to.”

 

_ Shit.  _ Cas’s eyes widened and he felt extremely guilty. He hoped what had happened didn’t ruin his friendship with Dean. “I’m so sorry, Dean.  I had no idea. I didn’t even realize this could be something that would make you uncomfortable, since you do it to yourself, too."

 

Dean sighed and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “It’s just… Watching you jerk off is intimate. You get that, right?”

 

"I do now," Cas murmured as he turned onto his stomach again, because it was still uncomfortable to lie on his back. "I didn't ruin our friendship now, did I?"

 

“No, man. I coulda taken myself out of the situation if I really wanted. We’re both to blame.”

 

“I'm sorry, Dean." Cas gave him a pained look. "We could try and forget it ever happened?"

 

Dean looked over at him and shrugged. “That’s easier said than done. But, uh… I’ll try to stop being weird about it. I mean… We’re both dudes, right? It’s like… normal and shit to jerk off and…” He laughed and shook his head. “I almost wish I saw the world through your eyes. You probably wouldn’t even bat an eyelash if I whipped my dick out right now and started jerking off.”

 

Cas scratched the back of his neck. “You're right. I wouldn't." He sighed deeply and took another swig from his bottle. "It's an angel thing, Dean. Feeling shame isn’t on my list of feelings. It's an exclusive human feeling that I still have to learn. That's why I never know whether something is appropriate or not. There's still so much to learn. Everytime I think I have a better understanding of humans, something like this happens and I'm not sure where I stand."

 

Dean chuckled. “Yeah. If you can avoid the whole feeling shame thing, you should. It sucks.”

 

"It's the feeling I have the most trouble with because I don't understand it.  Why would you feel ashamed of something that is natural to every human? Everyone masturbates, right? Every human has needs and feels pleasure. Why is that something people feel bad about? I mean, it makes people feel good, so why not enjoy it, instead of feeling ashamed?"

 

With a soft laugh, Dean rolled over onto his side and propped his head up on his hand. “When you say it like that, it sounds so easy. And then I remember I stayed and watched you jerk off because the smell of your arousal was… It was… I don’t know, but whatever. Hell, I didn’t just watch. I used the fact that you like dirty talk to  _ help  _ you. Friends aren’t supposed to do shit like that.”

 

"I thought it was very friendly of you to help me get through it. I felt very frustrated and you made me feel good. Isn't friendship about helping your friends, making them feel better?"

 

“No, Cas. That’s something a  _ boyfriend  _ should do. Or in your case, a dude who’s name you don’t know in a dirty bar.” He smirked.

 

Cas returned the smirk and nodded. “Noted. Friends don’t help each other out with masturbating. I need a stranger for that.” He crossed his arms under his chin and looked over at Dean. “I feel like I learned a lot about humanity today.”

 

Dean snorted in derision. “Yeah, well… At least you know what to do in the future when it comes to your alone time.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "I hope it still works that well without the stuff you said to me. That was very efficient."

 

“Yeah. I was kind of surprised. I took a shot in the dark with that, but apparently, someone’s a needy, little slut,” he teased.

 

His dick twitched again and Cas rolled his eyes. That, and getting orders, seemed to be his greatest weakness. He smirked back at Dean. "I think we already established that."

 

“Who would’ve thought, huh? Former angel of the lord gets off on dirty talk. Almost poetic.” Dean hummed thoughtfully and finished his beer, grabbing a third one.

 

"It's not just that," Cas hummed thoughtfully. "It makes me feel like I belong to that person, like I can give myself over and stop thinking, because the person is taking care of me. It makes me want to obey." He sighed deeply and pressed his forehead against his elbow. "It makes a lot of sense that it gives me pleasure."

 

“Hey, man. Whatever makes you happy. I’m not gonna judge.” Dean smiled and added, “Now I know how to get you to do my chores when you move back in the bunker.”

 

Cas emptied his bottle and elbowed Dean with a grin. "You can't use that because you're just my friend. And friends don't give sexual pleasure to one another to make the other do their chores."

 

He was very proud of himself to apply that rule so soon in a conversation as he fished another beer from the floor and opened it.

 

Dean snickered and shook his head. “I wasn’t talking about giving you sexual pleasure. I meant the fact that I just have to whisper dirty things in your ear and you’ll do anything. In fact, you said it multiple times. If I told you how much of a dirty cockslut you were, I bet I could get you to do the dishes for a week.”

 

Cas elbowed him again. “Stop it, Dean. That  _ gives _ me sexual pleasure.”

 

“Enough to get you to do chores? ‘Cause I’d be willing to tell you how good you look riding my fucking cock if it means I don’t have to wash Baby,” he sassed, polishing off his third beer and grabbing a fourth. Dean was becoming more and more open the more he drank. Cas realized in that moment he’d never seen his friend actually drunk.

 

He dropped his forehead to his elbow with a groan as he noticed that he was getting hard again with the imagery Dean was causing. "Fuck, Dean. That probably would work to get me do the dishes for you." He rocked his hips slowly against the mattress before he decided to quickly drain his beer to distract himself.

 

Dean barked out a laugh, clearly much more relaxed. “Dude, you're a fucking nympho!”

 

“A what?” Cas asked in confusion, feeling his own body relaxing when he felt the alcohol slowly start to work.

 

“A nymphomaniac. Sex addict? You just came and I can already smell your friggin’ arousal again.” Dean chuckled and finished his fourth beer, leaning forward to grab another. “I'm half tempted to keep talking dirty to see what happens.”

 

Cas groaned again and probably gave Dean a pitiful look when he peeked out from the crook of his elbow. "It's the same when you found out that I'm ticklish. You’re using my weakness against me. That's not very nice." He took another sip from his beer. "But I think you're right about me being a sex addict. It doesn't take much to get me aroused. I wonder if it’s because I'm still new to this." Cas noticed he was starting to have problems with pronouncing some words. His tongue felt weirdly heavy.

 

Dean laughed again. “Let's test the theory. If I said I want to bend you over the hood of the Impala and fuck your brains out, what would happen?” The glint in his eyes was mischievous.

 

“Gnnn, fuck,” Cas groaned when he couldn’t stop imagining it. It wasn’t the first time he had imagined Dean as a sexual partner, but not with him sitting so close before. He could feel the warmth radiating from him, combined with hearing him say those things, it was all so incredibly arousing.

 

He rocked his hips into the mattress again for some friction, biting his lower lip to get a grip on himself. It didn’t work. He looked up at Dean, his voice out of breath as he said, “I would submit to your order.”

 

Dean’s eyebrows shot up and he tilted his head slightly as a smirk curved his lips. “Amazing. I feel like I should probably use this power responsibly, but I think I’m too buzzed right now.”

 

Cas grinned back at Dean and shook his head. “You know the saying. Don't drink and give orders to angels.”

 

Dean rolled onto his back and groaned. “I hate these fucking side effects.”

 

“You still smell me?” Cas rocked his dick into the mattress on purpose now. “I don’t have any pity this time. It's your fault that I'm needy again.”

 

That was met with an almost whine. “Cas… Not cool, dude.” Without any hesitation, Dean palmed his groin and groaned in frustration.

 

Cas rocked his hips against the mattress again, enjoying that Dean was in the same situation as he was. Payback felt rather good. “Too bad it's against the friend rule to help each other out. Otherwise, I could suck your dick. I never got to try that.” 

 

“Could always just do what you did and jerk off even though there’s someone else in the goddamn room,” he challenged.

 

“I could, but how would that help your situation?” He pointedly looked at Dean’s crotch area with a raised eyebrow. 

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “I was talkin’ about myself, dumbass.”

 

“Oh.” Cas chuckled. “That makes sense. Well, go ahead if you want to. I don't mind.”

 

“Of course you don’t. You’d probably come from watching me alone.” Dean rolled his eyes and groaned again.

 

Cas emptied his beer and licked the drops from the rim of the bottle. “Do you want me to take a walk outside?”

 

Dean turned his head to look at Cas for a moment. His expression was unreadable, but there was a red hue coloring his cheeks. Whether from his level of inebriation, or possibly humiliation, Cas couldn’t be certain. Dean rolled his eyes and murmured, “Fuck it.” He then proceeded to unbutton his jeans and shimmy them down enough to free his erection. 

 

Still sprawled on his back, Dean’s focus was on the ceiling again, but he’d closed his eyes this time as he began to slowly pump his own erection. 

 

Cas’s breathing hitched as he slid back on the mattress and sat up on his knees, watching Dean stroke himself. He quickly pulled down his boxers to free his erection, stroking himself in time with Dean. His fingers itched to touch Dean, to lick over his cock and suck it into his mouth. He groaned as he imagined Dean bending him over and fucking him with that beautiful cock.

 

“Do you want some of my lube?” Cas, more or less, moaned.

 

Dean let out a half laugh, half moan sound and shook his head, eyes still shut. “Not all of us are needy bottoms, Cas.” 

 

He watched in fascination as Dean expertly palmed his cock. Looking at it, he actually had a nice dick. His breathing was shallow, occasionally staggered by a soft gasp or moan. 

 

Cas felt another wave of pleasure when Dean called him a needy bottom and he was stroking himself a bit faster now, grabbing the lube to put some on his fingers. “Which is a good thing.” Cas moaned as he pushed two fingers inside of himself. He wanted to try something, curious if Dean would react to dirty talk as well. “Otherwise no one would fill my tight hole.”

 

That was met with a soft groan. But that could have been because of Dean’s own ministrations. He kept stroking himself, eyes screwed shut as he started to occasionally buck up into his hand.

 

Seeing the expert movement just made Cas wish Dean was fucking into  _ him  _ instead of his hand. He crooked his fingers to find his magic spot and moaned loudly when he found it. “Fuck. I wish you weren't my friend right now.”

 

Dean sighed as he started pumping faster. “Can’t do that, Cas.” He moaned again, the fingers of his free hand twisting into the sheets for purchase.

 

"I know," Cas growled. "But if you were a stranger, I would suck your cock right now."

 

“Fuck,” he hissed as his pace grew more frantic. “You’d probably do more than suck my dick. You’d probably… oh, fuck… probably sink down on my dick and ride me like the slut you are…”

 

“Oh, yes,” Cas groaned out when he increased the pace of fucking himself with his fingers. "You would fill my tight hole so good, uh, fuck, fucking me deep and hard. I would do anything you want, taking your cock... oh, fuck, yes. Anything, you would just need to say the word."  _ Fuck _ . He knew it wouldn't happen, but he really wished Dean would just take him up on that offer.

 

Dean moaned outright as his fist flew over his dick even faster. “Fuck, Cas…”

 

The pleasure was almost too much. When Dean had said his name, Cas could imagine how it would sound if they actually had sex. He squeezed his eyes shut, imagining he was riding Dean, imagining his fingers were Dean's cock. "Fuck... uh... Dean... Please."

 

“I’m gonna fuckin’ come,” he groaned as he started fucking into his fist even faster, eyes still slammed shut.

 

"I wish you would come in my mouth," Cas groaned, feeling his own orgasm just a grasp away. He knew seeing Dean come would push him over.

 

Dean cried out an almost ardent moan as he came, splattering his t-shirt and the sheet as his body convulsed with each pulse of his orgasm.

 

Cas’s orgasm hit right after, he came all over his hand, shirt, and knees with a loud cry of pleasure. He stroked himself through the waves, biting his lip to stifle his last few moans. He was still breathing heavy when he looked back at Dean with a grin. "That felt really good."

 

That was met with a breathy chuckle as he finally opened his eyes and looked over at Cas. “You’re a bad influence.”

 

Cas grinned and pulled off his ruined shirt to clean himself off. "You said yourself that shame is a stupid feeling you wish you didn't have. So, you're welcome."

 

Dean shook his head, an amused smile on his face. “Honestly, I think the booze is more responsible for my not freaking out. Fuck, it hit me hard. Think I have the tolerance of a dog? That would explain it,” he rambled nonsensically as he grabbed his beer and leaned on his side enough to finish what was left of it.

 

Cas chuckled as he pulled his boxers back on. "Could be. I never saw you affected by this amount of alcohol before." 

 

He leaned over and took in the mess all over Dean's clothes and dick, licking over his lips. His fingers itched to swipe through Dean's come, to taste it. "You can have one of my shirts," he whispered, still a bit breathless.

 

Dean nodded and shrugged off his shirt unceremoniously, tossing it in a corner. He then proceeded to actually giggle as he looked down at his softened cock. “I made a mess of your bed.”

 

Cas chuckled as he leaned closer. "Not only of my bed." His fingers hovered over the puddles of come on Dean's hipbone. He felt slightly dizzy and his balance was somewhat off because the bed was moving like a boat on the sea.

 

He craned his neck to look down at his stomach and gave Cas a dopey grin. “Can you hand me a baby wipe?”

 

Cas handed him the box in a slightly uncoordinated movement when he mumbled, “S' probably in – inn – priate if I suggest cleaning you with my tongue, right?"

 

Dean laughed again as he sat up and took the box. “Was that english?”

 

Cas closed his eyes and tried again, “'S it inna – " He shook his head. "Not okay if I ask to clean you with my tongue." He was sure he had said it right that time.

 

He narrowed his eyes at Cas for a moment before he pursed his lips and shrugged. “If you really wanna…” 

 

Cas chuckled before he lost his balance as he leaned over and landed face first on Dean's chest. He chuckled again and apologized before he braced his weight on his elbows to push himself further down on the mattress until his face was eye level with Dean's hips. 

 

He leaned over and swiped his tongue over Dean's hipbone, licking up his friend's come. It tasted bitter and somehow sticky, but  _ fuck,  _ he liked it.

 

Dean chuckled and murmured, “That tickles.”

 

Cas giggled against Dean’s skin as he tried to say, “You shouldn’t have said that.” At least he hoped that’s what he said. His focus was on the wet puddles of come decorating Dean's body, so he continued to lick them away from his stomach, getting closer to the head of Dean's now spent cock.

 

When Dean’s hand tangled itself in his hair, he realized that Dean was petting him. Cas looked up at him and Dean smirked. “Good bitch.” Which then caused him to fall into a fit of laughter.

 

Cas knew that ‘bitch’ was also the word for a female dog, so he could imagine why Dean would find it funny in this situation. His laughter was infectious and Cas couldn't help but chuckle before he asked, "You want me to clean your cock, too?"

 

That appeared to sober Dean. The smile now an almost scared expression. Dean chewed the inside of his cheek before moving to sit up. “I… I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

 

Cas leaned back with a head tilt and handed him the box with a grin. “Don’t worry. I won’t try anything you don’t want.”

 

Dean let out a relieved sigh. He accepted the box with a grateful smile and proceeded to clean the rest of himself with a baby wipe. “S’not that it’s not appealing…”

 

"You're afraid I would make you hard again?" Cas asked as he took another sip from his new beer, enjoying the view of Dean's bare skin, that had a lot more freckles than he thought.

 

“Nah, I’m pretty fuckin’ spent. It’s…” Dean dropped the box on the ground and moved to lay vertically on the mattress, shucking off his jeans and pulling his boxers up as he did so. After he got settled, leaning up against the wall, he finished, “We’re best friends. Not boyfriends.”

 

“Right,” Cas said with a nod and pointed out, “and you’re not a stranger. I think I’m drunk.” 

 

Dean laughed. “You are absolutely drunk.” He looked at Cas and opened his arms. “Come cuddle me, bitch.”

 

Cas chuckled and slid into Dean's arms, although he needed a few attempts to get comfortable before he ended up pressing his face between Dean's throat and shoulder, inhaling deeply. He hummed, snaking one arm around Dean, putting his other hand over Dean's chest. He giggled again. "This isn't what the internet said a slumber party would be like."

 

“You googled slumber parties?” he asked in a breathless chuckle.

 

“Of course.” Cas tiredly nudged his nose against Dean’s skin. “I hate being unprepared. But we ended up doing nothing on that list.”

 

Dean hummed in amusement as he started carding his hand through Cas’s hair. “Then those slumber parties must have sucked.”

 

Cas giggled again, pulling Dean tighter as he sighed, feeling more and more relaxed. “S’ nice,” he mumbled. “P’lly better than playing truth or dare.”

 

He could feel the rumble in Dean’s chest as he chuckled. Dean craned his neck to look at him. “Hey, Cas. Truth or dare?”

 

Cas smiled against Dean's skin before he mumbled, "Truth." 

 

There was a murmuring of thoughtful sounds before Dean let out a soft sigh. “Why do you like me?”

 

"Like?" Cas chuckled. "That's what humans call an understatement." Cas closed his eyes for a moment, just to rest them for a while before he mumbled, "You're the most important person in the world for me."

 

Dean shook his head. “I mean, but why? I’m just a fuck up. I’m a dick most of the time. I lie a lot. Especially to you and Sammy. I’ve caused the deaths of almost everyone I give a damn about. Hell, I started the friggin’ apocalypse. I just don’t understand why anyone would…” He shrugged and looked up again. “I suck.”

 

Cas sighed and shook his head. "The only thing about you that sucks is your sense of self-worth. We've been through alot, you and I. We all did stupid things in the past. I, probably, a lot more than you did, and for some reason you still call yourself my friend. Even though I technically should be in the category of those monsters you kill."

 

Dean smacked his arm and said, “Hey! That’s my best friend you’re talkin’ about!”

 

Cas chuckled before he pressed his lips against Dean's shoulder. "Sorry," he mumbled and chuckled again. "I like you because, in my eyes, you're a hero. You're selfless, you think of others more than yourself, you're loyal, you're brave, you have my back... and you have cute freckles."

 

“Cas,” he whined into the crown of his head. “You’re getting chick-flicky.”

 

Cas chuckled, trying to look up, but his head was too heavy to move. "You asked a chick-flicky question. Truth or Dare, Dean."

 

“Fuck it. Dare.”

 

"If you don't do the dare, you need to take truth, right?" Cas asked slowly, trying to come up with something.

 

Dean shrugged. “No idea. My only understanding of the game comes from movies.”

 

Cas hummed. "So if I dare you to kiss me and you say no, I win?" Cas chuckled again. "This game is pretty easy to win if you understand those friendship rules."

 

Dean smirked and pressed a kiss to the crown of Cas’s head. When he drew back he smiled smugly and said, “Never said  _ where.  _ Alright, Truth or Dare?”

 

Cas was still laughing lowly about the fact that Dean had found a way to get around the friendship rule when he murmured, "Dare." He started to like this game.

 

“Hmmm... I dare you to stand on your head.”

 

Cas groaned and pressed his face into Dean’s chest. “Why would you ask something so evil?”

 

“Told you. I’m a dick most of the time.”

 

Cas tried to push himself off of Dean, finding it incredibly difficult to manage all of his limbs. He blinked a few times at his mattress before he slid off of it and pulled off his t-shirt in one go. He put his shirt on the floor in front of him and knelt down, before he put his head on it and braced himself on his palms. It was difficult to concentrate with his foggy brain and the room spinning, but he was sure he had enough control over his muscles to pull it off. 

 

He tensed the muscles in his arms and stomach as he hopped off of the ground, balancing himself on his head and palms as his feet kicked against the roof slope. “Hah! I did it!” he yelled triumphantly, trying to catch a glimpse of Dean to see if he was watching.

 

Dean was looking at him with an impressed expression. “I'd hoped you'd fall. But that’s actually pretty cool.”

 

“Yeah,” Cas breathed out. “I don’t know how to get back I think...”

 

“Want help?” Dean offered as he clumsily started making his way towards Cas.

 

“Yes, woah.... The room is spinning, Dean.” He thought maybe he could push his feet against the roof to get down, but he wasn’t sure where the top and bottom of the room was anymore.

 

Suddenly warm hands were sliding under the backs of his knees as another strong arm secured itself under his back. Dean smirked as he lifted Cas in one fell swoop and carried him back to the bed. He smiled dopily at Cas. “Rescued ya’.”

 

Cas smiled back at him and snuggled his face against Dean’s chest. “My hero.”

 

Dean chuckled and knelt on the bed before carefully dropping Cas onto it and making it a point to crawl over him to get on the left side of the bed. “I think no more dares that require physical exertion.”

 

“Agreed. I don’t want to leave this bed ever again.” Cas grinned before he wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him down against him before he could reach the other side.

 

“Hmm, that'd be nice,” he murmured thoughtfully as he wrapped his arms around Cas, letting out a contented sigh.

 

Cas nudged his nose against Dean’s cheek and hummed. “We should just do that. Just stay here. Fuck the world outside,” he slurred tiredly.

 

Dean chuckled. “I like when you swear.”

 

“It feels appropriate,” Cas breathed out, pulling Dean closer as he dragged his lips over Dean’s shoulder. “Truth or… what was it again? Dare,” he mumbled.

 

“Truth,” he murmured as he started carding his hand through Cas’s hair again.

 

Cas hummed contentedly and felt like he was melting against Dean. “I know you only like women, but have you ever thought about having sex with a man?” Cas whispered against Dean’s shoulder. He wondered if he was strange because he liked both.

 

Dean hummed thoughtfully. “I mean… I  _ have _ thought about it. I’ve fooled around with guys. But I try to not think about it. You know?”

 

“Why? Is it a bad thing?” Cas asked, afraid that his concern had been right.

 

“If you asked my Dad, he’d say yes.” Dean snorted in derision and shook his head. “A good little soldier doesn’t take it up the ass,” he said in an almost scoff, tone entirely sarcastic.

 

"I was a good soldier and I like getting fucked," Cas murmured thoughtfully.

 

Dean barked out a laugh. “Can’t argue that.”

 

"Do you think it's wrong that I enjoy it?" Cas asked quietly.

 

“Well, first, don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks. Second… No, it’s not wrong. For you.”

 

Cas thought about that for a while before he asked, "That's what you meant by 'not everyone is a needy bottom'. I mean, there are obviously guys like Jerry and Not-Inias, who just like to fuck men."

 

“And guys like you who would probably do porn just to get laid,” he teased with a wink.

 

"You said I shouldn't have sex for money," Cas reminded him before he snuggled closer. "So what I understood from your answer is that you’ve thought about it, but you would rather fuck a guy than be fucked?" Cas summarized when he started to hiccup. Which was a very weird sensation, but it sounded funny so it made him laugh again.

 

Dean smiled at him and shrugged. “Honestly? If I could get out of my head enough to actually be with a guy? I’m pretty sure the rest of it wouldn’t matter.”

 

"I see." Cas didn't really understand that, but he accepted Dean's answer as he cuddled his face against Dean's shoulder again.

 

“Hey, Cas?” Dean mumbled tiredly as he settled into the bed even more, grip around Cas tightening.

 

“Mmh?” Cas hummed, melting against Dean even more. He wished they could always be so close.

 

Dean chuckled as his other hand traced circles over Cas’s arm. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 

Cas leaned up so he could look at Dean. "You don't have to know. I'll be with you as long as you want me."

 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” he threatened. There was no teasing in his expression or tone. Dean was being deadly serious.

 

Cas wrapped his arm around Dean's neck and gave him an equally serious look. "With everything we’ve been through, me dying a few times, or getting trapped in Purgatory, being brainwashed to kill you... the only constant in my life was the need to get back to you. And I did. I'm not sure about many things in life, Dean, but I'm sure about this one thing. I'll always be with you."

 

“I'll hold you to that,” he said as he gently pushed Cas’s head down to rest against his chest. Dean let out a contented sigh and pressed a kiss to the top of Cas’s head. “Fuck, I'm exhausted.”

 

Cas closed his eyes and hummed. "Me, too. I could sleep for a week... Thank you for staying with me, Dean. This is really nice."

 

Dean chuckled. “Yeah. It really is.”

 

“We should have a slumber party more often,” Cas murmured before sleep overtook, pulling him into a dreamless darkness.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean didn't know where he was when sunlight bled in and woke him up much earlier than he wanted. The beginnings of a headache left a dull ache behind his eyes. Not a full blown hangover thankfully, but he was clearly dehydrated.

 

When he attempted to move, he found he was being pinned down by a heavy weight. Blinking blearily, Dean looked down and the messy mop of dark hair against his chest brutally shoved him into panic mode.

 

Slowly the memory of the night before trickled back into his consciousness and Dean froze.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuuuck.  _

 

There had been a lot of honesty, flirting, and oh, holy shit.  _ No, no, no.  _ Dean pleaded with his memory to be mistaken. There's no way he and Cas jerked off together, right?

 

Dean needed to get the fuck out of there. He needed to get out from the stranglehold Cas had on him without disturbing him, because he was absolutely not ready for  _ that  _ conversation. For any of this.

 

Very carefully, he shifted out from under Cas’s form, grateful that his friend still seemed to be out cold. Cas groaned in protest, but didn't wake up.  _ Thank fuck for small favors. _

 

Dean suddenly felt sick. He wasn't sure if it was the baby hangover, or the sheer regret that was consuming him. How the fuck could he be so stupid? So careless? So reckless?

 

Trying to not outright panic, Dean grabbed his discarded clothes from the floor, shrugging them on as quickly as possible. He frantically searched for his keys and muttered a string of obscenities when his knee collided with a crate in his haste.

 

Looking over to the bed, he let out a relieved sigh at Cas’s still sleeping form. Dean grabbed his keys, slipped on his boots, and managed to creep out of the room without disturbing his friend. 

 

While a part of him sort of felt like a heel, slipping out on a one night stand, Dean needed time to process. Or maybe he just needed to drive Baby off of a cliff so he wouldn’t have to address the maelstrom of shit one drunken night was leaving in its wake. 

 

On a good day, Dean was in denial about any forays outside of the heterosexual spectrum. Most of the time, he pushed any gay thoughts as far away from his brain as he could. Yeah, he’d fooled around with men. A handjob or a blowjob here and there, but the majority of the time he’d been three sheets to the wind (or desperate in Jerry’s case) and justified any of the encounters as just… a general need.

 

If there had been a woman available and interested any of those times, he absolutely would have gone the more straight route to sexual satisfaction. And maybe that’s all this was with Cas. They were drunk. They were horny as hell. They never actually touched each other. Maybe Dean was freaking out over nothing?

 

He slid into the driver’s seat of Baby and let out a shaky exhale. Bracing his forehead against her steering wheel, he clutched to the sides of it and just… tried to not freak out. Dean knew he was making a bigger deal out of things than was logical. It wasn’t like Cas was over thinking everything. Hell, the guy was just a new human who had a little bit of a sex addiction and he was content to satisfy that urge with anyone.

 

It wasn’t like he was going to develop feelings for Dean. He seemed more than capable of associating sex with physical pleasure and nothing else. Shit, he was willing to fuck Jerry. That alone was proof of that. 

 

So why the fuck was Dean freaking out? It’s not like they touched each other. Or kissed each other. It’s not like Cas was going to suddenly fall over himself in love with Dean.

 

He scoffed at himself for that thought.  _ Yeah right, Winchester. Like anyone would fall in love with you.  _ Dean sighed and sank back against his seat. Maybe that was why he was freaked out. With the exception of Lisa and Cassie, he never did anything sexual with someone he actually gave a shit about.

 

They’d crossed a line that terrified Dean, not because of what it might mean, but because of the fact that anytime he crossed that line with someone he actually cared about, shit went down. Bad shit. Hell, Lisa had almost died. Both he and Sammy were cursed or something. Not actually cursed, ‘cause the Winchesters would have put a hurt on whoever did it. But still.

 

Dean looked up at the warehouse, wondering if Cas had woken up yet. Maybe he was confused, or hurt by the fact Dean left without saying anything.  _ Fuck it.  _ He needed to man up. But first, he needed coffee. 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The first thing Cas was aware of was the splitting headache and the fact that his mouth felt like someone had stuffed cotton in it. He was thirsty, but when he groaned and moved on the bed, he suddenly felt sick.

 

“Dean?” he murmured and looked next to him, but Dean was gone.

 

He frowned and tried to recall what had happened last night. He was pretty sure Dean was with him when he fell asleep. Maybe he had to go back to Sam. He tried to look for his phone  – to see if he had any messages  –  but when he tried to grab his jeans from the floor, he lost his balance and fell off of the mattress. 

 

Cas groaned and just stayed on the floor for a moment before reaching for a water bottle to wash the weird taste from his mouth. After the first sip, he felt sick again, so he just turned on his side and groaned, waiting for the feeling to subside.

 

He angled his arm so he could reach his jeans without moving too much, pulling them closer to pull his phone out of the pocket. There were no new messages.

 

It left a weird feeling in his chest. He was alone. Again.

 

No point in getting up then. He crawled back onto the mattress and closed his eyes, trying to shut out the dizziness. Why had Dean left him? Maybe it was an emergency with Sam. He hoped Sam would be healed soon so that Cas could finally go back and live with them. 

 

The night with Dean had been so nice and he liked how close they had been, how good it felt when they cuddled on the mattress. Dean had never been so open before, nor had he touched him in such a way. He remembered how it felt to lay in his arms, how Dean had kissed the top of his head, and how his fingers had felt running through Cas’s hair.

 

He suspected the alcohol had been the reason why Dean had been so affectionate with him. Considering how many problems he had before with being close. Was that it? Dean had told him that sort of behavior was not what friends did with each other. He also told him that he was uncomfortable and that he felt shame. 

 

Did he go too far? Maybe Dean left because he didn’t consider Cas a friend anymore. No, that couldn’t be it.

 

Cas groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. Dean wouldn’t just stop being his friend. But maybe he left because Cas had made him uncomfortable. He should apologize to Dean, tell him that he would play by those friendship rules now. 

 

He could do it. 

 

His phone was still on the floor and Cas sighed. Maybe he should sleep some more, just until he felt like getting up to grab the phone. In that moment, it really seemed to be an impossible task. He closed his eyes, trying to block everything out. Hopefully sleep would take away the horrible hangover he had.

 

The sound of the door opening startled him from his sleepy haze, scrambling to look for the nearest weapon, when the sound of Dean’s voice instantly calmed him. He looked up, Dean was standing in the doorway holding a couple cups of coffee.

 

He smiled sheepishly at Cas and approached. “Sorry. Hoped I'd make it back before you woke up.” Dean sat down on the side of the bed and handed Cas one of the cups.

 

Cas took it slowly and mumbled a thanks before he tried to sit up. He groaned and rubbed his forehead, trying to get rid of the headache. “I apologize if my behavior yesterday was inappropriate. I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable and I promise I’ll stick to those friendship rules from now on. I will probably keep making mistakes though and I'm sorry about that.” He didn’t look up, hoping Dean would forgive him. He came back. That was something good and he clutched to that hope.

 

Dean waved him off as he moved to sit next to him. “I freaked out a little this morning,” he confessed as he took a sip of his coffee. Fixing Cas with a serious expression as he continued, “But my hang ups are exactly that.  _ Mine.  _ I never once told you to stop, or left the room. You can’t know if I don’t tell you. But…” He sighed and offered Cas a small smile. “I think sticking to being normal friends is probably a good idea.”

 

Cas gave him a soft smile. “Normal friends. I can do that.” He rubbed his fingers over his forehead. “Do you know when I’ll stop feeling like I'm dying?”

 

Dean chuckled. “Welcome to the wonderful world of hangovers. I grabbed you some Tylenol and water, too. Drink the coffee, down an entire bottle of water with the meds, and try to sleep it off if you don’t have plans.”

 

“I only have plans tonight, but hopefully by then I'll be fine again, right?” Cas asked before he gratefully drank the coffee.

 

“Yeah, I think so.” Dean chewed the inside of his cheek before fixing Cas with an unreadable expression and asked, “So, you’re still gonna hook up with Jerry tonight?”

 

“I'm gonna meet him tonight. I haven't decided on anything more than talking about a tattoo with him though. It depends on how the night goes.” Cas rubbed the back of his neck, giving Dean a sheepish look. “I'm not very good at the whole ‘no' thing yet, and easily persuaded, so I can't make any promises.”

 

Dean nodded and braced his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. “Just be safe, okay?”

 

“Of course.” Cas started to sip the water after he took the pain medication and gave Dean a thoughtful look. “That reminds me… I need you to train me in self defense. I can't defend myself anymore now that I'm weak.”

 

“You're not weak, but yeah. Next time we'll work on your hand to hand.” Dean looked over at Cas with a smile. “But for now I should head back, let you get some rest.”

 

Cas chuckled. “I  _ am  _ weak compared to before.” He laid back on the bed and pulled the blanket over himself. “Thank you, Dean.”

 

He moved to stand up. Dean almost drew closer, before apparently changing his mind and moving back towards the door. “Shoot me a text if Jerry oversteps and I'll castrate him myself.”

 

“Oversteps?” Cas asked tiredly, rubbing his fingers over his eyes.

 

“If he does something you don't want or like. What I did to that reaper bitch? I'll do to his balls if he hurts you.”

 

Cas chuckled and nodded as he relaxed under his blanket. “Do you want me to tell him before something sexual happens?”

 

Dean smirked. “If you actually want to get fucked by him, I wouldn't.” He nodded to Cas as he grabbed the door handle. “Gotta head back and do some research. Sam’s pissed I keep skiving off my share. Text or call if you need anything, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Cas nodded at Dean, although he had no intention of doing that. He didn't want to give Dean the impression that he needed him. Even though every part of him wished Dean wouldn’t need to leave.

 

“Text me when you get back home, so I know Jerry didn't kidnap you or something.”

 

“Why would he kidnap me?” That didn’t make any sense. If Jerry was working, in any capacity, for a demon or the angels, it would make more sense to just kill him on sight. He had no worth as a human.

 

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “We gotta get you to stop taking everything so literally.”

 

“Oh.” Cas scratched over the back over his neck. “So you just want me to text you when I get back here? Is that it?”

 

“I just want to know you’re okay. Because if I don’t get a text or call from you, I’m driving my happy ass out here to hunt you down. And if you’re busy getting your freak on, I’m gonna put a damper on the whole thing.”

 

Cas frowned, wondering what Dean meant by ‘putting a damper on things’, but it was probably better not to ask. “Alright. I'll text you.“

 

“Good,” he said with a nod and opened the door. “I’ll let you know if we get a case or anything. Otherwise, I’ll try to stop by in the next day or two and check on you. Get started on your training.”

 

Cas sat on his bed and waved at Dean with a lopsided grin (that he hoped hid his sadness). “Okay.”

 

Dean smiled back and closed the door behind him without another word.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas felt a lot better physically when he parked his car in front of the bar twelve hours later, after spending most of the time sleeping. He didn’t immediately go inside, though. He just sat back against the seat and tried to understand what he was feeling emotionally.

 

Because he felt weird in a way he didn’t quite understand. It was probably a mixture of a lot of feelings. Most of all, he felt lonely.

 

He also felt the need to just let himself get fucked again, maybe even for money just to feel he had any worth. 

 

He sighed deeply and pressed his forehead against the steering wheel of his stolen car. He wondered why he felt so… lost. He had a new goal, Dean wanted him to become a hunter and he didn't want to disappoint him. But how long would it take before Dean would get fed up with his shortcomings? He already felt like a burden. Would Dean just feel obligated to help him because they were friends and end up hating Cas for being an inconvenience?

 

Sometimes he just wished he could go. Leave, so Dean could concentrate on his brother instead of having two people to look after.

 

He needed a drink. That was something he learned from Dean. If he had troubles, he suppressed them with alcohol. It wasn’t like Cas had any plans tomorrow, because Dean probably wouldn’t be back by then.

 

Cas exited the car and went into the bar, sitting down where he had sat last time. Humans, creatures of habit. Jerry wasn’t there yet, so he ordered a beer for himself, hoping the new tattoo he wanted wouldn’t be too expensive. He needed Dean to show him how to make his own money soon.

 

He was about halfway through his beer when Jerry walked through the door. The man was in a clean, form-fitting t-shirt. It hugged his large arms as much as his slightly protruding stomach. Jerry had a very handsome smile and face, and when he saw Cas sitting at the bar, he didn’t hesitate to come straight for him.

 

“Hope you didn’t wait too long, sweetheart. Got caught in traffic.” Jerry sat down next to Cas, bracing his hand gently against Cas’s lower back as he smiled.

 

Cas smiled up at him. “I just got here.” He leaned against Jerry’s hand, enjoying the warmth and closeness, driving away the loneliness in his heart. Apparently, he was starved for it.

 

Jerry nodded at the bartender and waved his hand before pointing down at the bar in front of them. Almost like Jerry had communicated telepathically, the man had made a couple of drinks and placed them in front of Jerry and Cas. 

 

The bartender smiled and held his hand out in a fist in front of Jerry. “What’s good, brother?”

 

Jerry chuckled as he pressed his own fist against the man’s in a bizarre form of greeting. “You know. Same old, same old.” As he continued to chat with the bartender for a moment, Cas took note of the drinks in front of them, they were a slightly pinkish hue with a lime garnish.

 

When one of the drinks was grabbed, he realized Jerry and the bartender had stopped talking. Jerry smiled as he grabbed the lime from the drink he had and tossed it on the bar before taking a sip. “I know you have one already, but figured you might like to try something outside of the Winchester Happy Hour specials. And if you don’t like it, I get two drinks.”

 

Cas grabbed the lime and carefully placed it onto the bar like Jerry had done before he took a hesitant sip. It tasted fresh and fruity, a little tart, but definitely delicious. He smiled at Jerry. “Thank you. It tastes delicious. What's it called?”

 

That was met with a smirk. “It’s gin and juice. I know, I know. But fuck the haters. Likin’ what I like don’t make me a cliche, or whatever.”

 

Cas gave Jerry a confused head tilt. “Why would someone hate this drink?”

 

Jerry laughed and shook his head at Cas. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m black,” he said to clarify, but it merely made the statement all the more confusing.

 

“I fail to see a connection between your drink and your skin color,” Cas murmured shyly. He hoped Jerry wouldn’t think he was weird because he didn't understand.

 

Jerry had been easier to understand in the tattoo shop. Cas was annoyed with himself, being naive enough to think it would continue to be easy with Jerry.

 

That was met with an arched eyebrow. He seemed surprised. “You really are somethin’ else, Castiel. Anyway, you wanted to talk tattoo?” Jerry took another swig of his drink as he leaned against the bar and turned on the stool to face Cas more fully.

 

Cas nodded and turned to Jerry as well, his knee bumping against him, but he didn't pull it away. “I'm thinking of something bigger than what we did last time. I want wings on my back, from my shoulders downwards. I wanted to ask you how much money that would cost.”

 

Jerry hummed in contemplation. “A full back piece? And what kinda wings are we thinking? Dragon? Angel? Fairy?” His eyes shimmered with amusement as he made the last suggestion.

 

“Angel.” Cas looked down for a moment before he nodded. “Yes, a full back piece.”

 

“If you're serious, I charge seventy five an hour. A piece like that would probably take two or even three four to six hour sessions, depending on how detailed you want them. I'd say between seven hundred and fifty to a cool G total for the piece.” Jerry was incredibly flirty and quite the joker, but it was interesting how serious he became when it came to his business.

 

A thousand dollars was a lot of money. Suddenly the idea of having sex for money sounded more and more appealing. He looked up at Jerry and nodded. “I will need some time to get the money, but I really want to do it.”

 

Jerry nodded and finished his drink. “Well, we can draw up the design and if it's easier, you can pay as you go. Not as steep when you only have to pay three hundred at each session. And it'll take a couple months. I schedule at least a month between sessions so you have time to heal.”

 

Cas gave Jerry a smile and nodded. “Yes, that would be great. Should I come to your shop to show you what I want? I could draw them on a piece of paper, like I did with the sigils.”

 

“Yeah. How about you stop by on Monday, my shop is closed that day, but I'll open for you and we can get started on the design idea and setting up your appointments.” Jerry waved at the bartender again, who made him another drink without question.

 

“Thank you, that's very nice of you.” Cas gave Jerry another shy smile before he drank the rest of his fruity drink.

 

Jerry chuckled. “What can I say? I’m a sucker for blue eyes.”

 

Cas grinned before he took another sip of his beer, starting to feel braver. “And for obedient men?” he questioned with a grin.

 

“Oh, sweetheart. Don’t you tease me.” Jerry leaned in, bracing his hand on Cas’s knee as he started gently rubbing his thigh.

 

Cas’s breathing hitched as he braced his cheek on his hand, elbow on the bar, looking up at Jerry with a soft smile. “Are you sure you don't want me to tease you?”

 

That was met with an amused smile. “Maybe I misspoke. Teasin’ is fine. As long as there’s follow through.” Jerry’s hand started trailing up Cas’s thigh. “So, baby. Tell me. What do you want?”

 

Cas’s heart started to beat faster as he gave Jerry another smile. He liked how Jerry's strong hand felt on him. “A lot more of this.” He pointed to Jerry’s hand. “Can we go somewhere?”

 

Jerry smiled and grabbed his drink, polishing it off in a couple of gulps before he moved to stand. “How adventurous are you feeling?” He leaned in close, lips grazing Cas’s ear before drawing back. The height difference was substantial. 

 

"I'm open to any suggestion," Cas answered with a grin as he drank the rest of his beer, standing up to be right in Jerry’s personal space.

 

“Damn, sweetheart,” he murmured affectionately as he slipped his hand up to the side of Cas’s neck. “Tell me what you’re needing right now.”

 

Cas closed his eyes for a moment before he leaned in close, standing on his tiptoes to whisper into Jerry’s ear, "Your cock in me."

 

Jerry let out a soft groan and leaned his forehead against Cas’s. He smiled down at him and before Cas could even process, Jerry leaned in and kissed him. It was surprisingly gentle, while silently communicating an underlying need. The kiss was pleasant, the man’s tongue deftly slipped inside Cas’s mouth, circling his own tongue. It spoke of a talent that Cas was more than looking forward to feeling on other areas of his body. But it wasn’t the Earth shattering experience that Dean made it sound like it would be. Dean must have been wrong. Cas was clearly the one who was bad at kissing. 

 

When he drew back, he urged Cas back towards the bathroom. When they got inside, there were a couple of men at the urinals and without batting an eyelash, Jerry guided Cas into one of the stalls and locked the door. “While an ass like yours deserves to be fucked on a bed of silk, I’m not patient enough for that shit.” 

 

“It's okay. I don't want to wait either,” Cas breathed out before he pulled Jerry close to him, opening the man’s belt, button, and zipper.

 

Jerry closed his hands over Cas’s and helped him undo his jeans and pull them down to his knees. His underwear was still up, but from the way the man’s boxers were tented, Cas had to stifle a gasp. Dean hadn’t been lying, Jerry was incredibly well endowed. 

 

The man chuckled at Cas’s staring. “Like what you see?”

 

Cas licked over his lips and nodded before he breathlessly answered, "Very much so."

 

"Good," Jerry murmured as he grasped Cas by the shoulders and crowded him against the stall wall. One of his hands tangled into Cas's hair, yanking his head back to expose his throat, while the other hand was skillfully unbuckling Cas's belt. "I'm dying to do a lot of things to your fine ass, but I've gotta admit, I've had a case of blue balls since you left my shop, so right now? I'm gonna wreck that hole of yours."   
  
He sank his teeth into Cas's pulse point as he yanked his pants and underwear down. When Jerry drew back, he supplied a single serving bottle of lubricant seemingly out of nowhere and commanded, "Turn around. If I don't get my dick in you soon, I may actually implode."

 

Cas turned around quickly, spreading his legs to give Jerry better access before he braced his hands against the wall and bent forward.

 

“Fuck, you have a great ass,” Jerry groaned out in appreciation as he cupped a handful and started kneading Cas’s cheek. There was no preamble. The man parted him and a slick finger probed his entrance. He gently tugged at Cas’s rim before slipping his digit inside to the first knuckle. “Goddamn... You’re virgin tight.” 

 

The man’s index finger was almost the size of two of Cas’s. Jerry proceeded to attempt to take Cas apart, circling his finger in a tantalizing stretch that made him want more. More of that feeling. More contact. Jerry chuckled at the almost whimper that escaped Cas. “So needy. I like that.”

 

Jerry proceeded to finger fuck Cas’s hole, a hard and fast in and out motion that left Cas panting for more. He almost cried in relief when Jerry shoved a second digit inside, starting to scissor Cas, spreading him as open as he could. “You’re gonna feel so fuckin’ good.”

 

Cas moaned and canted his ass against Jerry’s fingers. “Fuck, yes. Please.” Jerry was a lot rougher than Not-Inias, but Cas really liked the way Jerry was just using him.

 

Suddenly the fingers were gone and the head of the larger man’s cock was probing at his entrance. “This what you need, baby?”

 

Cas nearly blacked out with need as he pressed his ass against Jerry’s cock. “Please, yes, take me, fill me, please.”

 

Apparently, Jerry didn’t need anymore convincing as he slowly pressed his cock inside. There was a little resistance, despite Jerry’s stretching, he still wasn’t open enough to take the entirety of the enormous dick. The man’s breath was hot against his ear as he whispered, “Relax, sweetheart. Let me in.”

 

That was when Cas suddenly remembered that Dean had told him he should make Jerry wear a condom. “Jerry,” he gasped out. “Condom. In my back pocket.”

 

Jerry didn’t stop pushing forward. He gently continued his ministrations, voice breathy as he said, “The head is already in, you really gonna make me stop to grab a rubber?”

 

He didn’t want Jerry to stop, but Dean’s words were still in the forefront of his mind. “I don’t want you to, but Dean said he’ll cut off your balls if you don’t, and I won't lie to him.”

 

Jerry groaned in frustration as he pulled out. Cas heard the sound of fumbling and the ripping of the foil. “If I wasn’t scared your boyfriend would  _ actually  _ see that threat through, I would have convinced you.”

 

“He is not my–”

 

Suddenly, Jerry pushed in again, a little rougher than the first time, and got his cock in deeper. “Not interested in yours and Winchester’s denial, sweetheart. I’m just grateful he’s still sharing you,” Jerry groaned out the last part of the sentence as he got even deeper.

 

Cas wondered what Jerry meant for a second about Dean and Cas’s denial. There was no denial. Dean had made it pretty clear he wasn’t interested in him, or men in general. The moment Jerry’s huge cock struck his magic spot, all thoughts about Dean evaporated into nothingness, only leaving him with the feeling of pure pleasure, of being filled and stretched so much, that it almost bordered on painful. He loved it.

“Fuck… uh!” A huge part of his mind flirted with the danger, wondering what Jerry would do if he told him how much he wished to be filled with come.

 

Jerry groaned out in appreciation when he bottomed out. Somehow he managed to get that enormous cock all the way in. Cas was almost seeing stars from the intense combination of pleasure and pain. “Fuck,” he panted out as his hands gripped painfully tight on Cas’s hips. “Your clench already has me close.” 

 

Cas pressed his forehead against his elbow and tried to breathe through the pain, trying to relax. He felt a desperate need, to get Jerry going and fucking into him without holding back. “Please,” he breathed out. “Fuck me. Uh, fuck, I wish I could feel you fill me with your come.”

He knew there was a destructive voice inside his heart, one that wanted to get hurt. And somehow, the thought made his erection throb with want and pleasure. He had been a tool for most of his existence, for others to use, he wanted that feeling again. Being used, being useful.

 

Jerry practically growled as he started a merciless pace, pounding into Cas’s inexperienced channel like a hole to be used. To be fucked. Jerry’s grip on his hips tightened, he could practically feel his capillaries pop as the bruises began to form. The man was practically grunting with each brutal thrust. “You were fucking made for this, weren’t you?” 

 

The way Jerry was slamming into Cas, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoed in the bathroom. Even if Cas wasn’t crying out in pleasure at the onslaught against that damnable spot, the sound of their bodies coming together in sharp, fast bursts was unmistakable. Anyone who walked into that bathroom would know someone was getting fucked in the first stall. Hell, anyone standing near the bathroom could probably hear it.

 

“Yes, yes, uh, yes,” Cas moaned out, not caring if someone heard them. He needed this so much, desperate to fill the empty void in him, for at least a few moments. “Yes, I need this. Please.” He tried to look back over his shoulder to see Jerry. “Where on, or in me, do you want to come?”

 

“You made me wear a rubber, it’s not comin’ off 'til I’m done,” he growled as he started circling his hips with each thrust forward. “But next time, I’m fucking this hot, tight asshole bare. I’m gonna fill you with so much fuckin’ come, you’ll  _ taste  _ it.”

 

Cas moaned loudly. “Fuck, I want that so much.” He closed his eyes and leaned against his elbow again, just taking the way Jerry was brutally fucking into him. “I'm so close,” he breathed out when he felt his balls tense, heat collecting at the base of his cock.

 

Jerry let out a deep, half moan-half chuckle as his hips snapped even faster. He was fucking into Cas at such a dizzying pace, he felt like he was on the verge of passing out. "Gonna come on my dick like a good little bitch?" His breathing was ragged, but he managed to continue to murmur ardently filthy things against the nape of Cas's neck, "Such a good, little cockslut. You don't just love this, you fucking  _ need  _ it."

 

“Yes, I’ll do anything you want. Please, oh, fuck please! I need your cock, I need your come. Fuck, please, please,” he half begged, half sobbed in desperation.

 

Without hesitation, Jerry slipped one of his hands to grip Cas's leaking erection. Just the touch alone sent Cas over the edge, practically sobbing with his release. Jerry continued to fuck into him as he stroked Cas through his orgasm.   
  
When the man's hips stilled, he could actually feel Jerry's cock twitching inside his ass. He was coming.

 

Cas leaned his head back in pleasure, enjoying the feeling as he tried to get his breathing under control. He still wished he could feel the wet, hot sticky mess inside of him. The same he had licked from Dean’s hips. Next time.

 

Jerry let out a soft groan as he slowly pulled out. Cas winced with the sudden loss and gasped at the feeling of Jerry tugging on his rim. "Oh, baby, you're fucking gaping." He hummed in appreciation, circling his finger around Cas's wrecked hole. "Fucking beautiful. Wish I could get hard again right now just so I can fuck you again."

 

Cas hummed and closed his eyes, feeling pleased and content that Jerry liked fucking him and wanted to do it again. He had been useful. He had been needed. Even if it was just his hole.   
  


He moaned when Jerry continued to play with his rim for a moment. “I wish that, too. But I’ll try to be patient and wait for the next time.”

 

Jerry chuckled and leaned down to pull Cas's pants up for him. He turned Cas around and pinned him against the door. "Next time, you're gonna ride me like the needy bitch you are."

 

“Okay.” Cas smiled at Jerry, happy to have gotten a clear order for the next time. Something he was looking forward to fulfilling. He buckled his belt, biting his lip nervously. “I'm not sure about the thing with the condom. I want to feel you without. I want your come in me, but I promised Dean, and I don't want my friend to hurt or kill you.”

 

Jerry shrugged as he started pulling his own pants back up. “Despite what Winchester thinks, I  _ do  _ get tested regularly. And I'm clean if that helps.”

 

“I'm sure it does,” Cas murmured thoughtfully, remembering that the point of using protection was something about possible illnesses.

 

That was met with a soft chuckle as the man leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. Jerry drew back and smiled. “Well, whatever you decide, I’m hoping this wasn’t a one-off.”

 

Cas grinned up at him. “I want to do this again with you.” Most definitely. It had been amazing.

 

“What are we going to do now?” Cas asked while he tugged on his shirt.

 

“Could always let me buy you another drink?” Jerry asked as he leaned in close to unlatch the door. 

 

“Okay. I’ll be back with you in a few moments.” Cas smiled before Jerry nodded and left the bathroom. 

 

He went over to the urinals to relieve himself before he washed his hands and looked into the mirror, trying to straighten his hair.

 

There was a dark chuckle off to the side as the door to the stall next to the one they had been in was opened and two men stepped out. The man who was chuckling was the same man Cas had turned down his first night at this bar.

 

“Your boyfriend know you get fucked by just about anything that moves?” the other man asked, eyes raking over Cas’s form in lewd appreciation.

 

The jerk snickered and answered for Cas, “Oh, he knows. Brave if you ask me. Staying in a relationship with such a fucking slut.”

 

The two men approached Cas on either side, essentially trapping him at the sink. 

 

“I fail to see how it concerns you,” Cas replied coldly as he pushed himself from the sink, trying to get past the men.

 

The taller of the two men grabbed Cas’s upper arm and in a rough, swift movement, shoved him against the wall to the side. The jerk from the other night was smirking at Cas. “Well, considering it sounds like you’re nice and prepped, it’s only fair that we get a go, don’t you think?”

 

Cas frowned before he glared at the man and growled, “No. Let me go.” He tried to pull himself free, but the man yanked his arm painfully hard.

 

Slipping Cas’s hands above his head, he pinned his wrists together, causing a sharp pain to radiate down his arms. The jerk from the other night immediately yanked at Cas’s belt, chuckling at the way he was struggling against them. 

 

When the door opened, Cas’s heart leapt in hope, but when the taller guy barked, “Get lost!” The man who had attempted to come into the bathroom looked at Cas in concern, before quietly slipping back out the door.

 

“Look at that. Everyone knows how much of a slut you are,” the jerk muttered with a snicker.

 

“You should let me go,” Cas growled. “I’m here with someone and he will start looking for me any minute.” Cas had no idea if that was true, but he hoped the two men would believe it.

 

The taller guy barked out a laugh. “What?  _ Jerry?  _ That bitch is probably halfway home to suck up to his cunt of a wife.” He gripped Cas’s chin and yanked his head up. Pressing the pad of his thumb against Cas’s bottom lip, he pressed hard enough to cause the skin to tear. 

 

Cas realized in that moment that no one was probably going to come help him. He was alone and the sex before, the closeness, had just been an illusion.

 

He felt defeated, weak. Pathetic, dirty. He didn’t even fight them anymore.

 

The jerk managed to get Cas’s pants down to his ankles and the taller man had roughly flipped Cas around, face now being pressed painfully hard against the tiled wall of the filthy bathroom. One of them let out a low whistle when he felt his cheeks being parted.

 

“Damn. He really did wreck you. Gonna be like tossin’ a hotdog down a hallway,” the jerk said with an almost impressed tone.

 

“Bet he could take both of us.”

 

When a finger was roughly shoved inside, Cas let out a whimper from the pain. He slammed his eyes shut and tried to take himself out of the situation mentally.

 

It hurt and the way the asshole was playing with him had nothing to do with preparing him for anything. They just made a show of it, demonstrating to each other how deep they could push two fingers into him.

 

He just wanted them to get it over with.

 

There was a loud grunt of pain as the fingers were yanked from him. “You fuckin’ kidding me with this shit?” A deep voice growled in anger. Cas almost sobbed in relief when he realized it was Jerry.

 

Jerry had grabbed both of the men and had them held against the wall by their throats. He looked positively livid. “You should count yourselves fucking lucky I’m in a good mood.” 

 

The jerk started begging and pleading, “Jerry, look, man… I can explain…”

 

Jerry lifted him by the hold around his neck a couple feet off of the ground, practically choking the life out of him. “You don’t get to talk to me. Or him.  _ Ever  _ again. You also don’t show your face in this bar ever again and if you do, Mikhail will fucking tell me and you’re gonna wish I castrated you like you fucks deserve.”

 

He dropped them both before kneeing one in the balls and Cas could hear the crunching of cartilage when Jerry’s fist collided with the other’s nose. “You have five fucking seconds to get out of here before I call the cops,” Jerry spat.

 

The two men scrambled to their feet and disappeared through the door. Jerry was instantly at Cas’s side, gently pulling his pants up for him. “Shit, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

 

Cas just reacted on instinct, he turned towards Jerry and wrapped his arms around him, pressing his face against his chest. He couldn’t speak, he just needed something to hold on to.

 

“Shhh, baby. It’s okay. I got you,” Jerry murmured against the crown of his head, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “You’re safe.”

 

Cas took in a few shuddered breaths, letting the words sink in before he looked up at Jerry and whispered, “Thank you… They said you were already gone.”

 

“No, I was waiting for you at the bar. A buddy of mine saw what was happening and grabbed me. Mikhail kept those fuckers’ credit cards so we have their names if you want us to call the cops.”

 

"No police. I'm not exactly... in the system." Cas scratched the back of his neck. "And you came just in time. So nothing happened."

 

Jerry regarded him seriously for a moment. "They assaulted you, Castiel." He let out a soft sigh and gently caressed the side of Cas's face as he asked, "Want me to call Dean?"

 

Cas's eyes widened in shock. "No, please, no. I don’t want him to think that I can't look after myself."

 

“Okay, okay. I won’t tell him. But just because you were assaulted and outnumbered doesn’t mean you’re…” Jerry sighed and looked at Cas again. “Come on. Let me take you home.”

 

Cas shook his head with a frown. "It's okay. I... have my car. I’ll just drive home and go to bed." For some reason, he just wanted to be alone. "When do you want me to come over for the tattoo design?"

 

Jerry nodded his understanding and gently braced his hand on Cas’s lower back in comfort. “Monday. I’m going to walk you to your car.”

 

Cas nodded gratefully before he hugged him again. "Thank you, Jerry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dubious consent is in regards to the sexual activities while under the influence of alcohol, as well as Jerry's initial refusal to put on a condom. In case you guys were wondering what we classified as dubious consent.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 

“That’s your big news, that you’ve translated the tablet into… doodles?” Sam asked incredulously as he rifled through all of the papers Kevin had handed both of them.

 

“It’s Cuneiform,” Kevin clarified, but as far as Dean was concerned, it wasn’t much of a clarification. “I –I hit a wall translating the tablet into English. But I found an ancient codex linking the angel script to proto-elamite cuneiform, and I was able to translate the tablet and the footnotes into elamite, which is –”

 

“Doodles,” Dean finished for him with a quirked brow. 

 

Kevin gave a barely there nod and said, “It’s extinct.”

 

“Well, can you read it?” Sam asked, his tone way too hopeful considering their luck in general.

 

“No one can. Scholars have tried for centuries.”

 

Dean dropped the papers Kevin handed him onto the table and said, “So it’s a dead end?”

 

“N –Not quite,” Kevin argued as Dean took a seat across from him. “Now, most proto-elamite is abstract, but I was able to decipher one phrase from Metatron’s footnotes. ‘Falling angels’.”

 

_ Now they were getting somewhere! _ Dean and Sam shared a look before Sam asked, “Okay, so, the footnotes refer to Metatron’s spell?”

 

Kevin shook his head slightly. “Maybe.”

 

Sam sighed and approached the bookshelf behind the kid. “Okay. Well, maybe if we can decipher the footnotes, then we can reverse the spell and…”

 

“Punt those winged dicks back to Heaven,” Dean finished for Sam. He tapped the table, happy to finally be heading in some sort of direction, instead of their usual uncoordinated circles that they’d been dealing with since the angels had been cast out. “Where do we start?”

 

“Research,” Sam answered as he tossed a large book on the table in front of him. “We comb through the library, see if we can find anything else on elamite.”

 

As Sam dropped a book in front of Kevin, he took the seat next to him. The two bookworms immediately started in on their reading. 

 

Dean held the book up and read the title out loud, “‘Zimmerman’s Encyclopedia of Extinct Languages Volume One: Adai to Atakapa.’ How many volumes are there?” He looked up at the two of them, hoping the answer would be in the single digits.

 

“Twenty four,” Kevin answered.

 

_ Shit.  _ The book in his hand was easily four hundred pages. 

 

Kevin smiled reassuringly and said, “Don’t worry. We’ve got them all.”

 

“Awesome,” he replied, trying to keep his sarcasm in check. Dean looked at Sam, who just scoffed at him and continued to start his share of the research. 

 

When Dean’s cell phone started ringing, he couldn’t help but smile and said, “There is a god.” He looked down at the screen and almost sighed in relief at seeing Cas’s name. Getting up from the table, he stepped away and answered the phone, “Cas, your timing is impeccable. Everything okay?”

 

“Yes,” Cas said, his voice sounded scratchy and rough. “I may have a case for you. Four missing in Rexford, Idaho. Presumed dead, but no bodies have been released to loved ones. And there were reports of a strange substance at the scenes. I read that on the internet.”

 

Cas found a case? Or a maybe-case? Dean couldn't help but feel impressed and he was definitely going to jump on any opportunity to get the hell out of research land. “It might be something…” Dean looked over at Sam and Kevin, and immediately knew what he wanted to do. “Alright. So, how do you want to do this? You want to meet up at the latest scene? You want me to pick you up? What?”

 

“Um, I’ve got my hands full over here. I just, um…” Dean heard some scratching and weird noises, Cas was breathing heavy and suddenly there was the tell-tale perfect silence of being hung up on.

 

Dean looked down at his phone in annoyance. “Okay…” Well, screw it. Dean was going to drive his happy ass over to pick up Cas, whether he was ready or not. 

 

Approaching the table, he tried to sound disappointed, even though he was jumping for joy inside. “Yo, Urkel, Velma! Got a call from Cas. There might be a case in Idaho. Could be bupkis, but I figured I’d go check it out…”

 

"You spoke with Cas?" Sam asked with a surprised look. "How is he? Is he working jobs now?"

 

_ Shit.  _ He’d told Sammy Cas left and was keeping himself off the radar to keep them safe. Dean shrugged and said, “I think he’s keeping low. Seemed kinda busy, but wanted to give us a heads up on a case of some disappearances in Rexford.” He really hoped Sammy would not do his usual busybody-question-asking thing. 

 

“Busy with what?”

 

Dean sighed and clipped, “How should I know?  It’s Cas. In case you forgot, he’s not exactly Chatty Cathy.” 

 

Sam shrugged and nodded. "True. Are you going to meet up with him?"

 

He hated lying to Sam, he really did, but as long as Ezekiel was still eavesdropping, he couldn’t take the chance of him bailing because Dean did  _ almost  _ the exact opposite of kicking Cas out. Dean shook his head. “ As long as he’s catnip for angels, he’s keeping his distance, and I’m gonna respect that.”

 

“Okay. But if you speak to him again, let him know we miss him and hope he can come back soon.”

 

Dean nodded. He really hated that Zeke had put him between a rock and a hard place. “I will. So, uh… I’m gonna grab some things and head out.”

 

Kevin sighed and quirked his brow at Dean. “It’s really convenient that you need to check out a possible case when we need to do a lot of research.”

 

“Yeah,” Dean said with a chuckle. “Ain’t it a coincidence?”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The cat had probably left a million scratches on Cas’s arms and hands while he tried to persuade it to jump down from the crossbeam above him. It came through the window in the roof about an hour earlier and proceeded to scratch everything Cas owned, leaving fur in its wake, on his sheets, his clothes.  _ Everywhere. _

 

Cas was sure the cat was doing it on purpose because it was angry with him for stealing its room. He cried out in pain as the cat scratched him again.

 

It was hissing at him, grey and black fur standing straight up, making it appear even bigger, golden eyes fixated on him. Its claws were hovering threateningly over Cas’s face as he carefully tried to grab it, standing on a crate on his tiptoes. 

 

That was the moment Dean burst through the door, weapon at the ready. When Dean appeared to realize the situation he’d stumbled onto, the hunter almost doubled over with laughter. He lowered his weapon and proceeded to try and get ahold of himself. “Shit, Cas. I thought you were being murdered.”

 

Cas glowered at Dean. “Who says this creature isn't trying to murder me? It’s doing a great job so far, cutting me to pieces.”

 

Dean chuckled, finally appearing to have gotten ahold of his laughter. He approached where Cas was standing and started softly clicking his tongue, extending his hands out towards the cat. “Here, kitty, kitty.” 

 

When he was about to tell Dean that he was attempting to summon a demon in the form of a house cat, the thing mewed at Dean, jumped down to a lower part of the rafter, and tentatively approached. She drew close enough to let Dean pet her. Which she did. 

 

Cas just stared at him before he asked in an incredulous tone, “How?”

 

Dean gently picked her up and started rubbing her stomach. He could hear the cat purring contentedly at the physical affection. He grinned at Cas and said, “I’m good with  _ all  _ ladies.”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow and gave him a lopsided grin. “Obviously. Well, you can keep her. Her name is demon cat.”

 

“So... Meg?” Dean supplied with a wicked grin. He cooed at the cat before he made a very strange face right before sneezing. It scared the cat and she leapt from his arms, crawling in the space between the wall and his bed. Dean sneezed a few more times and shook his head. “Can’t keep her,” he said, voice sounding almost endearingly stuffy.

 

“You’re allergic to cats?” Cas asked, surprised that he never knew that about Dean. He knelt down and wondered where the cat had gone. “How do I get rid of her? I think she may have lived here.”

 

Dean sneezed again as he nodded. “Yeah. I think god has a weird sense of humor. Anyway, she’s pregnant. That’s why she got territorial with you. Pretty sure if you make her a soft place to sleep, you can be roommates.” He pulled out a small kit from his jacket and a bottle of pills. Dean popped two of them, swallowing them dry. At Cas’s bemused glance, he clarified, “Allergy meds.”

 

Cas wasn’t happy at the thought of having a demonic cat living with him, even less so knowing that soon there would be a litter of baby demon cats. “How do you even know that she’s pregnant?”

 

“Could feel her stomach move. She’s either pregnant, or there are tapeworms dancing around her insides,” he said with a chuckle. Dean approached Cas and gently grasped his chin, tilting his head to look him over. “She got you good.”

 

Cas frowned at Dean. “She didn't get my face, just my arms.” He remembered too late where the cuts on his face were from.  _ Fuck.  _ He pulled away from Dean’s grasp and looked away. “Didn’t think you’d come by. I thought you and Sam would check out the case I told you about.”

 

Dean arched his brow at him and folded his arms over his chest. “If the cat didn’t do that, what did?” he asked as he pointed to the cut on his lip. 

 

“My own stupidity,” Cas growled, hoping Dean wouldn’t ask any more questions.

 

He pulled out the kit again and sat on the bed, patting the space next to him in invitation. “Sit.”

 

Cas rolled his eyes, but sat down next to Dean, leaning into his warmth without thinking. He had missed him. “It’s not… it doesn’t even hurt.”

 

Dean pulled out a couple of cotton balls and a small brown bottle. He gently grasped Cas’s chin again and without asking, gently pressed a (what he realized was antiseptic soaked) cotton ball to his lip. Dean’s focus was on his cuts as he said, “You know, posing as a fake cop for over half my life, you pick up on certain things.”

 

Cas had no idea where Dean was going with that. And he couldn’t bring himself to care. In that moment, his focus was more on the way Dean softly held him in position, and how his lips tingled every time Dean’s fingers came in contact with them. “What things?” he murmured, closing his eyes for a moment.

 

Dean drew back and looked at him pointedly. “Things like knowing when people lie about how they got a fat lip.”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t lie. It wasn’t the cat and it  _ was  _ my fault.”

 

That was met with a sigh before he focused his attention on the cuts all over Cas’s arms. “If it was Jerry, so help me god…”

 

Cas looked up at Dean in shock. “It wasn’t Jerry. If it wasn't for Jerry, I would probably look much worse now. He’s a good person, Dean. He saved me–”

 

_ Fuck _ . He had been so focused on coming to Jerry’s defense that he had told Dean more than he wanted to. He looked down in shame, his chest and throat constricted.

 

“What?” Dean’s voice was dangerously low as he stilled his hands, now just a gentle grip on his left arm.

 

Cas shook his head. “Jerry was very nice to me. He even offered to drive me home. So please don't be mad at him.”

 

Dean leaned forward to make eye contact with Cas. “What happened?”

 

Cas gave Dean a pained look. “Why is that important?” He choked on his last words, which came out in a whisper. “I'm okay now.” He couldn’t tell Dean. He didn’t want him to know how weak he was.

 

“Cas,” he started, tone frustrated, “you can’t tell me that Jerry fucking saved you and then dodge me asking what happened. I can’t force you to talk to me, but that’s not gonna stop me from worrying. And honestly? I’ll just ask Jerry if you don’t want to tell me.”

 

Cas closed his eyes for a moment to take in a few steadying breaths. He didn’t want Dean to call Jerry. “I was in the restroom and two men attacked me. Jerry came in to look for me and pulled them off, and threatened them to never come back.”

 

“What do you mean ‘attacked’?”

 

Cas was starting to feel angry and it seeped into his voice, “Do you really need to know  _ every  _ detail? How they had me pinned against the wall, or how much it hurt when they had their fingers in my ass? I couldn't defend myself. I was weak. And they were right about me being a pathetic slut, because I was still open for them after getting fucked in one of the stalls.” Cas was breathing hard before he angrily wiped away a tear.

 

The look on Dean’s face was unreadable. He stared at Cas dumbly for a moment, before he moved to stand up. “Alright.” Dean grabbed his gun from the floor and headed towards the door.

 

Cas’s heart sank as he watched him go. Of course Dean would leave him now that he knew. Cas turned around as more tears ran down his cheeks and he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore.

 

“Jerry, you fucking know the names of those two fuckers?” Dean demanded. Cas looked up and realized Dean was on his phone as he reached for the doorknob. 

 

He felt confused for a moment before he realized that Dean wanted to go after these men. He angrily wiped away the tears with his sleeve and followed Dean.

 

Dean was practically running down the stairs. “Tell Mikhail I’ll be there in fifteen minutes to get those credit cards.”

 

Cas stopped in his tracks when he suddenly felt afraid. What if Dean confronted them and they hurt him, or shot him? What if they attempted to finish with Dean what they started that night with Cas?

 

When he noticed Cas, Dean said, “You stay here. I’m gonna need you to be my alibi, okay?”

 

Cas slowly shook his head. “Are you going to confront them?”

 

“I’m going to fucking  _ kill  _ them. So if I get arrested, you’re gonna say I was with you the whole time, okay?”

 

Cas quickly ran up to him and grasped Dean by the wrist. “No, Dean please. Don't… don't do that. I don’t want anything to happen to you because of me.”

 

Dean’s entire body was trembling. He was physically shaking from his apparent rage. With a soft and steadying exhale, he shook his head and said,  _ “No one  _ gets to fucking touch you like that. To hurt you. Those fuckers need to know what happens when they do.”

 

Cas slid his hand over Dean’s arm up to his shoulder. "Jerry already punched them and made that point very clear. Please, don’t go. Or if you have to, take me with you."

 

"Cas..." Dean's voice broke as he looked at him. "I am  _ so  _ fucking sorry."

 

"I'm okay... And you’re going to teach me to defend myself, right? So this won't happen again. I promise I'll be careful in the future. I'm sorry."

 

Dean yanked Cas into a hug and murmured against his neck, "This wasn't your fault. I'm a shitty fucking friend. And I promise... I  _ promise,  _ Cas. It won't  _ ever  _ happen again."

 

"You can't promise that." Cas pulled him tighter. "But if you train me... I have a better chance of it never happening again... And maybe I should look for a different location for meeting someone."

 

Dean chuckled wetly into his neck. "Maybe just be celibate so I don't feel murderous against any guy that touches you now."

 

Cas chuckled. "I'm not sure I can promise that. Though I might stay with Jerry as my only choice for a while." Cas leaned back with a frown. “He said he is clean by the way, and gets tested regularly."

 

Dean drew back and cupped Cas's face. "I don't get to make the calls what you do with your body. When I give you shit, it's because I care about you. I don't want you to get hurt." He sighed and nodded. "I give Jerry a hard time, too. But you, uh... you could do worse."

 

Cas gave him a quick, reassuring smile. "He proved to be a very decent man."

 

He laughed and shook his head. "Now I've got to be nice to the guy." Dean looked at Cas seriously for a moment. "Just, uh... don't forget he's married."

 

Cas gave him a lopsided grin. "I don’t want a relationship with him. Just occasional sex."

 

"Well, I..." Dean stopped mid sentence and shook his head, apparently thinking better of whatever he was about to say. After a beat he said, "I want you to come with me to check out this case. I think it could be good practice."

 

Cas gave him a surprised look. "Oh, you think I'm ready?" 

 

Dean nodded. "I think so. Besides, no time like the present to train you in all aspects of fighting and hustling." He looked up at the stairwell leading to Cas's makeshift home. "You need help grabbing your things?"

 

"Yes." Cas smiled at Dean, leaning into his touch. "I need to pack some clothes and my blade.... And my toothbrush." 

 

"Yeah, you do, burger breath," Dean teased as he gripped Cas's arm gently and started walking back up the stairs.

 

Cas held his free hand in front of his mouth and mumbled, "Sorry. I’ll brush my teeth before we go." 

 

Dean chuckled as they reached the door, holding it open for him. "Trust me, I'll take your breath smelling like burgers over dick." He winked at Cas and stepped inside.

 

Cas scratched the back of his neck. "I still haven't sucked anyone's cock, yet."

 

"Shit, Cas," Dean laughed out. "Not even a  _ little  _ foreplay?"

 

Cas gave Dean a hesitant look. "Is that a bad thing?"

 

"I wouldn't say bad so much. Sad maybe? I don't know, while a quick fuck in an alleyway can be fun, sex just feels more connective when there's build up. You know?"

 

Cas nodded thoughtfully. "I don’t think I have the right sexual partners for that." He opened his bag and dropped in a few of his things before he quickly brushed his teeth over a bowl of water.

 

Dean had grabbed a few more items and stuffed them in the duffel bag as he responded, "If you're satisfied, that's all that matters. Just because I prefer making out and foreplay, doesn't mean you have to."

 

"I don’t know if I would prefer foreplay. I never met someone who took his time with me," Cas stated matter-of-factly before he put his toothbrush in a ziplock bag with his toothpaste. “You’re right. It sounds sad when I say it out loud.”

 

Dean clapped a hand on Cas’s shoulder and smiled softly. “I'm sure you'll get there.”

 

Cas furrowed his brow, giving Dean a sideways glance. “I don't see how.” He zipped up the duffel bag and pulled it over his shoulder before he smiled at Dean. “I'm looking forward to this. I hope I can be of help to you.”

 

“At the very least, you rescued me from mind numbingly boring research, so that alone has been helpful,” Dean said with a mischievous smile.

 

Cas grinned before he put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “So you used me to escape research?”

 

“I wouldn't say used so much as embraced an opportunity.” Dean smirked then.

 

“You’re welcome then… for the opportunity. I mean maybe it's nothing, but I had a weird feeling about this when I read about it,” Cas explained as he followed Dean outside to his car.

 

He gave his own car a longing look before he put his duffel bag in the trunk of the Impala.

 

“Yeah, if your gut is right, it's a good thing we're checking it out. And if it ends up being nothin’, then it's just good practice overall.” Dean slipped into the driver's side of the impala and gave Cas another smile. “Cas and Dean’s Excellent Adventure!”

 

“That’s a reference, right?” Cas asked with a grin. Dean’s enthusiasm was slowly but surely affecting him as well.

 

Dean nodded. “Soon you'll be making your own references and the assimilation will be complete.”

 

Cas leaned back in his seat, trying to get comfortable when he turned to look at Dean. “Dean… if someone tells me I'm... something else… is that a good, or a bad thing?”

 

“What do you mean?” He quickly made eye contact before focusing on the road as he turned onto it.

 

“People keep saying it to me. That I'm, ‘something else.’ I mean… at first I thought they somehow knew I belonged to another species, but I don't think that's the case,” Cas tried to explain, hoping Dean would understand what he was talking about.

 

“But like,  _ how  _ do they say it?”

 

Cas put his hand on Dean’s shoulder and chuckled on purpose before he repeated Jerry’s and Not-Inias’s words in the same intonation, “You’re something else.” He tilted his head. “Like that.”

 

Dean looked at him for a moment, expression unreadable, before he finally said, “Um… Then it's a good thing.”

 

Cas gave him a skeptical look. “You don't sound very sure.”

 

“No, I'm sure.” Dean merged onto a highway before continuing, “So, like… you know how when I call you an idiot, but my tone is kind of fond? It's kind of like that. It just means they don't quite understand how you're real, but they're happy you are.”

 

Which ultimately meant he seemed weird to other people, probably because there was still a lot he didn’t understand. He needed to watch Dean more intensely, maybe try to mimic his behavior and way of speaking. 

 

He hummed in acknowledgement to Dean trying to remember what he would do in those situations. He asked a question when he didn’t understand a situation. Maybe it would help if he only asked Dean those types of questions. “How does skin color correlate with an alcoholic beverage?”

 

Dean barked out a laugh and looked at him with an amused expression. “What?”

 

His question must have been a really odd one when even Dean reacted like that. No wonder Jerry had looked at him like he was from another planet. “Jerry thought I would judge him for drinking… gin with grapefruit juice. Because of his skin color. And I was very confused by that, because I don't see how it correlates.”

 

Dean laughed again. "He's talking about a stereotype."

 

Cas frowned and nodded, probably looking as annoyed as he was feeling. "Those are as bad as references." He turned to look at him and shrugged. "I never understand them because they make no sense."

 

"What do you mean stereotypes don't make sense?"

 

"They don't follow any logical rule. It seems like one of those made up rules you learn when you grow up as a human. I never grew up. I’ve been here since before the human race even existed. So it doesn’t make sense to me that someone's skin color has anything to do with a drink."

 

Dean shrugged as he glanced over at Cas. "You know it's weird, I don't even know how stereotypes start. Like, how many black people have to drink gin before it's enough to quantify as a reflection of an entire race?" He shook his head and looked back at the road. "What a dumb thing to do with our free will."

 

"So, what  _ is  _ the thing about gin? I still don't understand."

 

Dean chuckled. "The stereotype is black people like drinking gin and juice."

 

"So, it's like a generalization, but not necessarily a bad thing."

 

"Essentially. Basically no race, religion, sexual orientation, or gender is safe from being stereotyped in some way."

 

"Do you have a stereotype about angels?" Cas grinned.

 

Dean smirked and said, "Well,  _ clearly  _ all angels have a sweet tooth."

 

"That's a fact, not a stereotype." Cas chuckled.

 

"Kind of how stereotypes work." Dean arched his brow at Cas as he looked him over. "If I based a stereotype on you?" Dean chuckled again and shook his head.

 

"What?" Cas smiled as he realized in that moment how much he had missed Dean, and how nice it was to just talk to him. He found he quite enjoyed spending time with his friend.

 

Dean smiled back at Cas before focusing his attention on the road again. "Angels do this almost cute, head tilt thing when they're confused."

 

Cas tilted his head before he realized what he was doing and felt the heat rise to his cheeks. 

 

“That's the one!”

 

He looked away from Dean with a bright smile. "Pretty sure I'm the only one who does that."

 

Dean gently tapped the side of Cas's face. "Yeah, you're kind of a one off. If more of the angels were like you, pretty sure we never would’ve had to deal with the apocalypse in the first place."

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "If I remember correctly, that was mostly your doing, teaching me about free will. I was lucky to have met you. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have been better than my brethren."

 

"Hey, man. Give yourself  _ some _ credit. If I recall, you were already pretty rebellious before you got swept away with hanging out with the cool kid." Dean winked at him.

 

Cas scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I remember Naomi saying something like that to me. She said she had to work on me a lot of times. But still... I remember how afraid I had been before I rebelled. Disobedience isn't in our nature." He gave Dean a long look. "You gave me the strength and guidance I needed in that time. You told me what I was doing was right."

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. "The strength was always there, Cas. I just shined a flashlight on it."

 

“Well, whatever you did, you gave me the motivation to change, and I will forever be grateful for that." Cas grinned before he touched Dean’s shoulder for a moment and squeezed. "I'm glad we're friends."

 

Dean clapped his hand over Cas's for a moment and smiled. "Me, too. Never had a lot of friends." Suddenly Dean's smile wavered and he gripped the steering wheel as his focus returned to the highway.

 

"Are you okay, Dean?" Cas already missed Dean’s easy smile.

 

There was a beat of silence as Dean's hands wrung around the wheel. He sighed and finally answered, "I'm sorry I'm not a better friend to you.”

 

Cas frowned and tilted his head. "Why are you saying that? I couldn't ask for a better friend. Especially now. You’re doing so much for me."

 

"Wouldn't have to be. The shit you've been through since you've been human. I shoulda been there, man. I shoulda been there."

 

"Sam needed you more than I did. You can't be everywhere, Dean." Cas wondered if Dean felt somehow responsible for what had happened to Cas. Which would be typical for his friend, always carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

 

"I know I make a lot of mistakes and it doesn't seem like I can look after myself, but I can, Dean. You worry about so much. I don't want to add to it. I'll be fine."

 

Dean sighed. "I know, Cas. I know you can. I just... I'm not protective because I think you're useless. I'm protective because I don't want to lose you."

 

"You won't. I will ask you stupid questions until you wish you would lose me." Cas winked at Dean.

 

Dean let out a soft laugh. "Half the time I enjoy your stupid questions anyway."

 

"I'll remind you of that fact when I annoy you the next time." Cas stretched his arms over his head. "Can the first thing you teach me be how to make money? I need a thousand dollars in the next couple of months."

 

Dean's brows arched up in surprise. "Uh, sure. It's a twenty hour drive to Idaho, so we’re gonna need to stop for the night. We'll hit up a pool hall when we stop."

 

Cas gave him another grateful smile. "Good. Jerry said I don't have to pay for it all at once, but I'd like to start saving money as soon as possible."

 

"Not gonna lie, I'm surprised he's charging you the full price."

 

"Why wouldn't he?" Cas asked in surprise.

 

Dean chuckled. "Jerry and you hooked up a couple times now, right? I'm surprised he's not giving you a discount for your ass or something. I mean, it's not like you would have known what he normally charges."

 

"I told him you said I shouldn’t have sex for money. I think he just respects my wishes... Or he's afraid you'll hurt him." Cas chuckled and looked out of the window. "That's why he used a condom, because I told him you would cut off his balls."

 

"Damn straight I would. Still might."

 

Cas turned to look at Dean again, biting his lip for a moment before he noticed his lip still hurt. "He wants me without a condom next time. He told me it would be okay."

 

The grip Dean had on the steering wheel tightened. Cas could see his knuckles go white from the tension. "Your call," he ground out.

 

Cas squinted his eyes before he whispered, "I hoped you would give me a good reason why I shouldn’t do it."

 

"You want me to give you a reason to not fuck him bare?"

 

"Yes." Cas nodded. "You told me a condom is to protect me from diseases. But Jerry said he is clean and gets tested regularly, despite what you think. So what other reason would there be to say no? Do you think he is lying to me? I can't tell anymore since I’ve become human."

 

Dean sighed and looked over at him. "If you're trying to find a reason to not have unsafe sex, then maybe that's your reason. Maybe there's something inside you that doesn't  _ want  _ to have unprotected sex."

 

Cas hummed and thought about Dean's words for a while in quiet contemplation. Although the thought of someone coming inside of him was very arousing, there was something that bothered him about it. He didn't want it to be Jerry. He wanted it to be... He shook his head, stopping his own thoughts. "I think I want to experience it very much... But not with Jerry. Just with someone I trust with my life."

 

"What you're looking for is a boyfriend, Cas."

 

Cas pursed his lips in disappointment. "So I'll never experience it... Or I need to change my position on that desire and do it with Jerry."

 

"I'd like to tell you that you might have a chance at a boyfriend, but the reality is: being a hunter basically means we don't get to have things like that." Dean chewed the inside of his lip and continued, "And I know it's probably not the same, you'll never get a boyfriend, but I'll always try to be there for you."

 

"Thank you, Dean. I really appreciate that."

 

Dean nodded and patted Cas's knee before turning back to focus on the road.

 

"Even if I wasn’t a hunter in training, I would never find someone... who I could be honest with," Cas murmured after a while.

 

"Welcome to being a hunter," Dean said with a resigned sigh.

 

"Well, that sucks.” Cas chuckled before he turned to look at Dean. "Have you ever thought of being with another hunter?"

 

Dean laughed outright and looked at Cas for a moment. "The level of codependency I have with my brother, and you think trying to  _ date  _ someone in the life might be a good idea?" With another sigh he shook his head. "Yeah, I've thought about it. But hunters can't have apple pie lives."

 

"I can buy apple pie for you. It’s easy, although sometimes they run out of pie at the Gas N' Sip," Cas added as an afterthought.

 

Dean smiled. "See? I don't need a wife. I've got you."

 

"Too bad I didn’t choose a female vessel back then." Cas chuckled and shook his head.

 

"Yeah, I'm glad you didn't. We wouldn't have this," Dean said as he waved from Cas to himself.

 

Cas quirked his brow in surprise. "You think we wouldn't be friends if I had a female body?"

 

"There's no way," he affirmed with a smirk. "If you had those damn baby blues in a female vessel, we would have ended up in bed together by the third time you visited me, and then the last few years would have probably been an on again, off again affair that would end with us no longer talking, at best."

 

Cas gave him a thoughtful look. "You seem pretty sure that we wouldn't have worked out." He suddenly need to laugh when he remembered their third encounter. "And you seem to be very sure you would have gotten me to have sex with you."

 

Dean pursed his lips in a disbelieving smirk. "You wouldn't have stood a chance and you know it."

 

Cas raised a challenging eyebrow. "I don’t believe, for a second, you would have had a chance with me. I was still an angel, emotions were subdued by my grace, just like sexual urges. I had no interest in those things and was still a good little soldier. Angels aren't allowed to have sexual encounters with humans. Especially if I had a female vessel. It could have had consequences."

 

"You say that, yet I recall someone letting me take him to a brothel. And you'd have set aside the consequences for a night with me," he said, tone cocky and slightly amused.

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "First of all, I had a male vessel, so it was different. And second, I thought it was my last day on Earth and you made a compelling argument." He chuckled when he remembered that night. "I was so afraid and I had no idea what I was doing."

 

Dean chuckled, clearly recalling that night as well. "Yeah, it's almost surprising how sexual you are."

 

Cas crossed his arms behind his head and grinned at Dean. "Because it's all so new and overwhelming. Being an angel is very different from being human. Everything is so intense, addictive even..." He hummed thoughtfully for a moment before he murmured, "And it makes me feel connected to someone. I don't feel as alone. Even if it's just for a short time, I feel needed."

 

Dean was silent for a beat. "You're always needed, Cas," he said, eyes steadfastly on the road ahead.

 

Cas sighed deeply and turned to look out of his window. "I hear what you're saying. It doesn’t change the way I feel about myself. As an angel, my mission was clear. As a human, I still need to... find myself."

 

"Look, I get that you feel a little lost. I wish I could help, but all I can do is try to help you navigate the maze that is humanity. Hopefully you'll eventually see that not having a mission is kind of freeing."

 

"I'm not sure that’s something that will ever change about me. Being useful is an integral part of me, not just as an angel, it seems. I get off on being used," he whispered and looked down at his hands. "What happened in that restroom was my fault. I provoked it with my behavior."

 

When Dean crossed over a couple of lanes to take an off ramp, Cas noticed his knuckles were white again. As soon as they were off the highway, Dean pulled over onto the side of the road.

 

Before Cas could ask what was going on, Dean put the car in park and scooted over to grasp Cas's chin to look at him. "You didn't deserve that shit. Just because you like being fucked doesn't mean anyone can fuck you whether you want it or not."

 

Cas turned his head away. "You don’t understand... If they had approached me differently, I might have said yes... And at one point, I didn’t even fight them anymore. I'm addicted to people telling me what to do, using me... Because in some strange way, it makes me feel like an angel again." Cas had breathed out the last words, fighting against the tears that were threatening to fall.

 

Dean yanked Cas into a hug and whispered, "A yes under different circumstances doesn't invalidate a no."

 

Cas held on tight to Dean, pressing his face against his shoulder as he tried to calm down. "I'm sorry, Dean. I didn’t anticipate how much emotions and being human... can suck."

 

"I know, I know," he murmured as he drew back, grasping Cas's shoulders. "But it's not all bad. There's some good stuff."

 

"Like booze and pie?" Cas asked with a sad smile.

 

Dean returned the smile. "Like laughter and sex."

 

"And burgers.... And having a best friend," Cas added softly as he returned the smile, getting lost in Dean’s eyes for a moment.

 

"And teaching you how to hustle." Dean held his gaze, features softened as his lips twitched into a genuine smile.

 

Cas nodded and tilted his head slightly. "So life is a little like sex... It hurts, but it's worth it once you get to the pleasure?"

 

"Basically," Dean said with a shrug. He chuckled then. "Gotta say, I can't imagine being able to take Jerry's anaconda dick. Shit, man. I have a newfound respect for you."

 

Cas chuckled as he leaned back and looked up at Dean. "It wasn’t easy and he wasn’t exactly gentle after the whole condom thing. But once I got used to it, it felt pretty good."

 

Dean furrowed his brow. "What condom thing?"

 

"Um." Cas looked down for a moment, before he answered sheepishly, "I forgot about the condom thing and I remembered when he was already pushing inside me... He wasn’t happy when I asked him to put one on."

 

Dean appeared taken aback by that. "He got rougher with you to punish you for asking him to wear a condom?"

 

Cas shrugged and nodded reluctantly. "I think that's the reason. He was careful before and he didn't want to pull out. He did when I said you would cut off his balls. So, I think he was displeased with me in that moment." Cas shook his head. "It doesn’t matter. He probably won't want to fuck me again if I keep wanting to use a condom."

 

"Then fuck him. Push comes to shove, we'll hit up an adult store and get you a substitute." Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "He's fucking lucky he helped you, otherwise I was gonna send him fucking nudes while he was with his wife."

 

"What is an adult store?"

 

"A place where you can buy sex toys, porn, all kinds of stuff for your kinky pleasures." He smirked.

 

"Sex toys..." Cas raised an eyebrow. "That sounds interesting."

 

Dean chuckled as he drew back from Cas and put the car back in drive. "Yeah, grab your phone and google it. Bet you'd want a Jeff Stryker dildo."

 

Cas leaned back and pulled his phone out of his back pocket before he googled the name. He typed it in wrong, but thankfully google corrected it.   
  
It took a moment before the site loaded and showed him links to stores and a few pictures of dick replicas. He tapped on one that looked long and thick, reading the description under it, saying,  _ “Jeff Stryker Ultra Realistic $29.45.” _ __   
  


He stared at the picture, wondering how good it would feel inside of him. His own dick started to get hard. He hummed, absentmindedly rubbing over his groin as he continued to look at the picture, wondering how he could pleasure himself with it.

 

"Dude, Cas! Are you jerking it while I'm driving?" Dean asked in a half chuckle, sounding more shocked than angry.

 

Cas looked up in shock and stopped his hand’s movement with a slight groan. He was painfully hard. "Fuck, sorry. That wasn't intentional." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn’t expect it to look that... Hmmm."

 

Dean shook his head with a soft laugh. "Unbelievable. Good thing I'm not closer, you'd probably be trying to ride me."

 

Cas huffed out in annoyance. "Don’t worry. I know you don’t want me."

 

"There's no need to be grumpy with me just 'cause you're horny," he teased.

 

"You could have warned me that it would look so… gnnn." Why did he look at the photo again? So unhelpful.

 

Dean chuckled again. "See? Even if we did hook up, I'd probably be really dissatisfying for you. My dick's a normal size."

 

"I don’t think that matters to me. Not-Inias wasn’t as big and I think I liked it better with him."

 

"Cas, I seriously can't tell if you're trying to convince me to fuck you or not," he said in a huff of amusement.

 

Cas's face heated up and he looked away. "I wasn’t. I was just stating a fact." He didn’t think Dean needed to know that he wasn’t entirely opposed to the idea.

 

"Well, then you wouldn't like me 'cause I'd be all about foreplay."

 

"If I told you I’d be very curious to try that, would you still think I want to persuade you?" Cas wondered out loud.

 

Dean quirked his brow when he glanced at Cas. "You basically just said as much."

 

“Why are we even talking about it? It's not like it will ever happen.” He looked out of his window then, trying to not think about the uncomfortable feeling in his chest.

 

“Sorry. I, uh… I wasn't thinking.”

 

Cas shook his head and looked back at Dean. “No, it's okay. I'm sorry. Ignore me. I'm just horny… again. This is starting to get on my nerves because it always feels like I can't think anymore. How long does it take to get used to this?”

 

“For a sex addict like you? Probably never.” Dean smiled at Cas and continued, “But I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe you'll find another sex addict and you can fuck non-stop.”

 

The problem was that his treacherous brain started to imagine how it would be if Dean was the one to fuck him non-stop. Thanks to a lot of memories of him lying naked in his bed, moaning as he stroked his own cock, it wasn't hard to imagine. “Fuck, fuck. Fuck!” Cas cursed before he bit his lip and looked away from Dean again, breathing heavily.

 

Dean reached out and braced his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Dude, do you need me to pull over again?”

 

It didn’t help to feel Dean’s strong hand on his shoulder at all. Cas couldn’t look at him or say anything. He just shook his head and tried to calm down his breathing, which was impossible when his brain continued to conjure torturous images of Dean lying over him, his cock deep inside of him as they got lost in each other’s eyes. How the fuck could he stop thinking about it?

 

The warmth of Dean’s hand was gone when he reached over and opened the glove box to grab something. A purple bottle was pushed against his chest as Dean said, “Crawl over the backseat and take care of yourself. Maybe you'll be less antsy.”

 

Cas then looked up at Dean in surprise. Big mistake. He groaned as he wrapped his fingers around the bottle of lube. “But isn't that against the, um... friendship rule?”

 

“Probably, but we've still got six more hours to drive until we reach the halfway point, and it'd be better if I'm not having to watch you squirm that entire time.”

 

Cas didn’t need more persuasion as he quickly climbed in the back seat with a muffled, “Thank you. I’ll try not to bother you.”

 

Dean nodded and turned his attention back to the road. 

 

He quickly opened his belt, button, and zipper to free his erection before he leaned back and closed his eyes. He felt slightly guilty that he used an image of Dean to get off, but since Dean didn’t know, he couldn’t make him uncomfortable. Cas figured it would be okay since he was the only one who  _ did  _ know.

 

He imagined Dean stopping somewhere on the road, crawling into the backseat with him. How he would pull off Cas’s jeans and take him in hand, stroking his cock for him.

 

Cas tried to moan quietly, but it wasn’t easy. It already felt incredible and he needed more. He pulled his jeans and boxers lower, feeling the leather against his skin as he popped open the bottle and slicked up his finger.

 

Cas closed his eyes again, trying to imagine it was Dean’s finger circling his hole, pushing it gently inside of him. He couldn’t suppress the loud, deep moan that fell from his lips as his finger slipped in deeper, ghosting over his prostate as he crooked it.

 

He pushed in a second finger, starting to fuck himself on them while stroking his cock. His breath came out in short little gasps, interrupted by a few deep and desperate moans as he hit his magic spot.

 

“Dean,” he moaned and suddenly stopped in shock. He didn’t want to moan out Dean's name. 

 

There was a sharp intake of breath and a soft, “Fuck,” murmured by Dean.

 

Cas’s breathing hitched when his imagination went into overdrive from Dean’s soft cursing. His brain wasn’t really working anymore when his arousal took over and he begged, “Please, Dean. Can you talk to me?”

 

“What…” There was a breathy pause as Dean adjusted the rearview mirror to make eye contact with Cas. “What do you want me to say?”

 

Cas whimpered with need as his fingers went in harder and deeper. His eyes locking with Dean’s in the mirror, getting lost. “What… um… you did last time… or what you would do with me… if...” He couldn’t finish the sentence, afraid he might beg for Dean to stop the car and take him.

 

“If I was gonna fuck you?” he asked, voice only slightly shaky.

 

“Yeah,” Cas breathed out, feeling his face heat up.

 

Dean let out a shaky exhale and, after a beat, started talking, “Well, if we were gonna fuck, we’d make out first. You sitting in my lap while we explore each other. My hands feeling over your entire body as you swallowed my tongue like you did my fingers. Get you so fucking hot, you'd be rutting up against me, grinding into my lap, just because you'll take any kind of friction.”

 

Cas groaned, undulating his hips as he imagined it. He had to bite down on his lip, hard, to stop himself from begging for Dean. For him to turn his words into action. He couldn’t stop the broken, “Yes, please,” that fell from his lips. He hoped Dean hadn’t heard it, while at the same time, he hoped he  _ did. _

 

“I'd, uh… I'd get your pants down low enough to start teasing you. Licking a swipe up my palm before taking you in hand, stroking you as you still grind into my lap, my hard dick being teased by the barrier of our clothes. I'd slide two of my fingers into your mouth so you could get ‘em nice and wet. So when I start teasing your hole, they're slick enough to make it good for you.”

 

Cas felt like he was dying of need, pleasure, and a fuck ton of desperation as he moaned through Dean’s description. He had licked his palm to stroke himself with a wet hand, just like Dean had said, moaning from how good it felt. When his mind conjured images of Dean teasing his hole with his fingers he thought he might black out. “Fuck, yes. Oh, Dean, please.” 

 

Dean’s breathing was ragged as he continued, “I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. Your needy little sounds would get to me and I’d flip you onto the seat, like you are now. Spread out for me. I'd lick you clean of your precome while I slowly fingered your ass. I'd be gentle, until I grabbed the lube, then it'd be over. Your ass would be stretched on my fingers, my other hand braced on your hips to still your desperate and needy movements.”

 

He tried to stop moving his hips, imagining how Dean would hold him down as he purposefully spread his legs on the backseat to show Dean how ready he was, pleading with his eyes for more. He moaned and continued to make those little breathy noises, hoping they would have the same effect on Dean, like in his story.

 

Cas could feel the Impala come to a stop. Dean let out a shuddery breath before the telltale sound of a zipper being unzipped echoed around them. Dean let out a groan and kept going, “You’d be begging me to fuck you, in that amazingly filthy way of yours, because my fingers just wouldn’t cut it. Because, uh… fuck… you'd need to get fucked. You'd desperately slather my dick up with lube and shove me back against the seat, no longer needing to be used, but needing to be  _ filled…  _ uh, you'd, uh sink down on my dick until I bottomed out…”

 

Cas couldn’t stop himself. He leaned forward against Dean’s seat, letting the bottle of lube slip down on the front seat next to Dean before he breathed out a needy, “Please, Dean. I'm ready, please fuck me, let me feel you. Please.”

 

“Fuck, Cas,” he groaned out and the unmistakable sound of skin on skin grew louder the faster as Dean stroked his own cock. He kept eye contact with Cas through the rearview mirror and said, “Yeah, that's how you'd sound, bouncing on my dick like you were made for it. You would whimper and moan, drive me fucking nuts with pleasure…”

 

Cas groaned in a mixture of frustration and pleasure as he sank back against the seat. Dean was just helping him, he didn’t really want to do it.

 

He closed his eyes for a moment, breaking eye contact with Dean, trying to quell the disappointment before he tried to get back on track with the fantasy. A fantasy Dean obviously liked enough to get hard and masturbate to. So two could play that game. “Yes, Dean, fuck. I would love it so much. You deep inside of me, filling me with your come.”

 

“Oh, fuck…” Dean hissed. “You'd milk it out of me wouldn't you? You'd ride me until I completely fall apart, coming so hard. You’d end up stopping the way you were fucking yourself on my dick just to feel the way I’d pulse inside you.”

 

Cas groaned as he leaned forward, close to Dean’s ear as he moaned, “Yes, I want every last drop of you deep in my hot, tight ass. Making me feel like I'm yours, that you’re the only one allowed to do that.”

 

He was so close, it felt like he was going to explode.

 

“Fuck, fuck, oh, Cas…” Dean was starting to lose it. His other hand braced along the back of the front seat as he started fucking into his fist a little faster. “What are you doing while I fill your ass with come?”

 

Cas’s hand itched to touch Dean's, but he knew Dean didn’t want that. Instead he leaned closer to Dean’s ear, his lips ghosting over the lobe. The new position allowed him to push his finger deeper inside, making it almost perfect. “I'd look at you. Getting lost in your eyes, before I would kiss you and come all over your stomach and chest. My ass tightening around you to get every last drop of come.”

 

Dean cried out as his orgasm struck, head lolled back against the top of the seat, bringing said lips dangerously close within reach. 

 

Cas gasped as he rocked forward when his orgasm hit, his lips ghosting over Dean’s for a moment, but never touching before he leaned back to get lost in Dean’s eyes. He moaned and gasped through the waves of pleasure, followed by little hitches in his breathing. It felt intense, somehow even more so than when he had real sex. He couldn’t help but look at Dean in awe, wondering how his friend had managed that. “That was… thank you,” he whispered, still out of breath.

 

As Dean’s breathing evened out, he let out a mirthless chuckle and shook his head. “Shit, Cas. We keep straddling that fucking line.”

 

_ Right.  _ The friendship rule. He gave Dean a thoughtful look. “But it felt really good, so why is that a bad thing?”

 

Dean braced his elbow over the back of the front seat, turning slightly to face Cas. “Because sex complicates things, Cas.”

 

Cas frowned in confusion when he leaned his head on his forearm, which was sprawled along the top of the backrest. "But we didn't have sex," he said hesitantly.

 

That was met with an incredulous pursing of Dean’s lips. “We might not have touched, but what we just did was… Best friends don’t jerk off with each other, dude.”

 

Cas leaned back a little, feeling frustrated with the friendship rule. "It's just such a stupid rule when we both seem to like it. I don't see why it’s a bad thing. It doesn't change that you're my best friend. At least not for me... Do you feel different about me now?"

 

Dean appeared almost unsure, which was a strange look for his usually confident friend. He let out a soft sigh and sort of shrugged. “Well, no. But what  _ if  _ that changes? What if it  _ does  _ change how we feel about each other? What if something…” He adjusted to face Cas a little more fully and continued, “Would you rather experiment with me sexually and possibly end up losing our friendship?”

 

Cas stared at him in shock. "Is that something that could happen?"

 

“Look at my track record, Cas. At best, anyone I’ve been sexual with ends up hating my guts and never speaking to me again.”

 

"It probably doesn't matter when I say: I would  _ never  _ hate you. I just couldn't. But if this could lead to you hating me and destroying our friendship then I... I don't want it." 

 

Cas leaned back completely, looking down at his lap and the mess he made. The contentment and relaxation was gone and he was left with feeling lonely and sad again. He sighed deeply. "Do you have tissues?"

 

Dean nodded and leaned forward, grabbing a pack of baby wipes from the glove compartment and handing it to him. “I…” He clearly changed his mind and stopped talking, grabbing a wipe for himself as he focused his attention downwards at his own mess.

 

Cas looked up for a moment before he started cleaning himself. "What?" he asked softly.

 

“What, what?” Dean parroted as he tossed the wipe out of the window. 

 

"You were about to say something," Cas stated as he pocketed the dirty wipes in his jeans pocket (to throw them away later when he found a trash can), before he pulled up his pants.

 

Dean looked back at Cas again after buckling his pants. “I was just gonna say, I, uh… I’d never hate you, Cas.”

 

Cas gave Dean a soft smile. “Now you know how I feel about you. I already saw you at your worst and at your best. I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere.”

 

Dean returned the smile and nodded. “Alright, that's enough chick flick crap. Get your ass back up here and hopefully we can get to our destination without any more incidents.”

 

Cas chuckled and climbed in the front seat before he squinted his eyes at Dean. “No sex related topics and we should be fine.”

 

“Deal,” Dean said with a chuckle as he put the car in drive and got back on the road.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Thankfully they reached the halfway point without any additional masturbation breaks. Dean felt overwhelmingly weird about the whole ordeal. And not because Cas was a guy, or anything like that. While Dean had never considered himself to be anything but straight, his sexual ventures outside of the heterosexual norm probably meant he was at least a little bit gay.

 

No. It was more because it was Cas. His best friend. A guy he would give his life for, and almost had a few times. While he could admit to himself he was attracted to the former angel, moving in a sexual direction with the guy terrified Dean. 

 

Because he had a track record. Because he was the opposite of lucky when it came to relationships. Because ultimately, Dean was a fuck up and Cas needed and deserved better than a broken hunter who was responsible for a lot of bad shit that hurt and killed almost every single person he gave a damn about.

 

When Cas begged Dean to fuck him, he'd never been more grateful for their separation in that moment. Because if Cas had been any closer, Dean would have caved. The dirty talk tirade Dean went into wasn’t off the top of his head. It was a fantasy he’d had on multiple occasions since that night when he’d talked Cas to orgasm. 

 

Dean was no stranger to same sex fantasies, but over the last week, his best friend had started to star in them and that was a mindfuck. He just hoped that they wouldn’t cross another line, because his resolve was weakening more and more. And that thought terrified him further. Whatever was happening between him and Cas was outside of his scope of comprehension. Dean just hoped they wouldn’t do anything that would potentially cause him to lose the best friend he ever had.

 

He was damn grateful that the rest of the drive went off without a hitch. With one of his Zepp mixes playing in the background, the drive was shared in companionable silence only broken by the occasional case related question from Cas. Dean was happy that they both managed to move back into the friendship zone without issue.

 

They reached a small town in Colorado and, after being in the car for almost ten hours, they both agreed it was a good enough halfway point. Instead of getting a motel first, Dean decided food was more important. Finding a quaint local pool hall that sold beer and food, he figured they could get a motel after they ate and maybe Dean could get a few games in with Cas, to gauge his competency when it came to the game.

 

They were seated at a pub table next to a pool table Dean booked for a couple of hours, drinking a beer and eating some truly, disgustingly awesome fried food. Cas ordered a cheeseburger and fries, but Dean decided to give their chilli cheese fries a shot. 

 

He noticed in the corner of his eye that Cas stole a cheese smothered fry from his plate when he looked away, looking incredibly innocent when Dean gave him a pointed look.

 

Dean let out a snort of laughter and shook his head. “Fuckin’ thief.”

 

"You can't prove anything." Cas grinned, munching happily on Dean's fry.

 

“I’d threaten to punish you for that, but you’d probably like it,” Dean murmured and almost froze when he realized what he said.  _ Shit.  _ His normal pseudo flirtatious commentary would need to be checked at the door considering… well, the fact that he and Cas were probably a drunken night away from crossing that fucking line anyway. 

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him. "Is this what humans call, 'mixed signals'?"

 

“Shut up,” he murmured and leaned over to steal one of Cas’s fries.

 

Cas gave Dean another confused look before he returned his focus back to the burger, taking a huge bite. He closed his eyes for a moment and Dean could hear a soft, quiet moan. When Cas swallowed, he shook his head and murmured, "This will never get old."

 

“Remind me to introduce you to the Elvis burger one of these days. You think  _ that’s  _ good? The Elvis burger is basically an orgasm in your mouth.”

 

Cas looked up at him, raising a brow before he hesitantly asked, "Why? What makes it so special?"

 

Dean grinned and said, “Instead of buns, it’s on two glazed donuts.”

 

Cas gave him a very skeptic look. "And in the middle it's the same as my cheeseburger?"

 

“Yup! Basically a heart attack in food form.” He winked as he proceeded to dip one of Cas’s fries in his chilli.

 

Cas leaned back in his seat and just stared at Dean for a moment, his expression nearly unreadable, but years of knowing the guy made him an expert on reading Cas's minimal expression changes. He looked hesitant, confused, and insecure about something.

 

But apparently, he decided not to tell Dean what was going on before he absentmindedly murmured, "That sounds rather disgusting."

 

“Don’t knock it 'til you try it,” Dean countered, debating on whether or not he should try to suss out what Cas wasn’t saying. But he was honestly too tired to deal with anymore tough questions. He was looking forward to relaxing, shooting some pool, then crashing out with the aid of magic fingers. 

 

"Alright, I will if we ever come across it. But if it's disgusting, you can eat the rest." Cas still sounded skeptic as he polished the last crumbs off of his plate. 

 

Dean chuckled. “Don’t even lie. You know you wanna try it.”

 

"I'm open to new experiences. But if the last few days have taught me anything, it’s that I should be careful," Cas stated dryly before he looked over at the pool table with interest.

 

Wasn’t that the fucking truth? After the revelations from earlier that day, Dean was half tempted to find a chastity belt and force Cas to be celibate, so he wouldn’t have to worry about his best friend getting fucking raped. Even though he promised Cas he wouldn’t murder those two fucks, they were going to get a rude fucking awakening when he got back. He was just going to have to be a little more subtle about it. 

 

He’d texted Jerry to give Mikhail a heads up that he would be by in a couple of days. After that? Dean was going to use every connection he had to make those two fucks pay for hurting his best friend.

 

_ There is one way you could make sure Cas is never put in another situation like that.  _ Dean shook himself of his traitorous thoughts. Instead, Dean focused on Cas’s interest. “Wanna play?” he asked as he pointed to the pool table.

 

Cas smiled at him and nodded before he stood up and walked over to the table. "Yes, you have to explain the rules to me, though."

 

“Well...” Dean started as he got up and grabbed a couple of cues off of the wall. He handed one to Cas and grabbed the cue chalk, coating the tip of his stick. “This is chalk, it helps prevent slipping,” he explained when Cas gave him one of the damnably adorable head tilts. 

 

As he grabbed all of the balls and racked them at the foot, Dean looked up at Cas and continued to explain, “So, the basic idea is to get the balls in the holes, using the cue, and that white ball, which is the cue ball, to hit the other balls in. And you save the eight ball for last.”

 

After racking the balls, he moved to the head rail and lined up the cue ball. “The first shot, called the break, is how we start.” Dean leaned forward and knocked the cue ball in an angle, breaking the balls in a nice spread and sinking the six ball in the left corner pocket. 

 

“See how the solid colored ball went in on my break? That means I get to go again, because I sunk a ball, and I can only sink the solid colored balls now. You’ll get to go when I miss a shot. And you have to go for the striped balls. When all of our colors are off the table is when we can try to sink the eight ball. If you accidentally hit the eight ball into a pocket before your colors are gone, you automatically lose the game. Does that make sense?”

 

“I understand. What if I accidentally hit one of  _ your  _ balls into a pocket?” Cas asked slowly as he tilted his head, looking at the constellation of balls with a concentrated frown on his face.

 

“Nothing if you hit one of your balls first. It’s not a foul to sink any of my balls, but you want to try and avoid that, because that gets me closer to winning. But if you hit one of my balls first, then it  _ is  _ a foul. And if you do foul, the other player gets to place the cue ball anywhere on the table below the string line at the opposite end of the table, to line up their next shot.”

 

"Good to know." Cas nodded as he weighed the cue in his hand, probably to get a feel for it.

 

Dean looked over the table. While the break had spread the balls well, he didn’t have a single good shot for any of his group. With a sigh, he lined up his cue and attempted to sink the five in the side pocket. Unsurprisingly, he failed. He looked at Cas and smiled. “Your turn. So now you want to go for any of the striped balls. Look at where the cue ball is and if it’s in line to sink one of your balls, go for it.”

 

Cas nodded and tilted his head as he looked over the constellation. He pointed at the twelve, which would basically be an easy shot because it lined up nicely with the cue ball and pocket. “I think I’ll try this one," he mumbled before he lined up his cue. His stance was off though and he would never get a good shot holding the cue like an angel blade, ready to stab the ball.

 

“Cas, wait, wait…” Dean sidled up next to him. “You’re gonna scratch the table or shoot the cue ball off the table standing like that.” Without thinking, Dean gently touched Cas’s non dominant thigh and helped him stagger his stance. “You want to lower your head as far as you can, it’ll make aiming easier.”

 

Cas's breathing hitched for a moment before he nodded and followed Dean's explanation, falling into the right stance, although he still seemed tense. “Like this?” he breathed out.

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, but you need to relax. And…” He didn’t know if explaining what Cas needed to do would make sense, so Dean positioned Cas’s hand on his cue for him. “Use this hand to steady your cue, while your other hand will control how fast or hard you hit the cue ball.” 

 

Just like all the other times he taught someone to play pool, Dean sidled up behind Cas, leaning against him. Chin braced on Cas’s shoulder, Dean slid his left hand over Cas’s to steady it, as his right hand wrapped around Cas’s back to gently grasp his right elbow. “You’re gonna want to only move your arm at the elbow.”

 

"Okay," Cas whispered and Dean couldn't help but notice the hair on Cas's arm rising where he had touched him. He also caught the way Cas was breathing, which was faster than normal.

 

Dean wasn’t stupid. Cas wasn’t used to Dean being physically close to him, and considering their weird sexual connection, it was unsurprising that Cas was having such a response to the seemingly innocent attempt at teaching him pool. What Cas  _ didn’t  _ know was this was a pretty cliche and signature move for any guy trying to get closer without coming off as a creeper. And what Cas also didn’t know was, Dean was completely aware he was doing it, but for some reason, couldn’t bring himself to stop.

 

He smiled and gently moved Cas’s elbow in a gentle back and forth motion as he closed his hand moreover Cas’s near the tip of the cue. Dean had to refrain from chuckling at the way Cas’s breath hitched at his ministrations. “Now, depending on the angle you hit the cue ball, the speed and the power behind it, can alter the trajectory. If you hit it too hard, you could possibly scratch. If you hit it too soft, you might hit nothing and I get to put the ball anywhere on the table.”

 

"I understand." Cas sounded breathless, leaning softly against Dean as he closed his eyes for a moment and licked over his lips, swallowing dryly. "Is that it?"

 

Dean nodded and reluctantly let go of Cas, taking a step back. “Give it a shot.”

 

Cas turned his head to look at him for a moment, his pupils wide black pools, which Dean was sure wasn’t due to the lighting in the room. His face had a soft pinkish hue and his lips were slightly parted as he licked over them and took in a shuddered breath. Finally, Cas returned his concentration back to the pool table. 

 

When the guy’s pink tongue darted out, gaze still hyper focused on the table, Dean found himself a little entranced. His eyes trailed lower, over Cas’s really  _ nice  _ ass and he realized just how damn inappropriate he was being. Taking a deep breath, Dean forced himself to step further away from Cas.

 

After a few moments, Cas took the shot and pocketed the ball without a problem. He stood up straight again and grinned at Dean. "I made it."

 

Dean quirked his brow.  _ That  _ was impressive, but maybe it was a lucky shot. “Do it again.”

 

Cas nodded and looked over the table before he apparently decided to go for the eleven. It wouldn't be an easy shot because it was close to the four and, if he missed it, he’d possibly pocket one of Dean's balls along the way. 

 

Cas aimed again before he tried to correct his stance on his own, shuffling nervously on his feet before he rolled his shoulders to stand up straight again, giving the pool table another long, thoughtful look. “That won’t be easy,” he whispered more to himself.

 

“Couldn’t hurt to try,” Dean urged. 

 

Cas chuckled. "Of course you’re going to say that. If I fail, you have a serious advantage." Cas seemed to have a competitive streak. Dean liked it.

 

He aimed again and relaxed into his stance before he hit the ball and sank the eleven without touching the four. When Cas stood up straight again he shot Dean a surprised look. "It worked."

 

Was Cas some kind of pool savant? Or was he really lucky? Dean looked over the table. The ten ball was along the side rail, closer to the head corner pocket and where the cue ball was, it would be an awkward shot that, if Cas fucked up, could possibly cause him to sink the eight ball. “Go for the ten.”

 

Cas stared at the table biting his lower lip in concentration, as his eyes followed invisible lines. After a moment he nodded. "You just want me to sink the eight."

 

He needed a few moments to adjust his position to aim before he looked up at Dean. "Any helpful suggestions on how to aim in this position without poking an eye out?"

 

Dean reached under the table and grabbed the bridge. He slid next to Cas and laid it out, aligning Cas’s cue on top of it. “Give the bitch stick a try.”

 

“Bitch stick?” Cas asked with a head tilt. “That’s a weird name.”

 

“It’s not the real name. It’s actually called the bridge. But because it’s meant to help with awkward shots, some people refer to it as a bitch stick.” Dean chuckled and shrugged. “Some people think using it makes you a bitch.”

 

Cas straightened his stance and gave Dean an annoyed look. "I’ll try it without."

 

Dean shook his head. “There’s nothing wrong with using the bridge. And there’s nothing wrong with being a bitch.”

 

Cas raised a skeptical eyebrow before he sighed in defeat and concentrated on his shot. 

 

The new position allowed Dean to really look at Cas, fascinated as he watched how his whole demeanor changed. Cas suddenly radiated a calmness, his breathing was controlled and, for a moment, he looked like his old, angelic self again. He wasn't all that surprised when Cas aced such a difficult shot and sank the ten.

 

Cas, on the other hand, looked like he couldn’t believe his eyes. “Weird. It worked again.”

 

“Yeah, I'm not buying beginner’s luck anymore. Are you already hustling?” Dean joked. He had to admit, he was damn impressed.

 

Cas shook his head. "I’ve never played this game before, but it all comes down to mathematics and physics. And I still have a lot of knowledge on those subjects."

 

Dean smirked. “Nerd.”

 

Cas chuckled before he looked at the table again. "Let me try something. Thirteen in the left top corner." He had to hit the rail at a certain angle to manage that shot. That could be interesting. 

 

This time Cas didn't need any time to find the correct stance. He squinted his eyes before he took the shot, the white ball hitting the rail to ricochet directly against the thirteen, hitting it at just the right amount of speed to knock it into the top left corner pocket. Cas grinned as he stood up straight. "Fuck." He chuckled in a disbelieving tone.

 

Dean shook his head in amazement. “You were meant to hustle.” He looked over the table. “Alright, now let's get your acting down. Pretend I'm a stranger. Act drunk and challenge me to a game of pool, then proceed to play very badly.”

 

"Do you want to start a new game?" Cas asked hesitantly.

 

“We can if that’ll help you get into character better.” Dean grabbed the balls out of the pockets and started racking up again. When the balls were set up, Dean leaned against the rail, acting like he was bored and in need of a challenge.

 

Cas seemed hesitant for a moment, not knowing what to do. He bit his lip and went back to their table, drinking the rest of his soda before he joined Dean again with a shy smile. "Hi. Um... do you want to play?"

 

Dean raked his eyes over Cas’s form appreciatively, enjoying the freedom to pretend to be someone else, even just for a little while. “Sure.”

 

Cas gave him another shy, but flirty smile before he rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm still a beginner, I hope that's okay."

 

“I’ll take it easy on you.” Dean broke character in that moment to lean in and whisper in Cas’s ear, “Try to act slightly buzzed. That’s the key to a good hustle.”

 

Cas nodded and chuckled as he gave Dean a perfect drowsy look and stumbled against him, grasping his forearms for purchase. "Oops." Cas looked up at Dean with a flirty smile before he whispered, "Maybe you can teach me a few things."

 

_ Damn.  _ Dean was impressed. He smirked down at Cas and said, “Yeah, but let’s shoot some pool first.”

 

Cas licked over his lips and leaned closer. "Do I get a consolation prize if I lose?"

 

“What’re you thinkin’?” Dean quirked his brow, enjoying their play flirting way more than he had any right to.

 

Cas let his fingers slide up Dean's arm suggestively and shrugged. "You could buy me another drink... or..." He smirked before he took a cue and looked at the table with squinted eyes. "I think you should start. I want to see how hard you can hit these balls."

 

His jaw almost dropped at the innuendo. Cas was a quick study. But Dean also knew Cas’s weakness and he wasn’t above playing dirty. Dean purposely pressed into Cas to reach for his cue and whispered, “I can go as hard as you need.”

 

Cas's breathing hitched and, for a moment, he broke character when he looked away from Dean, trying to hide his grin. Dean could see him biting his lip before he faced Dean again with another flirty look. "I'd like to see that."

 

Dean tongued his canine with an impressed smile. Grabbing the chalk, Dean never took his eyes off of Cas as he slowly chalked the tip and finally stepped away to line up the break. This time he didn’t sink a ball, so the table was open. He leaned against the rail and said, “You’re up, blue eyes.”

 

Cas smiled at him again before he leaned over the table with a confused look. "Do I get the stripe-y balls, or the colored ones?"

 

He couldn’t help the bark of laughter. “Don’t know yet until one of us sinks one. This is called an open table.”

 

Cas chuckled as he rounded the table to get close to Dean, whispering in his ear, "Usually it's me being open and getting something."

 

He shot him another flirty grin before he bent over the table, giving Dean a nice view of his ass. And he was never one to not take advantage of an opportunity. The jeans Cas had on were relatively form fitting, hugging his perfect ass just right. Dean took a mental note to write a thank you card and send it to Wrangler. 

 

Cas's stance was completely off as he closed one eye to aim at the cue ball. He snickered before he announced, "I forgot how to aim."

 

Dean sidled up next to Cas, impressed with how quick he caught on to the thinly veiled excuse. “Well, at least I don’t have to ask if you know how to handle a stick,” he teased as he stood behind Cas and pressed against the guy’s back. “You’re gonna want to bend over,” he breathed into Cas’s ear.

 

Cas bent over and rocked his ass against Dean's crotch before he looked back at him, breathing out, "Like this?"

 

Repressing the groan that was threatening to escape, Dean shook his head. If Cas wanted to play dirty, Dean wasn’t going to hold back. He braced his hand on the small of Cas’s back and gently pushed him into the best position for not only shooting pool, but one of his favorite sex positions. Sliding his hand to Cas’s inner thigh, he gently pulled his leg back before moving to the side slightly to cup Cas’s hand on the tip of the cue. He looked at Cas and decided to go for unleashing one of his more charming smiles on the guy. Cas wouldn’t stand a chance. “There you go. Now you’re where you should be.”

 

He could practically see Cas's pupils dilate as his breathing hitched. Cas leaned back against him and turned his head, his lips ghosting over Dean's cheek, "Under you?"

 

Dean smirked at him. He continued to be impressed by Cas’s boldness, but he was playing with the big boys now. “I’m not opposed to other positions.”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow. "You're full of surprises. I like that." He hit the cue ball without looking and sank two balls in a pocket, the nine and the two.

 

"Oops. Do we still have an open table now?" Cas rubbed the back of his neck and gave him a sheepish look.

 

“Actually, now you get to choose what you want.” Dean grabbed his beer and took a swig as he leaned against the rail.

 

"I know exactly what I want," Cas replied lowly, looking purposefully at Dean instead of the table. He rounded the table again to give Dean another good look at his ass before he aimed for the cue ball again in a purposely poor stance. The cue ball grazed the ball at the side rail, causing it to swerve over the table before knocking against the railing, not hitting anything. "Oh, fuck. I'm so bad at this. So now you can choose, right?"

 

Dean regarded Cas for a moment. He was enjoying this way more than he should. So much so, he was straddling that damn line again. But at least he had the excuse of blaming it on training Cas to hustle. He chuckled and nodded. “Guess I was mistaken on how well you handle a stick.” 

 

Without waiting for a response, Dean looked over the table. The six ball was at the right foot corner pocket and the cue ball was almost perfectly aligned. He sank the shot with the sort of ease years of doing this essentially guaranteed. After that, his options were pretty fucked. All of the striped balls were in the way of any of his solids.

 

Either way, he was going to have to take the scratch. Dean sighed and at least tried to use the alignment of the eleven ball to sink his three ball. It worked, but the foul still counted. Dean grabbed the cue ball off of the table and approached Cas. He grabbed Cas’s hand and placed the ball in it. “Now you get to shoot wherever you want.”

 

Cas licked his lips as he let his fingers slide over Dean's hand before he pulled the ball away with a smirk. "That's not an offer I get very often."

 

He slowly put the ball down on the pool table in the perfect position to have a clean and easy shot at the ten. He smiled up at Dean. "But I like taking opportunities." Cas aimed quickly and took a shot at the ten, sinking it in the pocket, hitting and sinking the fourteen on the way. He leaned back in surprise. "Huh. Maybe I just need more stick to handle it well."

 

Dean chuckled and waggled his eyebrows at Cas. “A size queen. Why am I not surprised?”

 

Cas failed the next shot on purpose and shrugged at Dean. "Sometimes the right technique is more important than the size."

 

“I could've told you that,” he said with a smirk and proceeded to sink two more of his balls. When he missed the four, he turned to Cas and offered the table with his free hand. 

 

Cas let his gaze drift over the table before he looked up with a playfully innocent look. "It looks like I'm losing. I hope you're going to comfort me after this."

 

Cas bent over the table and sighed deeply as he seemingly contemplated his next step, arching his back as he stretched himself, his t-shirt riding up a little in the process.

 

Dean’s gaze honed in on Cas’s hip bones, feeling slightly mesmerized by the sharp way they jutted out. At the soft smirk that met him when he looked at Cas’s face again, he knew he’d been caught. Dean arched his brow and said, “From the looks of things, I’m not sure you could handle my form of comfort.”

 

Cas chalked up his cue, never breaking eye contact with Dean as he stepped in front of him, raising his eyebrow in challenge. "You wanna bet?"

 

“What are your terms?” he asked, taking a step closer and using his height to its advantage.

 

Cas smirked and leaned forward, bracing himself on Dean's forearm again. "If I lose this game, you get the fifty dollars in my wallet, or we go somewhere private so you can show me if you're just talk and no action. If I win? I don't know, what’s your offer?"

 

Dean folded his arms over his chest and smirked. “Well, in theory, you should name your terms if you win, too.” No way was he going to make this easy on Cas.

 

Cas chuckled and nodded. "Okay in the total off chance that I win this... whatever," he pointed warily at the pool table, "I get fifty dollars from you  _ and  _ we go somewhere private where you can show me a good time." He smirked at him before he chuckled. "Unless you're afraid of the way I handle a stick."

 

Tonguing the corner of his lip, Dean nodded. “Fine. I win, you give me fifty bucks and see how much you like my talk. You win, I give you fifty bucks and a chance at my stick.”

 

"Deal." Cas winked at him before he walked back towards the table, his steps purposefully off, like he was drunk. He scratched his chin and squinted his eyes at the table in concentration before he leaned over and skillfully sank two of his balls in the pockets. "Wow, that was lucky! Did you see that? I hit two at the same time."

 

Dean shook his head in amusement. “Lucky shot.”

 

He grinned as he aimed for the next one, a difficult shot where he needed to go over the rail again. The eight lying dangerously close. "Uh, oh. I think you will get all my money, sexy."

 

Any fear Dean had that Cas couldn't play up the hustle was gone. He was a weird mixture of proud and a little turned on.

 

He took the shot, sinking his ball without even grazing the eight. Cas raised his eyebrow at Dean in surprise and shrugged. "Only one of my balls left. Do I need to sink the eight, too?"

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, after your last ball, you go for the eight. But you have to call it. So if you're gunning for the right corner pocket you have to say, ‘eight ball corner pocket.’ And if you miss, it's a scratch and I win.”

 

Cas let out a shaky breath before he nodded his understanding. He scratched his chin before he concentrated and sank his last ball. 

 

He rounded the table with a grin, getting close to Dean again as he smirked. "Now it’s getting exciting. Do you think I’ll get lucky tonight? In  _ every  _ sense of the word?"

 

The bastard was way too good at flirting. It was kind of hard to believe this was the same man on the verge of passing out when met with a pro all those years ago. Dean shrugged noncommittally. “Only one way to find out.”

 

Cas gave the table a long look before he nodded. "Right top corner." He lined up the cue with a frown on his face, licking slowly over his lips before he took the shot and sank the eight ball in the right top corner.

 

He stood up straight again with a happy smile on his lips, breaking his character for a moment. "I think I'm really good at this game, Dean."

 

Dean laughed good naturedly and nodded. “I think the phrase is, ‘you’re a natural.’” He fished out a couple of twenties and a ten from his wallet and walked up to Cas, holding the cash out to him. “To the winner.”

 

Cas gave him a surprised look before he closed Dean's fingers around the money with his hand. "You don't need to give me that. We were just pretending."

 

“Still,” Dean argued as he stuffed the money in Cas’s back pocket, “you played an awesome game and handed me my ass. Besides, now you’re a little closer to getting your tattoo.”

 

"Thank you." Cas looked down for a moment with a smile before it turned into a smirk and he looked up at Dean, giving him a wink. "Does that mean I won the rest, too?"

 

While there was a part of Dean that wanted nothing more than to pay up, he knew it was a bad idea. But, Cas  _ did  _ deserve a little payback for being a fucking siren half the night. Dean arched his brow and leaned in close, whispering into his ear, “Well, I can’t show you the kind of good time you won here.”

 

Cas leaned back and Dean nearly laughed when he saw the mixture of shocked surprise on his face. "Oh... okay," Cas replied hesitantly.

 

Dean knew what he was about to pull would probably earn him the silent treatment, but it was too much fun to tease him. He grabbed his keys off of the table and smirked. “Ready to go?”

 

"Uh huh." Cas nodded, seemingly incapable of speaking in whole sentences, or even using simple words.

 

Oh, man. Cas was going to be so  _ pissed. _

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas felt a mixture of nervousness and annoyance with himself. He couldn't believe Dean was willingly wanting to do something sexual with him after what happened in the car. But he  _ had  _ flirted with him at the pool hall, he was pretty sure of it. And the game, which he had thoroughly enjoyed playing, had been full of sexual tension.

 

He chewed his lower lip as he waited on the big single motel room bed that Dean had booked for them. He wasn't sure if Dean had planned to get just one bed for them when they entered the room and told him to wait for him, because he had to speak to someone at the reception desk again.

 

The thought that Dean just booked one bed for them in order to have sex with Cas made him groan in the quietness of the room. He held his hand in front of his mouth and closed his eyes for a moment. He didn't want to get aroused by thinking about it. 

 

What if nothing happened and it was all a game? He always tended to do something stupid when he was horny. Like beg Dean to fuck him, or help him while masturbating.

 

_ Fuck. Subject change.  _ He bopped up and down on the soft springs of the bed, feeling nervous again before he undid his shoes and socks to sit on it with his legs crossed.

 

He wondered what Dean was doing at the reception desk and how long he would be gone. Cas fished the money and his wallet from his back pocket before he put it inside with a grin. If he did this with other people, he might get the money he needed for the tattoo faster than he thought. He was happy that he had found something he appeared to be good at. 

 

Cas put the wallet back in his pocket and bopped up and down on the bed as the nervousness hit him again. He stared at the door, willing Dean to come back before he looked at the clock on the wall. Fuck, he had no idea when Dean had left.

 

He pulled up his shirt and looked at his stomach with a skeptical frown, seeing that the skin around his tattoo was only slightly red. He hoped it would look normal in a few days. He wondered if the skin on his back looked the same, but without a mirror, he had no way to check. For a second he contemplated going to the bathroom, but for some reason he didn’t and continued to stare at the door.

 

Dean came in and smiled at seeing Cas. He was carrying a six pack of beer under one of his arms. That’s what must have taken so long. Dropping the pack on the table, Dean approached. “Promised you a good time, right?”

 

Cas licked over his lips and nodded nervously, his eyes never leaving Dean.

 

“Lay down on your back, sprawl yourself out,” Dean commanded as he drew closer, now standing next to the bed.

 

Cas swallowed and immediately followed Dean's order, lying back on the bed and spreading his arms and legs on it as he looked up with a questioning gaze. "Like this?" he breathed out.

 

“Perfect,” he purred. “Close your eyes.”

 

Cas closed his eyes, noticing how every hair on his arms started to rise as his heart began to beat even faster.

 

Dean chuckled and he could hear some rustling. “You know… Living in and out of Baby and motel rooms almost my whole life, you learn a lot. Like which motels have the good kinds of soaps and shampoos. Or HBO.” As the bed dipped, Cas’s heart started to beat even more erratically.

 

“Dean,” Cas breathed out. He had no idea what he wanted to say. 

 

As the bed shook with Dean’s movements, he found it more and more difficult to breathe. Suddenly, a warm hand pressed into the mattress next to his hip. “Or the places that have decent continental breakfast. Or my absolute favorite…” There was more movement, and he could feel the heat of Dean’s breath on his neck. “Magic fingers.” 

 

A clinking sound echoed above his head, prompting Cas to open his eyes and look up. Dean was kneeling next to him, putting quarters in the top of the bed frame. Suddenly the bed started vibrating. Dean smirked at him and said, “Promised you a good time and I can think of no better time than with these magic fingers.”

 

Dean slid off of the bed and winked. “You’re welcome.” He turned back to grab a beer and sat down on one of the chairs.

 

Cas gaped at him in disbelief as he realized what Dean had done. He had used the ambiguity of the situation on purpose to mess with him. He glared at Dean and let himself fall back on the bed with a sarcastic growl. "Thank you, Dean. You're right. What could have been better than this?"

 

He sighed deeply trying to at least enjoy the feeling on his back for a moment, while he tried to come up with a plan. Because Dean got him sexually frustrated and he wanted nothing more than to return the favor.

 

“I sure can’t think of anything,” Dean sassed before taking a swig of his beer.

 

Cas ignored him and closed his eyes, arching his body on the mattress before he moaned in pleasure. "Oh, fuck, you're right. This feels  _ so good." _

 

The sound of the bottle clinking as Dean clearly dropped it brought a smile to Cas’s face. “Shit, fuck!” He could hear Dean scrambling to grab something to clean up what was probably quite a mess.

 

But he was far from finished as he writhed on the bed, making those little hitches of breath Dean seemed to like. The sounds he was making were so convincing, he almost couldn’t hear Dean’s own labored breathing over them.

 

“Fuck, this is so good. Uh… You’re really missing out, Dean.” Cas moaned deeply. “Why don't you come here? There’s enough space.”

 

There was a pregnant pause before Dean nervously cleared his throat. “Uh, actually, I forgot something in Baby. I'll, uh, go get it.”

 

Cas moaned deeply. “I'm sure that can wait, Dean. This, uh... is... on... now."

 

There was another pregnant pause, some tentative footsteps, and then he heard the door opening and closing. When Cas opened his eyes, he was alone in the room.

 

Cas grinned and hopped from the bed before he grabbed the bag with his toiletries and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. 

 

_ Pay back time.  _ He knew from experience that the warm water could run out at some point if he showered too long. So he quickly got out of his clothes and started the water, intending to have a  _ very  _ long shower. 

 

Two could play that game. He wasn't stupid, he knew that some of the things he was doing had caused a reaction in Dean. And he knew that Dean didn’t leave the room because he needed something from his car. He recognized arousal when he saw it, because in the past few weeks since becoming newly human, it had been his permanent companion.

 

Cas closed his eyes and enjoyed the warm water cascading down his body. Everything was so sensual now, even the way water felt on his skin.

 

He looked down at himself, his dick hanging thick and long between his legs, reacting to the warm water. Cas didn’t touch himself because he had never managed to reach completion without Dean’s help and he didn't want to risk anything. He just wanted to annoy Dean, pay him back for how he had messed with him. Which prompted a really great idea. 

 

He washed the rest of his body, trying to listen out for the door.

 

While the sound of the door was too far away to be heard over the shower, Cas realized, the unmistakable sound of the television being turned on was loud enough. Clearly Dean had returned and was likely sprawled out on the bed, nursing a beer.

 

Cas waited a little longer, until he felt the water finally grow cold. He turned off the shower and quickly toweled himself dry before he wrapped it around his waist. 

 

When his gaze fell on the fogged mirror, he grinned and used his finger to draw a dick on it. Content with his work, he exited the bathroom and grinned at Dean with a raised eyebrow. "Welcome back, Dean."

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean didn’t need anything from his car, but after Cas started having his one man show on the damn bed, he had needed to get the hell out of there. He supposed it was only fair after the shit he pulled, but Cas was really playing dirty. So, when he ducked out of their room, he had spent a couple of minutes taking some deep breaths, up against the wall outside, willing his traitorous erection to go down.

 

Instead of grabbing something from Baby, Dean went back to the front reception to ask again if maybe they weren’t mistaken about not having any rooms left with two queens. Because if this teasing shit was going to continue to happen, sharing a bed with Cas was going to be Hell. And Dean knew what Hell was like.

 

He had finally gotten the courage to go back into the room, letting out an exhale of relief to find Cas was in the bathroom. He plopped himself down on the bed to watch whatever he could find to distract himself from his incredibly inappropriate thoughts. Grabbing a fresh beer, since that asshole’s moaning caused him to waste a perfectly good one, he sunk into the mattress and tried to just…  _ not  _ think.

 

And then Cas had to come out of the bathroom, towel hung low on his waist, skin glistening from moisture, usually insane hair slicked back and tame looking for once. Dean was pretty sure his brain short circuited in that moment, he wasn’t entirely sure how his synapses worked enough to keep him breathing. 

 

The way Cas smirked at him, the fucker  _ knew  _ what he was doing, and he knew the effect he was having on Dean. He wasn’t about to give Cas the satisfaction though. Taking a swig of his beer, he tried to look as unaffected as possible as he said, “Huh. Your hair actually  _ can  _ obey the laws of gravity…”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow before he suddenly pulled his towel away from his waist to towel his hair dry. Dean almost choked on his beer at the brazened response, eyes instantly drawn to his friend’s groin. Cas had a semi and, if he was totally honest, a really nice looking dick.  _ Fuck.  _ Dean really was in Hell.

 

The heat that rose to his face was overwhelming him and Dean turned to keep his focus on the beer in his hand. Cas knew exactly what he was doing and Dean was going to get him back. He didn’t know how yet, because presently most of his blood flow was in the lower half of his body, but when he had control of his brain again, Cas would regret pulling that stunt.

 

Cas pulled the towel away from his hair and spread his arms. "Better?”

 

_ Fuck this.  _ He needed to get as far away from his naked best friend, as quickly as possible. Dean hopped up off of the bed and placed his beer on the nightstand before darting past Cas and into the bathroom. He closed the door and braced his forehead against it as he tried to reign in his breathing.

 

He was startled by Cas knocking on the door. “Dean?”

 

Dean let out a shaky exhale and opened the door part way, because the less he could see of Cas, the better. “Yup?” he asked as he peeked through the door, eyebrow arched expectantly.

 

Cas handed him his towel before he responded dryly, "Could you hang this up to dry? Thank you. I hope there's still enough hot water."

 

The smirk on his face probably meant the bastard had purposely used up all the damn hot water. Dean narrowed his eyes before accepting the towel and closing the door again. “Joke’s on you. I was gonna take a cold shower anyway,” he murmured to himself as he hung up the towel. 

 

As Dean turned on the shower and started stripping his clothes, he winced slightly as his jeans dragged over his erection. “Fuckin’ tease,” he muttered and looked up at the mirror to see how red his face was. There was a fucking dick drawn in the steam on the mirror and Dean let out a bark of laughter. Somehow, despite managing to frustrate and piss Dean off all at the same time, Cas was also able to make him laugh. And that was probably the main reason he considered the guy to be his best friend.

 

Dean stepped into the shower and let out a sharp hiss from the cold water making contact with his heated skin. He turned the valve to H and after a couple of minutes realized the asshole really  _ did  _ use up all of the hot water. 

 

He gritted his teeth as the ice cold water hit his back and instantly doused his arousal. Hell, the water was so cold, Dean was practically a woman. But the relief it gave him from his hard-on was palpable. Once he got used to the temperature, he let out a soft laugh thinking about their behavior. While there was a part of him internally freaking out about the level of flirting that was happening, he couldn’t help but enjoy the fact that Cas was giving as good as he got.

 

And if he was perfectly honest, he wouldn’t mind if it kept happening. While sex between them would never happen, it was a hell of a lot of fun to tease the guy. When he was done with his shower, Dean looked at the towels. A part of him wanted to pull what Cas did, but that would have been pretty unoriginal and Cas would likely expect it. So, instead, he dried himself off and just threw his boxers and shirt back on. As he stepped out of the bathroom, he felt a little less like he was going to die from arousal.

 

But if that bastard was on the bed moaning again, Dean would suck it up and sleep in Baby. He only had so much self restraint.

 

He let out an almost relieved sigh to find Cas sitting up on the bed, watching TV and drinking a beer, now in boxers and a t-shirt. Dean nodded to him and dropped down next to him, grabbing his own beer. “What’re you watching?”

 

“Dr. Sexy,” Cas whispered, his eyes glued to the television as he took another sip of his beer.

 

Dean arched his brow and sank back against the pillows. “Not a bad choice. It’ll probably make you feel better, you know… Seeing people who are  _ almost  _ as slutty as you.” He smirked at Cas and took another swig of his beer.

 

Cas seemed to ignore the comment as he squinted his eyes at the television. "Dr. Esposita just learned that she isn't pregnant from Dr. Rodriguez’s evil twin, because he died in a car accident and now they are using his heart to transplant it into Nurse Candy, who had a heart attack after having sex in the closet with Dr. Sexy."

 

“Yeah, Dr. Rodriguez’s evil twin actually  _ wasn’t  _ in that car. You’re gonna find out that the heart that’s going into Candy’s chest actually belonged to –”

 

Cas suddenly interrupted him by pressing his hand over Dean's mouth, giving him an imploring look. "Dean! Don't tell me!” 

 

Their eyes met and, as it so often happened, they just stared at each other intensely, the tension between them starting to build up again. “I'm taking my hand away now," Cas slowly breathed out after a moment.

 

Dean nodded against the guy’s palm, feeling a weird sense of deja vu. When Cas folded his hands in his lap and drew his attention back to the television, the immature twelve year old in Dean couldn't stop himself from saying, “So you don't want to know that Dr. Sexy’s long lost – ”

 

Cas's hand was instantly over Dean's mouth again, his eyes were wide. "No, I don't."

 

He didn't pull his hand back this time. He just looked at Dean for a long moment before his thumb rubbed gently over Dean's skin and Cas's breathing hitched slightly.

 

Dean swallowed dryly. He needed to do something to ease the tension between them. So he did the only logical thing. He licked Cas’s palm.

 

It didn't cause quite the reaction he was hoping for. Admittedly while Cas pulled his hand away, instead of being shocked, he looked rather confused as he turned his hand to frown at his wet palm. He looked up at Dean with the same frown before he pursed his lips and wiped his hand over the front of Dean's shirt, shaking his head.

 

"If you try to spoiler me again, it will have consequences for you," he growled.

 

Well, that was the exact way to get Dean to try and ‘spoiler’ the guy. Dean arched his brow. “So, the heart that’s actually going into Candy’s chest belonged to –”

 

He did  _ not  _ expect to come face to face with a pillow.

 

“Oh, that’s it,” Dean growled as he grabbed his own pillow and smacked Cas across his face. When he pulled the pillow back, Cas’s hair was standing even more upright. He couldn’t help but snicker.

 

A snicker that was interrupted by Cas's pushing him on the bed and climbing on his chest, before he hit him with the pillow again. Square in his face.

 

Dean grabbed Cas’s hips and almost effortlessly lifted him enough to flip him onto his back. Dean quickly straddled his hips and grabbed him by the wrists, pinning them above his head. He smirked as he looked down at Cas. “Don’t mess with the big boys.”

 

Dean could physically feel as the playfulness suddenly stopped. Cas immediately tensed under him, suddenly looking pale as his breathing hitched and came out in way too fast pants. And  _ not  _ in a good way.

 

He released his hold and immediately and got off of Cas. “Shit. Are you okay?”

 

Cas slid as far away from him as possible on the bed and leaned against the headboard, his arms around his knees as he nodded breathlessly. "Yes."

 

Dean carefully approached, bracing a comforting hand on his knee. “I wasn’t gonna hurt you, Cas.”

 

Cas frowned deeply before he took in a shuddered breath and shook his head. "I know, Dean." He didn't look at Dean. His gaze locked on his own knees.

 

“What’s goin’ on?” he asked as he moved to sit next to him, grasping Cas’s hand and holding it.

 

Cas shrugged slightly. "I'm honestly not sure. The last time I felt this way... oh." A metaphorical light bulb turned on before he slowly nodded. "You held my wrists and I couldn't move. It reminded me of what happened to me and I suddenly felt afraid. Even though I know you would never hurt me." Cas looked up at Dean. "You must teach me how to get out of a situation like that."

 

As understanding clicked, Dean instantly felt like a dick. How could he have been so goddamn careless? His friend had been fucking assaulted a couple of  _ days  _ ago. Of course putting him in a powerless position like that had to fuck with him. Dean nodded and stood up, extending his hand out for Cas to take. “Come on.”

 

Cas hesitantly reached out for Dean's hand and let himself get pulled up from the bed, stumbling slightly into his personal space.

 

“Okay,” he started as he stood in front of Cas. “While we’ll have to actually practice fighting at some point, I’m gonna show you a couple of moves now. They’ll be able to take someone out or down enough for you to run away. So, first, if you have any chance at hitting a guy in the nuts, that should be your first move.” 

 

Dean pursed his lips and decided he was going to have to try and show Cas without making his friend panic. “Push me up against the wall and hold me there.”

 

Cas didn't hesitate for even a second. He pushed him and grabbed his wrists before he pressed them against the wall, using his body weight to crowd Dean against it and hold him in place.

 

And boy was it a mindfuck how much his own body responded attentively to that. Dean shook his head of the seriously inappropriate thoughts and struggled against Cas’s grip, sliding his knee between Cas’s legs. “So, in a situation like this, do what you can to get close to your goal. One hard jerk with my knee, and I’ll shut you off like a light switch.”

 

Cas looked down at Dean's knee and nodded, his face dangerously close to Dean's as he looked up again. Dean could feel Cas's breathing against his throat. "I was held with my wrists over my head, and my face was pressed against the wall. How can I kick someone in a position like that?" Cas whispered, his voice sounding husky.

 

Dean took a deep breath, doing what he could to not just storm out of the room and hunt down those two fucks right in that moment. “Alright, so, put me in that position.”

 

Cas's hands slipped to Dean's hip as he turned him around, crowding him against the wall before he pulled Dean's hands up over his head, taking his wrists in one hand to press them against the wall. He used his free hand to push Dean’s head against the wall, leaning forward, his lips hovering over Dean's ear. "Like this. But there were two of them, so they alternated holding me in place, while the other..." He didn't finish the sentence.

 

The way his fists clenched, Dean was surprised he didn’t cause something to pop out of place. Death would be too good for those fucks and they were going to regret ever hurting someone Dean Winchester cared about. Taking another steadying breath, Dean went into his lesson. “Okay, so one of the first things you can do is either throw your head back hard enough to break your attacker’s nose...” 

 

Without any force, Dean lolled his head back against Cas’s face. “Another thing you could do is slam the back of your heel into their foot. It might not be enough to stop them, but it could jar them enough to loosen their grip.” Dean gently stepped on Cas’s foot as he craned his neck to look at him. “When your attacker moves away from you, struggle and fight like hell until you’re free enough to nut-check the bastard and get the fuck out of dodge.”

 

Cas let go of Dean's wrist and slid his hands down his side before he wrapped his arms around Dean and pressed his forehead against Dean's shoulder. His voice was barely above a whisper as he said, “I don't know why I didn't do those things when I was in that situation. It wasn’t my first fight, but I was so... paralyzed in that moment."

 

Dean flipped around and wrapped his arms around Cas in a hug. “Hey, sometimes you’re so shocked, you freeze up. It’s normal. Sometimes your flight mode kicks in and you’re left without the ability to react.”

 

"I think it was because I couldn't actually believe they would do that to me." Cas pulled him tighter. "Fear is an emotion that is very hard to control."

 

Carding one of his hands through Cas’s hair, he let out a soft sigh. “Most emotions are hard to control. But what you have to remember, just because you find yourself incapable of that control, doesn’t make you weak, or whatever other bullshit you keep telling yourself.”

 

Cas pulled back and squinted his eyes at Dean. "How do you do it? Overcome your fears? I remember you being so afraid of being the Righteous Man, being the last hope to averting the apocalypse. And still... you pushed through that fear with so much strength. Any other man would have broken down under the weight on your shoulders, but you just seemed to get stronger." 

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “You never stop being afraid, Cas. You just… Suck it up. Because someone you care about needs you to.”

 

Cas appeared to be thoughtful for a long moment before he quietly stated, "So you think... when I start to care about myself, I’ll find the strength to fight through the fear?"

 

“I think, even if you  _ never  _ learn to love yourself, you’ll love someone else enough to find that strength. That’s what I do.” Dean had never cared about himself, and how could he? If it wasn’t being hammered into his skull that his only purpose was to keep his brother safe, then he was simply a tool for Heaven and Hell’s plans. Dean barely had value, but his love for his friends and family was strong enough that he almost forgot what it felt like to hate himself.

 

"I care about you," Cas whispered, "most in the world."

 

He couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips. “Then use that. Use the fact that you need to survive and fight, because  _ I  _ need you to come back.”

 

The faintest smile tugged at Cas's lips. It was barely there, but Dean could still see it. Cas nodded slowly. "I think I understand now. Thank you."

 

He looked up at Dean and their eyes met, instantly getting caught again in that weird gravitation between them.

 

Dean pressed the palm of his hand on Cas’s face and pushed him away. “Come on, let’s go back to watching Dr. Sexy and me  _ not _ telling you that when nurse Rita wakes up from her coma that – ”

 

Cas quickly shut Dean's mouth with his hand again and walked him back to the bed. "I might care about you a lot, but that doesn't mean I won't hit you with the pillow again if you don't stop."

 

He gripped Cas’s wrist and gently pulled his hand away. “You seem to forget something  _ very _ important…”

 

"What?" Cas tilted his head.

 

In a swift movement, he lifted Cas into his arms and carried him the rest of the way back to the bed. “I'm stronger than you now,” he said with a smirk before dropping Cas unceremoniously onto the bed.

 

Cas made a funny yelp sound before he scrambled up and roughly pulled Dean forward, causing him to fall onto the bed. Cas was instantly over him, grinning. "You might be stronger now, but I'm full of surprises."

 

The urge to laugh maniacally was overwhelming as he arched his brow in challenge. “You're also ticklish,” he murmured as he proceeded to tickle Cas’s sides, causing him to scramble away from Dean.

 

Cas held up his hands in a defensive gesture, a wide grin on his lips as he raised his eyebrows at Dean. "Please, Dean. That is just... unfair. No tickling."

 

“No tickling. No spoilers. Is there anything I  _ am  _ allowed to do to you?” And he pretty much instantly regretted every word that just tumbled out.

 

It happened so often, Cas not getting an innuendo or a reference, that he hoped his slip wouldn’t be caught. But, of course, now he seemed to know exactly why Dean regretted his choice of words. He smirked at Dean. "You're allowed to do a lot of things to me."

 

Dean groaned and braced his arm over his eyes. “Guess I deserved that.”

 

"Yes, you did. Especially for messing with me earlier." Cas crawled back into his position against the headboard and grabbed his beer from the nightstand.

 

“Said the guy who was basically having an orgasm in front of me as retaliation?” 

 

“You deserved that, too. You had me on the brink of a heart attack for over an hour," Cas admitted, shooting him a playful glare.

 

Dean turned his head to look at Cas more fully. “Just remember. Payback’s a bitch.”

 

Cas tilted his head. "If we continue paying the other back, there will be an endless cycle of payback."

 

“Only until you concede and beg me to stop,” he countered cockily.

 

“You want me to beg?” Cas asked with a smirk, licking over his lips.

 

Dean braced himself on his elbows as he sat up slightly. “Well, I already know you do it so prettily.”

 

"And I already know you can barely resist it," Cas replied with a sideways glance as he licked teasingly over the rim of his bottle before he took a sip.

 

He moved to sit up, smirking at Cas in challenge. “But I  _ can  _ resist it. You, on the other hand…” Dean grabbed his beer and moved to sit next to Cas again, against the headboard.

 

"Don't see the need in resisting it?" Cas supplied helpfully.

 

Dean barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Whatever you gotta tell yourself to make you feel better about the fact that if I took my dick out right now, you would be  _ begging  _ me to fuck you.”

 

Cas tilted his head. "See, that's where we are different. I wouldn't feel bad about begging you to fuck me."

 

“Where we’re also different? I wouldn’t beg.” Dean polished off the rest of his beer and moved to get up and grab another one. “You need another?”

 

"Yes, please." Cas drank the rest of his and leaned forward to take the bottle from Dean. "I think I like beer better than the gin-grapefruit drink I tried."

 

Dean chuckled as he settled himself next to Cas. “Yeah, I’m not a fan of girly drinks either.”

 

Cas scrunched up his nose. "Jerry drank it and he is  _ definitely  _ not a girl."

 

“Don’t  _ I  _ know it,” he countered sarcastically and snorted into his beer. “I still can’t believe you let that guy fuck you.”

 

"I might let him again. If he still wants me, that is." Cas shrugged, before taking a large draw from his bottle.

 

It was weird how much that thought skeeved Dean out. The thought of Cas letting Jerry fuck him again left a bitter taste in Dean’s mouth and he couldn’t quite figure out  _ why.  _ It was probably because, despite some of his finer qualities, the guy was a manwhore and Cas deserved better than that. “Was he that good?”

 

Cas took another long sip before he hesitantly replied, "He's the safer choice."

 

_ There’s an even safer choice.  _ Dean’s asshole inner voice taunted. Or maybe it was just his dick. Either way, that thought process needed to be shut the fuck down. “Jeff Stryker fake dicks are even safer.”

 

Cas gave Dean a long look. "I can't imagine it would feel the same. Plus, I haven't been very successful with the whole masturbation thing without your help. And since that is off the table, I need an alternative."

 

“Dude, you’re not getting off on my words, they’re just helping. Your orgasms are all you. You just need to give it another shot now that you know what buttons to push.” They were fast heading into dangerous territory again and Dean was only just recovering from his damn blue balls.

 

Cas gave him a very skeptical look. "I’m pretty sure hearing you moan is one of those buttons and that is not very helpful."

 

“Again, you can hear anyone moan if you just watch porn like I told you. Basically, everything I do for you, you can get in porn. And probably a hell of a lot sexier.”

 

Cas sipped thoughtfully on his beer, not looking convinced, but shrugging after a while. “Alright, I’ll try that.”

 

_ Damnit.  _ Why the hell was he disappointed that Cas didn’t push harder? Maybe it was the exhaustion of a ten hour drive. Dean finished his second beer and moved to get under the covers. “You mind if I crash out? You can still watch TV.”

 

Cas shut off the TV and drank the rest of his beer before he stretched his arms over his head and yawned. “No, I'm tired, too.” He slid off the bed and went to the bathroom again, taking his toothbrush with him.

 

Dean turned onto his side, staring at the empty space of the bed next to him. He was less weirded out about sharing a bed than he anticipated. Maybe years of being cramped up with his sasquatch brother had made that way less of an issue. Even with the memory of the last time he and Cas shared a bed lingering at the forefront of his mind.

 

Sometimes it was nice to share in the comfort and warmth of another body next to you.  

 

When Cas returned, he quietly slipped under the blanket on his side, leaving a lot of space between them as he turned his back towards Dean. “Goodnight, Dean,” he whispered softly.

 

If the fact that Cas didn’t crawl closer, or try to cuddle into him like the last time, left Dean feeling weirdly cold, well… no one had to know. Turning his back to Cas as well, Dean leaned over and hit the lights as he murmured a soft, “Night, Cas.” 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas leaned back after he ate his burger and fries with a satisfied sigh before he folded his hands over the table and tilted his head. "I apologize for reacting the way I did earlier when I saw the remains of those poor people. I had no idea we were looking for a Rit Zien."

 

He still felt shaky about it, mostly because of the shock, but other parts of him felt incredibly guilty because he couldn't comprehend how hard this must be for a Rit Zien, to be on Earth. 

 

Cas had been here for years and he still couldn't get a good grip on all of the human emotions. It must be an absolute nightmare for his brother.

 

Dean waved him off as he popped a fry in his mouth. “Don't worry about it, Cas.”

 

Cas looked down at the table, shaking his head. "I wish there was something I could do to help them. This must be terribly confusing for most of my brothers. A lot of them have never even  _ had  _ a human vessel."

 

“They definitely need to be talked to. I get that the emotions are overwhelming, but he can't go around killing everyone who's in a bad mood.”

 

"Of course not. But he doesn't know that. The only thing a Rit Zien knows is how to treat pain. Angels don't suffer from emotional pain, only physical. And he probably can't tell the difference." He sighed deeply. “I hope we can find him soon so we can stop him from doing more harm.”

 

Dean nodded around a mouthful of burger. “If you can't get through to him, we're gonna have to take him out.”

 

Cas nodded grimly. "I hope it won't come to–" He was interrupted by the laughter of two men at a nearby pool table, who were obviously a little drunk.

 

One guy had broad shoulders and tattoos all over his arms, wearing a muscle shirt and tight jeans. The other guy was a little bit taller, with dirty blonde hair, wearing a black leather jacket.

 

Cas wondered if they were drunk enough that he could try to get some money out of them. He leaned forward to Dean with a questioning look. “What do you think? Should I try to play against them?”

 

Dean looked over the guys for a moment, brow arched as he watched their interaction. “Yeah, but I’d let them win a game first. Get them all cocky, then really take ‘em for a ride.”

 

"Alright." Cas smirked at him and winked before he grabbed his beer and walked over to the guys, seeing that they had just finished their game. He gave both of them a shy, flirty smile, trying to see which of them would bite, if at all. Otherwise he would change his tactic. "Either of you interested in playing against me?" He slurred his words slightly, so they would think he was drunk.

 

The man in the leather jacket smirked as his gaze raked over Cas’s form. “Yeah, I could be up for a game.”

 

Cas gave him another shy smile and leaned against the pool table. "We could make it a little more interesting. Twenty dollars for the first game? What do you say?" Cas winked at the guy before he smiled brightly at him.

 

The man fished out a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and slapped it down on the rail. “Who’s breaking?” His tattooed friend grasped him by the arm and shook his head, but he brushed him off and took a step closer to Cas. 

 

"Oh, can I? I've never done it before," Cas said in excitement, which was technically not a lie.

 

The feral grin on the guy’s face was positively primeval. He handed Cas a cue and said, “Give it a go, blue eyes.”

 

Cas let his hand slid over the guy’s hand with another flirty smile. It was interesting that so many men seemed to like his eye color. Dean had even called him ‘blue eyes’ when they played the test game. 

 

He chalked up the cue, giving the man a pointed look as he slid his hand over the stick before he leaned over the table and aimed. He didn't really aim for anything out of sheer curiosity of what a chaotic attempt would do to the balls. 

 

They spread all over the surface, but no ball rolled into a pocket. A few came dangerously close though. He stood up and pursed his lips. "Oh, man."

 

The man chuckled and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Pretty decent first attempt.” He proceeded to lean over the table and managed to sink three striped balls in a row before he finally missed. He was actually pretty good at the game. “You’re up.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and looked up at the guy with an impressed expression. "Wow, you're really good at this." He walked past him, drawing close enough for his hand to slide over the stranger’s arm before he leaned over the table to look at the balls. Dean had said he should lose the first game, but it was probably best  _ not  _ to sabotage really easy line ups. No need in the guy getting suspicious.

 

He arched his back and groaned before he stretched himself and tilted his head. One of his solid balls was a pretty easy one. He turned to look at the man with a flirty smile. "Now I got you."

 

He aimed at the easy one and pocketed it without a problem before he stood up and smiled, looking proud of himself.

 

The man quirked his brow, his lips also tilted in an amused smirk. “An infant coulda got that shot.” He stepped behind Cas, making it a point to place his hand on the small of Cas’s back, whispering as he pointed to the six-ball at the foot rail, “Lemme see you sink that one.”

 

If he angled the trajectory of the cue ball right from the other side of the table, he’d sink it, but he was also supposed to be drunk and bad at the game.

 

He turned his face to smile at the man. "That's a pretty difficult one. Will you comfort me if I miss?"

 

“You ain’t even a little bit subtle, are ya’?” The man chuckled as his hand trailed down to cup Cas’s ass. “Yeah, Pretty. I’ll comfort you  _ real  _ good.”

 

Cas let out a soft moan and smiled. The guy wouldn't leave after Cas lost the game. That much he was sure of now.

 

He leaned into the guy's touch and whispered, "Subtlety isn't my forte. I like when a man is clear about what he wants." Cas lined up the cue and failed to hit the ball, but hitting one of the striped ones that rolled dangerously close to a pocket. "Oh, fuck that was close." He pouted.

 

The man sidled up behind Cas, purposely grinding his half hard dick against Cas’s ass as he leaned forward and whispered, “Well, then, how ‘bout we make this game a little more interesting?”

 

Cas felt himself responding to the guy. It didn't help that he shared a lot of physical similarities with Dean. Plus, Cas had had a case of "blue balls" since their car ride the day before, thanks to Dean's teasing. "What are you suggesting?" Cas asked in a flirty tone.

 

“I win, I fuck you in that alley behind the bar. You win? I fuck you in that alley behind the bar.”

 

Cas chuckled and looked up at the guy. His eyes weren't green, but he could still pretend. "That sounds like a very good offer. Deal." He canted his ass against the guy again before he asked, “But if I lose now, I hope you’ll give me a chance for another try. I have to learn to get better at some point, and you’re so very capable.”

 

He chuckled and licked a swipe up the shell of Cas’s ear. “I’ll gladly fuck this fine ass twice.” He gripped Cas’s hips and flipped him to face him. “Didn’t catch your name.”

 

Cas looked up at him, biting his lower lip. "Cas. What's yours?"

 

“Brad,” he said with a smirk.

 

"Brad..." Cas leaned forward and whispered, "Let's finish these two games quickly so we can get to the part where you comfort me twice."

 

Brad chuckled and slipped his hand between Cas’s legs, groping his dick as he breathed out, “Or we could forget the game and I could comfort you right now.”

 

Cas leaned forward against Brad and moaned softly, his breathing hitched with the sudden spike of arousal. "No, no. I want to earn it, Sexy. Come on. Show me how good you are with your stick."

 

He would have probably said yes to the offer, but he really needed the money for his tattoo.

 

“That ass better be worth it,” he teased, but there was a bite to it. As though he wasn’t entirely joking before he grabbed his cue and sank a couple more striped balls. When he fucked up on sinking the ten in the corner pocket, he growled in frustration.

 

Cas decided to end this game quickly, so the guy wouldn't get too frustrated with waiting. Maybe winning would lift his mood. He aimed for one of his balls that were in the way of the eight ball. 

 

He looked up at Brad. "I promise you it’ll be worth it, if you like it tight." Like he had predicted, the eight ball went into the pocket. "Damn it. Looks like you got me."

 

He pulled out his wallet and handed over the twenty with a raised eyebrow. "I still have a hundred bucks left. You want to raise it to my hundred and the twenty you just got from me?”

 

Brad’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. His gaze lingered on the money, before drawing back to his face. “Alright, Cas. This time, I’m gonna break.” He racked the balls again and lined up the cue ball. With ease, Brad shot a beautiful break and the seven went into the side pocket. He gave Cas a wink and proceeded to sink three more balls before he finally missed. 

 

It didn't leave room for a mistake. Brad was pretty good at this game and he didn't want to risk losing. Cas had two very easy shots at the beginning, that he nailed without a problem. He smiled up at Brad, noticing that the guy didn't look concerned. He still probably thought Cas wasn’t really a threat.

 

Two of his balls were against the head rail and close to each other, so he aimed the cue ball between them, causing both of them to roll in different directions along the rail, before they sank in their respective holes. He leaned back with a smirk. "I had no idea that could work. Interesting."

 

Brad narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but didn’t say anything other than a parroted, “Yeah. Interesting.”

 

Cas bit his lower lip as he squinted at the rest of the balls. "I don't suppose you will give me any helpful tips for the rest. It looks like my luck is running out." 

 

The last three of them were all difficult shots.

 

Brad seemed contemplative for a moment before he pointed to the twelve ball stuck in between two of his solid balls. “If you hit the cue ball against the side rail to where it ricochets off of the back, you could sink your twelve without touching mine.” 

 

There was no way that would work and Cas was sure that Brad knew that, too. But now he had the perfect excuse to sink his thirteen without Brad getting suspicious. He would play against the rail, yes, but he would use another angle so it would ricochet against another ball of his. "Alright, I’ll try that." He smiled at Brad and added for good measure, "Thank you."

 

As he was lining up his shot, he cast a quick glance over at Dean. His grip tightened on his cue as he watched Dean flirt with one of the waitresses. 

 

He shook his head. It didn't matter. He needed to concentrate on the game. It wasn't news that Dean was interested in women and since he had plans of his own...

 

He steadied his breathing and hit the ball, when it hit the "wrong" angle for Brad's suggestion, he groaned in frustration. "Fuc–" The ball hit his thirteen and pocketed on the other side. "Oh..." He tried to look surprised about the turn of events. Like it had only been a lucky shot, hoping Brad would buy it.

 

“You’re still up.” He waved his hand up at the table in an offer. Brad’s tone had lightened significantly. He clearly now thought Cas was just lucky.

 

Cas gave him another disbelieving look, still trying to sell that he was as surprised as Brad about his lucky streak. Two balls left and one was still stuck in a difficult spot. The eleven was on the other side of the table and a much easier shot. He scratched his head in contemplation. "I think I’ll go for the eleven first, before I try that nasty one again. I bet you could do this with your eyes closed." 

 

“I can do a lot of things with my eyes closed,” he leered. Brad wasn’t being even a little bit subtle as he adjusted himself while he stared at Cas’s ass. 

 

Cas had to round the table to get to the other ball, so he used the opportunity to get close to Brad. "I can't wait to see that." Which was the truth, because his erection was already rubbing uncomfortably against his jeans.

 

Now within reach, Brad had drawn close enough to slide his hand up the inside of Cas’s thigh. “Can’t wait to feel how fucking tight this ass is.”

 

Cas needily leaned into the touch, biting his lip again as he looked up. "Let me just quickly end this here." He winked.

 

He pulled back and leaned over the table, sinking the eleven without any problem. "Shame the last one is a bitch. I would so love to win this game for once."

 

Brad nodded as he continued to stare at Cas’s ass. The man was barely paying attention. Cas could see the form of the guy’s erection through his jeans. 

 

He looked at it appreciatively and chuckled. "And you are very distracting."

 

Cas chuckled and went over to the other side. The cue ball was in a much better position now and he could make it. Hopefully. He tried to concentrate one last time. Because if he made this shot, the eight would be childsplay to pocket. 

 

He hit the ball and turned around to Brad as he handed him the cue, trying to look like he was sure he hadn't made it and didn't need to see it. He could hear the ball sinking in the pocket behind him. “I tried.” He grinned, still playing like he didn’t know he aced the shot.

 

Brad pointed behind him. “You got it.”

 

Cas gave Brad a confused look as he handed him back the cue and turned around. "What? The fuck." He slowly got closer to the table and looked at it. "Um, I just need to say where I want to shoot the eight ball now and hit it into that pocket, right?"

 

Brad nodded. “Yep. You call it and sink it, you win. If you miss, I win.”

 

“No pressure then.” Cas smiled and winked at Brad. “At least I know I’ll get a fucking sexy consolation prize.”

 

“Don’t make yourself wait, then.”

 

Cas quickly walked around the table and chalked up his cue before he rifled his fingers through his hair and hesitantly said, "Right top corner."

 

He took in a deep breath, knowing full-well that he had the shot. The eight ball went in and he jumped up a few times, smiling brightly. "Yes! Yes!"

 

Brad approached him, handing over the hundred and twenty dollars. “Most I had to pay for a piece of ass, so I’m expectin’ that you make it worth it.”

 

Cas pocketed Brad's money with a grin before he got closer to him. "Come on, we’ve waited long enough."

 

The way Brad practically dragged Cas through the bar and out the back door, he was surprised the man didn’t pull his arm out of its socket. When they reached the other side of the dumpster, Brad crowded him against the wall and immediately sank his teeth into the side of Cas’s neck, suckling his skin between his teeth as his hands roamed lower.

 

Brad rubbed Cas’s dick through his jeans as he withdrew and stared at Cas’s lips, licking over his own in an amazingly predatory way. Cas leaned in to kiss him and he drew back further. “I don’t fuckin’ kiss.”

 

Cas leaned back again, breathing heavily. "That's okay. Kissing is weird." His hands fell down to Brad's pants, rubbing over his erection before he opened the man's jeans.

 

Brad growled appreciatively before gripping Cas’s hips and flipping him to face the wall. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Cas’s waist to undo his belt and button. In a whirlwind of neediness, he yanked Cas’s pants and underwear down to his knees. 

 

There was a murmured chuckle of appreciation as he gripped Cas’s ass with both hands. “This is a fucking thing of beauty.”

 

Cas groaned and bent over, so Brad could have better access. "I have condoms in my back pocket... and one of those lube packages."

 

“Like a slutty boy scout,” he said with another chuckle. There was some rustling as he felt Brad dig through his jeans. And before he could even process, Brad spread his cheeks with one hand, while he roughly shoved a digit into Cas’s hole. 

 

Cas winced at the burn and pain he felt by the intrusion. It wasn't enough lube and Brad wasn't exactly gentle. "It hurts."

 

“Supposed to fuckin’ hurt,” he growled into Cas’s ear as he pulled the digit out, just to shove it back in.

 

Cas bit his lower lip hard to stop himself from crying out loud. He tried to relax, so he would get used to him. He knew it always hurt at the beginning, so he hoped it would just get better once Brad hit the right spot.

 

He noticed his erection was deflating, so he arched his ass closer to Brad, trying to navigate him to the right spot as he gasped through the pain.

 

When Brad shoved another finger in him and roughly began to scissor them, Cas was unable to stop himself from crying out. It was just too much. "Please... ugh." Maybe he should ask him again, try to get him to use more lube.

 

Suddenly the pain and intrusion was gone. Cas gasped as he saw Dean yank Brad and slam him up against the dumpster.

 

Brad cried out a, “What the fu –” but was stopped short from Dean’s fist against his cheek. When Brad realized what had happened, he reared his hand back to attack Dean, but he wasn’t fast enough.

 

Dean had his gun cocked and aimed at Brad’s face, eyes narrowed at the guy in anger. “Date’s over.”

 

Cas quickly pulled up his jeans in shock before he quickly ran up to him. "Dean, stop it. He didn't do anything."

 

“Yeah, man. He fucking wanted it,” Brad assured, his hands raised in surrender.

 

Dean snorted in disgust and shook his head. “Dude told you it hurt and you got rougher. You were a fucking second away from becoming Kiefer Sutherland in ‘Eye for an Eye’. So you’d better get the fuck out of here in the next thirty seconds, or the only blowing you’ll get is of your brains. All over my fuckin’ boot.”

 

Brad paled visibly and backed away quickly. "Okay, man. Alright. Have it your way. I'm going." After he reached a certain distance away from them, Brad finally turned and ran away. 

 

Cas's body was starting to shake. The shock and surprise was still in his bones when the anger suddenly seeped in. "What the fuck, Dean? Why... Why the hell did you do that?"

 

“Are you serious right now? I just saved your ass!” Dean looked at Cas like he’d grown a second head as he put his gun back in his holster.

 

Cas stared at him in disbelief. "From what? Having sex? He didn't do anything against my will!"

 

Dean scoffed and shook his head. “I fucking heard you tell him it hurt. Why the fuck would you let him keep going?”

 

"Because it always hurts! It would have gotten better and I was just about to ask him to use more lube before you interrupted us."

 

“Then you wanna explain why you thought it was a good idea,  _ at all,  _ to fuck a guy you hustled? You know that’s probably why he was being so rough, right? He was punishing you. Where the fuck is your head at, Castiel?” Dean yelled.

 

Cas leaned back in shock when Dean used his full name. His voice dropped a few octaves as he replied coldly, "Every man is rough with me. And I don't care. You know why? Because I'm a slut. I wanted to have sex tonight. I needed this and you took it from me. I don't want your protection, Dean. Why don't you just go back to that waitress and fucking leave me alone?"

 

“Is that what this is about?” Dean shook his head at him, lips turned down in a disgusted scowl. “You’re pissed ‘cause I give a shit enough to not want you to get fucking hurt, even if it means you don’t get fucked in the process?  Are you just so fucking desperate you’ll bend over for any guy who waves his dick in your direction? I mean, if all you’re pissed about is not getting a big enough dick in you fast enough, I could just go grab the first guy I see and bring him here for you!”

 

"Yes, Dean!" Cas yelled back, "I  _ am  _ that fucking desperate, but I can find someone on my own. So don't let me inconvenience you." Cas turned around and walked away. He needed the space, because he felt like he was on the verge of exploding.

 

“Fine!” Dean yelled after him, but he didn’t follow.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas had no idea how long he had been running through the streets until he had reached a dark and empty park. He sat down on a park bench and leaned back against the backrest, angrily wiping away a tear. He had no idea where he was and he was tired as hell. 

 

Everything hurt, mostly Dean's words and how he was obviously disgusted by Cas.

 

Cas wasn't surprised. He knew it would happen at some point. That Dean would get fed up with him and leave him. He couldn’t blame him. He had been unfair, he knew Dean was just trying to help. He just wanted to protect him. The same way Cas wanted to protect Dean from any harm. 

 

But allowing Dean to protect him went against every cell in his being. He hated it. He hated feeling like he was something Dean felt the need to look after. It made him feel so incredibly weak. Vulnerable.

 

He looked up when he heard footsteps. A young man approached, radiating a calmness and compassion. He didn't need to be an angel to recognize him.

 

Cas slowly stood up, his body tense as he greeted the angel, "Ephraim."

 

Ephraim smiled at him. “You remember my name? I was just a nobody when we met, but you… you were a legend. You’ve been here before. This is my first time and it’s… intense.”

 

And how far he had fallen since his days as a Commander of his own garrison. Cas stepped closer to the other angel, giving him a pained look. “You know, there’s a lot you don’t understand about humanity at first. If you would just stop–"

 

Ephraim quirked his brow, as if Cas had suggested something ridiculous. “Stop? I won’t stop until I wash the planet clean of all suffering.“

 

Cas took a few steps back, noticing the mad glint in Ephraim's eyes. He had a bad feeling. His heart was racing, almost skipping a few beats. "Ephraim, you're confused..."

 

The angel shook his head. "It's all very clear, Castiel. So much pain and despair, so many voices begging out for relief. And I answer their calling. And now I'm answering yours." 

 

Cas shook his head slowly. He was warded against angels. There was no way Ephraim had been coming for him. "How'd you find me?"

 

Ephraim chuckled. "Because you’re warded? The same way I find all my patients… I just followed the sound of your pain. You have no idea how loud it is. I could hear you for miles." 

 

Cas took a few more steps back, still trying to find a way to talk Ephraim out of it. He had to try. He owed every angel in Heaven the chance to try. "Do you really think you’re doing Heaven’s work down here?"

 

"I know I am."

 

"You’re wrong. Earth can be a hard place, but these humans, they can get better. They’re just doing the best they can." Cas was trying to defend them, hoping he could reach Ephraim without being affected by Cas's own chaotic, human emotions.

 

"Is that what you think you’re doing, Castiel? The best you can? Well, I’m sorry. But if this is the best the famed Castiel can do, you’re a more urgent case than I thought.”  Ephraim got closer, raising his hand in the process. “I used to admire you. You failed more often than you succeeded. But at least you played big." 

 

Cas turned around and ran, but he wasn't fast enough as Ephraim grabbed him and twisted his hand, making Cas fall to his knees with a pained cry. "Now what are you doing? Burying your head in the sand. Right when your kind needs you most." Ephraim carded his fingers through Cas’s hair before he yanked his face up to look at him. “Shhh. It’ll be over soon. I’ll take the pain away.”

 

Cas looked up at him, begging, "I want to live." There was still so much he needed to do.

 

“But as what, Castiel? As an angel, or a man?” Ephraim asked before he raised his hand over him and it started to glow. 

 

His last seconds were going to be full of regret. Cas closed his eyes, wishing Dean would forgive him.

 

Suddenly the heat stopped as Ephraim was yanked backwards. Cas looked up in confusion when he saw Dean charging at the Rit Zien. 

 

Ephraim waved his hand and slammed Dean against a tree. The man groaned and shook his head as he appeared to try and get his bearings.

 

Apparently Ephraim had no interest in Dean as he returned his attention back to Cas. “ You say you want to live. But you can’t see what I see. By choosing a human life, you’ve already given up. You chose death.”

 

He raised his hand towards Cas’s face, but Cas could only stare at Dean, who gave him a pointed look before sliding his angel blade across the ground towards him. 

 

Cas reacted on instinct, without thinking. He grabbed the blade and dodged Ephraim’s hand before he stabbed the angel in his chest.

 

He had to look away as Ephraim screamed, his body starting to glow so bright it hurt Cas’s eyes. The lifeless body dropped to the ground, his tattered wings were burned into the grass beneath him. 

 

Cas touched the outline for a moment, overwhelmed by regret and guilt over his role in the angel's falling. With a sigh he looked up at Dean, still trying to understand where he had come from. “Are you injured?” It was the first question that made it past his lips.

 

Dean shook his head and approached Cas, honing in on his injured arm and gently touching his shoulder. “You okay, Cas?”

 

“Yes,” he answered automatically before he looked at Ephraim’s dead body and shook his head. “No…”

 

“Come on,” Dean murmured, helping Cas to his feet. “Let’s get outta here.”   
  


Cas wrapped his fingers around Dean's wrist and held him back. He looked up at him, waiting for Dean to meet his eyes before he whispered, “I'm so sorry, Dean. For everything I said.”

 

He shook him off. “No, dude. Don’t apologize. I was out of line. I should’ve let you do your thing. I’m sorry for, well… being a dick, I guess.”

 

“You were just trying to protect me. And I understand that now, Dean. I probably would have done the same… how did you even find me out here?” Cas asked as he looked around the empty park.

 

Dean rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish expression, looking down at the ground as he said, “I loaded a GPS tracker on your phone. You were gone for over an hour and I got worried…”

 

“Pretty good timing.” Cas sighed deeply, suddenly feeling dizzy from the adrenaline crash. He took a few steps forward before he wrapped his arms around Dean to draw him into hug. “Thank you for finding me.”

 

When his friend’s strong arms wrapped around him, he felt strangely safe. Dean was silent for several minutes, just holding onto Cas as though he were afraid to let him go. Finally, he drew back and gave Cas a small smile. “Let’s get you patched up.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

When Dean had gotten the call from the sheriff telling him about the husband of the couple possibly still being out there, he’d instantly thought of Cas. He shot his friend a couple of texts and when Cas didn’t answer his phone, he didn’t even think twice about using the GPS tracker he’d loaded on Cas’s phone to locate him.

 

And he didn’t give a fuck if he ended up interrupting another attempt at sex. He’d take Cas being pissed at him over possibly losing him. So when he showed up and found his friend being attacked, he’d never been more thankful for technology than in that moment.

 

They’d come back to the motel room and Dean had Cas sit on one of the beds. Grabbing his first aid kit, he sat next to him and started cleaning his lacerations. Thankfully, none of them seemed deep enough to need stitches, but it was the way Cas’s wrist was swelling that had him more concerned. It was probably just a sprain, because Cas wasn’t trying to deck Dean for touching it, but that was going to suck for a few days.

 

No jerking off for Cas for a minute. Dean shook his head at his own thoughts.  _ You almost saw him die, you ass.  _ Now was not the time for his thoughts to trail in that direction. “You know, I’m half tempted to convince you to go for women again, ‘cause you are  _ not  _ having luck with the strange men department.” He smiled at Cas to convey that he was teasing, not judging him.

 

“I got stabbed to death by the first woman I slept with. How is that better luck?” Cas replied dryly.

 

Dean chuckled. “Point. Well, I’m about  _ this  _ close to forcing you into a chastity belt for my own peace of mind.”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow at him. “Or you could lock me in a tower and get a dragon to look after me.”

 

“That’s an even better idea,” he sassed as he got up to grab a washcloth and fill it with some ice. “Next time I run into a dragon, I’ll see if he can do me a favor.”

 

Cas nodded with a completely serious expression on his face. “I promise I won't run away with green ogres and donkeys.”

 

Dean smirked and feigned a Scottish brogue, “Ogres are like onions.”

 

Cas quirked his brow. “I don’t care how many layers ogres have.”

 

Taking his seat next to Cas again, Dean gently grabbed his hand and braced the makeshift ice pack on his wrist. “‘Cause in the end, we’re just smelly and make princesses like you cry.” 

 

Cas winced a little before he slid his fingers over the ice pack to hold it in place, said fingers softly touching Dean’s in the process. “No, because I’ll only go with my one true love. My knight in shining armor.”

 

Dean chuckled and quipped, “Guess that means I’ve gotta drag you through the woods to Farquaad’s palace.” 

 

“You’re not the ogre in the story, Dean.” Cas smirked.

 

“You callin’ me a donkey?” 

 

“No, I’m calling you Gingy, the gingerbread man.” Cas chuckled. “Do you want to show me your beautiful gumdrop buttons?”

 

Dean groaned and braced his hand on Cas’s face to push him away. “That was terrible.”

 

Cas chuckled again. “Are you playing coy because you had an affair with the muffin man?”

 

“He told me he loved me,” he quipped as he got up again to grab them a couple of beers. Dean approached the bed, holding out a beer for Cas before sitting right next to him again. He ignored the little voice in his head reminding him that he was done patching his friend up. That he had his own bed to sit on.

 

Cas awkwardly took the beer with his left hand before he sighed. “He’s not the right guy for you, Gingy. You need one with more sugar.”

 

Dean barked out a laugh and took a swig of his beer. “Sorry, Princess, but I’m not taking love advice from a broad who spent most her life locked in a tower.”

 

“At least there I can't make any mistakes,” Cas replied quietly before he took a long pull from his beer.

 

Bracing his hand over Cas’s, Dean gave him a serious look. “If I had to choose between you being stuck in a tower forever and being perfect, or being here with me and fucking up? No contest, Cas.”

 

Cas gave him a quick, soft smile. “You mean you’ll have me? Cursed or not?”

 

“Damn right.” Dean returned the smile and took a deep breath. Something had been bugging him since their fight and he didn’t want another fight, but he needed to know. “Cas? What did you mean earlier when you said it always hurts?”

 

Cas frowned and tilted his head slightly. “What do you mean?”

 

“When we were fighting. You said sex always hurts.”

 

Cas hesitated before he nodded. “Yes… well, not with a woman. It’s different with a man, I guess.”

 

_ Shit.  _ Cas genuinely thought anal sex was  _ supposed  _ to hurt. Dean furrowed his brow. “It’s not supposed to hurt, Cas.” He paused and amended, “I mean, okay, it might hurt a little, but if you’re doing it right, being gentle, it can be virtually painless.”

 

Cas gave him a skeptical look. “How do you know? It’s not exactly your area of expertise.”

 

Dean shrugged noncommittally. “I may have never fucked a guy, but I’ve been with some, uh… pretty freaky ladies.”

 

Cas nodded his understanding. “I don’t think you can compare it. You probably had a real bed and a lot of time. My first time was in a restroom stall. I just need to get used to it, that's all.”

 

That was just about the most depressing thing Dean had heard. Not the first time part, Dean lost his virginity in the bed of a pickup. No, it was the resigned acceptance in Cas’s tone. “Well, maybe you should prep yourself before you go out looking for a hookup. At least then you won’t have to worry as much about that?”  _ And hopefully you won’t get hurt the next time. _

 

Cas appeared to be taken aback. “Why didn't I think of that? That's a really good idea. Thank you, Dean.”

 

Dean smiled at Cas and swallowed down the bitter taste in his mouth at the thought of Cas still wanting to go out and get laid. It was weird. Whenever Sammy went out and got that itch scratched, Dean was always excited for him, proud even. The fact that Cas doing the same made Dean feel a little anxious was off-putting. “See? I can be useful sometimes,” he joked lamely.

 

“My knight in shining armor,” Cas whispered with a soft smile before drinking the rest of his beer. 

 

Dean arched his brow. “Thought I was the gingerbread man in this story?”

 

“I lied,” Cas stated before he winked at Dean.

 

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “I’m no knight. I’m definitely an ogre.”

 

“Since the ogre is the hero of the story and the true knight, I'm okay with that.” Cas leaned back against his headrest and looked at his wrist. “When can I use my hand again?”

 

Taking his cue to go to his own bed, Dean got up and crossed over to the other side, plopping himself down on the mattress and looking in Cas’s direction. “Rest it for a few days. And ice it as often as you can, you should be okay.”

 

Cas groaned in frustration and ruffled his hair. “It’s going to be a very long couple of days. Monday can't come soon enough.” He carefully laid on his side, looking at Dean. “Hopefully I won’t be too annoying in the meantime.”

 

“What’s Monday?” 

 

“I meet Jerry for the design. I already got half of the money for the first part. Maybe I’ll get lucky on our way back and meet someone else to play pool against.”

 

And it clicked. Why Cas was so frustrated. He was needing to get laid. Dean was half tempted to text Jerry again and tell him to back off, but if Cas found out, he’d probably castrate Dean. Then the demon on his shoulder piped up and Dean couldn’t resist. “Waiting ‘til Monday to get some relief? That’s gonna really suck for you. A whole four days until you’re bent over some random surface, getting your brains fucked out. Poor, little Cas.”

 

Cas groaned and turned around, his back towards Dean. “Stop that, Dean. It will be hard enough without you teasing me… Maybe I could call Jerry to meet him earlier? I even thought about the condom thing.”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean the ‘condom thing’?”

 

Cas rolled onto his back. “I will let him fuck me without one. I don’t want to risk him saying no to me.”

 

That bitter taste was back. Dean wanted to try and dissuade him, but he didn't have a reason outside of him just not wanting Cas to fuck Jerry bare. And for the life of Dean he couldn't think  _ why  _ it mattered so much to him. “If… if that's what you want.”

 

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face, making him sound muffled as he said, “It's not what I want, but I’d rather do that than go to that bar again. At least with Jerry I know what to expect.”

 

And Dean couldn't argue that. At least if Cas was fucking Jerry, Dean wouldn't have to worry about his friend actually getting hurt. “But if it's not what you want, why do it?”

 

Cas turned on his side to look at him and Dean noticed the huge bulge in Cas’s jeans before he quickly looked away.  “Because he said the next time I'm riding him without a condom. And I don't want to risk the only safe choice I have for sex by being disobedient.”

 

The imagery Cas’s words conjured was really affecting Dean, he turned to sprawl himself out on his bed, willing his brain to stop thinking of Cas riding Jerry like a fucking bitch in heat. Dean let out a soft groan he prayed Cas didn't hear and took a deep breath. “He's not your only safe choice,” he murmured and clapped his hand over his mouth, because apparently his mouth had stopped consulting his brain.

 

He could hear Cas’s breathing hitch before Cas gasped quietly. “Don’t tease me, Dean. If you really meant that, you would come over here and help me.”

 

_ Abort! Abort! Mayday!  _ Dean let out a shaky exhale. As badly as he wanted to just… close the distance between them and fucking show Cas that sex didn't have to be rushed and rough to feel good, Dean was terrified of the aftermath. “Sorry, Cas. I'll stop teasing you.”

 

Cas huffed out a mirthless laugh as he turned his back towards Dean again, silence being the only thing that met him after that.

 

Somehow he felt even more like a dick. Which was saying something considering his track record since kicking Cas out. And that was way more of a clincher than anything else. Even if Dean wasn't a chicken shit, it's not like he fucking deserved any kind of affection from Cas. Physical or otherwise.

 

Dean shucked off his shoes and jeans and crawled into his bed, hitting the lights before he murmured a quiet, “Night, Cas.”

 

"Goodnight, Dean." He heard Cas shuffling on the bed and the rustling of clothes, before it all stopped with a pained groan and a muttered, "Fuck."

 

Dean sat up and looked over to Cas’s bed, not that he could really see anything in the dark. “You okay?”

 

Cas hummed. "Not easy to get out of jeans with just one hand."

 

He couldn’t help but chuckle as he shifted out of his bed and moved over to Cas’s. “Get up. You could’ve just asked.”

 

"I forgot about my hand for a minute," Cas admitted sheepishly before he hesitantly stood up from the bed.

 

Dean clicked on the lamp on the nightstand and his hands immediately went to Cas’s button on his tented jeans. He swallowed dryly and carefully kept his hands as far away from Cas’s groin as he could to unbutton them. As he pulled the zipper down, Dean kept his gaze focused on the floor, trying to not think about the fact Cas’s hard dick was centimeters from his hand. 

 

Releasing his hold on the fabric, Dean took a step back and cleared his throat. “That good or do you need help pulling them down?”

 

Cas swallowed before he nodded. "I think so. But... I could try on my own if it makes you uncomfortable."

 

It did. It made Dean incredibly uncomfortable. Because the urge to pull more than Cas’s jeans down was slowly consuming him. But he needed to persevere. Cas was constantly taken advantage of by predator douchebags in leather jackets and Dean sure as hell wasn’t going to be one of them.

 

With a soft shake of the head, Dean hooked his thumbs in the sides of Cas’s jeans and carefully pulled the guy’s pants down until they reached his ankles. Dean tapped Cas’s leg to communicate to lift it, so he could pull them over his feet, one at a time. When the jeans were off, Dean looked up at Cas and that was a fucking bad idea.  

 

Cas’s lips were parted, breathy pants being exhaled as his chest moved, crystal blue eyes suddenly ensconced in black from the dilation of his pupils. Cas licked over his lips as he stared down at Dean and he could feel his resolve crumbling. Dean needed to get himself out of the situation and fucking quick, before he threw his friend down on the mattress and ravaged those damnable pouty lips.

 

“There you go,” he murmured as he pushed himself away, moving to crawl back into his bed as quickly as possible. 

 

Cas slid back on his back with a stifled moan, whispering more to himself, "How the fuck did you make it worse?"

 

“I didn’t mean to!” Dean defended, feeling almost frantic. He’d tried so hard to not make his friend’s situation worse. 

 

Cas let his head fall back on his pillow with a groan. "I know, Dean. I know. Fuck."

 

He whimpered and turned on his other side again, punching his pillow a few times out of frustration.

 

_ Don’t do it. Don’t you fucking dare do it.  _ Dean felt such an intense combination of fear, desire, and guilt, he was surprised his brain could even process where he was and what was happening. 

 

Looking over at his friend’s bed, Dean shook his head at what he was about to do. Throwing off his covers, Dean got up and went straight to Cas’s bed. “Scoot over.”

 

Cas turned around and gave Dean a confused look, but he was still scooting over. “What are you doing?"

 

Instead of answering, Dean crawled into the bed next to him. He gave Cas a serious look. “If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I’ll fill your place with more demonic cats.”

 

Cas scowled at Dean. "Dean, you aren't helping if you want to sleep next to me. Go back to your bed. I'm not in the mood for your games."

 

Dean ignored him and without pomp and circumstance, slipped his hand inside Cas’s boxers before taking him in hand. “You wanna come or not?”

 

A surprised noise that sounded like a mixture of a yelp and a groan fell from Cas's lips as he braced himself on his good elbow. "Fuck. Dean." He looked at Dean, surprise and arousal written all over his face before he whimpered and pushed Dean softly away. He shook his head, breathing hard. "Thank you. But I have to learn to get through this without your help. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable just because I have the hormonal maturity of a teenager. It's not your problem, Dean."

 

It would have been more believable if Cas hadn't looked so debauched as he panted and moaned throughout his whole speech, his eyes more or less begging Dean to take him.

 

Dean started stroking him, thumbing the precome before coating the head of Cas’s dick with it. He kept his gaze upward as he continued stroking Cas, trying to remove himself as much as possible from the situation. “I’m kinda the reason you’re in this position, in more ways than one. Now shut up and just… Enjoy yourself.”

 

Cas whimpered again as he writhed on the bed and bucked his hips up into Dean's hand. "Fuck... Dean... Please."

 

His moans were suddenly muffled and Dean noticed that Cas had pressed his face into the pillow, his eyes squeezed shut. His whole expression looked more like he was torn instead of just enjoying it.

 

Dean sighed and let him go for a moment to grab a single serving packet of lube that fell out of Cas’s pocket when he took his pants off. Moving to lean closer to Cas, Dean opened the tube and squeezed the contents onto his hand, using his thumb to warm it up. Dipping his lube slicked fingers between Cas’s cheeks, he gently and softly teased the guy’s rim, continuing to stroke him with his other hand.

 

At the surprised and soft gasp that escaped, Dean leaned in close to Cas’s ear and was surprised by the huskiness in his own voice as he whispered, “This is how you prep someone.”

 

Cas turned his head, his cheek rubbing softly over Dean's in the process, their lips dangerously close before Cas looked up at him and held his gaze. He made those tiny, breathy gasps before he breathed out, "Dean... please..." 

 

“I know what you need,” he murmured as he gently pushed the tip of his index finger inside. And  _ fuck  _ was Cas tight. The heat was insane. Slowly he sank his finger in to the knuckle, giving Cas time to get used to the intrusion.

 

If he was going to cross this boundary with his best friend, the least he could do was show him that sex wasn't supposed to be painful.

 

Cas pressed his head against Dean's shoulder, closing his eyes, as he bit his lower lip. He was breathing hard and fast, only interrupted by quiet moans and a broken, "Dean... so good... oh, fuck please."

 

When he sank his finger in to the base, he gently wiggled it as he slowly started circling, all the while never faltering in his strokes. Dean was surprised by his own willpower, considering his own dick was hard enough to hammer nails into concrete.

 

Dean then crooked his finger upwards in search of Cas’s prostate. When he found the bundle of nerves, he teased it, tapping and stroking the tip of his finger against it.

 

Cas let out a litany of moans and gasps, his left hand suddenly grasping Dean's arm for purchase as he looked up at Dean. "Oh, fuck, Dean... Please."

 

“Let go,” he murmured as he gently slipped a second finger in, now tapping Cas’s prostate with both fingers as he increased the pace of his strokes on his friend’s leaking cock.

 

Cas let go of Dean's arm, confusion mixing into his expression as he looked up at Dean with begging eyes. "Are you prepping me for your cock?"

 

_ Oh, fuck.  _ He really wanted the answer to that question to be yes, but… There was no way. While they were crossing all kinds of lines, actually having sex with Cas, even as badly as he wanted to, would be the wrong step. This was just Dean helping his friend. That’s all this was. That’s all it could be.

 

“No. I’m showing you that prep can be all pleasure, little to no pain.” Dean slowly rocked his fingers into Cas in time with his strokes, thumbing his perineum. “Come on, Cas. Let go. Give in.”

 

Cas had pressed his face against Dean's shoulder again. Moaning and rocking against Dean's finger. His voice was just above a whisper, begging, "Please... I won't tell anyone... fuck... please. I need you. Uh, uh, want you..."

 

“I want you, too,” he breathed as he increased his speed, trying to push Cas over that proverbial ledge. “But this isn’t about me right now.” And that was as close to the truth as he could bring himself.

 

Dean noticed a single tear running from Cas's eyes as he looked up at Dean, breathing, "For me. Please."

 

The need that was burning through him was almost strangling Dean. But he was already in too deep. It was too much. “Cas… I  _ can’t.”  _ It was getting more and more difficult to resist, so Dean did the only logical thing he could think of to try and get Cas to finally succumb. He leaned down and captured Cas’s lips in a gentle kiss. 

 

He didn’t deepen it, just slid his lips over Cas’s as he hammered his fingers against Cas’s prostate and continued to jerk him off.

 

Cas moaned against his lips before he kissed him back. Soft and pliant lips capturing Dean's upper lip in a gentle but desperate kiss. The type of kiss that left his mouth tingling for more. Cas gasped suddenly, his tongue touching Dean's lip for a moment before he came all over Dean's hand and his stomach. 

 

Dean drew back, withdrawing his fingers as he continued to stroke Cas through the waves of his orgasm. When the last pulse shuddered through his friend, Dean carefully let him go and moved to grab the baby wipes off of the nightstand. He grabbed a couple and proceeded to gently clean Cas, unable to make eye contact, or even say anything.

 

Cas was still out of breath as he gently touched Dean’s arm and gave him a guilty look. "Are you okay?"

 

How the hell was he supposed to answer that question?  _ Yeah, just peachy. I just jerked off and fingered my best friend, I fucking kissed him, and I was one more needy plea away from ripping my underwear off and slamming my dick inside his ass, and oh yeah, we’re best friends and not supposed to do shit like that with each other, but yeah. I’m just fucking dandy.  _ Dean forced a smile and nodded. “I’m fine.”

 

Cas tilted his head slightly and raised his eyebrow. "Your lying skills have been better. Talk to me."

 

“I’m just…” Dean let out a sigh as he grabbed another wipe and cleaned the lube off of his hand after finishing up with Cas’s mess. Keeping his gaze on his hands he said, “You know I’m not good with shit like this.”

 

"I know, but it's just me." His voice went quieter then, "And I need to know if I'm losing you because of this between us."

 

Dean shook his head. “Ain’t much you could do to lose me, Cas. I just…” He looked up then, unsure of how to proceed. Cas was never going to understand why sex complicated things. Why it had the potential to be a life ruiner. And why Dean was desperately trying to keep this as platonic as possible, even though they were as far from platonic as they could be. “I promised myself, after Lisa, I’d never drag anyone into anything with me again. That’s why one night stands are ideal. No mess, no clean up. Just a night of pleasure and an adios in the morning. And I don’t want things to get messy between you and me. Because…” 

 

"It wouldn't stay a one night thing with us," Cas stated slowly.

 

At that, Dean shook his head and said, “No, Cas. It wouldn’t.”

 

Cas ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up even more as he looked to the other side of the room, sounding defeated. "Thank you for... You were right. It didn't hurt."

 

“Didn’t I tell ya’?” he asked with a small smile, moving to get up. Dean clapped a hand on Cas’s shoulder. “You’re welcome. Maybe now you’ll be less bitchy.”

 

“Bitchy?” Cas asked tiredly, which was punctuated with a yawn.

 

Dean chuckled as he crawled back into his bed. “Yeah. You’re kind of bitchy when you need to get laid. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

 

“I'm sorry.” Cas pushed his pillow a few times before he rested his head on it with a relaxed sigh. “I don’t deal well with frustration. Everything was so much easier when I still had my grace to protect me from physical sensations.” He was quiet for a moment. “Do you think that there is still some of my grace left somewhere? That Metatron still has it?”

 

“Didn’t you say he used it for the spell that booted you all out of Heaven?” he asked as he adjusted his pillow and turned to face Cas.

 

Cas nodded. “Yes…” He sighed deeply before he continued, “A lot of spells require grace, but they usually don't consume everything. Especially when it's the grace of a seraph or an archangel. But maybe it's stupid to hope. It was a rather powerful spell.”

 

Dean sighed and looked at Cas for a moment before saying, “I think… it’s best to not hold out hope for something like that. You just gotta make the best of a bad situation and, I know my species sucks, but try to focus on the good things if you can.”

 

“Your species doesn't suck, Dean.” Cas chuckled. “I just have problems adapting. I'm sure I'll get there at some point.” He turned his face to look over at Dean with a smile.”I know how to make money now and have a car. Nothing can stop me.”

 

He chuckled and gave Cas a genuine smile. “I know it’s been hard on you, but somehow you  _ are _ adapting. I’m proud of you.”

 

Cas gave him a genuine smile. “Thank you, Dean. For everything.”

 

“Anytime, Cas. Anytime.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again! Major thanks and love to [purgatory-jar](https://purgatory-jar.tumblr.com/) for her permission to reference her gorgeous art as seen [here](https://purgatory-jar.tumblr.com/post/163179235557/i-forgot-i-never-published-my-entry-for)!
> 
> And heads up: This chapter stops at angst town! You've been warned.

**Chapter 4**

 

Three days later, Cas was buried in his research, trying to find out what his fallen brethren were doing. He found evidence of groups and new alliances that had formed, taking notes of their activities that he wrote down on paper before pinning it to a makeshift cork board that was actually a flakeboard he had found in the warehouse.

 

After his experience with Ephraim, he was hell bent on helping the other angels, although he still had no idea how he should do it. He also continued to look for signs of Metatron, almost certain that the scribe had to get bored eventually and make an appearance. 

 

He was in his boxer shorts, sprawled out on his stomach, reading through a newspaper article, when his phone pinged with a text. It was from Jerry.

 

_ Jerry: I’ll be at the shop at 5 pm. Can you make it today?  _

 

Cas checked the laptop clock, noticing it was already four. He quickly texted back a confirmation before he got up and used his water bowl to wash himself quickly and brush his teeth. For a moment, he remembered Dean’s tip that he could prep himself before meeting Jerry, but then decided against it. Maybe Jerry wouldn’t like that and he wanted to stay on the man’s good side.

 

He checked his wallet, smiling at the four hundred dollars he had made on their way back to Kansas. Not only because it was so much money and it would cover the first session with Jerry, but also because Dean had been so incredibly proud of him.

 

He missed Dean. Even though they sometimes texted, he wouldn’t see him for a while, since he had just finished a case with Sam in Hurleyville, New York and they had driven directly to Hartford, South Dakota after that, for some undercover case in a church chastity group. Cas couldn't stop laughing for several minutes after that message from Dean.

 

_ Cas: How is chastity working out for you so far? _

 

He grinned at his phone and put it on his bed before he slipped on his jeans and his favorite t-shirt, that had been one of Dean's at some point.

 

_ Dean: Been a born-again virgin for less than 20 minutes and the really really hot counselor is gonna show me some books. Hoping that’s code for sexy fun times. Which means I am the worst virgin ever. _

 

Cas felt the familiar pang of jealousy in his heart that he tried to ignore as he texted back.

 

_ Cas: I could have told you that. I hope I get lucky too in an hour :) _

 

_ Dean: It’s Jerry. You know you will. _

_ Dean: You know it’s funny. This chick seems familiar. I can’t pin it down, but I swear I know her from somewhere. _

 

_ Cas: Maybe she is one of your many one-night stands. _

 

_ Dean: No dude. I’d remember her. She’s like one of the hottest women I’ve ever met. It’s a tragedy she’s all about abstinence. _

 

Cas sat down on his bed and sighed deeply. He hated that Dean was so much more into women. He had no idea why it bothered him so much. It had never bothered him before.

 

_ Cas: I know you can be very persuasive and effective when it comes to turning people on. I'm pretty sure you'll get her to make an exception for you.   _

 

_ Dean: Here’s to hoping! Been too long since I’ve had sex. _

_ Dean: Oh when you see Jerry can you give him a message for me? _

 

Cas read over the first message and mumbled, "Could have had sex with me, idiot," before he frowned at the other message. 

 

_ Cas: Of course. _

 

_ Dean: Tell Jerry that if he manhandles my best friend again and doesn’t treat him with the sort of care he deserves, I’m texting his wife nudes. _

 

Cas chuckled and shook his head with a fond smile.

 

_ Cas: In case you didn't notice, I like being manhandled.  _

_ Cas: But I’ll tell him you send your regards. _

 

_ Dean: Fine. Tell him to at least be a little gentle with your ass so when he manhandles it, you won’t have pain. _

 

Cas hated lying to Dean, but he had no intention of telling Jerry any of that. He would do exactly what Jerry told him to do. 

 

Jerry had saved him. And Jerry was his only way to get sex without being afraid of meeting guys like those men from the bar again. The last thing he wanted to do was annoy Jerry, like he had the last time when he asked to use a condom.

 

_ Cas: I have to go. Good luck on your case. Be careful. _

 

_ Dean: You too. I’ll text you when we’re done with the case. But if you need me, don’t hesitate to call. _

 

_ Cas: Thank you, I will :-) _

 

He pocketed his phone before he shut down his laptop, eyeing the cat suspiciously. She was currently curled up on his pillow.  "I know where you live, so don't think, for a second, you can steal my computer."

 

The demon cat glared at him and yawned.

 

"And stop leaving fur on my clothes."

 

The cat hissed at him and Cas held his arms up in defense, mumbling, “Assbutt.” 

 

He grabbed his jacket and car keys, and quickly made his way out of his  –  what he was reluctantly calling  _ home  _ in his mind  –  to get down to his car. He checked his glove box for lube and condoms and sighed. He probably wouldn’t need those, but he still packed one in his back pocket. Just in case.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Jerry opened the door just as Cas knocked and he startled a little when the huge man was suddenly standing in front of him. He was even bigger than Sam, most definitely broader too. “Hello, Jerry.”

 

The smile that met him was infectiously bright. “Hey, sweetheart. Come in and we can get started.” Jerry stepped aside to let Cas in, locking the door behind him before he went straight to his work station. 

 

Cas followed him with a smile, taking the chair next to him before he pulled a piece of paper from his inner jacket pocket. He had spent hours on drawing his wings. As he handed him the paper, he hoped they looked okay enough that Jerry could work with it. "I hope this helps. This is what they look like."

 

Jerry took the paper and looked it over with a contemplative hum. He turned to Cas and asked, “You want them exactly like this, or can I work on this, adjust it a little?”

 

Cas scratched the back of his neck. "I'm obviously no artist and I tried to draw them from memory. I'm happy if you make adjustments. Especially with the feathers. I want to keep the proportions and wingspan. The flight feathers would probably go over the back of my arms, right?"

 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking…” He stood up and stood behind Cas, bracing his hands on Cas’s back to indicate the placement. “We could start here in the middle of your back, bringing them up to your shoulders, spanning out down your upper arms so there’s fluidity to the movement. Almost like real wings.”

 

Cas swallowed hard, trying to not feel affected by Jerry's words. He took in a few deep breaths before he nodded. "The slope in the middle must be wide enough to enclose my anti-possession tattoo. Do you think that’s going to be a problem?"

 

“No. I can make it work the way you want.” Jerry moved to his desk with the slip of paper and grabbed a couple of tracing papers. “I’m going to start a design, get your input, and then we’ll start to map it out, see if you like the placement and we can get you booked for your first few sessions.”

 

Cas nodded and gave Jerry a bright, happy smile. It wasn't his real wings, but he needed something that reminded him of who he had been. "Thank you. This means a lot to me."

 

Jerry smiled at him. “Not everyday you get to tattoo wings on an  _ actual  _ angel.”

 

Cas’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. "How did you know? Did Dean tell you?"

 

That was met with an amused chuckle. “The tattoo under your ribs is an Enochian hiding sigil. Never met a hunter that knew Enochian.”

 

"Sam does," Cas protested lamely before he rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyway I'm not... I'm human now."

 

Jerry quirked his brow at him with an almost disbelieving smile. “Just because you’re human now, doesn’t mean you’re not an angel, too.”

 

Cas gave Jerry a soft smile. He liked that Jerry knew about him. "I know. It's just... all very new and confusing. Being human isn't easy, but it sure has its perks."

 

“Damn right it does.” Jerry’s focus was now on the paper in front of him, he was carefully drawing out his design, tongue probing the corner of his mouth in his concentration. 

 

Cas watched him in fascination, the way he easily drew beautiful lines, almost effortlessly. Jerry was a real artist and Cas loved how passionate he was about his work. It was obvious how much he loved doing it.

 

"Is that why you were so direct with me the first time we met? Because you knew I’m an angel?" Cas asked after a moment, wondering if Jerry had just been considerate, or if it was one of his character traits.

 

Jerry smirked when he looked up from his drawing. “Your kind likes to take orders, right?”

 

Cas felt himself blushing as he looked down shyly and nodded. He could already feel his cock reacting to Jerry's words and smirk.

 

He had no idea how the man was able to do this to him, all the time. The fact that he hadn’t had sex for the past three days probably played into his responsiveness.

 

“Oh, and I forgot to mention... Winchester threatened to castrate me if I’m not gentler with you. So if I hurt you, in  _ any  _ capacity, I’m gonna need you to let me know,” he said with a wink before returning his attention to his sketches.

 

_ Dean did what? _ Cas leaned back and raised his eyebrow. "I'm sorry about that. He's very protective of me."

 

Jerry chuckled. “S’what happens when you’re in love.”

 

"And he is still  _ not  _ my boyfriend," Cas added dryly.

 

“Only ‘cause you both got your heads up your asses,” he quipped with an arched brow. “Not that I’m complaining. You’re one of the better fucks I’ve had in years, so I’m glad you’re, uh… on the menu, as they say.”

 

Cas ignored Jerry's comment about Dean and him. It was fruitless to think about how perfect Dean would be as a sexual partner for him with the friendship that they already shared. It made sense to him, especially when he thought about all the intimate times they had shared. But he knew Dean's opinion about it. He wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. He was only interested in one-night stands with women and Cas accepted that. He braced his chin on his hand and smiled up at Jerry. "I'm glad you think that way. I’d hoped you were still interested in fucking me again."

 

Jerry returned the smile and nodded. “Baby. Anytime you want a piece of me, I’d be more than happy to cut you a slice. Even with a fucking condom.” He chuckled and returned his attention back to his drawing. “And before you ask, yes. Dean told me to wear a raincoat if I even  _ think  _ about fucking you, too.”

 

Cas facepalmed, mumbling, "I'm going to kill him." He shook his head again and looked at Jerry. "It's not his decision to make, though." He hadn't been sure about the condom thing before, but now that he knew Dean had tried to meddle  _ again,  _ there was a spark of defiance fueling his next words, "If you want me without, you can have me.”

 

“Well, honestly, I take that guy’s threats seriously. I'd rather not end up on the wrong side of a Winchester’s bad mood,” he said casually as he kept drawing.

 

"Jerry." Cas sighed deeply. "If Dean hadn't said anything, you would have wanted to, right?" Cas pulled out his phone and opened the message symbol to send Dean a text message.

 

_ Cas: Stop interfering with my sex life, Dean! _

 

Jerry chuckled, gaze still focused on the task at hand. “Yeah. Hate the way condoms feel. And the thought of fucking that tight ass of yours bare is pretty damn appealing.”

 

_ Dean: Goddamnit I told him to keep his fucking trap shut! _

_ Dean: In my defense I texted him that shit before the incident in Idaho. _

 

Cas rubbed absentmindedly over his growing erection. Fuck, he really wanted to feel that, too. He quickly texted Dean back to resolve this thing between him and Jerry.

 

_ Cas: You can make it up to me by telling him he has your blessing to fuck me any way he wants. _

_ Cas: Now. _

 

His heart was beating a little faster when he looked up at Jerry. "And I really want to feel you come in me," he breathed out, biting his lower lip.

 

“Damnit, Castiel. I’m tryin’ to draw here,” he chastised, but there was no bite to it. Suddenly the man’s phone dinged with a notification and he picked it up. He read whatever it was with a chuckle and returned to drawing Cas’s tattoo.

 

_ Dean: Fine. Done. Can I get back to my sex life now? _

 

_ Cas: Of course. Sex life away.  _

 

Cas smirked before he pocketed his phone again and continued to watch Jerry drawing. Which had a very calming effect on him, he noticed. Not on his erection though.

 

“You’ve got him wrapped around your finger, you know that, right?”

 

Cas leaned back against the chair, contemplating Jerry's words. Not as much as he would have liked, but Dean and him... they did a lot for each other. "It's a mutual thing, I guess. We're best friends."

 

Jerry looked up then, a sly smirk on his face. “Yeah.” Returning his attention to Cas’s tattoo, he didn’t say anymore.

 

"Why are you asking?" Cas asked after a moment, wondering what Jerry was thinking.

 

“Just wanna make sure you don’t do something you regret.”

 

Cas frowned deeply, trying to understand what Jerry was getting at. "Such as?"

 

Jerry turned to look at Cas again, this time placing his pen down. His expression was the most serious he’d ever seen. “Now keep in mind, I’m not trying to get you to change your mind or anything, but… I can tell you have a thing for him, too. So until you both wake up, if there’s something you’d like to save for him, maybe you should.”

 

_ Oh.  _ Now he understood what Jerry was telling him. Cas pursed his lips and nodded slowly. "Dean and I already talked about... this thing between us. It's not going to happen. So there is nothing I want to save, because I don't want to hope."

 

He had never really thought about it before, but saying it out loud suddenly made everything clear for him.

 

“Fair enough,” he said with a shrug. Jerry returned his attention to the drawing. Without looking up he said, “Then get your ass in my backroom and prep yourself, ‘cause we’re going to fuck before we start anything, and I don’t wanna have to wait to feel your ass again.”

 

Cas grinned at him and nodded before he immediately stood up and went to Jerry's backroom. 

 

It was a cozy, warm room. Red brick walls, full of artistic pictures, plants, a broad couch, and a desk with a laptop. But it was the purple bottle of lube and sex toy that Cas first noticed when he entered. 

 

There was a note in front of the toy saying: “Use this 'til you can have the real thing.”

 

Cas smiled, taking the thick dildo into his hand, letting his fingers slide over it. Jerry was a really considerate sexual partner. He was happy he had found him. 

 

He quickly got rid of his pants and boxers, throwing them over the chair before he grabbed the bottle and made his way to the couch. 

 

The moment his slick fingers touched his hole, his thoughts automatically went to Dean and their last night together. How incredible it had felt when Dean prepped him. He shook his head, trying to conjure up something else. He thought of Jerry's cock. How huge it was and how stretched and full he would feel having it inside of him. 

 

He wondered how it would feel without the condom. How it would feel when Jerry came inside of him, his seed dripping out when Jerry was sated and pulled his cock out of him.

 

Cas groaned loudly, thrusting two fingers into himself before he decided to take the toy. He was panting hard when he carefully spread more lube over it and carefully pushed it inside. He closed his eyes and his traitorous brain went back to that motel bed. To the way Dean's lips had felt and how much he had wanted Dean to just take him, to stop thinking about all of the stupid rules and consequences, when it had felt so right, so good. 

 

For a moment, he allowed himself to imagine Dean was fucking into him, actually wanting him, seeing it through instead of teasing him and making innuendo.

 

He shook the thoughts off again, trying to go back to imagining Jerry. He imagined the man walking into the room, grabbing his hips before he would turn him around and bend him over the armrest of the couch. Spreading his cheeks before taking him. He knew he would do anything Jerry asked of him. 

 

Cas loved when he ordered him to do something, and he loved obeying him. He was moaning and panting loud now, feeling desperate and needy for more.

 

“Shit, sweetheart, I’m not finished yet, but I couldn’t resist  _ those  _ fuckin’ noises,” Jerry murmured from the doorway before he started approaching, stripping off his shirt as he did so.

 

"Oh, fuck, good..." Cas panted as he stopped for a moment to get rid of his own t-shirt. Seeing Jerry like that suddenly made him feel very warm. 

 

Jerry chuckled as he unbuckled his pants while still walking towards Cas. They were almost all the way off by the time he closed the distance between them. “Please tell me you’re prepped enough.”

 

"I'm ready for you," Cas breathed out, biting his lower lip. "How do you want me?"

 

He moved with the grace of a large feline as he slid onto the couch, sinking back against the cushions, spreading his legs out. “You’re gonna ride me until you scream my name.”

 

Cas quickly pulled out the toy, chucking it to the side before he crawled over the couch and onto Jerry's lap. He leaned forward to get in the right position for Jerry's already hard, enormous cock, bracing himself against Jerry's chest.

 

Jerry gripped his erection and used his free hand to grab the lube, coating his cock with the liquid before lining himself up. “Sink down.”

 

Cas obeyed readily, his breath hitched when Jerry touched his ass with his free hand, spreading his cheeks for him as he sank down on his cock. He had almost forgotten how big Jerry was, when the head of the man’s dick breached his hole. 

 

He gasped out at the burn and stretched feeling, his hands sliding to Jerry's shoulders to hold onto him as he sank down further.

 

“Fuck, I forgot how tight you were,” he groaned in appreciation, head lolling back against the couch.

 

Cas took in a few deep, relaxing breaths as he sank down deeper. Punched out moans escaped with each inch, Cas kept his eyes closed, soaking in how full and stretched he felt, gasping out when he felt the constant pressure on his prostate when Jerry finally bottomed out. 

 

Jerry let out a breathy chuckle that was half moan. His hands gripped Cas’s ass. “So much better without a rubber.”

 

Jerry was right. It felt hot and just the thought of Jerry's precome spreading inside of him made Cas feel like he was going mad with want. He loved the feeling of Jerry's strong hands on his ass, holding him tight, like Cas was a toy for him to use.

 

Cas started rocking up and down slowly, the soft slide felt overwhelming against his magic spot and he leaned forward with a surprised gasp, his fingers tightly gripping Jerry's shoulders.

 

“Fuck, Winchester is an idiot for passing this up,” he groaned out as he gripped Cas’s hips and started pulling him up and down on his enormous cock.

 

Cas leaned forward, panting, enjoying the overwhelming feeling that Jerry was giving him, not only by fucking and permanently pressing against his magic spot, but also the way he held him, was taking care of him. He felt weirdly protected in the man's arms. He hummed and nodded. "He prefers women," he moaned out, closing his eyes before he started moving with the way Jerry was pulling him up and down on his cock, getting into the rhythm of fucking himself on it.

 

Jerry moaned and bucked up into Cas, a sharp and fast movement. “That's ‘cause he ain't ever fucked this ass.”

 

Cas grinned and wrapped his arms around Jerry’s neck as he matched the new pace, moaning with abandon. "You think, uh... uh! I feel better than a woman? Fuck. Oh, Jerry..."

 

“Fuck yes you feel better than a woman,” he murmured in a breathy pant.

 

Cas tilted his head and moaned loudly. His cock was throbbing, precome dripping down his dick. He was already so incredibly close. "Fuck. Jerry, Jerry, please, oh, fuck! Please fuck me harder."

 

In a swift movement, Jerry gripped Cas’s hips even harder and flipped him so his back was now on the couch. Jerry never broke contact as he started pounding into Castiel with abandon.

 

Cas stretched his arms over his head, bracing himself against the armrest and spreading his legs a little wider for Jerry to go even deeper. "Fuck, yes, Jerry! Uh, uh, I'm so close."

 

“Come on, baby. Tell me who fucks you so good. Let me hear it.”

 

Cas licked over his dry lips and swallowed as he looked up at Jerry and moaned out his name, "Jerry, fuck! Your cock is so fucking huge, you fill me so good. Jerry, uhh... I... fuck, I need your cock so much. I need you to fill me. Please, oh, yes, Jerry."

 

The man was grunting in pleasure as he started fucking into Cas even harder. “Goddamn…”

 

"Oh, fuck!" Cas suddenly cried out when his orgasm hit without holding back and he came all over his stomach and chest.

 

“Fuck, baby,” Jerry groaned out, his thrusts quickening. The onslaught against his overly sensitive prostate was making Cas see stars. Not even a minute later, Jerry was growling into Cas’s ear as he came. Hips stilling and cock twitching inside of him as Jerry filled him with come.

 

It was a million times better than he had imagined and he wished he could have a repeat of this moment, over and over, because he wanted Jerry's come everywhere on him and in him. He panted as he caught his breath, before he chuckled from the high he was feeling, smiling up at Jerry as he leaned back.

 

Jerry smiled at him, pressing a tender kiss to his lips. “You're amazing.”

 

Cas’s smile widened. He cupped Jerry's cheek as he leaned in for another soft kiss and chuckled again.  _ “You  _ are amazing. I hope we can do this again soon."

 

“Any time you want, sweetheart. If I'm not with the wife, of course.”

Cas nodded and gave him another soft smile. "So, should I just discreetly text you about my tattoo as... code?"

 

Jerry nodded. “Yeah. And no texting after ten pm. No need for her to get suspicious.”

 

"Okay." Cas moaned as he felt come run down his thigh when Jerry slowly pulled out of him. He hummed and closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation for a moment.

 

“You're fucking beautiful, all fucked out like that,” he murmured affectionately as he sat back on his haunches and just stared down at Cas’s prone form.

 

Cas felt himself blush again with the compliment as he looked up at Jerry with a shy smile. "I feel like my muscles are pudding."

 

Jerry extended his hand out to help Cas sit up. He got up and grabbed a towel from the file cabinet in the corner and returned to him. Jerry slowly began cleaning Cas. “Well, you can take it easy for a few more minutes, I still need to finish your sketch.”

 

"I'm afraid if I lay here any longer, I might fall asleep," Cas mumbled quietly as he enjoyed the careful way Jerry was cleaning his skin, gently dragging his fingers over Cas’s arm and chest. 

 

"Can I ask you something? You don't need to answer if you don't want to."

 

“Shoot,” he said as he gently cleaned Cas’s hole.

 

Cas closed his eyes, biting his lip at the nice sensation. "I'm not really an angel anymore, but I still... sometimes I think there is some angelic residue left and... It's like you have a different energy about you. Like you're different from other humans."

 

Jerry chuckled. “I'm not like other humans. I'm a clairsentient.”

 

Cas raised a surprised eyebrow. "So it wasn't a lucky guess about Dean and me?"

 

He barked out a laugh at that. “You don't need to be able to intuitively sense emotions and connections to see you two have a thing. No,  _ that  _ I saw with my eyes. But what I can sense that I  _ can't  _ see, is your grace is reaching out for you.”

 

Cas sat up with shocked, wide eyes. "What?"

 

“You didn't know?” he asked, genuinely surprised. “There's this hot white light reaching out through the celestial plane. For you. I'm assuming it's your misplaced grace.”

 

Cas choked with the sudden relief he was feeling. He clasped his hand over his mouth when a tear fell from his eyes. "I had no idea it was still there. I feared it was gone," he breathed out.

 

Jerry drew him into a hug and patted his shoulder. “It is. I can't pinpoint the location. All I can sense is… books. Lots of books.”

 

Cas pressed his forehead against Jerry's shoulder, taking a few calming breaths before he looked up at the man. "Can you tell if it's on Earth?"

 

Jerry drew back and closed his eyes, bracing one hand on Cas’s forehead and the other over Cas’s heart. He hummed and, after a few minutes, he opened his eyes. “It's on this plane.”

 

Cas stared at Jerry for a few moments, overwhelmed with gratitude and relief. There was a chance he could be an angel again. He only needed to find his grace.

 

He rushed forward to pull Jerry into a tight hug. "Fuck. I have no idea how to thank you. You keep saving me..."

 

Jerry patted Cas’s back and chuckled again. “No need for thanks after what you just gave me. Just promise me if you become an angel again, you'll still hit me up once in a while.”

 

Cas rubbed his hand over his neck as he looked up at Jerry. “I never had sex as an angel. I'm not sure if it will still be the same.”

 

“Then just pretend it is, for me,” he said with a wink.

 

Cas smiled at Jerry and nodded. “It would be my pleasure.” He tilted his head before he added, “But first I have to find it. You said there are a lot of books? Like in a library?”

 

“Very likely. Whether personal or public, I'm not sure. But the title  _ Don Quixote  _ is the clearest thing I can see.”

 

“It's a start. I just need to find a spell to track it.” He smiled and leaned forward to kiss Jerry. “I want this to go both ways. If you want me, text me and I'll meet you anytime when I'm not on a case.”

 

Jerry grinned at that. “Good to know.” He kissed Cas again before moving to get up. “I'm going to finish your sketch. There's water and soda in the mini fridge in the corner if you're thirsty.”

 

“Thank you.” He winked at Jerry. “My throat is a bit dry from crying out your name. Maybe next time we can find another way... so it doesn’t stay dry.”

 

“You're somethin’ else,” he murmured fondly as he cupped Cas’s face and left to return to his work station, grabbing his clothes along the way.

 

Cas slowly slipped back into his clothes before he grabbed a water from the fridge and drank it all in one go. He couldn’t stop smiling, he hadn’t feel this hopeful in months. 

 

He quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted Dean.

 

_ Cas: My grace is still there! Did you know Jerry is a clairsentient? He sensed it here on earth in some library! _

 

A response from Dean never came.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

When they finally got back to the bunker after the whole ordeal with that bitch Vesta, Dean had been wary, hesitant to talk to Sam about anything. Despite the guy’s protests, it seemed like Zeke was listening in on a lot of what they were saying to each other. Considering he was listening enough to know when Dean was about to tell his brother what happened. That he was currently playing host to a heavenly parasite.

 

Something wasn’t right. And he needed to talk to the only person he could about the situation. Dean ignored Kevin as he asked what happened, leaving it up to Sam to answer the kid’s questions, and found his way to his room, closing the door and crawling into his bed. 

 

_ Shit.  _ Cas had texted him while he was being Silence of the Lambed. Reading the text over and over he blinked a few times, trying to process. Dean knew Jerry was a clairsentient. With a last name of Moseley, it was probably a given, but that wasn’t what shook him.

 

The fact that Cas’s grace was still out there… It was great. It was really great, but Dean felt almost a little sad about it. He liked Cas as a human. Even though he was kind of bitchy sometimes; he was funny, and emotional, and a hell of a lot of fun to spend time with. Not that he wasn’t as an angel, but there was something about the human side of him that made everything feel a lot less… strict.

 

Dean decided to call Cas, instead of text. As the device rang a couple of times, he wondered if maybe he was disturbing anything. Maybe he was getting laid? Something else that wasn’t sitting right with Dean either.

 

Maybe he needed a vacation.

 

When Cas finally answered, it wasn't with his typical,  _ "Hello, Dean,"  _ but an out of breath, "Ouch, ahhhh. Fuck!"

 

“Shit, Cas, you okay?” Dean sat upright, ready to grab his keys and drive straight over there.

 

"Ah, uh, um… yes. Demon Cat was sitting on my phone."

 

At that he couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped. “So you two still aren’t getting along?”

 

"No. She loves my clothes, my bed, and all my things. But she hates me. If you find me dead at some point, you know who my killer was."

 

Dean contemplated whether or not to bring the cat with them when Cas could come home. Just to piss the guy off. It was too funny to  _ not  _ want to see their interactions on a regular basis. He’d stock up on allergy meds for that level of comedy gold. “Other than your paranoia over a cat, how are you?”

 

"Hopeful. Did you get my message? I was worried because you didn't text back for so long. Are you okay?"

 

“Yeah. Got kidnapped by the goddess Vesta after hooking up with Suzy. Or should I say…  _ Carmelita,”  _ he said her name with a leer, still a little impressed with himself for hooking up with one of his favorite Casa Erotica stars. “You know, all in a day’s work.”

 

There was a pause on the other line before Cas cleared his throat. "Oh... seems like you had a lot of action. How is Sam?"

 

Dean sighed. “That’s actually why I called. I was gonna tell him. Tell him everything. Because he’s catching on. The black outs from when Zeke takes over are getting longer and he’s… He’s noticing it. But when I tried to tell him the truth, Zeke took over again and told me not to. I don’t know, Cas. Maybe this was a bad idea.”

 

"Ezekiel is a very honorable and nice angel, Dean. If he tells you it is too dangerous for Sam, then he’s probably right. Don't worry, I'm sure he will be okay soon, at least enough that Ezekiel can leave. I just wish I had already found my grace so I could heal the rest. But it's like searching for needle in a haything."

 

“Haystack,” Dean corrected with a chuckle. He felt a little better, but something still wasn’t sitting right. Maybe he was too close to the picture to see it clearly. Changing the subject, Dean asked, “Did Jerry tell you what library your grace is in?”

 

Cas sighed deeply. "No, he couldn't say. I only know it's on Earth, in some kind of library and the book  _ Don Quixote  _ is nearby. But I'm grateful to even know it's still out there. Maybe I can find a tracking spell in one of your books when I come back to live with you."

 

Which wasn’t going to happen any time soon as long as Zeke got his way. Dean hated all of this. “Yeah, definitely. If I get a chance to try and find something before you come back, I will.”

 

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas was quiet for a moment before he asked, “Do you think you… could find time to visit me again?”

 

“Yeah, uh… Sam and Kevin are gonna do some more research tonight. He told me to ‘relax’ after getting my ass kidnapped. Maybe you could take care of me. Give me a foot rub, that sort of thing,” he joked.

 

"Alright. Tell him you found a sexy, blue eyed person that wants to take care of you tonight and it won't technically be a lie." Cas chuckled before he got interrupted by a scratching noise in the background, followed by Cas yelling a muffled, "Fuck! Stop it, you fleabag!"

 

Dean barked out a laugh. “What’s D.C. doing now?”

 

“She hates when I'm on the phone. She starts scratching my blanket until I stop."

 

“I kind of love that your arch nemesis is a harmless, old cat.”

 

"You should see my arms and my legs, Dean. She is  _ not  _ harmless. I'm pretty sure she’s possessed."

 

Dean laughed again, shaking his head at the mental imagery. “Maybe you should stop trying to steal her food,” he teased. Excited for the indignant response that comment was going to receive.

 

He wasn't disappointed when Cas answered in a predicted, indignant tone, "She is stealing  _ my _ food, Dean! She even ate my burrito!"

 

“Did you put your name on it?” It was official. He was never going to get sick of messing with Cas.

 

"Dean, I'm pretty sure the cat can't read!"

 

“You don’t know that. Animals are pretty damn smart. The Colonel and I got into some pretty heavy discussions about Zeppelin.”

 

Cas was quiet for a moment before he stated dryly, "You're messing with me."

 

Dean chuckled and smiled into the phone. “Yeah. Other than the thing with me and the Colonel.” He looked around his room for a moment before deciding that he couldn’t think of a better way to de-stress after a hunt than hang out with his best friend. “I’m gonna grab a shower and then head your way. Want me to pick you up anything on my way? Antiseptic? Holy water? A scratching post?”

 

“All of the above. And beer. I’m pretty sure the cat drank that, too.”

 

“You got it,” he said with a snort and hung up the phone. 

 

After grabbing a quick shower, a change of clothes, and his wallet, Dean felt that sort of anticipatory excitement one feels before a date. Which was weird. He was just going to drink beers with Cas and probably end up passed out on an uncomfortable attic floor. 

 

Unsurprisingly, all he received in response to his ‘hot date with a blue eyed piece’ line, was an eyeroll and a “stay safe,” from Sam. Kevin just narrowed his eyes at him. The kid was probably pissed Dean was getting out of research again.

 

Despite it being a joke, after Dean grabbed a case of beer and a pizza, he hit a Dollar Tree and grabbed Cas several bottles of antiseptic and a shitty scratching post. He was nothing if not considerate. And honestly, it was worth it for the dopey grin that greeted him as he was juggling all of those items after knocking at Cas’s door with his boot.

 

“Told you I would,” he teased as he held out the hand with the post for Cas to take.

 

"My knight in shining armor."

 

“Ogre,” Dean corrected as he dropped the case of beer by the mini fridge and placed the pizza on a crate behind him. Dean knelt down and started putting as many beers into the fridge as he could fit. Which was all but two of them. He grabbed those two, the pizza, and made his way to where Cas had set the scratching post. Far away from any of his things Dean noticed. “Here,” he said as he handed Cas one of the bottles. “You look like you could use it.”

 

"Thank you," Cas gave him a soft smile and only then did Dean notice that Cas was wearing his usual shirt and tie get-up, only that he had the sleeves rolled up. His arms covered in scratches. Cas seemed to have been busy with research, if the panel with research notes pinned to it was anything to go by.

 

Dean smiled as he looked Cas up and down with a nod. “What’ve you got goin’ on?”

 

Cas looked down at himself and shrugged sheepishly. "I've been doing research, trying to gain information about Bartholomew and how many followers he has gained. I'm also trying to find a way to locate my grace. It felt like a shirt and tie day."

 

“What’ve you found so far?” he asked as he sat down on Cas’s bed, dropping the pizza on the bed next to him. Dean took a sip of his beer as he looked down at Cas’s laptop.

 

Cas laid down on his stomach and pulled up his research notes and news articles he had found. "He is still trying to recruit new vessels to increase his followers. But there seems to be a lot of angels trying to stay away from him. I found a few stories about little wonders happening in hospitals and I'm afraid if those angels that are still trying to do good work aren't careful, Bartholomew will find them."

 

“What the hell is he plannin’?” Dean asked as he grabbed one of the offered articles Cas held out to him.

 

"I think he is trying to get as many followers as possible to retake Heaven, essentially taking command. He will probably continue his efforts to catch me, too."

 

“Shit.” Dean took a swig of his beer and shook his head. “We’ve gotta stop him. It’s not like…” He stopped himself.  _ Shit.  _ He never told Cas what Crowley told them about the spell. He’d wanted to leave Cas with  _ some  _ hope. 

 

"It's not like what, Dean?" Cas asked as he reached over him to grab a slice of pizza, his tie softly sliding over Dean's arm.

 

Dean sighed and couldn’t bring himself to look at Cas. He grabbed a slice for himself and stared at it as he said, “Metatron’s spell is irreversible.”

 

Cas sat back in shock and stared at him. "What?"

 

“Yeah, uh… Crowley translated the weird non-language Kevin translated the tablet into, so I’m not completely on board with the idea that it’s the truth, but… It kind of seems like it is.”

 

Cas shook his head softly, looking down for a moment. "I can't believe it. There  _ has  _ to be a way..." He looked up again, eyes full of desperation. "There must be a way, Dean."

 

Dean clasped his hand on Cas’s shoulder and shook his head. “I’m so sorry, buddy.”

 

"I'm not ready to accept that. I know Metatron has a backdoor somewhere. There must be a way to get the angels back home." Cas rubbed his free hand over his face before he looked at the slice of pizza and sighed. "Fuck."

 

“Let’s… Let’s tackle a problem we can right now,” he said, leaning forward to grab another article. “Maybe we can track down Bartholomew and try to get him to back off.”

 

Cas took a bite from his pizza and tilted his head after he swallowed. "How? He is convinced that I know how to get the angels back to Heaven, or at least that I work with Metatron. And even if we convince him that I know nothing, he will kill me because I outlived my usefulness to him."

 

“Then we take him out. Without a leader, maybe the other angels will just… try to exist?” he asked with a hopeful quirk of his brow before taking a bite of his slice. 

 

Cas licked the rest of the pizza crumbs from his fingers with a deep frown. "I really want to stop killing my brothers. I already killed so many of them, but I'll do it if he doesn't leave me a choice."

 

Dean nodded. Cas was stuck between a rock and a hard place. “What made you want to research the angels? To figure out what they were up to?”

 

Cas bent over to grab his bottle, drinking nearly half of it in one go before he wiped his lips with the back of his hand and looked at Dean. "Ephraim. After seeing what happened to him... He was a good angel, Dean. I just can't sit this out. It was my poor judgement that led to the fall. I was so blind..."

 

“You were tricked. Huge difference,” he argued. Dean hated that Cas couldn’t see himself the way Dean saw him. An angel who was trying to do the right thing.

 

"I tried so hard to make amends for my mistakes and just ended up making it worse." He drank more of his beer and put the bottle behind his laptop, opening a website with Enochian sigils. "Maybe I’ll have more success concentrating on finding a needle in the hay… stick?"

 

“Stack,” Dean corrected. He finished his beer and slice, and moved to lay on his back next to Cas, letting his head fall over the edge of the mattress. He grabbed what looked like a journal Cas had been working on and flipped it open. “What’s this?” he asked as he tapped Cas’s shoulder. 

 

Cas smiled softly, his eyes never leaving the laptop. "My journal. I like the one you have from your father, so I started my own. Just that I take notes on human behavior, to help me adapt."

 

  


 

Dean smiled and held the journal in the air, over his head, to read some of it. 

 

_ Humans have an infuriating habit of speaking solely in hyperbole and media reference. _

 

He couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Cas, are you basing human behavior entirely on me?”

 

Cas gave him a sideways glance. "You are the human I spend the most time with, the one I learn from the most. But my observations aren't only about you. Maybe ninety-percent though." He tilted his head and added, "Ninety-four percent."

 

“Ninety-four, huh?” he asked with a chuckle. Dean flipped back to some of the pages at the beginning of the journal when something caught his eye. It was dated about two years prior.

 

_ Freckle count as of this date: 372 _

 

Dean rolled onto his side and gave Cas a bemused, questioning smile. “Cas?”

 

“Yes, Dean?” Cas appeared to bookmark the page he was looking at before he grabbed his bottle again.

 

He held the journal out towards Cas’s eyeline and pointed at the entry. “What’s, uh… what’s this about?”

 

Cas suddenly blushed and pulled the journal from Dean's hands with wide eyes. "Um, nothing."

 

Dean grabbed the journal back and turned to lay on his stomach, holding the journal out of Cas’s reach. “Uh, uh. Now that I know this is basically your diary, I  _ have _ to read it.”

 

Cas basically climbed over him to try to grab the book back. "It's seriously not that interesting, Dean."

 

He kept his hands outstretched, the journal being exchanged between them as he continued to keep it out of Cas’s reach, while he continued to straddle Dean’s back. Dean lifted his hips and stuffed the journal down his pants in a swift move before pressing himself against the mattress again. Dean chuckled. “It’s gone now.”

 

"You really think I won't reach into your pants to get it back, Dean Winchester?" Cas threatened as he leaned over and growled in his ear, "Think again."

 

And holy shit, he was  _ not  _ prepared for how fucking hot that was. Dean let out a sharp gasp and found himself now pressing his groin into the mattress to hide the start of his erection, more so than the journal. “I’m not Jerry,” he taunted.

 

"Clearly not, otherwise it would be me lying where you are now." Cas rocked his hips against Dean's ass as he slid higher. "Do you want me to find out if you're ticklish, or will you give my book back willingly?"

 

Dean knew he should just give Cas his journal back, he should be a mature adult, grab the book and hand it back to him. But Dean was the farthest thing from a mature adult. “Go ahead and try.”

 

Cas poked his sides and started to tickle him with one hand, leaning his whole weight on him so he couldn't free himself.

 

Dean hummed thoughtfully. He wasn’t even slightly ticklish, so Cas could do this until his fingers fell off and Dean wouldn’t even crack a smile. To hit the point home, he let out an exaggerated yawn. “Let me know when you’re done.”

 

Cas made a thoughtful sound before he leaned back and tried to tickle Dean under his bare foot.

 

“You might want to wash your hands now,” he teased. 

 

"I thought you showered?" Cas replied with a sigh before he slid off of Dean. "How can someone not be ticklish?"

 

Dean grinned broadly at him. “I turn it off.”

 

Cas squinted his eyes skeptically at him, before he drained his beer. "How?"

 

“That’s for me to know, and you to endlessly wonder about…” Dean chuckled and lifted his hips up to pull the journal out again. He flipped it open, perusing it with a small smile. “What’s the highest count of my freckles that you reached?”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and mumbled, "Four hundred and fifteen." Before he got up to get another beer from the fridge, handing Dean one before he laid down on his stomach again, taking a sip.

 

“So, is it just the ones on my face, or…” Dean said in a teasing, feigned serious tone.

 

"There’s one hundred and forty two on your face," Cas murmured into his beer bottle.

 

Dean barked out a laugh. “So, where are all the other freckles you’re counting?”

 

"Um... on your chest and arms... and on your back. There are probably more." Cas licked over his lips before he shot Dean a sheepish look. "Back when I still had my wings, I watched over you sometimes. I got bored." 

 

“Wait, wait,” Dean said as he turned onto his side to face Cas again, “lemme get this straight. You  _ counted  _ my  _ freckles  _ when you got  _ bored.” _

 

"Yes?" Cas answered hesitantly. "It was more interesting than counting how many times you snore at night."

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Good thing I don’t sleep in the buff. I’d hate to know how many are on my ass.”

 

Cas gave him a sideways look as he raised his eyebrow. "I can count them and not tell you."

 

“Like you’d be able to concentrate on my ass if I took my pants off,” he teased. 

 

"Only one way to find out," Cas teased back and took another large sip from his beer.

 

“Unbelievable,” he said with a chuckle and took a swig of his beer.

 

"At least I had a nice hobby. Pity I will never know how many there are in total."

 

Dean smirked. “I guess I should be grateful you never popped in on me in the shower.”

 

"Or not long enough to count." Cas chuckled.

 

“Please tell me you never actually did that,” Dean begged with a groan as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

 

Cas raised an eyebrow and smirked. "That's for me to know and you to endlessly wonder about."

 

Dean let out a surprised scoff. He nodded his acquiescence to Cas and lifted his beer in salute. “Well played.”

 

Cas clinked his bottle against Dean's and winked. "Thanks. I had a great teacher."

 

Taking another swig of his beer, Dean looked around the loft. “Where’s D.C.?”

 

Cas braced himself on his elbows and looked around with a frown. "I don't know. Sometimes she hides somewhere and then attacks me out of nowhere."

 

“Huh. You were right,” Dean said with a thoughtful hum.

 

“About what?”

 

“Humans  _ do  _ speak in hyperbole.” He winked. 

 

"I'm getting better at being human, hm?" Cas smiled, drinking the rest of his beer. His friend also seemed to be getting better at drinking.

 

Dean nodded. “Clearly. Making up stories about a sweet, little cat, waiting in the wings to attack you.”

 

Cas slid his bare arms over to Dean and gave him a puppy eyed look, which would have made Sam's pale in comparison. "Does this look like I'm making it up?"

 

The guy’s arms were scratched to Hell. Dean grabbed the proffered arm and turned it over. “Damn, Cas. She got you good.”

 

"That was partially from when she decided to sit on my phone and I tried to pull it out from under her belly."

 

“Dumbass, that’s why then.” Dean shook his head in amusement as he let go of Cas’s arm. “She’s pregnant. You posed a threat.”

 

"So what should I do the next time she sits on my phone?" Cas asked, sounding a bit slurred as he looked up at Dean. "What if I need to leave, or someone calls me and she just sits on it?"

 

“Ever thought of askin’ her nicely?” Dean chuckled as he grabbed another couple of beers for them. Drunk Cas was always a hoot.

 

He took the bottle from him with a smile. "I even tried to bribe her with a piece of burrito. She totally ignored me."

 

“Amazing. I’ve never seen someone so bad with animals.” Dean plopped down on his stomach next to Cas on the bed. Popping the cap off of his beer and tossing it on the ground, he took a long draw from the bottle and sighed in contentment. This was exactly what he needed to de-stress.

 

"I'm better with insects." Cas braced his chin on his elbow. "They have simple, clear rules; a clear hierarchy. Mammals are chaotic."

 

“But ain’t it a beautiful chaos?” He hummed and took another swig. 

 

Cas shot him a long look and a soft smile. "A very beautiful chaos."

 

After polishing off that beer, Dean rolled off the bed and made his way to the fridge again. “You ready for another?”

 

"Yes, this is exactly what I need right now." Cas chuckled lazily and rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling.

 

_ Ain’t that the truth? _ Dean laughed as he kneeled down on the bed and handed Cas the beer. “So, I’ve gotta ask. Did you end up hookin’ up with Jerry again?”

 

Cas smiled and nodded, licking a drop from the rim of his bottle. "Yes and he drew my new tattoo. I can't wait for the next time."

 

“Sorry about the, uh… interfering, by the way.” Dean gave him a sheepish smile. “My overprotectiveness comes from a place that means well.” 

 

Cas reached over and put his hand on his knee, squeezing it. "I know you did it because you care about me. But Jerry is very... very good to me. And as long this works out, I won't need to go out there."

 

The fondness in Cas’s tone made Dean feel… weird. He didn’t like it, which was stupid, considering his concern was Cas’s well being, and if Jerry was being good to him… Well, then Dean should be happy for Cas. But he  _ wasn’t.  _

 

It clicked in that moment. Dean was jealous. Which made even less sense. He needed to drink the negative thoughts away. When he finished the fourth beer, Dean reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small bottle of whiskey. Some shitty, made in a dirty bathtub kind of hooch and took a huge swig of the stuff. He pulled a face as he choked it down and offered the bottle to Cas with a cough. 

 

Cas scrunched up his nose and grinned at Dean. "You just looked like that was disgusting and now you're off – offering it to me?"

 

“Don’t make me suffer through it alone,” he murmured as he pressed the bottle into Cas’s hand.

 

Cas chuckled and carefully took a sip. He coughed and made a face as he gave the bottle back. "Woah. That is... an interesting taste."

 

“Interesting is a nice way of saying disgusting.” Dean chuckled and forced himself to take another swig before handing it back. “But it’ll get me drunker than the weak ass beer.”

 

"Well then..." Cas took another small gulp from the bottle and scrunched up his nose again. "Fuck... this is one of the moments I wish I couldn't taste anything."

 

Dean nodded as he took the bottle back. They continued their passing of it back and forth until the bottle was empty. He grabbed a slice of cold pizza and murmured appreciatively around it. Food always tasted better when you were fucked up and now Dean was nice and buzzed.

 

“What’s your favorite taste?” Dean asked around a mouthful of pizza.

 

Cas chuckled for a moment before he blushed and shook his head. "Um... chocolate."

 

“Are you  _ lying?” _ Dean asked with a smirk, feeling pleasantly warmer already.

 

Cas chuckled again as he turned around on the bed and hid his face between his elbows. "Maybe."

 

Dean leaned over and used his head to nudge one of Cas’s elbows up enough that their faces met beneath it. “Come on… what’s your favorite taste?”

 

Cas grinned at him before he murmured, "Your lips."

 

That took him aback. Dean swallowed dryly and moved away from Cas, rolling off of the bed and crawling towards the fridge to grab another couple of beers. He didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing as he handed Cas another beer and sat up against the mattress on the floor.

 

Dean drank his beer, his elbows propped against his upright knees.

 

"I'm sorry," Cas mumbled quietly before he chuckled. "Fuck. Good thing I didn't say 'your come'."

 

And with that the tension was completely gone. Dean couldn’t help but laugh with Cas. “I’m actually surprised you  _ didn’t.” _

 

Cas let his head hang down over the mattress as he grinned at Dean. "Okay, I officially change my answer to: your come, preferably when I lick it off you. Can you come up here now? I’m getting dizzy."

 

Dean looked up at him in concern. “You okay?”

 

"Yes. I just didn't antici... pate that this position would be... so weird. It looked cozy when you did it," Cas slurred slowly.

 

With a sigh of relief, he chuckled and crawled back into the bed. He ended up vertical to Cas’s horizontal and instead of righting himself, just rested his head against Cas’s stomach and looked up at his face. “Better?”

 

"Much." Cas smiled, his fingers tapping against Dean's arm before he laid his palm on it. "And you hooked up with a... what was her name?"

 

“Suzy. She’s a porn star, or a, uh…  _ former  _ porn star. Basically one of my top five sexual fantasy partners. Between Daisy Duke and Ginger from Gilligan’s Island.”

 

Cas gave him a quick smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Must be nice to fulfill a sexual fantasy. Who are the other two on your list?"

 

Dean chuckled and smirked. “They’re top secret.” No way in hell was he telling Cas the other two were Tom Cruise in Top Gun and Burt Reynolds in Smokey and the Bandit.

 

Cas raised an eyebrow. "It's not like I would know them anyway." He took in a deep breath. "Or is it someone I know? Like Jerry?"

 

Flicking Cas’s chin, he gave him an unamused look. “Hush your mouth.”

 

“Or what?” Cas challenged.

 

“Or I’ll hush it for you.”

 

"You fantasize about Jerry's big cock?" Cas asked with a smirk.

 

“That’s it,” Dean said as he flipped over, straddling Cas’s waist and pinning his wrists above his head. He slipped one hand over both wrists and used the other to grip Cas’s chin. “You got a big mouth for someone who’s smaller than me.”

 

"Are you jealous because Jerry's cock could fit in my big mouth?" Cas chuckled, not even trying to defend himself.

 

Dean tsked at him. “Sounds like  _ you’re  _ the one with the Jerry fantasies.” And that was just fine. He didn’t have a problem at all that Cas fantasized about Jerry. Totally and completely cool with it. Dean almost scoffed at himself for not even believing his own thoughts.

 

"I don't need to fantasize about him. I can have his cock anytime I want." Way to rub in the salt. Cas gave him a pointed look. "I only fantasize about things I  _ can't  _ have."

 

Dean regarded him for a moment, tonguing the corner of his mouth as he sighed and said, “Liar.”

 

Cas bit his lower lip. "You want to know my fantasy right now?"

 

_ No. _ Was what he should have said. But apparently his mouth wasn’t consulting his brain again. Dean breathed out a soft, “Yes.”

 

Cas licked slowly over his upper lip, his breathing shallow and quicker now. "I’ve never sucked someone's dick. So that's my favorite fantasy right now, getting on my knees in front of... you. Sucking you until you come in my mouth."

 

His words went straight to Dean’s dick. He had to repress the groan that threatened to escape. Dean was staring down at Cas, eyes hyperfocused on his friend’s lips. The way his tongue would dart out to wet them, a nervous habit. The way his lower lip crinkled when Cas worried it between his teeth. Another nervous habit.

 

Dean swallowed dryly and tongued the seam of his own lips. Suddenly he felt himself give in to the weight of his head, lowering it, getting closer and closer to Cas’s lips. The tiny way his friend’s chest moved when his breath hitched sent a tingle of excitement through Dean. 

 

They were close enough, Dean could feel the heat of Cas’s breath. Dean’s eyes fluttered closed and just as he was about to close the gap of space between them, there was a sharp hissing sound and fur in his face. Dean shook his head and saw D.C. had jumped on the bed to scratch Cas’s cheek. 

 

"Ah!" Cas turned away from the cat and held his hand to his cheek. "Fuck! Do you believe me now? That cat is demonic!"

 

“Holy shit, dude,” Dean breathed out in a chuckle as he sat up and shooed her away. “Yeah, I do.” He shook his head and looked at Cas, gently grasping his chin to get a look at the scratch. There was a sharp red line almost across the entire length of his cheek. “Shit, Cas. Let me grab the antiseptic.”

 

Dean stumbled off of the bed and grabbed the first aid kit in the corner, somehow managing his way back to Cas without tripping on his wobbly legs. Dean dropped to the mattress with a relieved sigh as he urged Cas to sit up. Pouring the antiseptic on a cotton ball, Dean gently grasped Cas’s chin again and tilted his head. “This’ll sting,” he warned as he dabbed the cotton ball along the scratch.

 

Cas scrunched up his nose and hissed quietly at the first contact. "Thank you, Dean."

 

“Anytime,” he said with a snicker. The scene replaying in his head. “It’s fucking hilarious how much she hates you.” Dean started full-on laughing then.

 

"I think she just really wants her home back." Cas pushed Dean on the bed, sliding over him to pin him down. "You're a dick."

 

Dean grinned proudly at that. “Well, we already know how much you  _ love  _ dicks…”

 

Cas looked up at the cat for a moment, glaring at her before he leaned over to Dean’s ear, growling, “Yes, I do. And they  _ really  _ seem to like my tight ass.”

 

Dean let out a groan and shoved at Cas. “I  _ don’t  _ wanna know.”

 

“Getting me to stop talking didn’t work out, hm?” Cas gave him an almost evil smirk. He was clearly enjoying his payback. “I heard it's better than any…” He frowned, obviously trying to remember the right word. “Cunt. So much tighter.”

 

Holy  _ fuck.  _ Dean was clearly in Hell or something. Cas had killed him with his dirty talk and now Dean was stuck in an endless loop of sexual frustration at the hands of his best friend. Dean closed his eyes and exhaled shakily. “Fuck, Cas.”

 

Cas leaned forward again, his nose nudging Dean’s cheek. His voice, even though his speech sounded slurred, was as smooth as honey, “I wonder what you fantasize about now? And if it's something you want to come true?”

 

“Don’t play coy. You fucking know,” he breathed out as he looked at Cas.

 

Cas held his gaze, breathing hard as one of his hands slid gently down over Dean’s chest to his belt. It stayed there and Cas raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

 

Words were lost to him in that moment. All Dean was capable of was a muted nod.

 

Cas’s breathing hitched as he fumbled open Dean’s belt, popping open the button and slowly pulling down the zipper, his palm grazing Dean’s dick with every movement.

 

Dean let out a soft groan with each movement. When Cas palmed his dick, Dean dropped his head back and moaned outright. “Cas…”

 

Cas slid down on the bed, carefully pulling Dean’s jeans and boxers down, his cock springing free from where it was trapped. Cas was making this irresistible sounding quick, breathy noise before he leaned over and experimentally licked over the head of his dick, moaning deeply as he licked up the precome beading at the tip.

 

His fists twisted into Cas’s comforter as he arched up. Dean moaned again, all sorts of emotions and sensations washing over him. Lust, desire, pleasure, confusion, worry. He could go cross eyed if he thought about it too much. Thankfully his thoughts were muted and dimmed when Cas wrapped his lips around the head of his dick. “Oh, fuck.”

 

He knew Cas had never done this before, but when Cas started to suck and lick him down, he seemed to completely lose himself to the act, unashamed and unafraid, completely eradicating any disadvantages his inexperience might have brought. Cas moaned around his cock, trying to swallow him, as deep as possible, as he quickly opened his own pants and pulled them down, one hand vanishing between his legs.

 

Dean tangled his hand in Cas’s hair and gently tugged. “Relax your throat,” he groaned out, resisting the urge to fuck up into the wet heat.

 

Cas moaned and Dean could  _ feel  _ him relax. He realized in that moment that Cas would do anything he told him to do.

 

“Circle your tongue,” he urged. When Cas did, Dean arched up into the movement. Everything in this moment was intoxicating. Cas’s obedience, his need, his desire. All enveloping Dean in the heat of pleasure, making it harder and harder to breathe. Dean moaned as he bucked into Cas’s mouth, Cas taking it so eagerly.

 

Carefully he started thrusting his hips up. Eyes locked with blue irises that had thinned to almost nothing from lust. “Fuck, Cas,” he moaned out as he slowly started thrusting faster. At this rate, Dean would be surprised if he lasted longer than a minute. And as embarrassing as that would be, he couldn’t bring himself to give a damn. Dean had never enjoyed a blowjob more.

 

Cas slid his free hand up Dean’s legs to touch his balls, gently stroking over them as he tried to swallow his cock, taking him even deeper.

 

The dual sensations, the pressure of the overwhelming pleasure uncoiled the twist in his groin. Dean gasped out, “I’m gonna come.” It was all the warning he was capable of giving as he succumbed to his orgasm.

 

Cas swallowed around him with an eager and surprised gasp, sucking him through the waves until Dean was spent. Cas slowly let go of him, looking up and breathing heavily as he licked one last open mouthed stripe over his length with a deep moan.

 

“Damn, Cas.” Dean chuckled as he sat up on his elbows, looking down at Cas in a haze of post orgasm bliss.

 

Cas had his other hand still on his own cock, giving him a rather desperate and needy look as he moaned. “Was that… did I do it correctly?”

 

Dean nodded and waved Cas to come closer. He chuckled and pushed Cas onto his back. The way his breath hitched was music to Dean’s ears. Dean slid against him, capturing Cas’s earlobe between his teeth before he murmured, “What do you want, Cas? What’s your  _ new  _ fantasy?”

 

Cas turned his face to look at him, he was breathing hard, licking over his lips. He appeared hesitant before he whispered, "Kiss me."

 

Dean drew back and regarded him for a moment. For once the voices screaming for him to stop, to not cross this line again, were dampened by a quieter voice whispering,  _ “do it.”  _ He nodded and looked around to make sure D.C. wasn’t on the verge of pouncing on them, before closing the distance. 

 

That bullshit in TV shows and movies about people melting into kisses? Well, it was  _ still  _ bullshit, but Dean couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed at the way his lips tingled in contact with Cas’s. When Cas exhaled a shaky gasp, Dean slipped his tongue inside, chasing that tingling. He grasped Cas’s face in both hands and lost himself in the kiss.

 

Cas pushed himself against Dean, wrapping his arm around him as he started to kiss him back. And boy, did Dean finally understand why Meg had looked like that after Cas kissed her. Cas rocked his hips against Dean's, moaning into the kiss before he slowly drew back and stared at Dean in surprise. "You were right," he breathed out in disbelief.

 

“‘Bout what?” he asked, shaking his head with a bemused smile. 

 

"Kissing feels amazing if you kiss someone who is good at it," Cas mumbled before he drew him in for another heated kiss.

 

Dean groaned into it as he slipped his hand between them, taking Cas’s dick in hand and pumping it in a slow, steady rhythm. 

 

Cas gasped and rocked into Dean's hand. Leaning his forehead against Dean's for a moment, catching his breath. "Can you do the, uh... thing again? Um, uh, prepping me. Please?"

 

“If I prep you,” Dean growled as he gently bit Cas’s bottom lip. “I won’t stop there.”

 

Cas's breathing hitched again before he nodded against Dean's lips, whispering, "Please."

 

Dean nodded as he leaned over and grabbed the bottle of astroglide off of the floor. He maneuvered himself to sit back on his knees between Cas’s legs. His friend’s thighs were spread, straddling Dean’s own, forcing his hips up in the most inviting position.

 

He raked his fingernails down Cas’s thighs before he poured some lube on his right digits. Dean warmed it up as best he could before using his other hand to part Cas’s cheeks. Dean almost groaned at the sight. Just like in his fantasies.

 

Carefully smearing the lube over Cas’s hole, he gently caressed the rim, feather light touches, having fun with the needy little whines it was wrenching from Cas.

 

Cas's cock was already leaking, his fingers gripping the sheet beneath him. "Uh, Dean. Oh, Fuck."

 

“Damn, Cas. You could be a porn star,” he murmured appreciatively as he slipped his finger inside, meeting no resistance. Dean immediately went for Cas’s prostate. He couldn’t get enough of the way Cas’s breath would hitch, before twisting into a whine, melting into a moan, and finally turning into an almost demanding growl. Those were his favorite sounds.

 

"Fuck, Dean, please. Uh... I can handle more," Cas begged, although it sounded more like a very needy command.

 

And he didn’t have to tell Dean twice. He was surprised how easily he slipped another digit inside of Cas’s hole. That’s when a thought buzzed in his skull. “Cas? Did you prep yourself before I came over?”

 

Cas nodded with a groan. "You said I should, if I was hoping for sex."

 

“That why you invited me over?” Dean asked with a smirk before tapping mercilessly against Cas’s prostate. “You were hoping I’d finally cave to your flirting?”

 

Cas answered with a litany of moans and curses before he shook his head. "I just wanted, uh, to see you. And I thought, uh... hoping was stupid, but uuuhhh, fuck, Dean... I did it anyway."

 

Dean chuckled as he started scissoring his fingers, gently, but purposefully. When he slipped a third digit in, he let out a groan. Cas  _ was  _ tight. He was looking forward to feeling him. 

 

Cas looked like he was losing it, rocking his hips against the rhythm of his fingers. Knuckles white with how tight he was gripping the sheet. "Please, Dean, uh, I want you... I need you so much."

 

Reluctantly withdrawing his fingers, Dean reached over and grabbed one of the condoms. Sitting back on his heels, he ripped it open and started rolling it on, letting out a moan of appreciation as he stroked it onto his once again hard dick.

 

Cas gave him a confused glance, that looked almost disappointed and sad, before he bit his lip and spread his legs for Dean.

 

“You fucked Jerry bare, right?” he asked as hope of clarification for him. He trusted Cas, but he didn’t trust Jerry. Not when it came to how much he’d slept around.

 

"Yes," Cas stated sadly.

 

What the hell could he say that wouldn’t come out shitty? Dean chose to instead coat his protected dick in lube and press forward. When the head of his dick sunk past the tight ring of muscle, he slammed his eyes shut in pleasure.

 

Cas pressed his head back into the pillow, moaning. "Dean, uh… please, kiss me."

 

Dean nodded as he continued to slowly press himself all the way in. He bottomed out when their lips came together, swallowing Cas’s gasps of pleasure as he writhed beneath him. “Fuck, Cas.”

 

"Dean," Cas whispered almost brokenly against his lips, "You feel so good. Fuck. You make me crazy."

 

“Pot, kettle, black,” he huffed out as he slowly began moving his hips. “Do you have  _ any  _ idea the restraint it takes? When you’re moaning and begging me to fuck you?” Dean pulled out and slammed in; a quick, fast thrust. “How difficult it is to not just cave in and take you?” He pulled out and slammed in again, loving the sharp pleasured cries escaping Cas. “Do you?”

 

Cas moaned and shook his head, looking at him through half lidded eyes and an open, inviting mouth, breathing heavily. He braced himself on his elbow, pulling him into another needy, deep kiss with his free hand. "So stupid," he mumbled against Dean's lips. "I don't want you to hold back with me."

 

Dean chuckled as he thrust in again, sharp and hard. “I won’t, but only ‘cause you need it.” He let out a deep groan when he picked up the pace. Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of the absolute lust that was consuming Cas. The way his eyes were screwed shut, lip being worried red when he wasn’t crying out in pleasure. Dean slipped a hand between them again, wrapping his digits around the hard length as he whispered, “Let me see you, Cas.”

 

Cas gasped and opened his eyes, wide blue eyes met his as he brokenly breathed out, "I'm going to... come.... Dean. Oh, Dean."

 

“Come for me, Cas,” he commanded softly as he kept thrusting, the heat and the clench starting to get to Dean. He wasn’t going to last, but he would be damned if he came before Cas.

 

He didn't need to worry because, like the obedient little angel Cas was, his breathing hitched as he cried out, Dean's name on his lips. Cas came all over his stomach and chest, his eyes never leaving Dean’s.

 

“Fuck, fuck,” he hissed at the way Cas’s channel clenched his dick, practically strangling it, Dean followed his friend off of the proverbial ledge. His hips trembled slightly as he filled the latex barrier between him and Cas. 

 

Dean let out a shaky exhale and drew Cas in for a softer, less frantic kiss. A little more lazy. Perfect.

 

Cas kissed him back and they continued trading soft kisses, as though neither of them were willing to stop.

 

When he slowly pulled his softening erection out of Cas was when they stopped their kiss exchange. Dean slid to lay out next to Cas, draping his left arm and leg over Cas and chuckling against his neck. “Holy shit,” he breathed out in amazement.

 

Cas nudged his nose against Dean's cheek as he gave him a dopey, bright smile. "That was incredible. I had no idea sex could be so good."

 

“Told ya’,” he teased. He ignored the pang of sadness he felt for Cas, knowing that he hadn’t been treated like he should. Dean also ignored the regret and guilt that was threatening to drown him. Pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind for tomorrow Dean. He pulled the condom off and tossed it to the floor before curling into Cas’s arms.

 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him closer, kissing the top of his head. "Thank you."

 

Dean barked out a laugh. “You don’t thank people for sex, Cas. That’s… weirdly polite.”

 

Cas chuckled lightly. "But I feel very grateful. What you did with me..." He could feel him shaking his head. "That was so amazing."

 

“Well, then… you’re welcome,” he quipped with a sleepy smile, feeling a little boneless after the mind blowing double orgasm.

 

"Dean?" Cas asked sleepily after a moment. "Do you think... we could do this again?"

 

“Dude, I’m pretty fuckin’ spent.”

 

Cas chuckled lowly. “I didn’t mean tonight.”

 

Dean looked at him for a moment. He wanted to say yes, but he knew he would say no. Instead he went with the most optimistic answer he could give. “I… I don’t know, Cas.”

 

Cas looked away from Dean for a moment and nodded. "At least I'll have the memory."

 

With a wistful sigh, Dean agreed, “Me, too.”

 

**… :::: :::: ….**

 

The hangover wasn’t as bad as he had feared when he finally woke up. Alone. He refrained from rolling his eyes and searched for a bottle of water, and leftover pain medication.

 

He had hoped he would wake up with Dean in his arms, but after his last words to him before he fell asleep, he doubted that would happen.

 

He tried to give him the benefit of doubt, wondering if Dean might have gone out to get breakfast, so he quickly sent him a text.

 

_ Cas: Are you coming back? _

 

_ Dean: No. Sammy said he might have a case for us so I’m almost home now. _

_ Dean: Didn’t see the need to wake you. _

 

Cas frowned at the almost matter-of-fact way Dean was texting him. 

 

_ Cas: Are we okay? _

 

_ Dean: Yeah. Fine. _

 

He wasn’t very good at innuendo, or reading between the lines, but even he picked up on the tension through the sparse wording. Dean was probably trying to forget it all happened, figuratively putting his head back in his ass, like Jerry had phrased it.

 

He sighed in defeat. He should have known their night had been too good to be true. 

 

_ Cas: Good. _

 

He threw his phone back on his bed with a frustrated noise, scrubbing his hands over his face.  _ Damn it!  _ He was sure that Dean would get over it at some point, but he was already steeling himself for a longer phase where they wouldn't see each other. 

 

So he did the only thing that made sense. He threw himself into research. 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

A few days later Cas still hadn't heard from Dean, but Cas refused to be the one to text first. He wasn’t the one with the problem.

 

When his phone suddenly made a noise indicating a new message, he darted to his phone, annoyed with himself when he felt disappointed that it was from Jerry, and not from Dean.

 

_ Jerry: Had a cancellation for this afternoon. Wanted to offer it to my favorite client to start his piece if you aren't busy. _

 

He smiled instantly, his bad mood vanished somewhere into the back of his mind. 

 

_ Cas: When do you want me come by? _

 

_ Jerry: The slot was set for four. We can push it back an hour if that's too soon. _

 

_ Cas: No, that’s perfect timing actually. I was getting stir crazy. I’ll see you then. _

 

_ Jerry: Looking forward to it. ;) _

 

Cas grinned at the text message, hoping it would imply more than just a tattoo session. He was more than ready to have sex again. 

 

He didn't allow himself to think how perfect it had felt with Dean. How amazing and right it had felt to kiss him. And how complete he felt when Dean fucked him. He kicked against his bed and growled before he quickly pulled on a shirt, after shaking the demon cat's fur off of it

 

He seriously needed to stop getting his hopes up every time Dean gave into him. If the incredible sex they had that night didn’t show Dean how perfect they fit together, nothing would.

 

Cas checked his wallet with a sigh. After the tattoo session he needed to stop by a bar, hopefully find some guys he could play pool against. He didn’t feel good about going alone, but he also knew he needed to get over his fear at some point.

 

He grabbed his jacket and drove over to Jerry’s tattoo shop in a hurry, not wanting to be late. He was looking forward to seeing him again. Jerry was exactly what he needed right now.

 

Opening the door to the shop, he smiled as he arrived five minutes too early, watching as Jerry took money from a girl paying for her tattoo. “Hello, Jerry.”

 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted with a bright smile as he nodded at the girl, who gave Cas a salacious wink as she swept out of the shop.

 

Cas looked after her with a raised eyebrow before he grinned at Jerry. “Busy day?”

 

Jerry smiled and chuckled. “Despite what Winchester thinks, people actually do come to me because they like my art style. Not just my dick.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to imply anything. And I like your art style... and your dick."

 

Jerry started cleaning his work station, smiling at Cas as he did so. “The only woman I have sex with is my wife.”

 

"So you have sex with men because it's different?" Cas asked curiously.

 

“Ever heard the term, ‘down-low’?” he asked as he removed the medical exam paper and crumpled it up. 

 

“No.” Cas leaned against the counter, looking at all the beautiful pictures on the wall.

 

Jerry started cleaning the chair with hospital grade cavicide. “I enjoy sex with men. I don’t consider myself gay, or bi, or whatever other sexuality exists. I have a wife and I love her. We have a couple of kids. I just so happen to enjoy sex with men. And that’s a hell of a lot easier to keep a ‘dirty’ secret than a wife and kids.”

 

"And you can't talk to her about your desires?" Cas wondered out loud. 

 

Jerry barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Hell no. If she knew I was cheating on her, with men no less, she’d string me up by the balls and probably pull a Lorena Bobbitt. No. What she don’t know, won’t hurt her. It’s why I get tested regularly.”

 

Cas sighed deeply, annoyed with himself for still being sad about the way Dean couldn't have sex without a condom with him, because he had sex with Jerry. "I'm sorry to hear that. I wish humans would be more honest about their sexualtity. Your species isn't built for monogamy. You are not penguins."

 

“Yeah, well, tell that to the societal standards set by, if I’m not mistaken, religious zealots who pray to your species,” he teased as he sat down on the stool and looked Cas over. “I wouldn’t feel too much guilt or sadness over it. You won’t be able to change that. Might as well try to adapt.”

 

Cas nodded with a sardonic smile. "I know, already tried that once. I'm just saying they got it all wrong. My father doesn't care about the sex life of humans."

 

“Shit, I’d hope not. I can’t imagine he or she would be up in the clouds, watching all the different ways we get our freak on.” Jerry paused and then said with a wink, “Listening to the sounds  _ you  _ make.”

 

"There is nothing to worry about. No one is listening." Cas didn’t want to say that with so much defeat in his voice, but sometimes it was hard to accept that his father had just left them and didn't care about them anymore.

 

When strong, warm arms wrapped around him, he melted into it. Jerry used one hand to gently grasp Cas by the chin to tilt his head up. He pressed a gentle kiss to his lips and said, “You’ve gotta see the positive in that. If no one is out there, if no one is listening, then we’re truly free to live how we want.”

 

Cas smiled up at Jerry. He loved that humans always tried to find the good in everything. "You're right... So, Jerry, did you really text me about my tattoo, or did you need me for something else?"

 

“No. I genuinely had a cancellation. But, uh… if you need help relaxing before we start…” Jerry leered as he caressed the side of Cas’s neck. 

 

Cas practically melted under Jerry's strong hand. "I think I do," he almost purred before he shook his head with a grin. Living with a cat seemed to have an affect on him.

 

Jerry growled appreciatively as he snaked his other hand to the front of Cas’s pants, cupping the starting of an erection with a soft chuckle. “Like I said. My favorite client.”

 

Cas licked over his lips and slid his hand down Jerry's side. "Really?"

 

“Favorite fuck, too. I’ll enjoy it while it lasts,” he murmured as he leaned in and started sucking on Cas’s pulse point. Jerry’s skilled hands were already tugging Cas’s jeans open.

 

Cas moaned and tilted his head to give him better access before he reached over and opened Jerry's pants. "It’ll probably last longer than you think. Dean isn't on speaking terms with me."

 

Jerry drew back with a slightly amused quirk of his brow. “That boy would do anything for you. I can’t imagine he’d stop talking to you.”

 

Cas shrugged, getting closer to Jerry. "He will speak to me at some point eventually after he buried everything that happened between us, somewhere deep in his mind."

 

“Ah. So he finally gave in to you, huh?” He chuckled as he pulled down Cas’s pants and boxers. 

 

"Yes." Cas's breathing hitched when he finally freed Jerry's erection from his pants. He kept forgetting how huge he was.

 

Jerry urged Cas to the couch in the waiting area. He gently pushed Cas to bend over the arm of the couch, rubbing his hand down Cas’s spine with an appreciative groan before he cupped his ass. “Give him time. He doesn’t understand he’s in love with you, yet. It’s why he’s such a repressed jackass.”

 

There was a slick digit probing his entrance. Cas was almost a little jealous at how calm and collected Jerry’s voice stayed, even during the throes of passion, or getting ready for it.

 

Cas moaned and grabbed the armrest tightly as Jerry pushed his finger in, spreading his legs for him. "Are you just guessing that, or is that a special insight?"

 

The man continued to prep him as he carried on the conversation. Wiggling his finger until Cas was ready for another finger, and another. Only occasionally grazing his magic spot. The way Jerry chuckled when Cas let out a needy moan, he realized he was intentionally teasing Cas. 

 

“Neither. I can see it with my eyes. The way he looks at you.”

 

"Maybe he just wanted to fuck me," Cas groaned out, hoping the anger wasn't too obvious in his voice.

 

Jerry chuckled again as he started slowly fucking into Cas with three of his fingers. “Well, that’s a given. You’re too fuckin’ fine for your own good. But if he just wanted a fuck, he wouldn’t be ghostin’ ya’.”

 

Cas gasped out at the way Jerry was thrusting his fingers inside of him. "I... I'm not... uh... doing anything, uh… with him again... until he makes up his fucking mind. Fuck. Jerry."

 

When he removed his fingers, Cas let out a little whimper, that was met with another soft chuckle. He could hear the sound of the lube bottle being popped open, before he felt the head of Jerry’s cock push at his hole. Suddenly, Jerry stilled and he asked, “Did you fuck him bare?”

 

"No, he didn't want to because I had sex with you," Cas murmured, canting his ass against Jerry's cock.

 

“Good,” Jerry growled as he pushed inside, a little rougher than Cas anticipated. Almost with a possessive snap of the hips. Jerry stilled his hips when he bottomed out, bracing his hands on Cas’s hips as he took a deep breath. “Fuck, I love your ass.”

 

Cas groaned, arching his back with the overwhelming pleasure and fullness he was feeling. "And I love your cock. Fuck..."

 

Jerry slowly began to thrust forward, withdrawing enough that just the tip was inside, before snapping his hips and fucking in to the hilt, his cock hitting Cas’s spot with each thrust. “You just gotta let me know if you fuck anyone else bare.” 

 

Cas cried out in pleasure every time Jerry pushed into him. "You are... uh, the only one… uh, I have sex with, Jerry."

 

That elicited an appreciative growl from Jerry as he started fucking into Cas faster. “That’s fuckin’ sexy. Tell me you only want my cock. Come on, baby. Tell me how you fantasize about my dick wrecking this beautiful hole of yours.”

 

Cas groaned with the onslaught of pleasure, loving how hard Jerry was taking him. This was exactly what he needed. Not the stupid, gentle shit Dean had done with him. "Uhhh, I only want your cock, Jerry. You take me so good. This is exactly what I need. You filling me."

 

The grip Jerry had on his hips tightened as the man started circling his hips with each thrust, that grew more and more brutal with each slam forward. “Fuck, you’re such a slut for this aren’t you?”

 

"Yes, fuck, yes. I'm a slut for your cock, uh! And your come. I love when you fill me." Cas groaned, white knuckling the armrest so he wouldn’t slip from the couch with the force Jerry was fucking into him.

 

“And I’m gonna. I’m gonna fill this tight fucking ass with so much come,” he growled out as he never let up the hard and fast pace. One hand released its death grip on the couch and snaked into Cas’s hair, gently yanking his head back so Jerry could lean in and tongue his earlobe. “You make the prettiest fucking sounds.”

 

Cas thought he was dying of pleasure. The way Jerry was handling him like his toy, the only thing he wanted to do was obey him. He moaned and leaned into the hold. "Will you let me suck your cock next time? I want your come everywhere."

 

“Oh, fuck, yeah, baby,” he groaned out as he slammed into him again. “How do you feel about ATM?” Jerry’s onslaught against his spot was nonstop in the slight new angle and Cas was almost going cross eyed from the intensity of the pleasure that was consuming him. 

 

"The bank machine?" Cas gasped out in confusion.

 

Jerry barked out a half laugh, half moan. “Shit. Former angel. I forgot.” He had lost his rhythm slightly from the laugh and as he got back into it, he groaned, “Ass to mouth. If you’re comfortable, I can pull out before I come so you can suck me dry.”

 

Cas groaned out in pleasure, he almost came from Jerry's words alone. He didn't want Dean to be last person he had done that with. He didn't want to think about him anymore. "I will do, uh! Anything you want, Jerry. You just need to say it."

 

That was met with a deep moan as he somehow managed to fuck into Cas even deeper. “Then when I’m close, I’m going to slam my cock down your throat and fill you that way.”

 

Cas made a strangled noise when he felt his orgasm hit him out of nowhere. "Fuck, uh, Jerry, uhhhh," he cried out when he came untouched.

 

“Fuck… Just like a good slut. Comin’ on my dick alone,” he murmured and continued to fuck into Cas. The intensity of feeling that enormous dick continue to slam into his now overly sensitive hole was wrenching whimpers out of Cas. 

 

Suddenly Jerry stilled and pulled out. “Get on your knees,” he urged, tone demanding and needy.

 

Cas obeyed immediately, readily dropping to his knees in front of Jerry, opening his mouth and looking up at him, letting out a needy moan.

 

Jerry stroked his cock a few times before sliding his cock into Cas’s waiting mouth. “Oh, fuck, sweetheart.”

 

Cas started to suck Jerry, wanting him to shoot all his come down his throat to wash away any memory of Dean.

 

When Jerry twisted his hands into Cas’s hair, essentially holding his head in place as he slowly fucked into his mouth, Cas groaned. Which elicited a sharp gasp out of Jerry. “I’m not gonna last you keep doin’ that,” he warned.

 

If Cas hadn't just already come, he was sure he would have in that moment. He loved the way Jerry fucked his mouth. He groaned again, trying to get him as deep as possible, which wasn't easy with how big Jerry was.

 

“Fuck, baby. I’m gonna…” Jerry’s hips stilled as his enormous cock started pulsing inside Cas’s mouth. 

 

Cas quickly started to swallow around him, but he choked a little at the end, causing a few drops to run down his chin.

 

Jerry hoisted Cas up and yanked him into a fierce kiss, licking at his own seed still in Cas’s mouth as he groaned and lifted Cas into his arms. Cas wrapped his legs around Jerry’s naked waist and his arms around his neck as he succumbed to the needy kiss.

 

He felt so incredibly grateful for Jerry and how he had given him exactly what he needed. He couldn't help himself when he drew back and smiled at him. "Thank you so much."

 

“Are you thanking me for coming in your mouth?” he asked with a smirk. 

 

Cas chuckled before he shook his head, still out of breath. "For everything. For taking me the way I needed. You always seem to know exactly what I need."

 

Jerry let Cas down and winked at him. He carefully wiped the little bit of come from Cas’s chin with the pad of his thumb. “Bonus of fucking a sentient. Even if you don’t know what you need.  _ I  _ do.”

 

That suddenly made a lot of sense. He felt embarrassed when he thought of his range of emotions while Jerry had fucked his brains out and leaned his forehead against Jerry’s shoulder. "I’m sorry if you picked up on the anger I was feeling."

 

“That’s why I fucked you the way I did, actually. You have this pesky habit of getting lost in the emotions that confuse you. The only thing that shuts your brain off is a rough, hard fucking. And I’m more than happy to oblige.” Jerry handed Cas his shirt and pulled his own pants up. 

 

“And now you know why you're the only one I'm interested in having sex with, Jerry." Cas grinned as he pulled his t-shirt over his head.

 

Jerry chuckled and gave him a knowing smirk. “You and I both know that ain’t true.”

 

Cas gave him a rueful smile. "But that other person isn't an option. I'm done playing by his rules."

 

That was met with an impressed eyebrow arch before Jerry made his way back to his workstation. He patted the chair and said, “Have a seat. I’m going to grab the stencil and draw it up, so we can get started. You can just relax that perfect ass while I get ready, unless you want to run out and grab a drink or something. We’ll be a few hours.”

 

"I'm not sure I'm able to walk anywhere at the moment." Cas chuckled as he sat back on the couch, relaxing against the armrest Jerry had bent him over before.

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he quipped as he got to work on Cas’s tattoo.

 

Cas closed his eyes for a moment before his phone made a sound. He pulled it out and stared at it, needing a moment to realize it was from Dean.

 

_ Dean: Look, I’m sorry I’ve been MIA. It was shitty and if you’re pissed I get it. Just wanted you to know I’m sorry. _

 

Cas raised a surprised eyebrow. He hadn’t anticipated that Dean would apologize. He had assumed he would just try to forget it happened and never speak about it again.

 

_ Cas: I am pissed. But thank you for apologizing. _

_ Cas: So what now? _

 

_ Dean: I don’t know. _

_ Dean: Are you free right now? Maybe we can talk. _

_ Dean: In person I mean. _

 

_ Cas: I’m not home. I’m getting the first part of my tattoo. _

 

_ Dean: Okay. Have fun then. _

 

Cas tilted his head at the message. Dean had a weird definition of fun.

 

_ Cas: It will probably be painful, but I’ll try to have fun. _

 

_ Dean: Can’t be more painful than Jerry’s dick. _

 

Cas frowned at the message before he texted back.

 

_ Cas: Funny Dean. _

 

_ Dean: You’re still pissed. Got it.  _

_ Dean: Sorry I bothered you. _

_ Dean: Text me when you’re not pissed at me anymore. _

 

_ Cas: I would stop being pissed if you would tell me what you want. _

 

_ Dean: I want my best friend back. _

 

_ Cas: I'm not the one who left! _

 

_ Dean: Look I'm sorry about that. It was shitty and I didn't know what to do, so I left. _

_ Dean: It was easier. _

 

Cas had a weird feeling in his stomach as he read Dean’s last message. _ It was easier.  _ Somehow it made him even more angry at Dean. 

 

_ Cas: Good to know that hurting me was easier for you than staying and dealing with this. _

 

_ Dean: That's not fair and you know it. _

_ Dean: You ain't the only one hurting. _

 

_ Cas: Fair? You fucked me and left! You could have talked to me, but you didn't. I'm not the one running away from this. _

 

_ Dean: And I kept telling you I didn't want to fuck you, but you kept pushing. I knew this would fucking happen! And it did.  _

_ Dean: I woke up in your bed with a bitch of a headache and the evidence of what we did dried and caked into my skin. _

_ Dean: Why couldn't you have left it alone? Instead of goading and teasing me until I couldn't resist anymore? _

 

Cas threw his phone to the other side of the couch and rubbed his hand over his face, trying to hold back the tears. He just couldn’t do this anymore. Now Dean was telling him it was  _ his  _ fault that it happened. Totally ignoring the fact that he liked it. That Dean wanted it, too. 

 

Or maybe it  _ had  _ all been in his head. Maybe it was a simple curiosity and Cas was alone… with his feelings for Dean.

 

_ Fuck. _ He rubbed the tears away, but it was impossible and he was starting to feel sick. He quickly ran outside to the dumpsters in the back alley and threw up the few contents in his stomach, including Jerry’s come. 

 

He was breathing heavily, trying to calm down before he slowly walked back into Jerry’s shop and sat down on the couch.

 

“How you doin’, sweetheart?” Jerry asked as he brought him a bottle of water and sat on the armrest of the couch.

 

Cas leaned his head against him before he drank from the bottle with a mumbled, “Thank you.” The bad taste from his mouth was gone now, but he still felt sick. “Dean… he… is an  _ asshole.” _

 

Jerry chuckled, a warm and good natured sound. “I could've told you that. He pinning your night together on you?”

 

“Yes. He actually wrote that he didn’t want to fuck me and that he only did it because I pushed him.” Another tear ran down his cheek. “I can’t believe it.”

 

Jerry started rubbing soothing circles on Cas’s back. “Damn. Poor Dean.”

 

Cas shot Jerry a glare. “You’re joking.”

 

“Not at all. Can you imagine hating yourself so much that when you finally get what you want, you do everything in your power to sabotage it?” Jerry hummed thoughtfully as he made his way back to the desk. “Maybe I should offer him some free ink or something,” he murmured more to himself as he sat down and continued working on Cas’s tattoo.

 

Cas leaned back against the couch, shaking his head. Dean did not want him. His text had been very clear. Cas grabbed his phone again and stared at the messages for a while.

 

_ Cas: Don't worry. You will be perfectly safe from my teasing. I'm not interested in having sex with you ever again. _

 

_ Dean: I don't want to do this through text. _

_ Dean: But maybe it'll be better if we take a break from each other for a while. _

 

Cas didn’t text back. He blocked Dean’s number in his app and deleted his contact information and all of his messages. He suspected Dean would get rid of him once he was human and useless. But he didn't need Dean anymore. He could make it on his own.

 

“I'm ready for ya’,” Jerry said with a soft smile at his workstation.

 

Cas walked over and looked at the wings he had drawn. They looked incredible. A sign of his new life, on his own. “They’re beautiful, Jerry.”

 

Jerry grinned. “Take off your shirt and we’ll start on your less dominant arm, sound good?”

 

Cas pulled off his shirt and nodded, but somehow he couldn’t say anything anymore. 

 

As Jerry placed the stencil over Cas’s arm and left shoulder, he gently rubbed Cas’s back. “He's hurting, too. If you were wondering.”

 

“I can’t change that,” Cas pressed out. “He did this to himself.”

 

“Can I ask you something, Castiel?”

 

“Of course,” Cas replied quietly, trying to stay as still as possible for Jerry to work.

 

Jerry pulled his stool over to look Cas in the eye. “Why are you angry? This question isn't meant as anything more than to ask you: what about this situation has you upset? Go check the placement in the mirror before you answer.”

 

Cas sighed deeply and went over to the mirror to look. He knew why Jerry had done it. He wanted him to really think about his answer, instead of giving him an emotional answer. He looked in the mirror longer than necessary before he finally realized that the placement was exactly how he wanted it.

 

"I'm angry because he can't make up his mind about me. He flirts with me, teases me, touches me, and when I do the same, he blames me for pushing him and then says he doesn't want me. I'm angry because he showed me how good we can be together. I'm angry because he left me hoping for more and I'm angry with myself for falling..." Cas bit his lip and shook his head. "I'm done letting myself get hurt."

 

“And those are all completely justified reasons to be upset,” he started as he began setting up the gun and ink. “Now let me try to help you understand where Dean Winchester is coming from. I’m not asking you to forgive him, or even listen to what I say, but maybe the insight will make you realize this has almost  _ nothing  _ to do with you.”

 

Jerry let out a sigh and stood to lean against the counter as he looked at Cas. “The boy was raised by a man who, when he wasn’t outright abandoning and neglecting those kids, was a hammer of authority and punishment when Dean fucked up and acted like a kid. A kid who spent his entire childhood desperately seeking a cruel man’s approval and love, which wasn’t given freely. A man who would have beat the shit out of Dean if he so much as  _ thought  _ about considering sucking my dick, let alone doing it. And not only do you fuck with his fear of same sex attraction, but he cares for you. He loves you. Whether it’s a familial love, or something more... well, even as a sentient I can’t tell. But that might be because of his own subconscious block. Add a terrible track record and a shit ton of self-loathing, and you got yourself Dean Winchester. A man who is terrified of falling in love and you’re the closest thing he’s ever had to it.”

 

As he moved to sit down on his stool, he finished with a kind, “And he knows he’s hurt you. And for some fucked up reason, he thinks it’s better to hurt you now, before it gets serious and he hurts you when you both caught feelings for each other. What he doesn’t know is… he’s too late.”

 

Cas looked down and bit his lip. "Way too late,"  he murmured before he shook his head. "But there is nothing I can do about it. The only thing I can do is stay away from him. Because unlike him, I can't just suppress my emotions. Not anymore. I need my grace for that."

 

Jerry smiled kindly and braced his hand on Cas’s knee. “There’s something else you could do.”

 

“What?” Cas asked quietly before he put his hand over Jerry’s to hold it, because he needed something to hold on to.

 

“Don’t let him get away with this shit. You know why Winchester pulls this shit? Because it  _ works.  _ I think you’ve got the strength in you to not allow him to commit relationship harakiri because he’s too chickenshit to accept or acknowledge his feelings. I’m not saying stalk him, or anything like that. I think you both might feel better if you pull his dumb ass aside and tell him: I accept your fear, your repression, but we’ve been through too much shit to accept losing you as a friend. So, either man up and get over the fact we fucked and let’s move forward, or don’t, but either way, you can count on me to be there if you need me.”

 

“It sounds so easy when you say it like that. But I’m not sure I’m strong enough.” 

 

Jerry grinned broadly. “The things you’ve seen, you’ve done, the endless torture you’ve endured at the hands of your supposed family in Heaven? Castiel, you are more than strong enough. And what better way to prove it to Dean?”

 

Cas tilted his head as he gave Jerry a pointed look. "You know a lot for just being clairsentient."

 

That was met with an amused chuckle. “I’m not a  _ total  _ clairvoyant, but under certain, uh… circumstances, I get visions of a person’s past. Even erased angel ones.”

 

"You mean, you could see my memories when you..." Cas’s eyes widened. 

 

“Not intentionally,” he defended with a raised hand. “And it’s not every time. It’s dependent on how intense the coupling is.”

 

Cas gave him a surprised look. "I'm not mad. I'm just sorry... sorry for whatever you saw."

 

Jerry waved him off. “Don’t apologize. I’ve seen… well, maybe not  _ seen  _ worse, but I’ve got a sexually active teenager. I’ve contemplated worse.” He nodded at the chair for Cas to get in. “Are you happy with the placement? You ready to get this show on the road?” 

 

"Yes," Cas answered thoughtfully before he asked, "how can you tell if a memory was erased?"

 

“There’s a gold halo around it. Which means it’s something that was experienced but erased or repressed. Sometimes even forgotten about.” Jerry grabbed his gun and dipped it into the ink. As he started it and leaned in close to Cas’s shoulder, he paused and said, “I hope you and Dean sort this crap out soon. Because if I get one more threatening text from him, I’m going to take a video next time you and I fuck and send it to his moody ass.”

 

Cas couldn't help but chuckle at that, mostly because he still felt pissed at Dean. But Jerry's words had helped him. He could already feel himself becoming calmer. But he would need some time. He needed to lick his own wounds first.

 

He rolled his eyes when his brain had come up with yet another cat analogy. “Thank you, Jerry. For everything. I’m really glad I met you.”

 

Jerry seemed impressed for a moment. “You mean that. Huh. Thought you only liked me for my dick,” he teased with a wink.

 

Cas shook his head. "I like you for a lot of things."

 

“I like you, too, Castiel. Alright, you ready?”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

When Dean attempted to send another text and was given an error message  –  because Cas had apparently blocked him  –  he screamed, “Fuck!” and threw his phone across his bedroom, watching it practically shatter. The whole point of the apology text was to try and talk shit out with Cas. Not make things worse. But he’d been so fucking hurt by the snarky and cold dismissal, of the prospect of never having sex again.

 

Not that he could blame Cas. They fucked and Dean snuck out on the guy like the shitty, skeezy, one night stand kind of douchebag he apparently was. Dean had sex with his best friend and left him, probably making him feel like a cheap whore in the process, and all because Dean was utterly incapable of accepting that it had been one of the best nights of his life.

 

But the problem wasn’t Cas. It was Dean. He was… He  _ is  _ poison. Had been almost his entire life and now he was dragging Cas into something that wasn’t going to end well for either of them. Dean didn’t deserve Cas and everything that happened in the past few days since he walked out on Cas was further proof of that.

 

Cas probably hated his guts now and that was completely and entirely understandable. Hell, Dean barely tolerated himself on a good day. How the hell could he expect anyone else in his life to do it? And the worst part was, Cas would easily move on from this. Hell, he probably already had. There was no doubt in his mind that he ended up fucking Jerry before he got the tattoo. 

 

Cas would be fine. Cas would get over Dean. And as for Dean? He’d eventually, hopefully, stop fucking up every single good thing in his life.

 

Dean made his way out to the kitchen. He needed the comfort of a strong cup of coffee. Whiskey was more tempting, but they were going to head out in the morning for some case Sammy found and if he started drinking, the way he was feeling? He wouldn’t stop until he passed out. Or died of alcohol poisoning. Whichever came first.

 

The pot was dry and he started rifling through the cupboards for any coffee grounds he could get his mitts on. Hell, he’d take the instant shit at this rate. After several minutes of fruitless searching, Dean slammed a couple of doors and drawers shut with shouted expletives at the lack of coffee.

 

Dean collapsed against the fridge and sank down, pulling his knees up and bracing his elbows against them, willing himself to not burst into fucking tears in the middle of the kitchen. Over fucking coffee.

 

“Woah, Dean.” Kevin suddenly knelt beside him out of nowhere. “Are you okay? You look like shit. No offence.”

 

With a mirthless chuckle, Dean waved Kevin off and dropped his head back against the fridge. “I’m peachy.”

 

“Yeah, obviously,” Kevin snarked and shook his head. “What’s going on?”

 

“I’m pregnant and I don’t know who the father is,” he returned dryly as he rolled his eyes. 

 

Kevin gave him a pointed look. “Cut the crap, Dean. Talk to me.”

 

Dean let out a sigh and closed his eyes as he rested his head against the fridge again. “We’re out of coffee.”

 

“If I give you some of my private stash, will you tell me what’s really going on?” Kevin asked with a serious tone in his voice.

 

He opened his eyes and looked at the kid for a moment. With a sigh, Dean nodded and held his arm out expectantly for Kevin to help him to his feet. Kevin grabbed his arm and helped him up. Dean moved to sit at one of the stools while Kevin got to making a fresh pot of coffee. 

 

Dean could beat around the bush. He could pull the, “I have this friend,” bullshit. A plethora of other things that would prolong his honesty. But instead, he decided to bite the bullet and blurted, “Cas and I had sex a few nights ago.”

 

Kevin's cheap plastic cup falling to the ground was the only noise for a moment before Kevin stuttered, "Wh–What?"

 

If he wasn’t having an existential crisis, Dean might have enjoyed the schtick that accompanied his confession. “Don’t make me repeat myself, dude. Anyway, we got drunk, one thing led to another, and we ended up having sex. Then I ditched out on him and didn’t text him, and now he’s pissed. Understandably.”

 

Kevin slowly sat down across from him before he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I need a second to process this." He shook his head again in disbelief before he asked in a serious tone, "Why did you ditch him?"

 

“Because I’m a fucking asshole,” he huffed out as he kicked the leg of the island he was sitting at.

 

Kevin raised his eyebrows and leaned back in the chair, pursing his lips. "Have you tried apologizing?

 

Dean let out an annoyed scoff. “Yeah. Fucked that up, too.”

 

Kevin rubbed over his eyes tiredly. "Look, Dean. Castiel is obviously very important to you. So if you fucked up, you just apologize to him again, over and over until you make it right. You don't just give up and sit here, drinking your pain away with coffee." 

 

“I keep putting my goddamn foot in my mouth. And now he’s blocked me. I tried to text him again and it came back as some stupid error thing. Not that I blame him.” Dean groaned and braced his face in his palms, screaming into his hands in frustration. When he turned up again he shook his head. “I can’t believe I fucked up so bad… Wait. No, I  _ can  _ believe it.”

 

"Do you know where he is?"

 

“Getting inked right now.” It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Kevin, but on the off fucking chance that Zeke might be listening in, there was no way in hell he was going to give details like locations and shit.

 

"You should talk to him in person. Before you really lose him." Kevin bit his lip. "If my girlfriend was still alive, that’s what I would have done. Life's too short for this shit."

 

Dean let out a sigh and shook his head. “I can’t just show up and…” He could. He absolutely could. But if Dean showed up to Jerry’s shop and found them fucking… He’d end up murdering Jerry and then Cas really would never forgive him. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Kevin.”

 

Kevin quirked his brow. “You can’t make your situation worse, Dean. When you’re already down, the only way left to go is up.”

 

_ Damnit.  _ The kid was right. Even if Cas really was done with him, wanted nothing to do with him ever again, at the very least, he needed to apologize to him in person. Dean looked at Kevin and let out a frustrated groan. “Fine. And you know the drill. Tell anyone and I’ll –”

 

“Yeah, yeah, you’ll kill me.” 

 

Dean stood up and clapped a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “Thanks, kid. If Sam asks, I’ve got a date with a blue eyed piece.”

 

Kevin snorted in his cup. “Sure, Dean. Good luck.”

 

If he didn’t have a time crunch, he would have smacked the kid upside the head for that. Dean grabbed the keys to Baby and was on the road in no time. The entire drive to Jerry’s shop Dean had silent arguments in his head with Cas. Every possible scenario. If Cas told him to fuck off, how he’d just plead with him to listen. If Cas cried. If Cas pulled out a weapon. If Jerry tried to be protective, like he had a tendency to do when it came to his side pieces. 

 

When Dean parked Baby in the almost abandoned lot, he let out a sigh of relief to see Cas’s car still there. That was a good thing. Just as he was about to open the door, Dean realized the one scenario he hadn’t mentally prepared for.

 

The very real possibility that Cas and Jerry might be fucking.  _ Shit.  _ Murdering Jerry would be the exact opposite thing he could do to get back on Cas’s good side. With a bracing breath, Dean placed his hand over his eyes and pushed the door open, reaching out with his other hand as he tried to maneuver forward from muscle memory alone.

 

“If you guys are naked, or fucking, can you, uh… Can you stop for just… five minutes? Five minutes of Cas’s time and I’ll be gone.”

 

“Castiel, you wanna hop off of my dick and grab your pants?” Jerry asked with an amused tone in his voice. Dean thought he might be sick.

 

"We're not fucking, Dean. You can look." He could practically hear the defeat in Cas's voice. 

 

Carefully, Dean lowered his hand and peered out, relieved to find Cas straddling Jerry’s chair while Jerry waved at him with a cocky smirk from his stool. Cas was refusing to look at Dean.

 

“I know you guys are busy, but I just need five minutes of your time, Cas.”

 

Cas took in a deep breath, but Jerry suddenly put his hand on his shoulder and shook his head ever so slightly, making Cas stop whatever he was about to say. Cas sighed again and turned around to look at Dean coldly. "Five minutes."

 

“Jerry, would you give us some privacy?”

 

The request was met with a nod as he got up and grabbed his cell. “I'm gonna call a client outside.” Jerry gave Cas a reassuring smile and as he made his way past Dean, he gently clapped his shoulder before stepping outside.

 

Now alone, Dean suddenly felt nervous. Unable to look at Cas, not wanting to see the hatred in his friend’s eyes, Dean started with an ineloquent, “I'm a fucking asshole.”

 

“Cut to the chase. What do you want, Dean?” Cas replied harshly.

 

Dean nodded and kept his gaze downwards. “I keep fucking up. I know I do. I don't know how to stop myself, and if you never speak to me again, I'm prepared to accept that, but I needed you to know that…” He let out a sigh and looked up then. The coldness in Cas’s tone was in his expression as well. Cas staring at him with a frown and an arched brow. “You didn't trick me, or whatever. I wanted you just as much as you wanted me, and I shouldn't have pinned that on you. You don't deserve that kind of bullshit and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you.”

 

He could see that Cas was fighting with himself, biting his lower lip hard as he stepped close to Dean. “You’re right. I don’t deserve it. I know you’re afraid, but it’s not an excuse for how you’ve treated me. We’ve been through so much together and I don’t want to lose you as a friend. But I need you to man up and accept that there is something between us. It’s okay if you don’t want us to become more, but you have to make a fucking decision. Stop giving me mixed signals, or hope, so I can move on.”

 

Dean swallowed dryly and nodded. That was a fair enough request. “I know. I know that – that whatever is between us is real. It exists. But…” He looked down at the ground. Dean couldn’t bring himself to be completely honest, but he could try to be as truthful as he was capable. “I don’t want us to become more.”

 

Cas was quiet for a while and when he looked up, Dean could see his lips were pressed into a thin line and his eyes looked glazed over, like he was holding himself back from crying. He nodded tersely before he pressed out, "I will need a few days... not seeing you."

 

“I get it, Cas. I…” Dean almost reached out for him and changed his mind before he continued, “It’s not because of you. I need you to know that.”

 

"You think that makes it easier for me? That you believe you're not good enough, that you would fuck this up? Yes, Dean. I'm pissed at you, but I will always be there there for you, whether you accept it or not, and no matter how much you piss me off in the future, that won’t change. I just wish you’d trust me more. Trust that I can handle whatever shit you throw at me. I'm stronger than you think."

 

“I’ve never doubted your strength, Cas. It’s not about that. I’ve seen what you can handle. How you’re able to take all the shit that’s thrown at you. But you’re right. I should’ve trusted you more.” Dean sighed again. “I’ll never forgive myself for how I treated you. Never. I wish I’d handled the whole situation better, but I guess that’s why hindsight is 20-20.”

 

Cas frowned. "I don't know what that means, but I forgive you, Dean. Even if you don't forgive yourself."

 

The urge to sob out in relief was overwhelming. The urge to yank Cas into a hug was even stronger. “Are –are we okay?”

 

Cas looked down and nodded finally before he handed Dean his phone and said, "I deleted your phone number."

 

“I destroyed my phone, so…” He took Cas’s phone and put the number in for one of his backup cells. When he handed it back to him, his hand was shaking. At least it wasn’t his damn lip.

 

Cas wrapped his fingers around his hand before he pulled him into a tight hug.

 

And such a simple, stupid, small gesture had him on the verge of tears. Dean clung to Cas’s form, trying to be mindful of his tattoo. “Fuck, Cas. I’m so sorry,” he breathed out, biting his lip in an attempt at keeping the waterworks in check. The last thing Cas should have to deal with was Dean Winchester being a friggin’ little bitch on top of all the other shit.

 

Cas carded his fingers gently through Dean's hair, pressing his face against Dean's throat when he murmured. "It's okay. We're okay."

 

Dean withdrew from him, taking a deep breath as he nodded and kept his gaze on the ground. “I’ll, uh… I’ll give you your space. I’ll wait for you to text or call. When you’re ready.”

 

“Alright,” Cas replied quietly.

 

“I’ll, uh… I’ll grab Jerry and…” Dean pointed to the door with his thumb as he started backing up towards it. “It looks good so far,” he added as he nodded to Cas’s shoulder.

 

“Thanks,” Cas replied dryly, his voice sounding void of any emotion.  “Dean... Just a quick heads up. You shouldn't make any threats to Jerry in the future."

 

Dean furrowed his brow in confusion and shook his head. “Huh?”

 

“Just trust me. You wouldn’t like the consequences.”

 

“Okay?” he said hesitantly. “He gonna…” Dean waved his hand and shook his head dismissively. “You know what? I don’t wanna know.”

 

“Wise decision,” Cas murmured before he sat down on the chair again, pocketing his phone. “I’ll text you.”

 

Dean grabbed the handle of the door and cast one more look back at Cas. “For what it’s worth, if I deserved you, even a  _ fraction  _ of a fraction…” He stopped himself. Cas had asked him not to give any false hope. He shook his head and turned the handle to open the door. 

 

“You shouldn't be the judge of that," Cas murmured from behind him. "I don't care if you're broken, or you think you're cursed."

 

And what the hell was he supposed to say to that? Sorry, thanks for playing? Dean Winchester wasn’t just cursed, he was fucking poison, and he was sick and tired of the people he cared about the most in the world getting the shit end of the stick. “Fine. If I don’t get to be the judge of what I deserve, then you don’t get to be the judge of what you deserve and I can tell you… You deserve a hell of a lot better.”

 

"Why? Because you said so? I could say the the same." Cas scoffed.

 

“You just said I shouldn’t be the judge of what I deserve. Either it goes both ways or it doesn’t, Cas.”

 

Cas closed his eyes and sighed in defeat. "It doesn't matter, Dean. You made your decision. You don't want me like that. I get it."

 

Dean let out a disbelieving snort. “Not wanting a relationship with you and not wanting you are two different things.”

 

Cas frowned and leaned forward. "So, for you this was just about wanting to have sex with me? Were you just curious, or did you only want to scratch an itch?" 

 

“I…” Dean froze mid-sentence, completely at a loss for how to answer Cas’s question. Either way he was fucked. If he said yes, if Cas wanted to reenact a scene from a soap opera and slap Dean across the face, he’d have every right. If he said no, then there would be an expectant and uncomfortable series of questioning that would open a whole different can of worms. He swallowed and bit down on his lip to stop its trembling. “What do you want me to say, Cas?”

 

Cas walked up to him again before he took in a deep breath. His voice sounded monotonous as he said, "Tell me it was just sex. Tell me you needed to get off that night and I was just there. It was nothing more. You just wanted to scratch an itch and it meant nothing to you."

 

“Is that what you want?” Dean swallowed down the bitter taste in his mouth. It might have been bile. 

 

“No. But it’s what I need to hear.” 

 

Dean licked his lips and looked down at the ground. It’s what Cas needed to hear. It would close this chapter between them without ever bringing it up again. It was an out. It was the lack of hope Cas so desperately needed. He simply had to tell him it was just sex. It would have been easy. So easy. Because Dean had been spending the last few days desperately trying to convince himself that’s that all it was anyway.

 

After a beat, Dean regretfully breathed out, “I can’t.”

 

Cas choked back a sob and a tear ran down his face before he looked down with a frown. "Fuck you, Dean."

 

Dean’s hand twitched with the urge to reach out to Cas. To comfort him in some way. “I’m sorry, Cas,” was all he managed.  

 

He did not anticipate the punch to his face for that. "Get out of my sight. I'll text you when I'm not pissed at you anymore... Which could take a while."

 

Dean wiped the blood that dripped from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. He nodded and let out a soft sigh. He was about to turn around and leave when he remembered one of the many things he’d done in his chickenshit hiding from Cas and his feelings. 

 

Pulling out the folded piece of paper, he held it out for Cas to take. Cas refused and Dean grabbed his hand and pushed it into his palm. “It’s a spell to locate your grace. I don’t know if it’ll work, but it’s better than nothing.”

 

Cas's eyes widened and he looked like he was about to hug Dean, when he seemed to remember himself. He then apparently tried to resolve the situation with an awkward shrug, flailing his arms slightly. “Ugh, fuck. Um, you’re confusing me. Um, thank you.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah. See you around, Cas,” Dean said dejectedly as he turned back to the door again.

 

Cas wrapped his fingers around Dean's wrist and pulled him back, right into his personal space. "Dean..." He cupped Dean’s cheek and looked right at him with sad, blue eyes, before he rubbed his thumb gently over the side of his lip. "I'm sorry for hitting you." 

 

He leaned forward and kissed him gently before Dean could do anything, and whispered, "Be careful out there."

 

Dean stared at him, dumbfounded, frozen to the spot. Cas claimed Dean was guilty of sending mixed messages, but apparently Cas was the king of them. He swallowed against the lump in his throat and nodded. “I'll, uh… I'll…” 

 

Cas rolled his eyes. “Dean. Don’t overthink it. I was just saying goodbye to you. I need to find some way for me to move forward.”

 

“By kissing me?” Dean was surprised how little his voice cracked.

 

"What? I can’t even have a last kiss?" Cas stepped back with a frown before he looked down. "I'm sorry."

 

Dean grabbed his wrist and yanked him back. “If you're gonna kiss me goodbye, you should fucking mean it.” Before Cas could protest or stop him, Dean grasped Cas’s face in his hands and closed the distance between them. 

 

Cas moaned into the kiss, pushing Dean against the wall without breaking contact, before he slipped his tongue into Dean's mouth. His hands tangled into Dean’s hair, tugging him closer.

 

They should stop. They should separate, so Cas could move on, so Dean could go wallow in self-pity and whiskey. Yet, his brain was no longer in communication with the rest of his body. He snaked his hands around Cas’s hips and lifted him up, causing Cas to wrap his legs around Dean’s waist. 

 

Cas groaned and arched his body against him, leaning closer into the kiss, pliant and open. Dean felt like he couldn’t get enough of Cas. He carried Cas over to the leather couch in Jerry’s waiting room, gently laying him out on it before crawling on top of him, reconnecting as he lost himself in the  –  hands down  –  best kiss of his goddamn life.

 

Cas moaned into the kiss, his hands sliding down Dean's back before one gripped his left shoulder, exactly where the handprint had once been.

 

Dean drew back, staring down at lust blown pupils and kiss swollen lips. He’d never seen anything more beautiful in his life. He was going to lose it. He was about to completely crumble and he needed to get the fuck out of there. Taking a deep breath, Dean managed to keep his tone even as he said, “That’s how you kiss someone goodbye.”

 

The way Cas's expression fell was even worse than the way he looked when Dean had kicked him out of the bunker. He tensed under him, pulling back completely and just stared at Dean in shock.

 

Dean was going to be sick. As the bile climbed up his esophagus, he darted up and barely made it to Jerry’s bathroom in time. He bent over the toilet and emptied the contents of his stomach. Which was presently coffee and a shitty gas station cheeseburger. Dean wretched, dry heaved, and braced his forehead on the toilet seat, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to escape.

 

He had no idea how many minutes he’d sat there when Jerry appeared in the doorway. "You need to leave, Winchester."

 

Wiping the saliva from his chin, Dean nodded and moved to stand. “Jerry, I –”

 

“Save it and just get out!” Jerry barked at him. Jerry was a pretty even keeled guy. He’d never seen him actually, genuinely pissed before.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry,” he breathed out, unable to stop the first tear that slid down his cheek.

 

"You finally crossed a line with your fuckin’ shit. What the  _ fuck  _ were you thinking? Don't you think he’s been used enough by those assholes out there, not to add you, his supposed bestie, to that fucking list? Man the fuck up! The boy is already gone for you, it's not like you can stop it!"

 

The levee fucking broke and Dean shook his head in dismay. The realization of what he was doing… how it was affecting Cas… Dean was no better than the assholes who raped Cas. As the tears soaked his cheeks, Dean looked up at Jerry. “How do I fix it? Tell me, Jerry. Please. How can I fix it?” 

 

"I don't know, Dean." Jerry sighed deeply. "I don't have all the answers. But at the moment, you need to leave him alone. Give him time and space."

 

Dean had never hated himself more than in that moment. And that was saying something. He looked up at Jerry, taking in his serious and immovable expression. Why did Dean have to be such a fuck up? Such a poisonous, hateful, piece of shit? “I’ll never come back from this. Will I?”

 

“It's up to you, Dean. Maybe when you start seeing yourself through your friend's eyes and stop the pity party. Then you'll actually have a chance. You're your own worst enemy, Dean, and you're the only one who can save yourself. And if you can't do it for yourself, maybe start trying for him."

 

“He deserves better,” Dean said, tone resigned and the most honest he’d been in the last few days.

 

"Yeah, he does. But for whatever reason, he fell for your dumb ass. So it's not about deserving anymore. It's about whether or not you're going to be the one that makes him happy, or the one that keeps hurting him."

 

Dean knew Cas was attracted to him. Likely even had feelings for him. But those feelings actually being love? How the fuck did Dean Winchester ever earn the love of an angel? Or former angel? A fresh wave of guilt and regret washed over him. How the hell would he ever be able to reconcile the pain he just put his best friend through?

 

The answer was: he wouldn’t. He  _ couldn’t.  _ All these supposed proverbial lines he was scared of crossing and he just decimated the line that kept him in the relatively okay human being category. And at the expense of the best fucking friend he’d ever had. “Will… will you keep an eye out for him for me?” Dean asked, voice cracking as a few more tears escaped.

 

"He'll be okay. He’s a tough guy." Jerry cleared his throat. "But he knows where to find me if he needs some comfort."

 

Dean felt sick again. He nodded at Jerry and pushed past the guy to get the fuck out. Fumbling for his keys, he felt a combination of relieved and completely bereft at seeing the shop empty. Cas must have left, not that he could blame him.

 

As he stepped outside, Dean leaned against the door, trying to quell the urge to hyperventilate. What an absolute, awful, fuckup of a day. A few days. Hell, his whole goddamn, pathetic life at that point.

 

That's when he heard sobbing noises from around the corner. It sounded like Cas. Carefully treading, Dean rounded the building and the sight that met him broke his fucking heart. Shattered it. The organ in his chest was dust. 

 

Cas was crouched, curled against his knees, back pressed to the wall of the building as he just… sobbed. Dean couldn’t stop himself, he was kneeling in front of Cas, bracing his hands on Cas’s forearms as his own tears started to choke the breath out of him. “Fuck, Cas. I’m so, so fucking sorry. Fuck. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

 

Cas looked up at him and he had never seen him so broken before. "Go away," he murmured weakly.

 

“I will. I promise I will. But… Fuck, Cas. I didn’t fucking mean it.”

 

Cas leaned back against the wall, his eyes looked dead and empty as he faced him. "What? Do you want to fuck me against this wall now? Just to remind me what a mistake I am?"

 

Dean’s lip trembled as the tears kept coming. He shook his head. “You –you’re not. I… Oh, fuck, Cas. I…” He tightened his grip on Cas’s forearms, unable to even slow the stream of tears. “Please. Please…” he begged, but he could no longer find the words. 

 

Cas had started to cry again, his breathing came out in quiet hitches. "Why are you doing this to me? I asked you to stop giving me hope. If you don't want me, then stop hurting me. Just say it once and for all, and stop dangling maybes."

 

The emotions were crushing the breath out of Dean, but not enough for him to not blurt exactly how he felt. “I hate myself.” Before Cas could say anything, he continued, “I hate almost everything about myself. I hate the pain I’ve caused and continue to cause the people I care about. For almost my entire life, day in, day out. Five times a day, an hour, a minute, I think how much I hate myself. But when I’m with you, with the exception of these past few days, when I’m with you, I forget what hating myself feels like.”

 

"So, what? You're punishing me for feeling good?" Cas asked brokenly.

 

“I’m punishing myself. Because it’s what I do.” Dean sank back against his heels and let out a shuddery breath. “I’m so sorry you got caught in the crossfire.”

 

"Don't you get it, Dean? Everything you do to yourself, you're doing to me, too." Cas leaned forward, his lips a thin line before he murmured, "If I tell you that I plan to go back to that bar tonight, hoping those men finish the job they started, because I just want this to end… I want to get hurt and used because I feel like I deserved it for all the pain I caused, for every life I ended... How would you feel, if my hate for myself caused me to do that? What would you tell me?"

 

Dean was unable to repress the gasp of horror that escaped. “Are… are you thinking that?”

 

"Answer my question first, Dean! Would it hurt you, if I thought things like that?"

 

“It fucking kills me,” he confessed, unable to maintain eye contact anymore.

 

"And now you know how I feel, when you say and feel things like that." Cas wrapped his fingers around Dean's wrist, his voice suddenly calm as he said, "We both have a lot of issues. I've seen your worst sides and you've seen mine. But it doesn't change how I feel about you. So please... if you don't see anything in our future, just go now. Just leave me alone for a while."

 

Dean wanted more than anything to stay, to pull Cas in his arms and promise him anything, everything. Dates. Walks on the beach. Whatever other bullshit romantic shit that existed. He wanted to promise all of it. For however long he could.

 

But then, that wouldn't be the self deprecating Dean Winchester the world had grown to… tolerate.

 

Cupping Cas’s face gently, Dean swiped the pad of his thumb through the tear tracks. “I hope one day you'll forgive me.”

 

Dean released Cas and moved to stand, heading straight for Baby. He needed to get as far away from this place as humanly possible.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas grinned at the drunk guy who had roughly slapped his ass when he passed him at the bar. “You want more of that?” he asked provocatively.

 

The man stopped in his tracks and returned to him, quirking his brow as he licked over his lips. “How much?”

 

“Fifty for a blowjob. Hundred for my ass,” Cas answered swiftly. It had been his third night of doing this and he finally started to get a hang of his sales pitch.

 

The guy drew closer and leaned over to whisper in his ear, “How about seventy for your ass and I’ll slap it a little more for you? I bet you like to get punished, little whore.”

 

How could he say no to that? “Deal.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 

It had been over a week since Dean basically irreparably and single handedly destroyed his relationship with the best friend he'd ever had. When he'd come home, eyes red rimmed and tired, Kevin didn't even ask. He didn't have to.

 

Sammy was a little harder to brush off, but years of being the best goddamn liar in his family, it didn't take long to get his little brother off his ass. Thankfully they got immersed in a little ghost case a couple states over, so Dean did what he always does when he's done feeling feelings.

 

He ganked monsters and focused on the job. By the third day, Cas only consumed his thoughts once an hour instead of once a minute. Dean counted that as a win.

 

By the end of that first week, Dean was getting better at resisting the urge to find Cas. To beg his forgiveness until he was hoarse. That was, until Jerry called.

 

Dean stared at his phone in bemusement for a moment. Jerry didn't usually call. So the worst case scenario jumped into Dean’s head and he answered with a, “Is Cas okay?”

 

There was a snort of derision before Jerry said, “Wouldn't know. I haven't seen him since his session.”

 

“Then – ”

 

“But he  _ is  _ why I'm calling. Now I'm all for gettin’ your freak on however you please, but…” Jerry sighed and paused, and Dean contemplated hopping in his car and shaking the rest of the goddamn sentence out of the guy. Thankfully he didn't have to. “Mikhail hit me up. Apparently Castiel has been spending every night at the bar.”

 

Dean couldn't help the wince at the thought of Cas getting fucked by strange men. Still, despite his genuine dislike of the idea, Dean replied with a forced, “So? Like either of us have room to judge.”

 

Jerry let out a mirthless chuckle. “Well, thought you'd like to know… He's charging fifty for head and a c-note for a fuck.”

 

The way Dean gripped his phone, he was surprised it didn't crack. “How do you – ”

 

“Mikhail overheard him,” he interjected.

 

Dean swallowed against the lump in his throat and nodded, not caring that Jerry couldn't see him. “Thanks, Jerry.”

 

“So help me God, Winchester, if you make things worse…”

 

“I won't,” he assured before he hung up.

 

Dean was in Baby and driving to the bar at a dizzying speed. He was surprised he didn't get pulled over he was driving so fast. Hell, he was surprised he didn’t end up back in 1955 with Doc Brown. 

 

When he pulled up, Cas’s car was outside, like Jerry said. Dean took a steadying breath and made his way inside. 

 

Mikhail saw Dean and nodded in the direction of the corner of the bar. What he saw was Cas smiling at a guy that was manhandling him before Cas whispered in the guy’s ear. The man’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at whatever Cas said and nodded before he grabbed Cas’s arm and started dragging him to the bathroom.

 

Dean didn't hesitate for a moment, he made his way to the pair and stepped in front of the guy before they reached the john. “Fuck off,” he barked.

 

The guy scoffed and before he could say anything, Dean grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him up against the wall. “If you wanna keep your nuts, you’ll do as I suggested.”

 

The threat was received and the guy stormed off with a grumbled, “He ain't worth it.”

 

The unadulterated hatred that met him when Dean turned to Cas was palpable. But he didn't have time to deal with his guilt, or any other bullshit emotion that was threatening to tear him apart. He needed to get Cas the fuck out of there and maybe shake some sense into him. 

 

Dean grabbed Cas by the wrist and tried to drag him out of the bar. “You're going home.”

 

Cas pushed him off, but his movement was sluggish before he growled at Dean, “Fuck off.”

 

“Yeah, not happenin’.” Dean grasped Cas by the elbow. “Don't make me carry you.”

 

Cas stumbled against him, before he squinted his eyes at him. "Let me go. You said you’d stay away from me."

 

“Fine, if that's how this is gonna go,” he huffed as he pulled his wallet out. Dean pulled every bill out of it and quickly counted the cash. “Four hundred and seventy six bucks. How long does that get me?” he demanded as he held the money out to Cas.

 

"I don't know," Cas slurred, "I'm not a phone company."

 

“It gets me the night then. Grab your coat.” Dean pressed the cash to Cas’s chest and gave him an expectant look.

 

To his surprise, Cas took the money before he pulled on his jacket and started to follow him outside.

 

Dean shook his head, trying to keep his anger in check. When they reached Baby, he opened the door to the passenger side for Cas.

 

"You want me in your car?" Cas asked slowly. "Or somewhere else?"

 

Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. “Just get in,” he growled. When Cas was seated inside, he slammed the door and made his way to the driver’s side. Sliding into the seat, he started the car and immediately put her into drive, heading in the direction of Cas’s makeshift place.

 

Cas was eerily quiet the whole drive, his head leaning against the seat, just staring out of the window. He looked like he hadn't slept in months, his eyes, that would usually outshine any sapphire, seemed dull somehow. 

 

When they arrived at Cas’s ‘home’, it looked chaotic and the cat was nowhere in sight, but Dean didn’t get the chance to look any longer because Cas dropped to his knees in front of him and started unbuckling his jeans.

 

Dean stepped away from him. “The fuck do you think you’re doin’?”

 

"You paid me," Cas stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?” Dean growled as he yanked Cas up to his feet and dragged him to his bed. He shoved Cas, causing him to fall onto the mattress. Dean folded his arms over his chest and looked down at Cas, brow arched expectantly. “Wanna tell me why you’re suddenly Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?”

 

"Why should I? It's none of your business what I do." Cas sat up again. "Why are you here? I thought we had an agreement."

 

The urge to cry in that moment was strangling him. Dean shook his head, unable to rectify the badass angel of the lord, his best friend, with whatever Cas had become in this exact moment. Dean sighed and sat down on the bed next to him. “You’re whoring yourself out because of what I did to you, aren’t you?”

 

Cas rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance. "What? Do you so desperately need another thing to add to your list that you can torture yourself with? This isn't about you. You may not understand it, but I'm doing this to at least feel  _ some  _ sense of worth."

 

“Worth?” Dean challenged. “Don’t even try to play that fucking card. If you wanted to feel your worth, you would have been out there, still trying to help the fallen angels, but instead you’re letting strangers fuck you for a hundred bucks a pop. And it’s because what I did made you feel like a cheap whore. So now you’ve become a self-fulfilling prophecy.” Dean scoffed and moved to stand. “I’m owning my part in this, not out of guilt, or a need to feel any more like a friggin’ douchebag. But because, if what happened between us hadn’t, you and I would be kicking back right now, sharing a pizza and drinking beers. Instead I picked your drunk ass up from a bar and I had to fucking pay you to do it.”

 

Dean shook his head and started walking towards the door. “Keep the money. Use it to get yourself a cab in the morning to go get your car.”

 

Cas ripped the wallet from his pocket and threw the money back at Dean. "If you don't want to treat me like a cheap whore, you should take your money back and stop assuming things you know nothing about. You aren't in my life at the moment. You have no idea what I’ve been doing, so fuck you for saying that I'm not working on helping the angels!" Cas yelled at him, standing in front of Dean now, breathing hard. "And frankly, I don't care if you judge me for what I'm doing. I like getting fucked. I enjoy it, and it's a million times better than the gentle shit you did with me anyway."

 

Dean scoffed and slammed Cas against the wall, holding him in place with his forearm braced against his chest. “Tell me, Cas. What  _ have  _ you been doing for the angels, then?”

 

Cas smirked and leaned forward. "I'm in contact with an angel called Rebecca. She is one of the angels that tries to stay away from the conflict. I'm trying to help her get in contact and find others who want to stay neutral. We are looking for a way to keep them safe."

 

“So, how are you trying to keep them safe when you’re spending every night offering your ass to the highest bidder?” 

 

Cas raised his eyebrow. "Oh, so I'm not allowed to have free time anymore? Should I judge you for every time you had sex with some waitress because you needed to blow off steam, instead of saving the world?"

 

Dean chuckled mirthlessly and shook his head. “Blowin’ off steam, getting laid, ain’t the same as being a common whore.” He stepped away from Cas. “You know what? Do whatever you gotta to make yourself feel better about the fact that you’re letting anyone fuck you for the right price. Guess it’s a good thing nothing happened between us, if this was how you were gonna spend your free time.”

 

Cas blinked before he slowly turned around, mumbling, "You think I would have done this if we... okay." He nodded and went back to his bed, sitting down on the edge with his back to Dean.

 

“How am I supposed to know you  _ wouldn’t,  _ huh? And if you’re implying that you wouldn’t have started whoring yourself out if we were… whatever. Then you’re basically saying that you  _ are  _ doing this because of what happened between us. So, what is it, Cas? If I manned up, would you have still become a cheap whore? Or did you only choose to do this because I’m a fucking chickenshit?” Dean didn’t draw closer, he just folded his arms over his chest and stared at Cas’s back.

 

He could see Cas shiver on the bed before he suddenly went completely still. His voice was void of any emotion and he didn't look back to Dean as he said, "Hester was right. I was lost the moment I touched you. This is because of you and I wish I had never met you."

 

Dean’s lip trembled, but he’d be damned if he was going to let Cas have anymore of his fucking tears. 

 

Cas turned around and gave him a long look. “That’s what you wanted to hear, right? What you already think, anyway. No matter how loud I scream at you, you will never get past this guilt. So just go, Dean. Stop hurting me."

 

Rubbing his chin, Dean was going to give this one last shot. “You know… You’ve put me, my brother, this whole fucking world through a lot of shit over the years, Cas. You betrayed us, you hurt us. You’ve fucked up over and over again, and despite  _ all  _ of it, I would never…  _ never  _ wish I hadn’t met you. Because despite the awful shit, despite the hell and pain you put us through, all I think about is how happy you make me. Even now, even when all I want to do is shake some sense into you, even though you keep saying cruel thing after cruel thing, I don’t care. I would go through it all again, if it meant I got to have you in my life.”

 

Dean shook his head and pulled his keys out of his pocket. “Fuck it. I’m done trying to make you see that you have worth without having to sell your ass. Do whatever with your life.” He reached for the door, trying his damndest to not break down.

 

Cas chuckled, but it sounded hollow. “You come here, reminding me of what a fuck up I am, hurt me and judge  _ me _ for feeling worthless, even though you do this to yourself all the time… and in the same sentence, accuse  _ me  _ of being cruel, then tell me you want me in your life again? The word you forgot to call me is pathetic, because I still want to be with you. Despite the way you treat me. I never wished, for a second, that I never met you, and you thinking that I did just proves my point. I can tell you over and over how happy you make me, but you will never believe me. You will always be afraid. I'm not your fucking responsibility, my decisions are mine. If I want to get hurt and take a risk with you, then you can't take that away from me. You can either accept it or not, but it doesn't make me loving you untrue.”

 

“You  _ said  _ you wished you’d never met me!” Dean yelled as he stormed towards Cas. “You don’t fucking love me, Cas. So don’t throw that word in my face to make me feel worse. ‘Cause trust me, like I told you, I can’t really hate myself more than I already do, so don’t waste your breath trying to get me to hate myself more.”

 

Cas shook his head before he gave him a sad, broken look. “Please stop. Just stop, Dean.” He swallowed, seemingly trying to fight his tears. “I don’t want you to hate yourself more. I want you to stop. The reason why I said that to you is because, from the start, you’ve kept pushing me away, telling me you're poison and that you're not worth it. That you will fuck it up… you basically tell me you wished I had never met you. It’s like you are trying to protect me from falling for you, even though it’s already too late.” His voice got quieter when he continued, “And yet there's still a part of you that wants me exactly like that. That’s the part, the hope, that I'm trying to stay away from, because I know you won't take the risk.”

 

Dean stared at him for a moment, heart hammering inside his chest. After a beat, Dean released the breath he'd been holding and said, “You're right. About all of it. And if you think for a moment that seeing you like this, a broken and dejected man, isn't on me… you haven't been paying attention. There's a reason why I push you away, why I try to dissuade you. And that reason is exactly what you said. You're right, Cas. This does go both ways, but just because it does, doesn't mean it  _ can.  _ I'm not a good man. What I've done to you is proof of that. And I'll burn for it.”

 

A tear fell from Cas's eyes and he shook his head, his lips a thin line before he mumbled, "You stupid idiot." He scoffed. "Let's say we meet again in a month and I'm doing fine. You will think you were right because I stayed away from your 'poisonous self'. Let's say, we met again, and I'm not fine. Maybe I'm even worse. You will think you were right to stay away from me because you already blame yourself for doing this to me. You see where I'm going with this, Dean?"

 

“Yeah. Either way you look at it, I'll see the negative. Because that's reality, Cas. Because despite what society, what shitty chick flicks tell us, love won't save the day.” Dean stared down at the bills on the floor and picked them up, folding them together and placing them on a crate.

 

"I don't want your money, Dean. Don't make me throw it out like the stupid cat," Cas growled.

 

Well, that explained why he didn't see D.C. Dean sighed and shrugged helplessly. “We’re never gonna be okay, are we?” It wasn't so much a question as it was a crushing realization.

 

Cas closed his eyes. "I want you in my life, Dean. As a friend."

 

“Could've fooled me,” he said with a mirthless chuckle.

 

"Yes, I want to be more than your friend." Cas sighed defeatedly. "But I accept that’s not possible. So, friend it is."

 

Cas clearly wasn’t understanding what Dean meant. He sighed and looked at Cas. “You don’t seem like you want that either.”

 

Cas tilted his head. "I don't know how much clearer I can say it other than, 'I want you in my life'. But if you need to hear it again: I  _ want  _ you in my life... If you start doubting everything I say, this is going to be very hard."

 

“Well, you got a funny way of showin’ it,” he returned, feeling emotionally drained from the entire night. The entire week.

 

Cas scoffed. "Pot. Kettle. Black."

 

Dean crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. “I friggin’  _ tried,  _ man. You shut me out. Not that you didn’t have reason to, but you act like you were the only one hurtin’ from what I pulled.”

 

Cas pinched the bridge of his nose and took in a deep breath. "What did I do to hurt you?"

 

“Me, Cas. What  _ I  _ did to hurt me. Not you.” Dean let out a resigned sigh and moved to sit against the crate. “You think I wanted to leave that morning? You think I wanted to continue down this destructive path? I couldn’t stop myself if I tried. And believe me. I’ve tried. You think being rejected sucks? Try forcing yourself into being the rejector because it’s the right thing to do. In the long run.” 

 

Cas went to his fridge and handed Dean a beer before he sat down on his bed. "You're the only one thinking it's the right thing to do. So, excuse me for not feeling sympathetic towards you for doing this to yourself."

 

“So your opinion is the only one that matters, then?” Dean asked as he fiddled with the label on the bottle.

 

"No, I'm just stating a fact. I tried persuading you. It didn't work. I have to accept that. And I'm still working my way through accepting this. But I get the feeling you haven't accepted this either. That you're still struggling with this and are hurting because this isn't what you really want. And I feel stupid, because every time I get that impression, I start to hope again, that you will change your mind."

 

Dean chuckled and took a sip of his beer, shaking his head. “Even if I  _ could  _ accept it, it’d never work.” He quirked his brow and added, “And  _ bullshit  _ you tried to persuade me. You didn’t try at all. You just accepted it and pushed me away.”

 

"You know that's not true. You even accused me of pushing you, remember? And you’d just have to say the word and you'd have me." Cas sighed deeply. "I don't want to fight anymore, Dean. I only know that I felt happy when we spent time together, it felt right and incredible. And I'm more than convinced that this would work out between us. I have over four hundred and fifteen, and still counting, reasons for wanting you back. So these are the facts I’m giving you, that I believe. What you do with it is up to you."

 

Bracing the beer on the crate near him, Dean nodded. “I only said that ‘cause I was pissed.” He rifled a hand through his hair and sighed. Cas was giving him way more than he deserved and he felt the start of a full on meltdown. He needed to get the hell out of there. “I’m sorry, Cas. I’m so fucking sorry.” 

 

Before Cas could respond, Dean slipped out of the door, making it about four steps before the sob escaped. He leaned against the wall and slid down, sitting sideways on the stair as the tears started pouring out.  _ Why the hell am I being such a fucking bitch? _

 

After a moment, the door was tentatively opened and he could hear Cas draw closer. Dean didn't look up at him, but he heard Cas sigh deeply. "Remember the 'anything' you get to have from me? That you said you would take when you thought about it?"

 

Dean angrily wiped the tears away and looked up at Cas in confusion. “What?”

 

"When you tickled me. I promised I would do anything so you would stop. Don't you remember?"

 

_ Fuck.  _ That had seemed so long ago now. Dean nodded. “Yeah?”

 

A barely there smile played over Cas's lips. "I think it's time that you use it. If you could have me do anything right now, what would it be?"

 

Dean furrowed his brow, even more confused than before. As he looked at Cas’s sincerity and softness in his expression, he couldn’t help but sigh in defeat. “I’d have you find a way for us to go back in time and… fuck, I don’t know, go back to before I fucked everything up.”

 

Cas nodded before he held out his hand for him to take. His voice sounded sincere and resolute, "Done."

 

“What?” Dean shook his head, his confusion worsening. 

 

Cas let his hand sink down slowly before he sat next to Dean. He gave him a long, searching look before he answered, "Let's go back to the time before we fucked everything up. Let's start over."

 

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle, thankful the tears finally seemed to be letting up. “Not that easy, Cas.”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow at him. "It could be."

 

After a beat, Dean looked at Cas and chewed the inside of his cheek to keep his lip from trembling again. “So, clean slate. What does that mean for us?”

 

Cas nodded before he tilted his head. "Whatever you want."

 

Well, that was a crock of shit. What he wanted was kind of what got them into this situation in the first place. “I meant, are we gonna forget that we had sex, too? Forget the fight? Forget everything and we go find a fucking barn to recreate the first time we met?”

 

Cas shook his head thoughtfully. "I'm not sure that is something we could forget, even if we tried. And personally, I don't want to forget the things that happened between us, because there was a lot of good things." Cas smiled softly, looking like he was reminiscing about those moments before he continued, "But I believe we can go back to being friends... I know we both hurt each other a lot, but we always found our way back to each other... And I miss you when you're not here."

 

“I don’t want to forget either,” he breathed out, surprised by his own level of honesty.

 

"Good." Cas gave him a shy smile before he stood up and looked at Dean with a questioning look. "You want to come in again?"

 

Dean regarded him for a moment before nodding his head. “Yeah.” He stood up and followed Cas back inside the attic. He grabbed the beer he left on the crate and watched Cas make his way back to his bed. “Your tattoo looks like it’s healing nicely.”  _ Really, Winchester? Small talk? _

 

Cas grabbed his own beer and sat down on his mattress. "I can't wait for it to be finished. It's quite a long process." 

 

“Back pieces tend to be, from what I understand.” Dean fought the urge to roll his eyes at himself. He sighed and moved to sit next to Cas on his mattress. Giving him a sideways glance, he quirked his brow. “Did you really kick poor D.C. out?”

 

"Yes," Cas answered quietly. "She reminded me of... you know..."

 

“There’s no way she was good in bed,” Dean sassed, taking a swig of his beer.

 

Cas hit the back of his head with his pillow, causing Dean to choke on his beer. 

 

“Hey!” Dean chuckled, feeling a sense of relief he hadn’t felt in over a week now. “I thought we were past the violence,” he complained as he rubbed the back of his head. Not that it hurt, but just to emphasize his point.

 

"We never said anything about pillow violence." Cas smirked back at him, holding his pillow like a shield.

 

Dean smiled. He grabbed the top of the pillow, lowering it. “I ain’t gonna retaliate. All I wanna know is if D.C. was better than Jerry.”

 

"I didn't have sex with the demonic cat, Dean."

 

“I know. I was just…” Dean sighed as he leaned forward, bracing his elbows against his knees. “It almost felt like it was before I fucked it up.”

 

Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Look at me, Dean."

 

Not moving other than to turn his head in Cas’s direction, he quirked his brow and gave Cas an expectant look. 

 

"The past week was Hell. But look what we just did... We're going to get through this. You didn't fuck up anything because I won't let you, okay? You got me, good and bad."

 

Dean nodded and pursed his lips. “I missed ya’.”

 

Cas gave him a quick lopsided smile. "I missed you, too. So much."

 

“Cas…” Dean started, focusing his attention back on the label of his bottle. “Can you promise me something?”

 

"Depends," Cas answered carefully. 

 

While it may just put them back where they started, he needed to say it. He needed to ask Cas to do this. Because Dean was a lot of things, Dean could come to terms with and accept a lot of things, but not watching his best friend ruin his life. “Please stop selling yourself.”

 

Cas sighed deeply and looked down at his folded hands. "I'm not sure giving it up for free makes it less cheap in your eyes."

 

“It’s not about cheap, Cas. Which what you were charging was, by the way. Your ass is worth more than that, but that’s not the point.” Dean sighed and looked over at him again. “It scares the fuck out of me. It’s one thing if you’re with a dude and he gets too rough, and you tell him to stop or end it. But if he’s bought you, you probably wouldn’t say no and if you did… He wouldn’t be too happy. You could really get hurt, the kind of men who pay for it… You deserve better than that.”

 

Cas pulled his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. "I can always get hurt, with or without money. Those guys from before... they didn't..." Cas stopped and shook his head. 

 

Dean wrapped his arm over Cas’s shoulders. “Fair enough.” It was all he could say. If Cas was going to fuck every man he came across for a price, it wasn't like Dean had any say in it. He brought that on himself.

 

Cas leaned against Dean's shoulder and rested his head on it. "I'm aware my way of coping isn't ideal, but I'm not sure I can stop it. I'm not just doing this because I feel alone... it's the whole being human thing and how much I miss being an angel that plays into it, too. And let’s not forget the guilt..."

 

Dean sighed and rested his head on Cas’s. “Guess it’s a good thing you hated the sex with me,” he quipped, tone gentle and amused.

 

"You should know by now that I'm not above using pillow violence," Cas growled back.

 

Dean laughed. “Hey. You’re the one that said something about the shitty, gentle sex.”

 

"I was angry with you, Dean," Cas replied quietly. "The sex with you was the best I’ve ever had."

 

As he tightened his grip around Cas’s shoulder, he exhaled slowly before he asked, “Will it upset you if I tell you I’m right there with ya’?”

 

"No... But it makes me sad we can't do this anymore." Cas wrapped his arm around Dean’s stomach, pulling him closer. "Did you really mean it... Do you really believe I would have cheated on you if I had you?"

 

Dean drew back a little to tilt Cas’s head up to look at him. “No. I’m pretty sure we’d have ended up fucking 'til our dicks fell off.”

 

Cas suddenly burst into laughter, clasping his hand over his mouth, but he couldn't seem to stop. 

 

Wrapping his arms tighter around Cas, he couldn't help but chuckle. Immersing himself in a levity he had been terrified they'd never get back. “Fuck, I missed this.”

 

Cas looked up at him, licking over his lips as their eyes locked. "Me, too."

 

_ Fuck.  _ It should be illegal for someone to be so damn pretty. Dean swallowed dryly and looked away. “I should let you rest.”

 

Cas pulled back from him, taking the comfortable warmth with him. "You're probably right. I'm pretty tired."

 

And if Dean stayed any longer, he wasn't entirely sure he'd be able to resist temptation. “Then sleep. If you want, I'll come get you in the morning so we can pick up your car?”

 

Cas gave him a soft smile and nodded. "I appreciate that... Are you sure... you don't want to stay? It's pretty late... or early."

 

He did. He really,  _ really  _ did. Dean looked down at the ground and mumbled, “That might not be a good idea.”

 

Cas tilted his head. "Is Sam expecting you to be back?"

 

“No, but…” Dean looked at him and sighed. “No more false hope, right?”

 

"Oh." Cas rubbed the back of his neck and looked down before he smiled softly. "Didn't know you think I'm so irresistible that we can't even share a bed again. It's kind of flattering."

 

Dean shook his head and chuckled. “Cocky dick.”

 

"You think I'm sexy," Cas sing-songed with a grin.

 

“Unbelievable,” Dean murmured fondly with a smile. 

 

"Just keeping you on your toes." Cas winked before he laid down on his bed and cuddled with his pillow. "Good night, Dean. I'll see you tomorrow."

 

The desire to approach him and kiss him goodbye was overwhelming. “Night. And, uh… sorry for interfering with your getting laid again.”

 

Cas braced himself on his elbow and raised an eyebrow at him. “If it happens again, I might suspect you're jealous and want to be my boyfriend."

 

Dean chuckled. Sadly, he wasn’t far off. “Maybe I just want to be your ogre in shining armor,” he teased.

 

"Same thing if I'm your princess." Cas grinned back.

 

At that he barked out a laugh. “No princess has the filthy mouth you have.”

 

“And you’re not green enough to be an ogre.”

 

“My eyes are,” he quipped, finding himself unable to leave. Dean was so immeasurably grateful for their comfortable ribbing, he was seriously hesitant to take the eight steps towards the door.

 

"Any green skin I don't know about?" Cas smiled as he stuffed his pillow under his chest to look comfortably up at Dean from the bed.

 

Dean smirked. “Did you see any?”

 

“No, but I was very distracted with other things the last time you were naked.” 

 

“Let me guess… My freckles, right?”

 

Cas made an exaggerated and surprised sound. "How did you know?"

 

Dean unwittingly took a couple of steps closer. “This dorky, little guy I know is actually keeping a tally of them in a diary. Because he’s apparently a fifteen year old girl.”

 

"You don't say." Cas shook his head. "Maybe he's checking to see if more of them started to appear out of nowhere. Did you know freckles are actually a mark of an angel having kissed you? I learned that from the internet."

 

“Well, shit. Apparently, I get around,” he teased. 

 

"Exactly." Cas grinned before he mumbled against his pillow, "It's good to keep track then."

 

Dean smiled before he looked back at the door. He turned to Cas and sighed. “I don’t know why I’m struggling with leaving right now.”

 

Cas softly smiled up at him. "Probably because you missed me just as much as I missed you. I don't want you to leave either."

 

“Fuck. This would be so much easier if both of us were removed enough to do the whole friends with benefits thing.” Dean sighed and finding new resolve, pulled his keys out again. 

 

Cas nodded before he gave him a sad look. "I hated that you always felt bad after we shared sexual intimacy. I don't want you to get hurt again."

 

“My hangups are mine, Cas. I bring that shit on myself.”

 

"Still. I wish you could have enjoyed it without feeling bad about it afterwards. Like me." Cas smiled up at him. "Even though we had so many problems afterwards, I don't regret that we did it."

 

Dean furrowed his brow. “I’ve never regretted anything we did. Only how I treated you after.”

 

Cas sat up on the bed and looked thoughtful. "And that wouldn't change, right? I mean, just in theory, if we decided to just stay friends and something sexual happened again between us... would you still feel bad after?"

 

Helluva question. After the bullshit of the last week, Dean was pretty certain if they hooked up again, he’d not freak out. But then, there was no way to predict that. “I honestly can’t say. I’d like to think I wouldn’t. Especially seeing the results my freaking out caused… But, could we even stay friends? You all but told me you’re in love with me and I… I have feelings for you.”

 

Cas smiled before he looked down at his bed. "I just want you to be happy. In whatever way you want me in your life. If it means just staying friends, I'm okay with that. If you want to have sex with me, I'm very okay with that, too. I promise I won't try to push anything more than friendship, now that I know how much you suffered because of it."

 

“I want to, Cas. You have no fucking idea how much I want to… But if I hurt you like that again… Our friendship won’t survive it.”

 

"I got hurt because I thought that you played with my feelings. But I think we got that cleared up now. I know where I stand with you."

 

Dean moved to sit down on the edge of the bed, facing Cas. “And what happens if it suddenly isn’t enough for you anymore?”

 

Cas took his hand and squeezed it. "I will always yearn for more, Dean. With being close, or without being close, doesn't matter. I'll have to learn to live with it either way."

 

“Yeah, but if we start having sex on the regular, it’s going to make it a hell of a lot more difficult to live with it.”

 

Cas tilted his head. "Not for me. I felt much happier and balanced having sex with you. The not having you was what drove me insane."

 

Dean stared down at their hands, caressing Cas’s knuckles with the pad on his thumb. He took a deep breath. He’d spent his entire life doing what was right, what was expected of him. Hell, maybe he needed to just… stop letting the world, his father, dictate his choices. “If…” Dean licked his lips nervously and turned to look into Cas’s eyes. “If we do this. You can’t sell yourself anymore. I’m fine if you have protected sex with other people, but… I don’t want you doing that.”

 

"I won't need to have sex with anyone if I have you," Cas stated and raised his eyebrow. "Like I said. Balanced."

 

“I don’t know, Cas… You’re pretty needy,” he teased with a smirk.

 

Cas smirked back. "I know, but you're very capable."

 

Dean chuckled. “You know this is a terrible idea, right?”

 

“They often seem to work out though. At least with us,” Cas returned with a playful smile.

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “You’re only saying that because you didn’t get laid tonight.”

 

"Maybe." Cas shrugged before he let himself fall back on his bed. "Maybe not."

 

He couldn’t help the groan that escaped and pressed his face into his palms. “That guy I threatened wasn’t the first trick of the night, was he?”

 

Cas facepalmed and chuckled. "Maybe or maybe not, I'm just saying that because I'm horny. Damn. I thought I got better with my communication skills." Cas gave Dean a pointed look. "He was the first."

 

“Fuck. That’s a relief,” Dean murmured.

 

Cas smiled softly at him. "So... what now?"

 

Dean regarded him for a moment before he tapped Cas’s arm. “Scoot over.”

 

Cas rolled to the side with an inviting hand gesture. “Welcome to my tower, ogre in shining armor.”

 

“Shut up, Princess,” he quipped as he yanked his coat, shoes, and jeans off before he crawled into the bed. Dean pulled the comforter up and he turned onto his side facing Cas. “One more stipulation…”

 

“What?” Cas asked as he pulled his own shirt over his head and chucked off his jeans.

 

Dean was momentarily distracted by Cas’s tattoo on his arm. It was healing nicely and looked pretty damn cool. He shook his head and smirked. “You’re gonna find D.C., apologize to her, and invite her back.”

 

Cas raised his eyebrow. “Are you trying to kill me?”

 

“You kicked a pregnant cat out on her own. You deserve whatever punishment she deems fit.”

 

Cas rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll get her back. If she turns me into millions of ex-angel snippets, it will be your fault.”

 

Dean chuckled and opened his arms in invitation for Cas to cuddle into him. “You’re somethin’ else.”

 

Cas followed the invitation and nudged his nose against Dean’s chest before he inhaled deeply, his body relaxing against Dean's. "I probably will be something else if you glue me back together and I turn out looking like a Picasso painting."

 

“Picasso? You've got seriously unrealistic expectations of my artistic abilities.” Dean carded his hand through Cas’s hair and sighed. In that moment Dean couldn't help but laugh. At Cas’s bemused smile when he turned to look up at Dean, he pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek and said, “Totally worth the four hundred bucks.”

 

When he leaned back, insanely blue eyes captured him as Cas slid higher on the bed to press a gentle kiss to Dean's lips. "Thank you for coming for me."

 

“Ain't that what a knight’s supposed to do?” Dean cupped Cas’s face and kissed him again. His lips lingered, but he didn't deepen the kiss. He was content in just sharing this moment and the hope it provided.

 

Cas carded his fingers through his hair with a content smile before he slid back and rested his head on Dean's chest again. "Yes. And for an ogre, you're really pretty."

 

Dean chuckled. “Night, Princess.”

 

Cas kissed his chest. “Goodnight, ogre.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

When Cas woke up the next morning, he felt confused. His bed was rather cold and he instantly noticed that Dean was gone again. He sighed and wondered why Dean was always the first one to wake up, and how he never noticed when he was leaving. 

 

Before he could start to feel bad about it, he found a note on the other pillow.

 

  


 

_ Princess, _

 

_ Before you freak out and think I did it again, I’m just grabbing something real quick. I’ll be back soon. _

 

_ P.S. I took the liberty of straightening out the place, because somebody uses the same coping mechanisms as a certain hunter. _

 

_ Xx Ogre in Shining Armor _

 

Cas smiled and read the note three times before he slid his fingers gently over the letters. He folded the note and put it in his wallet before he looked around. 

 

How he hadn’t woken up from Dean cleaning away all of the empty bottles and the general mess he had made was beyond his understanding. He pulled on his jeans and stretched his arms over his head, groaning appreciatively with how good it felt.

 

He couldn’t stop smiling. Dean and him were okay again. They were more than okay and it wasn’t something he had expected to happen for a long while. 

 

Cas stepped on the crate by the window and opened it to get some fresh air when he noticed that the Impala was still where Dean had parked it yesterday. That was weird. 

 

There was nowhere someone could go without driving. He squinted his eyes to try to see if Dean was in his car, but he couldn’t see it from his angle, so he hopped off the crate and went down to look for him.

 

That’s when he noticed Dean was ascending the stairs, carefully carrying a large cardboard box. When Dean saw Cas he smiled. “Can you grab the door?”

 

“Of course,” Cas murmured and returned the smile quickly, still feeling confused about where Dean had been and what he had in that box as he held the door open.

 

He followed Dean inside, where he went to the one corner of his living space that wasn’t really occupied. Cas realized then he had put the scratching post in that corner. Dean carefully placed the box on the ground and nodded for Cas to come over to where he was.

 

Cas did and when he looked in the box, he let out a soft chuckle. Dean had found demon cat, who was presently licking her five kittens clean.

 

"You found her... And look! More demon spawn." Cas gave Dean a false smile before he looked back at the little kittens that were making tiny meowing noises. He had to admit, they looked very cute. 

 

Dean chuckled and said, “You’re a daddy now, Cas.”

 

Cas raised his eyebrow at Dean, feeling suddenly daunted by the task of looking after a cat family. "I don't know anything about looking after cats. The demon cat did that for herself."

 

“Cats are easy. They’re self sufficient. Just feed ‘em and clean out the litter box, and you’re good.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest and fondly looked down at them before addressing Cas, “I can grab a bag of food and stuff after I drop you off at your car, if you want?”

 

"Yes, okay." Cas nodded dumbly, his eyes still on the baby cats. "Um, I should get dressed."

 

Dean looked him over and chuckled. “Did you really come outside without a shirt? It’s friggin’ freezing outside!” He shook his head. “I  _ must  _ have been distracted.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "I forgot... I saw your car and just... well... um, thank you for the note."

 

“Yeah. I was gonna go grab us breakfast and when I got to the main floor I heard this awful wailing noise, and found D.C. popping out the last one. I found the box by the dumpster and grabbed a blanket from the car.” Dean smiled at him then. “Couldn’t leave her and the spawn in that cold, dirty room.”

 

Cas rolled his eyes. "If you're trying to make me feel bad about throwing her out, save your breath. It won't work. I was just falling asleep when she jumped on my face. It was the last straw."

 

Dean regarded him with a quirked eyebrow. “You’re a cold, heartless bastard, Cas.” His tone and smile were teasing. He slung his arm over Cas’s shoulder and pointed down at the cats. “Tell me they aren’t pretty damn cute.”

 

Cas leaned into him and smiled softly. "They are. I hope they get their character traits from their father."

 

“Let’s not. Last thing we need is more and more kittens,” he quipped with a smirk.

 

Cas raised an eyebrow. "You think the father was a woma– cat-anizer?"

 

“Clearly,” he murmured as he waved his hand over them. “Abandoning her to raise the kittens on her own. And you can bet your ass he’s not forkin’ over the child support.”

 

"No wonder D.C. is always angry. I just wish she wouldn't take it out on me." Cas gave Dean a wide eyed look. "I'm innocent. I swear."

 

Dean shook his head and laughed. “Are you worried I think you knocked her up?”

 

“You already implied that when you asked who was better in bed, Jerry or her.”

 

“Huh,” Dean hummed thoughtfully. He looked at Cas and asked, “Well, then. Who  _ was  _ better?”

 

"Every time the cat shared my bed with me she didn't make it a pleasurable experience. So I'm going to answer with Jerry," Cas replied dryly.

 

Dean sighed. “Well, there goes my chance to make a joke about: once you go cat, you never go back.”

 

Cas smirked at Dean. "Then I guess it's a good thing, for us, that I never 'went cat'."

 

“No,” he murmured as he folded Cas in his arms and grazed his stubbly cheek against Cas’s. “You went ogre.”

 

Cas chuckled, not only because Dean's stubble was tickling him, but also from the happiness that spread out from his heart into his whole body. It didn't matter that Dean didn't want to be more than friends, because he wasn't missing anything. This was exactly what he wanted. The only important thing for him was to have Dean close. And he got him. "Ogre with prickles. You should shave."

 

Dean pressed a gentle and playful bite to Cas’s cheek and drew back. “And you should put clothes on so we can get your car.”

 

Cas had closed his eyes for a moment before he licked his lips and looked up at Dean. "You're not really motivating me to put on clothes when you bite me like that."

 

That was met with a wink and an eyebrow waggle. “If we only had the time.”

 

"Are we on the clock?" Cas asked, feeling confused, not only by Dean being in a hurry, but whether he had used the phrase correctly.

 

“Technically  _ I  _ am. I need to head back to the bunker soon. Sam texted about a possible case, so I asked him for another hour.”

 

"Oh." Cas tried to not feel disappointed by that, but he was clearly failing. He pulled away from Dean to look for a clean shirt, crawling over his bed to fish one out of the cardboard box where he had hid them, to keep them safe from cat fur.

 

Dean chuckled and murmured an appreciative hum. 

 

Cas looked back at him with a frown as he sat up on his knees and pulled his shirt over his head. "What?"

 

“Don’t worry about it,” he said with a dismissive wave and amused smile.

 

That was always a sure fire way to make him worry  _ more.  _ He sighed and gave Dean a pointed look before he grabbed a flannel shirt to pull over his t-shirt, and grabbed his jacket and wallet. "Okay, I'm ready. Can you remember where I parked my car exactly?"

 

Dean gave him a bemused smile. “You don’t remember I picked you up at the bar last night?”

 

Cas scratched his chin before he admitted, "I'm a bit hazy on the details."

 

Dean shook his head and let out a scoff of amazement. “So, what are the odds that you thought I was someone else? How many Deans do you profess your feelings and sexual attraction to on a daily basis?” The grin that followed the questioning was incredibly smug.

 

Cas squinted his eyes again before he dryly asked, "Remind me again why I love you?"

 

“Fuck if I know.” Dean shrugged. He chuckled and nodded. “Come on, drunkie. Let’s get your terrible car.”

 

“Hey!” Cas protested as he followed Dean outside. “I happen to  _ like  _ my car. I even named it!”

 

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “Of course you did.” He looked up at Cas and followed with, “Well. Don’t keep me hangin’. What’d you name her?”

 

“Fordy,” Cas replied with a grin when they reached the Impala. “And you have no right to judge because you call yours, ‘Baby’.”

 

“Oh, I’m judgin’. I’m judgin’ you so hard right now.”

 

Cas moaned playfully when he took his seat next to Dean, giving him a lustful gaze. "Yes, Dean, please judge me hard."

 

Dean grabbed a napkin from the side pocket of his door and crumpled it into a ball before throwing it at Cas’s face. “Bad, best friend. Bad!”

 

Cas threw it back at Dean with a chuckle. "You're no fun."

 

“Said the guy who counts freckles to not be bored,” he quipped as he put the car into drive and pulled out of the lot.

 

“It was a very interesting and beautiful way to pass the time. I didn't feel bored at all doing it."

 

Dean shook his head and chuckled. “Do you like watching paint dry, too?”

 

Cas arched his brow. "No? Why would I do that?"

 

“Damn. It’s a good thing you’re cute,” he murmured fondly.

 

Cas tilted his head, wondering if that really had been a compliment before he looked away again. “Will you text me when you’re on the new case?”

 

Dean nodded. “Sure, whenever I get time I will. That's assuming it  _ is  _ a case.”

 

Cas nodded. "Good. I really missed talking to you."

 

“So did I. It was weird not getting your angry texts about D.C.”

 

“You’ll probably regret saying that to me when you get six times more of those text messages now.” Cas chuckled, already sure that those tiny cats would cause a lot of trouble.

 

Dean chuckled. “Six times more amusement on my part.”

 

Cas held his hand over his heart and gave him a hurt look. “I’m glad my pain is good for something then.”

 

“Awww,” he murmured affectionately as he pinched Cas’s cheek. “Now you're a baby in a leather jacket.”

 

Cas scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest before he looked out of his window. He didn't want Dean to see his grin.

 

It was nice having this friendly banter again. But for some reason, he got the feeling that Dean was avoiding getting physically close again. Last night he thought Dean would have sex with him again, but when nothing happened, he thought maybe it was because they both had been tired. But this morning, still nothing happened. Of course, it could be because Dean had no time for it. The explanation didn’t sit right with him though.

 

There was another voice in his head that whispered,  _ ‘he doesn't want you anymore because you're a dirty whore’.  _ The thought gave him a weird feeling in his chest.  _ ‘You let yourself get used, you’re not worth anything. You’re just a broken tool that no one needs.’ _

 

Cas leaned his head against the window and stared at the passing landscape. He felt sick.

 

“What’s goin’ on?” Dean asked. When Cas looked up, Dean was looking at him, brow furrowed in concern.

 

“I don’t feel well. Might be a hangover,” Cas lied. Though he had drank a lot the night before, for some reason his hangover was barely there. Maybe he’d gotten used to it, or it really helped sticking to the same drink in a night.

 

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, if you don’t even remember where I picked you up, I’m not surprised. Got some Tylenol in the glove box.” He leaned over and grabbed the white bottle before holding it out to Cas with a sweet smile.

 

“Do you have water here?” Cas asked quietly as he took the Tylenol from Dean and tried to look behind him in the backseat, where the Winchesters usually stored cold drinks in a cooler.

 

“Yeah, in the cooler. Might be warm though. Haven’t put ice in her in a minute,” he warned as he returned his attention to the road.

 

Cas opened the cooler and found a bottle that was sufficiently cold  –  probably due to the cold temperature outside  –  and took the medication with a few sips of water. He didn’t have a headache, but maybe it would help with the pain in his heart. He put the bottle back in the glovebox and kept drinking the water, mumbling a quiet, “Thank you.”

 

Dean cast a glance at him, eyes narrowed for a moment. “Alright. What’s  _ really  _ buggin’ you? You’re being weirdly quiet. Have – have you changed your mind?”

 

Cas looked at Dean in shock. “Of course not…” Before he could think it through his mouth already continued, “Ha – Have you?”

 

“No, Cas. And I promise if I do, I'll talk to you first.”

 

Cas nodded slowly before he asked, “Are you sure you still…” There was a weird buzzing feeling in his stomach and chest again. “Want me?”

 

Dean regarded him for a moment. “What makes you think I don't?”

 

Cas shrugged and looked away. It was embarrassing and stupid, but his mouth somehow wasn’t in the mood to consult his brain today. “I thought you would want to have me again… by now.” He shook his head. “It’s stupid. Forget I said anything.”

 

Dean sighed and tapped the steering wheel. “I do, Cas. I really do, but I needed to ask you something and it's… I don't want you to get pissed at me.”

 

Cas steeled himself for whatever Dean wanted to know. “Ask.”

 

There was a beat of silence before Dean cast a glance in Cas’s direction. “Did you let any of your tricks fuck you without protection?”

 

Cas paled before he looked away. This was it. Dean would tell him he didn’t want him anymore. He was just a whore. He closed his eyes and nodded, not able to look at Dean.

 

Another beat of silence before it was broken with a soft, “Alright. Have you been tested?”

 

Cas shook his head. Of course not, he didn’t care if he got sick. He always went for the biggest asshole, hoping to get hurt. He had no intention of living a long life.

 

“Okay. I don’t want to come across as a dick, but I’d feel more comfortable waiting to have sex again until you’ve been tested. We can drop by a free clinic when I get back from the possible case? I’m probably due to get tested again anyway.”

 

Cas nodded slowly, trying to understand. So Dean still wanted him, but only if he got tested? What if he found out he had something and Dean would never want him again?

 

The weird sensation in his chest was there again. “I… could go there myself today.”

 

Dean nodded. “Sure. There’s one a few blocks from the bar. I could show you when we get to your car.”

 

Cas nodded and looked out of the window again. He was afraid. He didn’t want to go to that place. He didn’t want answers. He needed his grace back, so illnesses wouldn’t be a concern for him anymore.

 

He almost startled when Dean’s hand slipped to his knee, gently caressing it, shooting Cas a soft smile before turning his attention back to the road. His hand stayed braced and gently moving on his knee.

 

Cas closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the soothing effect it had on him. Dean was trying to comfort him, even though he hadn’t said anything. For some reason, he must have known how Cas felt in that moment. He gave him a soft smile and placed his hand over Dean’s. “Thank you.”

 

Dean chuckled. “Don’t be freaked out. It’s a pretty nonintrusive procedure. And the results come back pretty quickly.”

 

“I’m afraid of the answer,” he suddenly blurted out. "I'm afraid you won't want me anymore."

 

“Ah,” he murmured in understanding. “You think if you have something, I won’t want to have sex with you, don’t you?”

 

"Yes," he answered quietly before he looked up at Dean.

 

Dean smiled and grabbed Cas’s hand, holding it on Cas’s knee. “If you have something, and it’s curable, it’s nothing to worry about. If you have something that isn’t curable… That’s why they made condoms. And if you don’t have anything, then you lucked out.”

 

Cas exhaled a shuddered breath. Dean still wanted him. That was the most important thing. He nodded slowly as relief flooded him. "Okay... okay."

 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m fucking pissed you put your health at risk like that, but… I just spent a fucking week getting a taste of what my life without you looked like and… it ain’t worth it.” Dean squeezed his hand and returned his attention back to the road as they turned onto the street the bar was on.

 

"I think that's why I put my life at risk. I didn't care about it. You weren't there," Cas murmured quietly. 

 

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle and shook his head, gently releasing Cas’s hand to brace both of his hands on the steering wheel. 

 

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

 

“Why the fuck are  _ you  _ apologizing?”

 

"Because you told me not to do it, but I did it anyway... I should have listened to you."

 

“You’re right, you should have,” he said with a resigned sigh before pulling into the parking lot of the bar, next to Cas’s car. Dean put the Impala in park and turned to face him. “I’m not trying to make this about me, but goddamnit, Cas… I am  _ so  _ fucking sorry I pushed you to feeling that low, that unimportant.”

 

"You don't have to be sorry, Dean. You aren't the reason I see myself like that. I have felt this way for years now, just with my grace... I had it under better control. And now... I thought I had lost you and you are the only thing in my life I still want to live for."

 

Dean sighed again, gently pulling Cas into an awkward side hug. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

 

“Don’t say anything then. I just wanted you to understand why I did it,” Cas murmured before he pulled back and got out of the car.

 

The sound of the door slamming surprised him. Dean approached and grasped him by the elbow. “Did I do something wrong?”

 

Cas gave Dean a confused look. "No... we're here. I thought you needed to go back."

 

“Oh.” He sounded disappointed. Dean nodded and let go of Cas’s arm. “Okay, then. I'll talk to you later?”

 

Cas felt even more confused now as he tilted his head. "Is there something else you wanted, Dean?"

 

“Well, uh…” he started as he rubbed the back of his neck. Dean hesitated before slouching slightly and breathing out a defeated, “Nevermind. I'll text you later. Let me know how it goes.”

 

Cas reacted on instinct when he wrapped his fingers around Dean's wrist and pulled him into a soft kiss. "Okay," he breathed quietly against Dean's lips. He hoped that had been okay. He was still uncertain about how much affection Dean would allow him to share.

 

Dean smiled and cupped the side of Cas’s face as he drew him in for a deeper kiss. Parted lips caressing his own as Dean’s tongue delved deeper and they both appeared to lose themselves in it.

 

Cas moaned into the kiss, he didn't think he would ever get enough of feeling Dean like this as he wrapped his arms around him to pull him tighter.

 

After what felt like an eternity of lazily making out in front of his car, Dean finally drew back, albeit he appeared rather reluctant. “I better head out,” he said with an almost frustrated tone.  

 

Cas didn't seem to have control over his hand because he couldn't let Dean go, even though his mind berated him for being a ridiculous idiot. He gave Dean a pained look. “I don’t want you to go.”

 

Dean chuckled and swiped the pad of his thumb over Cas’s lip. “I’ll text you when we head out. Shoot me a text if you hit the clinic. Or if you’re bored. If I get a chance, I’ll call you later, okay?”

 

Cas nodded and gave Dean a shy smile, he leaned over to kiss him one last time before he let him go. He quickly turned around to open his car door. "Be careful, Dean."

 

“Careful’s my middle name,” he said, flashing Cas a smirk as he opened the driver’s side door of the Impala.

 

“You don’t have a middle name and even if you did, it sure wouldn't be 'careful',” Cas replied dryly.

 

“How do you know I  _ don’t  _ have a middle name?” he teased.

 

“As an angel I could read the names of people on their souls.” Cas shrugged and smirked. “So, unless you got a new one since I became human, I’m pretty sure it’s still just Dean.”

 

Dean shrugged in acquiescence. “Fair enough. Alright, I guess we should stop stalling.”

 

Cas gave him a quick smile and nod before he got in his car and closed the door. He didn’t immediately drive, but waved at Dean which earned him an eyeroll accompanied by a soft smile before he started his car and drove away. He needed to get the clinic thing out of the way. 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean had been pretty pissed when they got to that rural ass cowtown in Missouri, only to find out it was a serious Scooby Doo situation. Bunch of college kids pulling a prank. After Sam and Dean put the fear of god into those little assholes, they came right back to Kansas. Which Dean was grateful for.

 

The other thing he was grateful for was Sammy running off periodically. Dean had noticed it happened more and more, but he wasn’t too worried. Maybe his brother was secretly seeing someone. Dean couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Sammy having a secret girlfriend or something.

 

On the way back, Dean had gotten a chance to call Cas. Dean was going to come over the next day. Square away some supplies and maybe help Cas with his angel research. It was strange, but he felt this weird, almost excited energy at the thought of spending time with Cas again. 

 

It was still fucking with him. About once an hour, Dean would internally panic over the thought of it. How bad an idea it was. The fact that this would likely not end well for them. Dean was being a selfish prick, risking the best friend he ever had because of an intense connection. Because having sex with a Winchester usually had disastrous outcomes if it went any further than a one night stand.

 

Not to mention, the insane guilt Dean felt over the thought of all the awful shit he’d put Cas through. Dean didn’t deserve his forgiveness, Dean didn’t deserve his love, and he sure as Hell didn’t deserve a second chance. But for some reason, the stubborn jackass refused to give up on him. Which would then incite a fresh wave of guilt.

 

When the panic would get bad enough, pushing him to the brink of doing something stupid, like call the whole thing off, Dean would get a text from Cas. Nothing that required immediate response, or Hell, any kind of response. And suddenly he'd feel calm again.

 

Anything from an angry tirade about D.C. throwing up on his new jacket, and his theories as to why it was done intentionally with malice aforethought, to bizarre human interactions he had at the laundromat that made Cas feel more like an angel than when he had wings.

 

Dean’s favorite texts were the simple, “I miss you,” texts, usually accompanied by an emoji. Cas liked all of the different animal emojis and used those instead of the expression ones. So he’d basically have to guess what the significance of sending a tiger emoji after an update on the kittens was.

 

That’s why Dean had ended up grabbing different kitten supplies on his way to Cas’s place. He could already see the eyeroll. Dean picked up a bag of cat food for D.C., kitten food for when they were weaned, as well as a litter box, litter, and several toys. It might have been overkill, but Dean felt weirdly attached to the damn cats.

 

His hands were too full, with too many awkward items, to attempt to open the door to Cas’s place. He resorted to knocking with a kick of his boot. “Yo! Cas?”

 

Instead of getting an answer, Cas opened the door with a finger to his lips, listening to someone on the phone before he replied, "I understand. Thank you for your call." He ended the call with a frown before he let out a shuddered breath. "That was the clinic."

 

Dean dropped everything he was carrying near the corner where D.C. and the kittens were. “Everything okay?” he asked, feeling a little antsy from Cas’s body language and expression.

 

"I, um..." Cas scratched the back of his head. "I need to go there again for a prescription. They say that I need to take it for a week to be healthy again."

 

Which meant the dumbass got something. Something curable, but still. Dean shook his head and when he approached, smacked Cas upside the back of his head.

 

“Ouch?” Cas murmured with a sheepish smile before he shuffled his feet. “That was not very comforting.”

 

Dean chuckled and pulled Cas flush against him. At the way Cas’s breath hitched, Dean smiled and gently caressed the side of his face before drawing him in for a quick kiss. “Serves you right. What have we learned?”

 

"Don't get fucked without a condom, no matter how great it feels to get filled with come," Cas recited in a monotone voice.

 

“Exactly,” he affirmed as he lightly spanked Cas’s ass and stepped away from him as he approached the food and supplies he brought. “Where should we put this stuff?”

 

He didn't expect Cas to push him away from the supplies and wrestle him onto the bed. "You can't expect me to occupy myself with cat food when you just slapped my ass."

 

Dean rolled his eyes as he chuckled. “Friggin’ sex addict.”

 

"Hey! I haven't seen you in three days and I haven’t had sex in nearly a week," Cas growled back at him.

 

“You poor, deprived thing,” he murmured. Dean braced himself on his elbows and smiled at Cas. “Let’s sort their shit out, get your prescription, some free condoms, and then we can fuck until you can’t think anymore. Deal?”

 

Cas pushed himself away from Dean, jumping from the bed without looking back before he quickly put the food on one of the crossbars and out of reach of the cats. "Ready. Let's go.”

 

Dean laughed and shrugged. And just because he could, he made it a point to slowly, ever so slowly, crawl out of the bed and walk towards Cas. 

 

“Don't make me come over there and carry you, Dean."

 

He started walking even slower, taking smaller and smaller steps forward.

 

Cas walked up to him with a raised eyebrow, an air of deadly intent and determination in his stride. For a moment, Cas looked like a fully charged angel again, just like when they met in that barn all of those years ago.

 

The illusion broke as soon as Cas tried to scoop him up in his arms bridal style, groaning as he stumbled a bit. "Fuck, you're heavy."

 

Dean chuckled as Cas continued to struggle. “Nice try, Princess.”

 

“Damn, you should consider eating less pie.” Cas sighed as he finally gave up. 

 

“Don’t fat shame me,” Dean teased as he then swooped Cas into his arms without effort. “Don’t even  _ try  _ to pretend you don’t love that I’m stronger than you now.”

 

As an answer, Cas pressed his face against Dean's throat and nudged his nose against him, moaning, "I must confess, I like it  _ a lot.  _ More than I thought I would."

 

Dean groaned as he dropped Cas to the floor. “You’re a fuckin’ siren.”

 

“If you don’t want me to mercilessly flirt with you, you should walk faster. Let’s go get the medication and condoms. Chop chop.”

 

“Unbelievable,” he murmured fondly, shaking his head at Cas. “There’s no way that virgin terrified of a pro was real. You’ve always been a freak, haven’t you, Castiel?”

 

Cas gave him a confused look. "Dean, would you say you like sex?"

 

“Pretty much, yeah. Since the first time I had… it,” he finished lamely. Dean sighed and nodded in reluctant acquiescence. “Alright. I got your point.”

 

Cas was taken aback, but then he smiled. "That was quicker than I expected. Thank you, Dean, for acknowledging that wanting to have sex with you doesn't make me a freak."

 

“You know when I call you a freak, it’s meant as a compliment, right?” Dean smiled as he held the door open for Cas.

 

“Why would I know that?” Cas asked curiously as he passed him and went down the stairs, but not before sliding his fingers over Dean’s arm and dropping a quick kiss on his cheek.

 

Dean took a moment to appreciate the view before he remembered Cas asked him a question. “I guess you wouldn’t. But trust me. Bein’ a freak ain’t always a bad thing. At least not your kind of freak.”

 

“What is my kind of freak?” Cas asked, giving him a quick smile when he looked over his shoulder, walking across the graveled area where both of their cars were parked.

 

“The kind that’s gonna give me road head on our way back from the clinic,” he said with a wink as he pulled out his keys. Dean opened Cas’s door for him.

 

Cas quickly got in and waited for Dean to get settled before he asked, “Isn’t that dangerous for your concentration?”

 

“Oh, but it’s totally fine for me to drive while you’re finger fucking yourself in the backseat?” he challenged with a smirk.

 

Cas tilted his head. “I guess you have a point.” He smirked and slid closer to Dean, raising a challenging eyebrow. “Drive.”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at Cas. The guy was going to do something and Dean was a weird mixture of nervous and excited. Putting Baby into drive, Dean headed in the direction of the clinic, casting surreptitious glances at Cas to see what he was planning.

 

Cas shot him playfully innocent glances before his hands wandered to Dean's knee, sliding carefully up his inner thigh. 

 

At that Dean turned to look at Cas, arching his brow in challenge. “That’s my leg.”

 

"You know your anatomy." Cas smirked before he popped open the button and pulled down the zipper of Dean's jeans. He playfully rubbed his hand over Dean's crotch. "Do you also know what this is?"

 

Dean let out a groan before he growled, “It’s what I’m gonna slap you in the face with if you’re teasing me.”

 

“Empty promises.” Cas chuckled before he freed Dean’s cock from his jeans and pulled it through the opening of his boxer shorts. 

 

The gasp of surprise quickly turned into an appreciative groan when Cas started to lazily stroke his dick, bringing him to full attention. Dean let out a shaky chuckle. “You’re just trying to get me to bend you over Baby’s hood and fucking take you on the side of the road…” he groaned. Dean didn’t have to touch Cas to make him go as crazy as he was making him.

 

“Maybe…” Cas smirked before he bent over and kissed the tip of Dean’s cock. He looked up at Dean and said, “Or maybe I want you to come in my mouth?” He then teasingly licked over the head.

 

Dean’s breathing grew ragged as he braced his right hand along the back of the seat, eyes darting down to watch as Cas continued to tease his dick. “Come on, Cas. Let’s see what else that filthy fucking mouth can do.”

 

Cas smiled up at him before he wrapped his sinful lips around Dean's cock, starting to slowly suck him deep into his mouth.

 

“Fuck…” he hissed out as he then tried to focus on the road. Alright. So it  _ was  _ distracting. But he’d be damned if he told Cas that. “Oh, fuck, Cas.”

 

Cas took that as his cue to enthusiastically deep throat him, and Dean  _ did not  _ want to know where he had learned to do that. Cas moaned around his cock, surprisingly talented tongue sliding over his length with slow but intense determination.

 

Dean gripped the steering wheel with one hand, the other still braced against the back of the seat. He was tempted to twist it into Cas’s hair so he could try to fuck into his mouth, but there was a surprising amount of traffic and the last thing he needed was a public indecency and distracted driving ticket.

 

Cas was obviously having fun, he kept making the most indecent noises before he leaned back a little, letting his tongue play around the head of Dean’s cock, sliding it over the slit before he sucked and licked off the precome with a satisfied, deep hum.

 

“Your fucking tongue should be illegal,” Dean groaned out as he lolled his head back when they reached a red light. He cast a quick glance downward, groaning again at seeing the way his friend was bobbing up and down on his leaking dick.

 

Cas chose that moment to look up at him. Half-lidded blue eyes shining not only with the bright sunlight falling through the windshield, but also with a happy and amused glint. But that wasn't all, whereas Cas’s facial expressions were less than expressive, his eyes were always kind of the opposite. And Cas’s eyes had a playful obedience in them as he looked up; open, trusting, vulnerable. 

 

It was intense how fiercely protective Dean felt in that moment. He slid his right hand down to gently cup the side of Cas’s face. “You’re beautiful like this.”

 

Cas’s eyes softened before he sucked his cock with new vigor, taking him deep into his mouth.

 

Dean was unable to stop the loud moan, which earned him a weirded out look from the guy in the car next to them. He was grateful the light turned green and found himself getting closer and closer to losing control as they got closer to the clinic. Dean might have been embarrassed by how quickly Cas was bringing him to completion, but he was too immersed in the pleasure – in the excitement of knowing they could get caught  –  to really give a damn.

 

“I’m gonna come, Cas,” he groaned out as he tightened his grip on Baby’s steering wheel.

 

Cas licked up a stripe, flattening his tongue in an obscene way against his girth. “Come in my mouth.” He wrapped his lips around him again, sucking him in, hard and deep.

 

Dean was more than happy to do as he was told. Hand gripping the steering wheel obscenely tight. He was genuinely surprised he didn't hit the curb when he turned into the parking lot. Dean breathed out Cas’s name as he came.

 

Cas swallowed around him with a moan, licking and sucking gently until he had gotten every single drop.

 

“C’mere,” he murmured as he tapped Cas’s head. When Cas pulled off with a wet pop, Dean chuckled and gently cupped the back of his neck to draw him in for a kiss. He tasted himself when their tongues touched and Dean repressed a shudder. It was pretty filthy and he kind of loved it.

 

Cas groaned and pulled away from Dean with a chuckle. “Stop kissing me, I’ll have a hard time getting my boner down.”

 

Dean chuckled and waggled his eyebrows. “Now you have to go get your prescription like that.”

 

"Ugh, give me a minute," Cas complained with a laugh as he pushed his hand against his erection. 

 

“Yeah, make sure you don’t think of the different ways I could fuck you in, or on, my car. My favorite fantasy, by the way.” It really was too easy to tease Cas, Dean would probably never get sick of it.

 

Cas opened his mouth, his breathing hitched as he slowly shook his head. "You're evil, Dean."

 

Dean grinned broadly. “And you’re so obedient. I bet if I told you to bend over her hood and yank your jeans down, you’d just do it, wouldn’t you? Even in a crowded parking lot…” 

 

Cas looked down with a stifled moan before he shook his head. "But you would never ask that of me, because you are possessive about my ass, and you don't like to share with other people."

 

“Well, I’ve never liked sharin’, so…” Dean smirked at him and chuckled. “Go get your prescription. Maybe we can pick up some takeout on the way back and have a nice, relaxing night in.”

 

Cas gave him a bright smile and nodded. "I like that idea. I'll be right back." He quickly kissed Dean's cheek before he made his way out of the car, adjusting his pants before he walked into the clinic and out of view. 

 

Having their camaraderie back was worth it. Worth the anxiety, worth the fear, the worry. Cas’s being sexy as hell didn’t hurt, but it was more than that. Dean felt like he could truly be himself around Cas, and that’s what mattered more than anything.

 

Dean sank back against the seat and pulled out his cellphone. To this day, he would never know what possessed him, but Dean turned the camera on, flipped it to selfie mode, and took a couple of shots of himself making weird and goofy faces. 

 

Without hesitating, he sent them to Cas with a simple text.

 

_ Dean: Good enough distraction while you sit there and freak out about your treatment? _

 

_ Cas: :-) Definitely. I could use them to recount your freckles. _

 

_ Dean: You might need to. There’s this former angel that has a tally of them. He might like an updated count. _

 

A moment later Dean received a selfie of Cas, squinted eyes directed at the camera, lips turned down in a scowl.

 

_ Cas: Who is this angel? _

 

Dean chuckled and smiled at the picture before saving it to his photo album. 

 

_ Dean: Weird, dorky little guy. Socially awkward and one hell of a right hook. Apparently he spent his nights counting my freckles. _

 

_ Cas: Well, I see the appeal. They are pretty. _

 

Dean took a picture of himself faking a blow job. He immediately sent it to Cas, followed by a snarky text.

 

_ Dean: Wonder if you can see my freckles in this pic, or if you’re distracted by something else. _

 

_ Cas: Assbutt. I’ll try to have a social, non-awkward conversation in here then. _

 

_ Dean: I see how it is. See if I ever distract you again. _

 

_ Cas: :-P _

 

And after that, a string of animal emoticons followed.

 

Dean chuckled and slipped his phone back in his pocket. He laughed outright as he thought about that ridiculous exchange. The thought of all of it. That despite all the shit constantly hammering down on them, he was still able to have these moments of levity. It was the only time he felt truly free. Getting to take advantage of his free will.

 

Cas finally approached the car again after another twenty minutes. As he slid into the passenger seat, Dean chuckled and asked, “On the road to recovery?”

 

Cas nodded with a smile. "I have to take these for seven days and then I'll be perfectly fine again."

 

“Good.” Dean put Baby into drive and smirked as he asked, “Did you grab some free condoms?”

 

Cas grinned and showed him the contents of his pocket, which were filled with an assortment of colorful condoms. "I did."

 

“Wanna make a bet how many we use?”

 

Cas groaned and rolled his eyes. "Fuck, Dean. Do you have any idea how crazy you make me? I'm this close to just crawling into your lap."

 

“Alright, alright. I’ll be good.” Dean made a surrendering gesture before turning onto the main road. 

 

Cas gave him a soft smile. “Thank you, Dean.”

 

“Anytime,” he said as he rested his hand on the space of the seat between them.

 

Cas slid his hand over hesitantly before he bit his lower lip and intertwined their fingers.

 

Dean squeezed his hand and held it the entire drive to grab takeout, booze, and back to Cas’s place.

 

Cas threw his jacket and over shirt on a chair once they were at his place, stepped out of his shoes before he quickly removed his shirt and let himself fall on his bed. “Finally.” He sighed contentedly. “I thought we would never get here.”

 

Dropping the Chinese on one of the crates and putting the beer in the fridge, Dean made his way over to the bed and chuckled. “Surprised you only stopped there,” he said as he pointed at the discarded shirt Cas threw off.

 

“As much as I want you right now, I need food first. My stomach keeps making weird, growly noises.” 

 

Dean chuckled as he grabbed a couple of the containers, handing one and a pair of chopsticks to Cas before also grabbing a couple of beers. He dropped down next to Cas on the mattress and smiled at him. “How's the sesame chicken?”

 

Cas had already worked himself through most of it when he looked up and answered with a full mouth, “Mmh, goof.”

 

“I can tell,” he snorted into his noodles.  _ Damn.  _ Cas was pretty fucking cute.

 

Cas grinned and stole a mushroom with his chopsticks out of Dean’s container.

 

Dean flicked his nose. “Such a thief!”

 

Cas scrunched up his nose  –  in further proof of his cuteness  –  as he shrugged. “I can’t help it. It’s so much tastier when I steal it.” He finished the last piece of chicken and placed the empty carton on the floor before he took a sip of his beer. He turned to sprawl out on the bed, letting out a soft sigh. “Oh, man, that was delicious.”

 

Dropping his container next to Cas’s, he crawled to rest his head on Cas’s stomach and murmured contentedly, “Feeling less hangry now?” 

 

Cas smiled softly before he lazily slid his fingers over Dean’s face, his thumb rubbing over Dean’s bottom lip. “Not hungry for food anymore.”

 

“That right?” Dean challenged with a smirk as he sucked Cas’s thumb into his mouth.

 

“I'm still pretty hungry for your lips… and I'm practically starving for your cock,” Cas breathed out, the tiniest smirk playing around his lips.

 

Dean instantly flipped himself around and straddled Cas’s hips, pinning his wrists to the mattress as he ghosted his lips over Cas’s slightly parted ones. “How starving?” he asked in a breathy whisper.

 

Cas's breathing was shallow as he whispered back, "I'm desperate for you. So much so, that I would do  _ anything  _ you told me to... I need you."

 

“That’s not a good idea,” Dean murmured against Cas’s cheek as he ground his erection against Cas’s groin. “Tellin’ me you’ll do whatever I tell you. A man shouldn’t be given that kind of power.”

 

Cas writhed under him, arching up against Dean as he breathed out, "I trust you. Unconditionally."

 

Dean couldn’t take it anymore, he closed the gap of space between them as he captured Cas’s lips in a fevered kiss. Pent up desire and arousal from spending however many days apart. He outright moaned from the satisfaction of feeling Cas on his lips. 

 

"Dean," Cas moaned. "Fuck, I missed you so much."

 

“Me, too,” he returned in a groan as he slid his hand down Cas’s chest before trailing up again. Dean raked his fingernails down Cas’s left pec and gently rolled a perked up nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Dean continued to kiss the breath out of him.

 

"Dean, please." Cas leaned back a little, breaths coming out in little pants. "Can we skip the foreplay?"

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “I forgot. You hated the gentle shit.” He drew back and shrugged off his own shirt. “If you need to get fucked so bad, why aren’t you naked and ready?”

 

Cas rolled his eyes and quickly got out of his jeans and underwear, his neglected erection already leaking all over where it came into contact with his stomach. "I like when you're being gentle. But fuck, I haven't seen you in days and I can't wait any longer."

 

“Could’ve fucked Jerry if you were that desperate,” he suggested. Dean didn’t want Cas to fuck Jerry, or anyone else for that matter, and Cas said he wasn’t interested in fucking other guys, but… Dean couldn’t stop himself from making the suggestion. He didn’t want Cas to feel restricted or bored with him and… considering how insanely addicted to sex Cas was… If he  _ did  _ end up fucking someone else, Dean wouldn’t feel as angry about it if he was the one who made the call.

 

Cas pulled Dean over himself, wrapping his legs around him to keep him in place. "I'm not desperate for a fuck. I'm desperate for  _ you  _ to fuck me."

 

Dean couldn’t help the possessive growl as he leaned down to kiss Cas again. “I love how fucking filthy your mouth is,” he murmured with a chuckle. “Please tell me you’re at least a little prepped? I really don’t want to hurt you.”

 

"I am. I am, come on, Dean." Cas reached into his discarded jeans back pocket to pull out a package of lube, ripping it open. "Fuck, you need a condom. Hold this." Cas pushed the open lube package into Dean's hand and tried fishing for a condom in his jacket without leaving his position under him. 

 

"Ugh... fuck, um, got one." He laughed triumphantly as he ripped the red wrapper open and carefully rolled it on Dean's cock, his tongue between his teeth in concentration.

 

Dean groaned as he lost himself to sensation for a moment. Everytime he hooked up with Cas, he’d come embarrassingly fast, so he was grateful for the condom decreasing his sensitivity. Maybe he’d last a little bit longer. The way Cas was panting with excitement as Dean coated his dick and lined himself up, he wasn’t entirely sure he  _ would _ last longer.

 

When the head of his dick slipped inside Cas’s insanely tight channel, he let out a shaky exhale as he slowly and surely pushed in deeper, using little thrusts to ease past the resistance. “Oh, fuck… Cas… Fuck…”

 

Cas spread his legs for him, making it easier, and just that tiny gesture brought him nearly to the brink. Red, kiss swollen lips and blue, glazed over eyes looked up at him. Cas was breathing hard, his lips parted as he whispered in awe, "You feel so good."

 

As his pace quickened, Dean found himself lost for words outside of the grunts and groans that escaped. Dean nodded against Cas’s throat as he sucked the sensitive skin above his collarbone between his teeth. He lapped and sucked at the skin until he came up with a wet pop and smirked victoriously as the purpling of the hickey started to deepen in color.

 

Dean couldn’t stop himself from fucking harder into Cas as he thumbed at the mark he left. 

 

"Oh, Dean, hmmm," Cas panted as he looked up at Dean, both of his hands wrapped around Dean's arms to hold on for purchase. "Are you marking me?"

 

“Uh…” He drew back slightly and gave Cas a sheepish smile. “Sorry?”

 

Cas quirked his brow. "I like it," he breathed out. "I want to be yours. And I'm so fucking close, Dean. I will come just from you fucking me."

 

Dean groaned outright as he angled his hips, his cock now slamming against Cas’s prostate with every frantic thrust. Apparently, the damn condom wasn’t going to keep his libido in check, because he was already impossibly close. The sounds Cas was making should be illegal. 

 

As if he heard him, Cas let out a string of more of those sounds and explicits, looking like he was totally lost in the pleasure he was feeling. "Dean, Dean... I'm going to... uh, Dean."

 

Pace now unbidden and almost animalistic, he fucked into Cas with an almost frenzy as he lost himself to the sounds of skin on skin, the almost squelch of the lube on the condom, and the breathy pants and moans that escaped beautifully parted lips. Dean realized in that moment he could easily get addicted to being with Cas like this.

 

“Come for me, baby,” he growled into Cas’s ear as he slammed into him, a little faster, a little harder. 

 

Cas cried out in pleasure and covered himself in pulses of come, Dean's name on his lips like a prayer.

 

The clench was all it took apparently before Dean was coming, hips stilling and slightly shuddering as he succumbed to his orgasm. He crushed his lips against Cas’s as he continued to ride out the waves in a surprisingly tender embrace, considering the almost desperation they’d started out with.

 

Finally boneless, Dean chuckled as he rolled off of Cas and lay on his side to look at Cas’s beautifully blissed out face. “Worth the wait?” he teased, still a little breathless.

 

Cas chuckled, smiling brightly with a content and happy expression. "Totally worth the wait." He turned on his side and snuggled closer against his chest, nose nudging against Dean's throat with a contented hum. "I wish I could stay like this forever."

 

“We’d have to get up to eat, shower, and other stupid things like that at some point,” he murmured as he carded his hand through Cas’s hair.

 

Cas hummed before he made a cute, disgruntled sound. His voice sounded muffled from where he had pressed his face against Dean's chest. "Don't burst my bubble."

 

“My bad. You absolutely can stay naked and cuddled up next to me for the rest of eternity,” he murmured affectionately as he pressed a kiss to the crown of Cas’s head. 

 

Cas chuckled against Dean's chest and kissed the hollow of his throat. "Thank you."

 

“Anytime, Cas. Anytime.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Sunlight bled through and Dean shook his head in confusion. The whole point of living in a bunker was no windows, which meant there was no way, in pluperfect Hell, that Dean should be waking up to sunlight. When he tried to sit up, a warm weight was trapping him. 

 

The previous night slowly came back into focus as he looked down at the dark-haired man clinging to his torso. Dean smiled fondly down at Cas, appreciating the view. He looked peaceful. The worry lines that would crease his forehead were all but gone with his lack of consciousness. It made him look years younger. But Dean found that he kind of preferred the lines.

 

Either way, Cas was… beautiful. There really wasn’t a more appropriate descriptor for his best friend. His lover. Whatever the hell they were to each other. And Dean was slowly starting to realize that they were more than just… fuck buddies. There were too many messy emotions involved for their relationship to be quite so casual.

 

Dean sighed. It was terrifying and something he didn’t want to think about or deal with. He refused to overthink things like he did before. Hell, he almost lost Cas because of it. And Dean would be damned if he let something like that happen again. His bladder groaned in protest when he shifted and Dean gently caressed the side of Cas’s face to wake him.

 

“Cas? Can you let me up? I need to take a leak.”

 

"Hrrmppgf," Cas mumbled and turned away from him. Cas was a heavy sleeper, that was for sure. He could probably sleep through an earthquake.

 

He couldn’t help but chuckle. That was when a thought occurred to him. Dean wondered… “Cas? If you let me up, when I come back I’ll fuck you while holding you up against the wall.”

 

Cas braced himself on his elbows and blinked owlishly at Dean, his hair an absolute mess. "What?"

 

Dean barked out a laugh. “Unbelievable.” He slid off of the mattress, now free of Cas’s death grip cuddling. “Gotta take a leak.”

 

Cas pouted and fell back against the mattress with a groan, grumbling something about coffee, pillows, and not very nice hunters.

 

He shook his head and chuckled as he made his way outside to take a leak. It was damn cold, so he darted back up the stairs as soon as the stream stopped. 

 

When Dean reached the loft, Cas was curled against Dean’s side of the bed, clinging to the pillow. He couldn't help but smile at the sight.

 

Dean braced a knee on the mattress as he leaned down to lift Cas into his arms. He managed to pull him against his chest, holding Cas up by his legs. The guy barely stirred and Dean chuckled affectionately.

 

Bracing Cas’s back against the wall, his friend finally blearily blinked his eyes open in confusion. Dean smirked. “Promised I'd fuck you up against the wall.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

What a way to wake up. Cas had never felt so aroused, and so quickly, before. Maybe he was still dreaming. It seemed to be too good to be true. Not only was Dean still here, a deep rooted fear that had already steeled him for the worst, but he was also initiating sex with him.

 

_ And ugh...  _ Cas's thought process came to a quick stop when Dean sucked another mark into his throat. He pressed his back against the wall, crossing his feet behind Dean's back as he enjoyed the sensation of Dean's lips on his skin. 

 

This was more than he could have hoped for and he had no idea how he was so lucky. Not only for Dean agreeing to exploring this further, but to also want him in such a way. "Fuck, Dean."

 

“I like the way you say my name,” he practically purred as he pulled some lube out of his pocket and drew back a little. He ripped the packet open with his teeth and maneuvered his hands to switch, holding Cas up with his less dominant hand as his other snaked between Cas’s legs. 

 

Cas felt like he was losing his mind. Dean had complete control over him, his movement, his pleasure, his heart. He made Cas feel incredibly secure and safe, taken care of.

 

And so desperate and needy from one second to the next when Dean started to tease his hole before pressing his finger inside of him. “Dean, uh, my… Dean.” He gasped out when he started to stretch him open.

 

“Your what?” he asked with a chuckle, slipping a second digit in. Dean immediately went for Cas’s spot, his forehead braced against Cas’s as he looked down between them. His breathing was ragged. “Fuck, I love the sounds you make.”

 

Cas kissed him frantically, whispering against his lips, "My Dean. Mine." He mumbled something in Enochian after that, words that he shouldn’t have said, but Dean wouldn’t understand anyway. He started moaning loudly, trying to rock his hips against Dean. "Please, take me."

 

Dean groaned in appreciation as he pulled a condom from his jeans pocket and managed to pull his pants down enough to free his erection. He slid the condom on with a practiced ease that was rather impressive before the head of his cock pushed at his opening. “Cas, wrap your arms around my neck,” he grunted as he tried to balance Cas while attempting to fuck him.

 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and braced himself against Dean's shoulders to hold himself up, unable to control his breathing when Dean teased his entrance. He groaned in Dean's ear as he pushed into the tight heat. "Fuck, Dean."

 

Dean was now able to hold Cas against the wall as he started a mind blowingly dedicated pace of fucking into him. “Cas, oh, fuck. You're so fucking… tight,” he muttered in a tone that sounded awed.

 

Cas leaned his head back against the wall, gasping out every time Dean was completely inside him. He couldn't wait to be healthy again so that he could finally feel Dean come inside of him. Marking him, making him his. He still felt the mark he had left over his collarbone and he loved it. He leaned forward to kiss Dean, biting his upper lip before he breathed out, "Tighter than fucking a woman?" Why did he ask that? He didn't want Dean to be reminded of the fact that he usually fucked women.

 

That was met with an almost growled chuckle. “Fuck yes,” he groaned out as he started thrusting faster, slamming his hips up with a ferocity that was causing Cas’s eyes to roll into the back of his head.

 

Cas let himself be swept away, losing himself to the way Dean was taking him apart. His heart was singing from the joy and hope he felt; that maybe Dean liked this, maybe so much so, they could stay like this indefinitely. 

 

"I can't wait to feel you completely." He moaned. "To feel you come in me."

 

“Oh, fuck,” Dean murmured as he braced his forehead against Cas’s. “I really want that.”

 

Cas let out a strangled moan, not only because Dean's words struck something primal inside of him, but also because Dean was hitting his magic spot relentlessly, bringing him to the edge at a dizzying speed. He knew he was going to come just on Dean's cock… again. "Dean," he gasped out, desperate and needy, "I'm close. Please fuck me harder. I want to come just from you fucking me."

 

Ever the thoughtful lover, Dean hiked Cas’s hips to an even more sensory position as he practically pistoned in and out. Dean’s cock now jackhammering into Cas had them both mumbling a litany of unintelligible words.

 

He came with the Enochian words, that he tried to avoid thinking of, on his lips. Followed by a loud moan, his head thrown back in pleasure.

 

Dean growled, hips thrusting a few more times before he finally stilled, crushing his lips against Cas’s with a whimper as he came. 

 

Cas would never get enough of it, watching Dean coming, the noises he made, it all was bordering on too much. He kissed him back with abandon, losing and finding himself in the process, trying to show Dean how much he needed and wanted him.

 

When he leaned his forehead against Dean's, he grinned. "Best way to wake up I’ve ever had."

 

Dean chuckled. “Now I know what to do to make you not grumpy in the mornings.” He let Cas down and helped steady him, gently cupping his face. “Get dressed. We’ll grab breakfast before I head back.”

 

Cas grinned at him. "Alright. I think I will need a lot of protein after that."

 

He was going to miss Dean terribly when he would have to leave to get back to his brother, but Cas didn't say it. There was still this need to show Dean that he was independent and not, in any way, clingy, so he would see that this could work between them. 

 

Without fanfare, Cas quickly washed himself and put on clothes. He carefully set out food for the cats and smiled happily at Dean. "I'm ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: Yes. In case you were wondering, I spent a ridiculous amount of time studying Dean's handwriting in order to write that damn note.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angel name referenced in this chapter is Ieiazel. And that's a capital "I" as in igloo, not a lower case "l" as in library.

**Chapter 6**

 

Cas was woken up from his little nap by soft paws kneading at his cheek. When he opened his eyes, he was met by curious and bright blue ones surrounded by a lot of black fur.

 

"Hello, demon spawn cat," Cas greeted the kitten as he sat up and watched her roll down his torso. The kitten meowed as she walked around in a couple of circles on his lap before moving to lay down. 

 

Cas hummed, touching the kitten between the ears, stroking over her soft fur. "You're not like the others. You're actually kind of nice."

 

The kitten started to purr. 

 

"I should name you. What do you think?"

 

That was met with more purring before the kitten fell to her side, stretching her tiny paws in the air. 

 

"How do you like the name Ieiazel? You remind me of her. She was the angel of consolation. She was always nice to me." 

 

Ieizael rolled around in his lap, the feeling of her softness and warmth was quite comforting. It was a fitting name. 

 

He carefully checked his phone, realizing he had a couple of new messages from Dean and Jerry. He read Dean's first. 

 

_ Dean: I’ll be there in ten minutes. You ready? _

 

The message was nine minutes old.  _ Oh, fuck, he had overslept!  _ Dean wanted to accompany him to his next tattoo session with Jerry. He quickly jumped up, making Ieiazel meow in protest before he quickly grabbed her and apologized, kissing her cute little nose before he put her down on his pillow. He washed his face and, more or less, jumped into his jeans, stumbling over the other kittens as he tried to get his shirt from under the demon cat, who was currently using it as a blanket.

 

He pondered about his life choices from the hard wooden floor, covered in kittens as Dean came into his "home".

 

“Whoa! I know I haven’t been here in a week, but I swear they doubled in size.” Dean chuckled as he carefully stepped around the kittens, that had charged his direction when he came in.

 

“Ugh. Help?” Cas raised his arms pathetically from the floor after the demon cat had decided Cas would make an excellent landing pad.

 

Dean laughed as he approached, gently picking up D.C. to free Cas from her death grip. He cooed at her, “What did the mean man do to you?”

 

"Thanks, Dean. I feel really loved right now," Cas grumbled as he carefully stood up and took his shirt from the box, shaking D.C.'s fur off of it.

 

“Awww, don't listen to him. Deep down he loves you, D.C.” he continued to coo at her, winking at Cas as he did.

 

“No, I don’t,” Cas murmured as he grabbed his jacket and pet Ieiazel’s head. “Okay, I’m ready. We can go.”

 

Dean chuckled as he put D.C. on the ground and dusted himself off. When he looked at Cas, he feigned a saddened expression and approached him. “Don't tell me you're pouting.”

 

“Then I won't tell you." Cas crossed his arms over his chest. "But we haven't seen each other in a week and you're cuddling the demon cat."

 

Without hesitation, Dean pulled Cas into a hug and tapped his nose. “You jealous baby.”

 

So what if Cas was jealous? He had missed Dean and he didn't want to share him. So he pulled him into a kiss, licking into his mouth, just to make a point.

 

Which was rewarded with an appreciative growl as Dean pulled Cas even closer, hands slipping into the back pockets of Cas’s jeans as he returned the kiss with just as much fervor. When Dean pulled back, his expression was slightly dazed. Cas couldn’t help but feel a little proud. The stupid demonic cat never made Dean look like that.

 

Dean gently smacked Cas’s ass. “Come on. Let’s get you inked so we can come back here and see how loud you can get.”

 

That reminded Cas that he hadn’t checked Jerry’s text messages yet. Maybe it was something about his appointment. He pulled out his phone from his back pocket and opened Jerry’s message. 

 

“Oh.” Cas raised his eyebrows at the message. Jerry had confirmed his appointment and had also sent a photo of his cock.

 

Dean leaned over to look at his phone, an amused smile on his face as he said, “What are you ‘oh’ing ov –” He stopped mid-sentence, drawing back with a now angered expression. “Seriously, Cas?”

 

"That is hardly my fault. I didn't ask for a photo of his dick."

 

That was met with a disbelieving scoff as Dean headed for the door. “Sure.”

 

"Dean!" Cas ran after him and grabbed his shoulder. "I haven't slept with anyone since we talked about this… us. And I'm not going to."

 

Dean regarded him for a moment, seemingly contemplative, before finally his shoulders sagged and he sighed. “No, look. I told you if you wanted to sleep with others, you could. I shouldn’t be a bitch about it.”

 

"What?" Cas thought he misheard for a moment. "Are you saying I'm lying?"

 

“No. No, that’s not what I’m saying. I believe you haven’t slept with anyone else. But… If you  _ want _ to sleep with other people, I’ll be cool about it.”

 

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face in frustration. "I don't want to sleep with other people, Dean. I thought you knew that by now."

 

Dean sighed and ruffled his hair. “Then why the fuck is Jerry sending you pics like that, Cas?”

 

"Because I haven't spoken with him for over nine days. And I didn't get a chance to tell him that I want to be with you exclusively." Cas shook his head slowly. "And you call me jealous."

 

“You’re jealous of a ball of fur I have absolutely no intention of having sex with. I’m jealous of a guy you’ve fucked a couple of times. Sue me,” Dean challenged as he folded his arms over his chest.

 

"Are we seriously fighting over who has more of a right to be jealous?" Cas asked with a raised eyebrow. "I think the message here is pretty clear, Dean. We both don't like to share. I want you to myself. I'm not interested in anyone else." 

 

Dean sighed and leaned up against the wall of the stairwell. “I don’t want to fight. I just…” He paused and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s get you to Jerry.”

 

Cas held up his phone and deleted the photo for Dean to see, giving him a pointed look. "I'm glad that you're coming with me. Then you can hear me tell Jerry that I'm not available anymore."

 

With a soft chuckle, Dean pulled Cas closer by the waistband of his jeans, tucking his fingers into the fabric. “You promise you won’t let him jerk you off with me two feet away this time?”

 

Cas snorted before he pulled Dean into a kiss, pressing him against the stairwell wall. "I promise," he whispered against Dean's lips.

 

“Good,” he growled as he pulled him into a quick, yet frantic and possessive kiss. When he drew back he smiled and said, “Come on.”

 

Cas pulled at his jean's leg to adjust himself after that kiss before he gave Dean a lopsided grin. "No sex in over a week. You can't judge me."

 

“Yeah, well… you’re a sex addict.” Dean chuckled as he opened the door that led outside for Cas.

 

"I hope you’ll have time to do something about my dry spell after the appointment. Otherwise, I just might explode." Cas tried to look as miserable as possible  –  so Dean would have a little bit of sympathy  –  before he got into the Impala.

 

Dean smirked and said, “Well, I, uh… I did a little research I’ve been dying to test on you. If you’re good, and  _ don’t  _ fuck Jerry in front of me, maybe you’ll be rewarded.”

 

Cas raised his eyebrow. "I guess you won't tell me what research you did?"

 

“Not a chance.” Dean chuckled and put the car in drive, heading for the road. 

 

"And tomorrow in the news: Poor sex addict died in a mysterious case of blue balls," Cas declared dryly.

 

Dean barked out a laugh. “Well, you should’ve thought about that before you received dick pics from another guy.” He smirked at Cas.

 

"I still don't see how that is my fault. You're just a very cruel person, who likes to confuse me and watch me suffer. I get it. That explains why you like that cat." Cas did his best to imitate Sam’s puppy eye look.

 

“Exactly,” he affirmed with a nod. Dean reached between them, grasping Cas’s hand and pulling it to his lips, pressing a kiss to Cas’s knuckles. “Come on. Give me a smile. You know you want to. I see your lips twitching.”

 

“I hate you,” he murmured, but he couldn’t keep himself from chuckling and blushing when he got lost in Dean’s charming smile and the way he held his hand.

 

“Well, we both know  _ that _ ain't true,” he quipped with a cocky grin. As he focused his eyes on the road again, he kept holding Cas’s hand. “So, how’ve you been?”

 

“Other than missing you insanely and getting used as a doormat by furry, hell spawn… yeah, I’m hanging in there. I’m healthy now, by the way. Was at the check up and got a clean bill.” Cas crossed his arms behind his head to look at him. “I tried the spell you gave me to locate my grace, but I was unsuccessful. I researched why it didn’t work and found a reference that indicated I need to be within a certain vicinity of it for the spell to work.” 

 

“How close do you need to be?”

 

“I’m not sure. It was a pretty vague description. Probably around three or four hundred miles.” 

 

Dean scratched the back of his neck and sighed. “That’s no friggin’ help.”

 

Cas sighed deeply and shook his head. "I guess it means I need to come up with a pattern to drive through the country and repeat the spell over and over until I have a result."

 

“That’s assuming it’s in  _ this  _ country, right?”

 

"Well, I think Jerry would have said something if the titles of the books he had seen were in a different language. The chances are high that it’s here."

 

Dean shrugged and said, “America isn’t the only English speaking country, though.”

 

“No, that’s why I said ‘chances’. It’s a question of mathematical probability," Cas explained with a frown. “Maybe I could ask Jerry to try again?”

 

“Couldn’t hurt. If he could at least narrow it down to within a few hundred miles or something. That would help.”

 

Cas suddenly started to cough and rubbed his hand over his face in dread. “Oh, damn. I hope he doesn’t need to… um, damn.”

 

“Doesn’t need to what?” Dean asked, his tone curious yet suspicious.

 

Cas looked a bit pale before he shook his head. “Not important. Um, Jerry once told me that he gets a better connection when he fucks someone. But I won't do that just to find my grace."

 

There was a beat of uncomfortable silence as he watched Dean’s hands twist around the steering wheel, knuckles going white. It was getting unbearable before Dean finally sighed and gritted out, “No. You should.”

 

Cas tilted his head to look at him. "But I don't want to. I'm sure there is another way and, even if I did... there is no guarantee it would tell me more."

 

Dean shook his head and sighed. “I’m just saying, if it’s the only way you can locate it easier… I’m okay if you do that. I mean, if we can find any other way…” He looked at Cas pointedly and continued, “And I mean  _ any  _ other way, I think we should do that. But… I mean it. This is insanely important and being hung up on something like monogamy isn’t even comparable to finding your grace.”

 

Cas still looked very skeptical before he quietly whispered, "It's not worth hurting you."

 

“No, Cas. You’re not catching my drift. This is a ‘Get Outta Jail Free’ card. As in, something this important trumps feelings. I won’t be pissed, or secretly pissed, or crying in the corner if it’s what needs to be done.”

 

“Are you sure?” Cas raised an eyebrow. 

 

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “I mean, like I said. I’d prefer this be a last resort thing, but I promise. This is the one and only time I won’t be jealous or upset if you bang someone else.”

 

“Okay,” Cas whispered after a moment and looked out of the window. “I hope it won’t come to that though.”

 

What followed was a charged silence between them, not quite tense, but palpable until Dean pulled up to Jerry’s shop. When he shut off the engine, Dean turned to Cas and pulled him in for a tender kiss. He drew back and smiled. “This won’t change,” he said as he waved from himself to Cas, “whatever happens. This will still be here. You get me?”

 

Cas gave him a soft, grateful smile. “Okay.” 

 

He grabbed his hand and squeezed Dean's for a moment before he got out of the car and walked into the shop with Dean.

 

Jerry’s brow quirked up in amusement when he saw them walk in together. He stood up from his station to greet them. “Heya, sweethe –” 

 

And before Jerry could even finish his sentence, Dean had reared back and punched Jerry in the chin. Dean retracted his hand towards himself with a sharp hiss of pain while Jerry shook his head in shock.

 

“The hell, Winchester?” he demanded, grasping his own chin and rubbing it. 

 

“No more unsolicited dick pics, you get me?” he threatened, but the soft groan as he shook his hand out from the pain made it seem very unthreatening.

 

Jerry chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Could’ve just told me.”

 

“Yeah, well…” Dean shrugged and used his unharmed hand to shake Jerry’s. “It was a long time coming, anyway.”

 

Jerry gave Cas a questioning look. “So Winchester finally grew some balls and stopped sharing you? Good for you. I'm happy for you, Castiel."

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck with a shy smile before he murmured, "Thank you."

 

Dean folded his arms over his chest. “Don’t you have tattooing to do?”

 

Jerry rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. ‘Do your fucking job, Jerry.’”

 

Cas pulled his shirt over his head and turned around, sitting down on the chair when he asked, "Jerry, is there anyway you could help me in my search of my grace? Like narrowing the location of it down?"

 

Jerry was pulling out his stencil of the next part of the tattoo. He didn't even look up as he said, “I don't know. Never really tried something like that.”

 

"But is there something you could do? I just want to know if we’ve exhausted every possibility."

 

“Potentially, with the right kind of spell.”

 

“We found a tracking spell, would that work?” Dean asked.

 

“I’m no magician, Dean. I’m a tattoo artist.” When Cas gave Jerry a begging look, he rubbed his thumb over Cas’s cheek for a moment. “But for you, I’ll try.”

 

“Hands off,” Dean growled and Jerry drew back, raising the guilty hand up in surrender.

 

"Alright, alright." Jerry raised his eyebrow at Dean. "You know I have to touch him to tattoo him and to connect to his energy, right?"

 

Dean folded his arms over his chest and scowled. “Required touching and unnecessary touching are two different things.”

 

Jerry rolled his eyes again, but Cas smiled happily at Dean before he reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Are you going to hold my hand again while I get my other wing?"

 

That appeared to finally relax Dean, who pulled up a chair and sat beside Cas, giving him a pseudo put out look, but the smile and the way he offered his hand implied he didn’t actually mind.

 

Cas rubbed his thumb softly over Dean’s hand, winking at him. 

 

“Alright, Castiel. Stop making heart eyes at Winchester and get on your stomach,” Jerry ordered, voice breaking slightly from his chuckle.

 

Cas grinned at Jerry and nodded before he laid down, crossing his arms under his chin to rest his head. “How many sessions do we need before it’s finished, Jerry?”

 

“My guess is two more after this and we should be done.”

 

Cas tried to relax when the pain from the needle started. He had saved up enough money for the rest of the tattoo sessions and he couldn't wait to see it when it was done.

 

"The tracking spell Dean found is sadly limited to a certain radius. Do you have an idea what you could do to help me? I mean, the last time you saw a book somehow? Can you, I don't know... look again and see if you see anything significant?" he pressed out through gritted teeth before he slowly exhaled a breath.

 

“One that requires the least amount of touching,” Dean added.

 

Jerry chuckled good naturedly. “You know, I’m not all that good at that stuff, if you want that level of power, I could call up my cousin?”

 

“And your cousin would help us?” Cas asked curiously.

 

“Couldn’t hurt to ask.”

 

Dean groaned. “She’s gonna be so pissed.”

 

At that Jerry laughed outright. “That’s what you get.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Cas turned to look at Dean, feeling confused. It sounded like Dean knew Jerry’s cousin.

 

“Years back she helped me and Sammy out. And I, uh… I never kept in touch.” Dean ducked his head in apparent shame.

 

“And she’s gonna tan your hide for it, but you know she can help you,” Jerry said, clearly directed at Dean.

 

Cas squinted his eyes at Dean. "Did you and her..."

 

Dean shook his head emphatically. “No, not… Damn, Cas! Not everything’s about sex.”

 

Cas let out a sigh of relief before he rested his chin on his elbow again. “It sounded like it for a minute.”

 

“Are you gonna assume that every woman I’ve ever met, I’ve slept with?”

 

Cas frowned at Dean. “No. I’m sorry. It’s just when Jerry said… Never mind.” 

 

Dean quirked his brow. “Come on, talk to me.”

 

"When you hesitated and said that you never stayed in touch, and Jerry said she would tan your hide, it sounded like there was history between you and her. I don't want you to be mad at me, but it didn't seem like a farfetched assumption."

 

That was met with twin chuckles from both men. Jerry was the first to speak, “Dean couldn't handle her.”

 

“Shut up, Jerry,” Dean returned, but there was no heat to it. “No, like I said, she helped us out when we were hunting down what killed our Mom. I didn't really keep in touch.”

 

“If you think she could help us, I would like to try."

 

Dean nodded. “I'm gonna step out and call her, beg her to take mercy. Okay?”

 

"Thank you, Dean." Cas squeezed his hand before he let it go, watching Dean leave the room with a nod.

 

Jerry chuckled again as he continued tattooing him. “Glad you two worked out your shit?”

 

"Yes, very." Cas squeezed his eyes shut when Jerry went over his shoulder blade with the tattoo gun. "It was a difficult time, but it was worth it."

 

“Good. Can't say I'm not disappointed, but the kid seems a lot less... edgy.”

 

Cas smiled into the crook of his elbow. Jerry was right. Dean seemed more relaxed and it was very nice to see. Especially the thought that it had something to do with him.

 

"I'm sorry he hit you though," Cas murmured. "You didn't deserve that. You were more than good to me, Jerry."

 

“Well, he’s lucky I like you, otherwise I would’ve put him in traction for that move.” Jerry stopped the gun. “You doin’ okay?”

 

"Yes." Cas tried to take in a deep breath. "Just a little sensitive today. Don't worry."

 

Jerry gently rubbed a soothing circle on his forearm. “You need to stop, just let me know. I also have a numbing spray, if you’d like to try that?”

 

Cas closed his eyes for a moment before he nodded. "Yeah, that would be nice, thank you. Thank you for everything, Jerry."

 

That was met with a smile as he moved to grab a bottle from his station. “Alright. This’ll be a little cold,” he warned as he started spraying the liquid over his shoulder and upper arm. 

 

It tickled and he chuckled lowly before he gave Jerry a grateful smile. He was really glad he had met the man. A moment later, Dean stepped back into the shop, tucking his phone into his pocket as he approached. He smiled at Cas. “All set. When we’re done here, Missouri is willing to see if she can help you out.”

 

"So, we're going on a roadtrip?" Cas asked with a smile.

 

Dean smiled. “You bet your ass.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean was impressed with how much work Jerry got done in such a short span of time. He’d gotten most of the outline finished and the piece was looking damn good. It was weird, but somehow the tattoo made Cas even hotter. Which was already impressive. 

 

After Jerry wrapped Cas’s tattoo in cellophane, they left, an amusing spring in Cas’s step. He was clearly happy, and maybe even excited at the prospect of Missouri helping them locate his grace. They hit a gas station to fill up and grab some snacks, seeing as she was a four hour drive away.

 

When they settled back in Baby, Dean turned to Cas and handed him the box of cassettes. “Let’s get this road on the show.”

 

Cas stared at him in disbelief. “You’re letting me choose the music?”

 

“Don’t make a big thing about it.” Dean smirked and chucked his chin. 

 

“It _ is _ a big thing, Dean.” Cas smiled. “It’s almost as big as you sharing your pie with me.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes as he pulled out onto the road. “Not like I get a choice in that. You’d steal my pie otherwise. Food thief.”

 

"True." Cas shrugged before he gave him an innocent look. "But I can't help it. It tastes better from your plate."

 

He couldn’t hold back the bark of laughter that escaped. Dean shook his head and murmured, “Unbelievable.”

 

Cas went through the box before he finally found one that piqued his interest. "How about this one?" He held up a Led Zeppelin tape.

 

“Man after my own heart,” Dean said with a smile. He was definitely in the mood for a road trip to a Zeppelin soundtrack.

 

"Glad you see it that way." Cas licked over his lips as he put the tape into the player and started it. "I intend to keep you."

 

It was weird the way Cas could say stuff that made his damn heart skip a beat, or whatever other corny cliche thing hearts did when they had feelings for someone. Dean smiled. “You say that now, but once you realize you can do better…”

 

"Yeah, I doubt Sam is interested in me," Cas replied dryly.

 

Dean laughed. “If you leave me for my brother, we're gonna have a bigger problem than you having to scale his gigantor ass just to kiss him.”

 

Cas scrunched up his nose. "Oof, that was an image I didn't need in my mind."

 

“Don’t lie. You’re only dating me ‘cause you can’t have Sam.”

 

"Damn, you got me." Cas threw his hands up in surrender before he leaned back against his seat. "You got me all figured out."

 

Dean flicked Cas’s knee. “You sneak.”

 

Cas slid his hand over Dean's knee and up to his thigh. "There are other things I can do sneakily."

 

“That right?” he challenged with an eyebrow waggle.

 

"Uh, huh." Cas slid closer with a smile. "You want proof?"

 

Dean smirked. “Well, I mean, how _ else  _ am I to know just how sneaky you are?”

 

"You could have taken my word, but showing you is much more fun." Cas chuckled and bit his lower lip as he stroked Dean over the fabric of his jeans.

 

Letting out an unearthly groan, he adjusted himself, spreading his legs as well as he could considering he was driving. “Where the hell have you been hiding this freak side of yourself all these years?”

 

"Buried under my grace?" Cas shrugged. "I guess Anna was right all those years ago. It's worth it to fall."

 

Dean chuckled. “I can’t be  _ that  _ good in the sack.”

 

"You're right." Cas opened the button of Dean's jeans and pulled down the zipper. "You're better... And I also might be biased because I haven’t had sex in over a week, and I seriously want to park somewhere and have you fucking take me already."

 

The image, one of favorite fantasies, caused Dean to groan outright. “I promise, if Missouri can locate your grace, we’ll have a celebratory quickie before we hunt it down.”

 

Cas looked up at him in dismay. "You want to make me wait for another four, or even five, hours?"

 

“Dude. You can’t possibly want to get laid more than find your grace.” Dean chuckled, shaking his head at Cas before returning his attention back to the road.

 

“Um, my grace isn’t going anywhere, but I might die of a serious case of blue balls." When Dean looked over, Cas actually pouted.

 

“And what makes you think the pout is gonna make me pull over and fuck you on the side of the road?”

 

"Pity, maybe?" Cas shrugged. "It was worth a try."

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head again.  _ Man, am I in love with a dweeb or what?  _ Without meaning to, he instantly stiffened at that thought. Dean swallowed dryly and tightened his grip on the steering wheel.  _ Did I?  _ No. No way in hell did he just think he was in love with Cas.

 

“You okay, Dean?” Cas asked with a worried tone in his voice. Because,  _ of course  _ his friend had picked up on that.

 

“Peachy,” he croaked out.  _ Dean Winchester, you smooth motherfucker. _

 

"You want to try that again? With a bit more believability."

 

Dean feigned a smile and repeated, “Peachy.”

 

“And here I thought you were good at lying. Talk to me, Dean.” For a moment he sounded so authoritative, like he was all angel-ed up again.

 

Well, the best reflection was always ones laced in truth. Dean swallowed and nodded. “Alright. It’s just… What’s gonna happen between us when you’re Superman again?”

 

"My feelings for you won't change, Dean," Cas answered in a sincere tone.

 

“Yeah, alright, but… Do you  _ know  _ that? When everything’s no longer Oz’s technicolor. When everything fades back to Kansas black and white? You still gonna? I don’t know…” Dean sighed and shook his head, chancing a glance at Cas. “This passion you have? Will that fade away? Will I suddenly become tedious?”

 

"I much prefer to think we're more in Pleasantville than Oz. You know. A place where the world turns to technicolor when the citizens find their passion. Something that ignites them?"

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Dean halted him, waving his hand, giving Cas a disbelieving look. “Mr. ‘I don’t know any goddamn references’. Where you been storin’ that one?”

 

“It’s one of the few movies I actually watched.” Cas shrugged before he smiled softly. “I hoped I could use it one day.”

 

Dean returned the smile. He was damn impressed. He not only made one hell of a reference, it was kind of poetic even. So very like Cas. “You’re amazing.”

 

Cas chuckled and looked away, trying to hide the cute way he blushed, one of Dean’s favorite habits of Cas’s since he became human. "You're amazing... Even though you're torturing me at the moment."

 

“Could always cuddle up to me, kiss on me. Tell me all the dirty fantasies you have. Maybe I’ll cave.” Dean chewed the inside of his cheek in a smirk.

 

Cas smiled before he laid down on the front seat, hugging his legs close to his body and resting his head on Dean's lap, snuggling into him. "Or I’ll use the time to sleep a bit. Ieiazel kept me awake most of the night."

 

“Who?” Dean stared down at him, expression annoyed. “Thought you weren’t fucking other people.”

 

Cas chuckled. "Ieiazel is one of the kittens. The black one with the blue eyes." Cas slid his hand over Dean's chest. "Are you jealous of the cat?"

 

Dean barked out a laugh. “The fuck is its name?”

 

"Ieiazel. I named her after the angel of consolation. She is the only cat that’s nice to me."

 

Jesus. He genuinely was in love with the biggest dweeb in the damn universe. Dean shook his head, unable to hide the smile that twitched out. “You’re not allowed to name any more of the kittens. Or anything for that matter.”

 

Cas scoffed. “Like you’re so much better at naming things.”

 

“Damn right I am. My names and nicknames are the best, epic even.” Dean straightened an invisible tie and arched his brow in triumph. 

 

“Like werepire?” Cas asked dryly.

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at Cas before turning his gaze back to the road. “You’re a dick. And not the fun kind.”

 

Cas chuckled. "You say that, but deep in your heart, you know you love me."

 

He couldn’t suppress the surprised chuckle. Cas had no damn idea how right he was. “Whatever. Weren’t you supposed to sleep or something?”

 

Cas closed his eyes and started to smile when Dean used one hand to card it through his hair. Friggin’ angel cat. 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The drive to Lawrence, Kansas didn’t take long. At least, it didn’t feel long because Cas had slept through most of it. Dean woke him up with a gentle slap on his cheek and some rough murmured words, that sounded like, “sleeping beauty,” but Cas wasn’t sure. He was still busy rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

 

He squinted at the red and orange light of the sun setting before Dean grabbed his shoulder and walked him over to a house. Before they could knock, an older woman opened the door for them.

 

“As I live and breathe, Dean Winchester. And…” The woman narrowed her eyes at Cas and pursed her lips. “Now you’re somethin’ different. Not quite human, but… Not evil.”

 

"I'm an angel. I – I lost my grace. Jerry told us maybe you could help me find it again." Cas felt strangely intimidated by the woman, even though he could sense she had a kind heart. But she had some kind of authoritative aura about her, that screamed she wasn’t to be messed with.

 

The woman nodded and pushed her door open wider in invitation. “I can certainly try.” As Dean stepped over the threshold, she smacked him upside the head.

 

Dean rubbed the back of his head and groaned, “Ow! What was that for?”

 

She quirked her brow at him, an unamused expression on her face. “You know damn well what that was for. Eight years, Dean Winchester.  _ Eight.” _

 

At that, Dean shrugged his shoulders in shame and gave her a sheepish smile. “Sorry, Missouri.”

 

“Damn right, boy. Now get your behinds in my parlor. I’ll be with you in a few minutes.”

 

Cas followed Dean through a curtain made out of wooden pearls and into a cozy living room, moving to sit next to Dean, giving him a nervous look. "She’s kinda scary," he whispered, leaning over to Dean on the couch.

 

“Yeah. Don’t think any bad thoughts about her. She can read minds.” Dean feigned a shudder and winked at Cas.

 

Cas raised an eyebrow. "Okay. I’ll try my best. But you know how it is, when you're not supposed to think about a pink elephant..."

 

Dean groaned. “Great. Now I’m thinking about pink elephants. She’s gonna think I’m nuts.”

 

Cas raised his hand as he widened his eyes. “See? It’s impossible.”

 

Before Dean could say anything else, Missouri came into the parlor, carrying a tray of lemonade that she rested on the coffee table in front of them. “Help yourselves. I'm just gonna fetch what I'll need for a spell I think might help.”

 

Dean leaned forward to grab a glass and she swatted his hand. 

 

“Be a gentleman and offer it to your boyfriend first,” she chastised.

 

“How do you know I wasn't gonna do that?” 

 

Missouri fixed him with an unamused expression before turning away from them to rifle through the hutch in the corner of the room.

 

Dean held out a glass to Cas with a dopey grin.

 

Cas took it with a shake of his head before he leaned over and kissed Dean's cheek, whispering, "Boyfriend, huh?"

 

“Shut up,” he mumbled as he grabbed himself a glass and focused on drinking it.

 

Cas couldn't stop grinning at Dean, because Missouri must have picked up on that from one of them, and he was pretty sure he hadn't thought of Dean as his boyfriend in the last few hours. Mostly because he didn't dare to think about it. 

 

They hadn't labeled what they were to each other, but if Dean really thought of him as his boyfriend, that was all he needed to know.

 

Missouri returned a moment later and placed several different objects out on the table beside the tray. “I believe I can locate your grace by using a little bit of it,” she murmured thoughtfully as she started grinding ingredients in a mortar with a pestle. 

 

“Um... but I don't have any traces of grace left in me. I'm pretty sure of it," Cas replied slowly, hoping that wasn't the end of her attempts.

 

She chuckled and shook her head. “Wasn’t talkin’ about you, hon.” Missouri looked up and focused her gaze on Dean. “There’s a trace amount of your grace left over in dumb dumb. From when you put him back together.”

 

Dean’s eyes widened and he looked at Cas in surprise. “What?”

 

Cas was just as surprised about that as Dean. "I had no idea, Dean." He gave him a thoughtful look. "I mean, there was this weird moment, when I touched you... on your shoulder. But other than that – "

 

“Wait, so that handprint wasn’t a burn, it was your grace?”

 

Missouri was the one who answered, “When a human’s skin comes into contact with the raw grace of an angel, it can leave a scar. But lucky for us, we can hopefully try to use it to our advantage.”

 

“Is this dangerous for Dean?” Cas asked, grabbing Dean’s hand, squeezing it.

 

That was met with a kind smile, Missouri chuckling lightly. “No, child. Might tickle a little.”

 

Cas nodded tersely. "Okay." Now he was nervous again.

 

Dean squeezed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s cool, Cas. I’m happy to do this for you.”

 

Missouri reached over the table to hold Cas's and Dean's hands. "Hold on to my hand, both of you." She murmured a few words in Latin and the ingredients in the bowl started to burn away in a glowing blue light. 

 

Cas could feel a warmth radiating from Missouri's hand, the woman closed her eyes and seemed to concentrate on something. After a few minutes of silence, she slowly opened her eyes. "It's in a library. In New Haven, Connecticut."

 

“You found it?" Cas asked in disbelief.

 

Missouri smiled and nodded. “I can't pinpoint its exact location, but I saw a glow from that particular city.”

 

“Jerry said he saw a book. Um, Don Quixote.” Cas stood up from the couch because he couldn't sit any longer. "So he might have hid it in a book."

 

Dean pulled out his phone and after a beat pulled up a picture of a library. “Bet you anything it's here.”

 

“It would fit Metatron’s weird obsession with books and stories.”

 

“Metatron?” Missouri asked, brow furrowed in confused concern.

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, it’s a long story and apparently, we gotta get our asses to Connecticut.” He stood up and drew her into a quick hug. “Thank you, Missouri.”

 

She chuckled and tapped his cheek when she drew back. “Don’t you dare wait another eight years to come see me, you understand?”

 

“I won’t. I promise, when we get a chance, I’ll bring Sammy back and we’ll tell you everything that’s happened since we last saw you.”

 

“Just your company is all I need.” Missouri turned to Cas and smiled. “You take care of him.”

 

"I’ll try. It's not easy." Cas grinned and winked at Dean.

 

“Don’t I know it,” she retorted with a chuckle. She lightly smacked both of their asses as she shooed them out. “Go on. ‘Git!”

 

Cas turned to her one last time when he was at the door, Dean waiting for him by the car. "I don't know how to thank you."

 

Missouri smiled at him and shook her head. “No thanks necessary, sugar.”

 

He gave her a smile and turned around to walk towards Dean.

 

“Oh, and Castiel?”

 

"Yes?" He turned around with a questioning look.

 

Missouri beckoned him closer with a wave of her finger. As he drew closer, she gave him a serious look. “That boy is crazy about you.”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at her, not sure what she meant. "What do you mean?"

 

“What you're feeling for him? That isn't one-sided, baby.”

 

For a moment Cas didn't know what to say. "You mean... he loves me?"

 

Missouri simply smiled and pursed her lips. “Go find your grace and take care of yourself.”

 

Cas nodded breathlessly. "Yeah. I will, um, thank you. Thank you for everything." He stepped up to her and hugged her, earning a chuckle from the woman before he drew back and quickly ran back to Dean with a happy, bright smile that almost hurt his cheeks.

 

He felt incredible in that moment. Like he could do anything. Dean loved him. And even if he could never say the words, it didn't matter. He knew now and that was all he needed in his life.

 

When he got into the car, he leaned over to Dean and drew him into a passionate kiss, murmuring against his lips, "Best day of my life."

 

Dean chuckled and nodded. “It’s awesome we found your grace. Or, well, we're gonna.”

 

Even though finding out the location of his grace was certainly an amazing addition to his day, the best part was finding out that Dean loved him. But he couldn't tell Dean that. He knew it would make him uncomfortable. So, he just smiled and looked away for a moment. "Yes. Finally. If I have my grace, I could heal the rest of Sam's injuries. We won't need Ezekiel anymore."

 

Dean's eyes widened and his smile broadened. “You're right! Then you get to play buffer when Sammy decks me for what I pulled.”

 

Cas chuckled. "I’ll gladly serve as your shield, Dean."

 

“Guess the princess is gonna save the ogre’s ass this time,” he quipped with a chuckle. As he pulled out onto the road, he glanced at Cas. “I’m gonna stop for gas and call Sam. Tell him we found a case or something.”

 

"Alright, ogre." Cas couldn't help but smile. "You know I’ll always have your back, Dean. Whatever it is, you got me."

 

“Well, that goes both ways.” Dean returned the smile and reached over to grasp Cas’s hand. “We’re better together.”

 

Cas squeezed his hand. "Truer words." He winked at Dean before he smirked. "It's a long way to New Haven. We should stop at a motel soon."

 

Dean chuckled. “Hint, hint. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Subtle as a brick, dude.”

 

Cas gave Dean a serious look. "I don't see a reason in being subtle. I want you, Dean." 

 

In that moment Dean groaned and shook his head. He appeared incredibly distressed as he said, “Oh, fuck. I hope Missouri didn’t see any of my dirty thoughts about you with the Vulcan mind meld thing.”

 

Cas couldn't help but laugh. "You thought about sex with me while we were there?"

 

“Shut up,” he grumbled before turning to look at him. “Like you didn’t?”

 

Cas just grinned instead of answering Dean's question. Of course he did. It was impossible  _ not  _ to think of sex with Dean close by. "What did you think exactly?"

 

Dean smirked at him. “Wouldn’t  _ you  _ like to know?”

 

“Yes!” Cas exclaimed with a laugh. “That’s why I’m asking.”

 

With a firm shake of the head, Dean relaxed against the driver’s seat, bracing his right hand along the back of the seat behind Cas. He arched his brow and smirked. “Nope. Not gonna tell ya’.”

 

“Woah, that bad?” Cas grinned. “Are you worried I might think you’re a pervert?”

 

Dean fixed him with an unamused expression. “I know what you’re tryin’ to do. It ain’t gonna work. And besides, you’re the kinky fucker of the two of us. Friggin’ exhibitionist.”

 

“It was worth a try, though.” Cas shrugged with a smug grin. “And you love that I’m a freak.”

 

“Point,” he said with a snap of his fingers, before focusing his attention back on the road. Dean chuckled and slowly snaked his right hand to the nape of Cas’s neck, gently playing with his hair as he kept his eyes on the road. 

 

Cas leaned closer to Dean with a smile. He felt happy and content, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the warmth radiating from Dean’s body, listening to the music from the tape. 

 

“I can’t wait to come home again. I mean…  _ home.  _ With you and Sam.” 

 

Dean grinned broadly. “Me either. I’m so sick of dealing with Kevin and Sammy’s research. We can make you do my share.”

 

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “You don’t need to force me to do your research. I’d do anything for you, Dean.”

 

“I'll hold you to that,” he countered, brow arched in amusement.

 

“You could always bribe me with kisses and sex to sweeten the deal.”

 

Dean smirked. “Done.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

After twelve hours on the road, they finally caved and found a roadside motel. It wasn’t much, sort of reminiscent of the Bate’s Motel. Complete with creepy, gangly white dude behind the registration desk. But as long as there was running water and clean sheets, Dean would be happy. 

 

They dropped their bags on the floor and Dean practically threw himself against the mattress. He let out a contented sigh and said, “I swear my ass fell asleep.”

 

“I could slap it awake for you?” Cas grinned as he discarded his shirt and shoes in front of the bed.

 

Dean laughed and shook his head. “You could get up on me and make good on your threats to fuck my brains out instead.”

 

Cas froze in the middle of undressing himself and looked at Dean in surprise. “You want me… to fuck you?”

 

At that Dean couldn’t help but chuckle. He sat up slightly on propped elbows and smirked. “And deprive you of getting filled like the needy bottom you are?” It wasn’t as though he was entirely opposed to the idea, but... baby steps. Hell, he only came to terms he was in love with the guy within the last twenty four hours. “I mean, I’m not saying never, but… you know. Never taken it up the ass. I might need some coaxing.”

 

Cas still looked a little confused before his expression cleared. “Sorry, yes sure. Whenever you want. Um, I don’t mind, waiting until you’re ready.”

 

He walked over to the bed, naked now, slipping into the bed next to him before he pulled Dean into a desperate and passionate kiss. Man, he loved how Cas kissed. There was something raw and almost animalistic, the way he clung to Dean, molding to and melting against him. 

 

Dean smiled into the kiss, his hands sliding down to unbuckle his own jeans. He drew back slightly to quickly pull off his shirt before trying to shimmy his pants off with a lap full of Cas. “Cas, baby. Gonna need you to get off me for one sec.”

 

Cas growled against his lips before he slid to Dean’s side again, helping Dean with his jeans. He mouthed at Dean’s erection through his boxer shorts a few times before he pulled them down to free it, instantly wrapping his lips around the head to suck him into his mouth.

 

“Oh, fuck,” Dean moaned, one hand twisting into the comforter of the bed, while the other gripped Cas’s hair. “Goddamn, you’re good at that.”

 

Cas hummed and flattened his tongue against Dean’s length, taking him so deep that he reached the hilt as he swallowed around him.

 

“Fuck!” Dean cursed, eyes screwed shut as pleasure engulfed him. The heat alone would be enough, but then Cas had to go and learn how to deepthroat. The urge to buck up and fuck into his mouth was overwhelming. 

 

When Cas started cupping his balls, Dean gasped. It had been too long and at the rate they were going, he was going to come embarrassingly fast. With his grip on Cas’s hair, he pulled him up gently. “Dude, I know it makes me a friggin’ teenager, but you’re gonna make me come if you keep that up.”

 

“I’ll take it as a compliment, Dean.” Cas winked before he looked around for his discarded jacket, fishing it from the floor as he leaned over the edge of the bed. He pulled a small bottle of lube out of the pocket and a condom, that he placed next to them, before he opened the bottle to spread some of it on his fingers.

 

Without thinking about it, Dean grabbed the condom and tossed it to the ground. 

 

Cas raised his eyebrow in surprise. “You want me without?”

 

_ Shit.  _ He just assumed Cas would be down to fuck without a rubber. But knowing they were both cleared from the clinic, the thought of fucking Cas without a condom had been plaguing his thoughts, pretty much since he got his test results back. “I guess I should’ve asked. I’m cool if you want me to wear a raincoat.”

 

Cas gave him a wide eyed look. “Fuck, no. I can’t wait to feel you come in me,” Cas said as he spread his legs where he was kneeling over Dean and prepped himself with his own fingers. His breathing hitched when he pushed them inside as he bit his lower lip in obvious pleasure.

 

Dean was mesmerized as he watched Cas continue to prep himself. He was so fucking sexy. The sound of little breathy moans that escaped kiss swollen lips went straight to Dean’s dick. The lust-filled gaze that was solely fixed on Dean. He loved how Cas’s eyes kept darting from his face, to his dick. The erotic way he worried his bottom lip. 

 

Unable to resist anymore, as Cas continued his ministrations, Dean gripped Cas’s erection and slowly pumped it. He loved the way Cas’s cock felt in his hand. The heat, the weight of it. He never imagined he’d like having sex with another guy, but Cas made him so fucking crazy for it. Only with Cas, though. Dean really couldn’t imagine wanting to do this with another man.

 

Hell. He couldn’t fathom having sex with anyone else ever again.

 

“Hmmm, fuck, Dean, stop,” Cas groaned out, slightly hunching over in pleasure. “Over one week remember?” He grabbed the lube again with his other hand to get more of it before he spread it over Dean’s cock, stroking it up and down a few times with a deep moan. “Fuck, I love your cock.”

 

“And it loves you,” he groaned out with a chuckle. 

 

Cas smiled openly at him, looking incredibly happy as he leaned forward and lined himself up. His expression changed into a rare shy one as he whispered, “Kiss me when you push in?”

 

Dean nodded as he adjusted himself to sit up more. With a wave of his finger, he murmured, “C’mere.” 

 

Cas leaned forward and captured Dean’s lips in a soft and gentle kiss, not one that spoke of desperation and need, but of love and intimacy. And Dean felt it. Felt it, reciprocated it, whatever else descriptions there were for perfect moments. He felt all of it.

 

As Cas slowly sank down on his dick, he groaned against Cas’s lips, his right hand trailing down to grasp Cas’s hip. He swiped the pad of his thumb over an insanely hot hip bone as they continued to lose themselves in one hell of a kiss.

 

Cas groaned and leaned back, panting heavily against Dean’s lips when he was completely inside. “Uh, fuck, fuck, fuck. Dean.” His lips hung open as he looked at Dean like he had invented the universe. “Give me a second before you fuck me,” he panted breathlessly.

 

Dean nodded, gently cupping Cas’s face. Maybe Cas didn’t prep himself enough. “Baby, you okay?”

 

Cas nodded tersely before he hummed. “Yes, just… forgot how fucking intense and good you feel.” He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip, taking in a deep breath before he slowly started to ride him. “Uh, Dean.” His breathing hitched and he started to make those irresistible little noises as he started to increase the pace.

 

Dean was suddenly lost in heat, the clench of Cas’s virgin tight, but slut wet hole, almost making his eyes roll to the back of his head. “Cas, Cas…” he kept murmuring his lover’s name, hands gripping hips and trying to keep himself from losing control too soon. He wanted this to last. As long as possible. Forever wouldn't be long enough.

 

Cas had his eyes pressed closed and was breathing hard, moaning Dean’s name. “Fuck, Dean. I… mmmmhh uh, uh! So fucking close. Please...”

 

“Thank fuck, ‘cause I wasn’t gonna last…” Dean’s right hand came down Cas’s hip before he gently wrapped his fingers around the leaking cock. He started pumping him in time with Cas’s undulating hips. As he continued to fuck himself on Dean’s dick, Dean knew it wasn’t going to be long. But seeing as it had been over a week, he was hoping they’d be fucking for the rest of the night.

 

“Yes, uh, Dean! Oh, fuck,” Cas cursed, quickening his pace. He opened his mouth and looked at Dean, desperation in his eyes, words seemingly failing before he gasped and came all over Dean’s hand and stomach.

 

Dean groaned outright, the sight, the sensations, all of it was creating a familiar pooling of heat. “Fuck, baby. I’m gonna…” He came before he was able to finish his sentence, his hips shuddering as he filled Cas.

 

It was perfect.

 

Cas was still breathing raggedly, his palms pressed against his chest in a shaky effort not to collapse on top of him as he murmured, “Fuck, I love you so much.”

 

Dean couldn’t help but smile. He cupped Cas’s face in his hands, unable to take his eyes off of his beautiful, completely spent face. He could totally do it. He could tell Cas he loved him back. But faced with the prospect, Dean found himself still terrified. Hell, he barely said those words to Sammy, let alone anyone else.

 

Instead, he breathed out an awed, “I know.”

 

Cas raised his eyebrow and chuckled before he leaned over to lie on top of Dean with an exhausted sigh. “Han Solo? Seriously?”

 

Well, if Dean wasn’t in love with Cas before, he certainly was  _ now.  _ “Since when do you know Star Wars?”

 

"Since a few nice people organized a screening in a homeless shelter," Cas mumbled sleepily.

 

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, pulling him closer. He hated that Cas even had to go through that in the first place. And then the memory of Cas dying in front of him darkened his thoughts further. While short-lived, it really shook Dean to see his best friend – and now the man he was pretty much stupid for  –  die. “Hey, Cas?”

 

“Mhh?” Cas hummed, one of his hands stroking lazy, squiggly lines on Dean’s arm.

 

“I, uh… I…” Dean swallowed against the lump in his throat. Why the fuck was this so hard? Steeling himself, he finally said, “I, uh… You, what you said and… Um. Me, too.”  _ Eloquent as always, Winchester. _

 

Cas stopped breathing for a moment before he pushed himself up on his elbows and looked at Dean with a soft smile. “I know, Dean. You may not say it with words, but you say it with everything else you do with me.”

 

Dean smiled up at him, feeling a little embarrassed at having even been caught out by someone as clueless as his… dare he say? Boyfriend? Officially? “Really?”

 

Cas gave him a reassuring smile before he grinned. “Well, that and a certain someone with psychic abilities may, or may not, have mentioned something like that to me.”

 

“Son of a bitch!” Dean shook his head and chuckled. “What if I never manned up and told you? Would you have just kept it a secret?”

 

Cas shrugged, giving Dean a soft smile. "I don't know. Maybe I would have. It's not important for me that you say the words though. I thought it would be, but... I know you are more an action than talking kind of man. And I love everything about you. So, if you show me what you feel by doing things with me, then I'm very okay with that."

 

That took him aback. And pretty much solidified that Dean made the right decision. “Damn, Cas. Could you be anymore perfect?” He sighed happily and pulled him in for another kiss.

 

Cas chuckled against his lips. “Let’s see if you still say that after I beg you for a second round. I’m so wet with all your come in me.”

 

Dean let out a groan, his dick twitching with interest. Apparently, while having the staying power of a teenager sucked, having the refractory period of one more than made up for it. He smirked. “Come on, baby. Put up or shut up.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

When Cas woke up a few hours later, Dean was practically wrapped around him like an octopus.  Under different circumstances, he might have been amused by it, but he badly needed to urinate and Dean’s leg was pushing down on his bladder. He groaned, trying to push Dean away, which only resulted in Dean pulling him into a tighter death grip. “Dean,” he pressed out. “Let me go.” 

 

“No,” he growled as he started nuzzling into the crook of Cas’s neck.

 

Cas rolled his eyes when, for a torturous moment, he gave in and enjoyed the way Dean was holding him. But the pressure on his bladder was relentless. “Dean, please. I swear, I’ll come back quickly.”

 

Dean growled again, but he finally released his death grip on him, grumbling something about hateful, anti-cuddling boyfriends.

 

Cas sighed deeply and quickly slid out of the bed and slipped into the bathroom. He couldn’t help but smile when he thought about all the times in the future he would wake up with Dean like that before he froze.

 

He  _ wouldn’t  _ wake up next to Dean when he got his grace back. He wouldn’t wake up because he wouldn’t sleep anymore.

 

He frowned, quickly going through his morning routine, plus brushing his teeth, before he quietly slipped back into the bed, trying to get back in the comfortable position next to Dean. It was impossible with how tense he suddenly was.

 

“The ogre demands the princess get his ass in his arms again,” he murmured, eyes still shut, but having shifted to open his arms in invitation.

 

Cas moved back into Dean’s arms with a smile, rubbing his ass against Dean’s morning wood when he slid back closer. This was perfection. He didn’t want this to ever end. 

 

He felt torn. Being human, although it had been hard on him with the many mistakes he had made, had a few major perks. Especially when he thought about his relationship with Dean. Things he would lose if he got his grace back. “Maybe you need to hold onto your princess a little tighter,” Cas whispered back, for a moment wishing the impossible. That he could keep this moment.

 

Dean chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s torso and drew him in as close as he could. “I love waking up next to you,” he murmured fondly as he pressed light kisses to the nape of Cas’s neck.

 

It hurt. He closed his eyes for a moment before he whispered back, “Me, too.”

 

“I know you’re probably anxious to get your mojo back, but can we just stay here a little longer? At least until check out?”

 

Cas exhaled deeply before he admitted, “I’m actually not that anxious...”

 

Dean shuffled slightly and leaned over to rest his chin on Cas’s shoulder and look at him. “S’up? What’s going on in that sexy fucking head of yours?”

 

Cas turned around in Dean’s embrace to look at him. “I–I’m worried, I guess. When I have my grace back, a few things will change. Like… I won’t sleep anymore. I’m going to miss this very much. I know it’s selfish when I think of wanting to stay like this… human… With you.”

 

Without hesitation Dean shifted slightly and pulled Cas onto his stomach, so he was now laying on Dean. Their faces mere inches apart. “Whatever you want to do, I’ll support. But just so you know, you already promised me this wouldn’t change when you got your mojo back. Can’t take it back now. So, human or angel, you’re stuck with me. And that means you have to put up with cuddling, and other stupid couple shit.”

 

Cas couldn’t stop chuckling at that, shaking his head. “I will still want that, Dean. Don’t worry. It’s just this thing, you know, waking up in your arms, seeing you first thing in the morning. Sharing a meal with you… I know those are little insignificant details, but I’ll miss them.”

 

“Why would they stop?”

 

“Because I won’t be able to taste things anymore, I won’t be able to wake up if I don’t sleep. I won’t even get older,” Cas answered quietly. 

 

“Oh,” Dean murmured, looking as sad as Cas felt in that moment. After a beat of silence, Dean looked him in the eye and asked point blank, “Would you still love me?”

 

“Yes.” Cas cupped Dean’s cheek. “Always.”

 

Dean smiled. “Then the rest will figure itself out. And like I said. Whatever you choose, I got your back.”

 

“Do you really mean that?” Cas asked breathlessly.

 

Without hesitation, Dean drew him in for a quick kiss. He smirked and said, “Really, really.”

 

Cas couldn’t stop smiling. He had a choice. He would take his grace back, of course. He needed it to heal Sam. But would he keep it? He hadn’t reached a decision about that yet, time would tell. But he was happy that whatever he chose, Dean would support the decision. 

 

“I love you,” Cas suddenly said.

 

Dean smiled and chuckled. “And you’re well aware of my stance on the subject.”

 

Cas pushed him on the bed and laughed. “I didn’t say it so you say it back. I just wanted you to know.” He leaned over and kissed him, quickly and still with a bright smile on his face. “Want to get ready for the road? It’s still a long drive.”

 

“One condition,” he murmured with a smirk.

 

“Anything you want,” Cas returned without thinking about it. He would do anything for Dean, no matter what it was.

 

Dean gave him a feigned reproachful look. “Kiss me like you fucking mean it.”

 

That he could do. Cas leaned forward, slowly, giving Dean an intense look. One where he thought of everything that had happened between them and how they always found their way back to each other. He captured Dean's lips in a few gentle kisses, before he couldn't hold back any longer and deepened it. Every time Dean’s tongue slid over his, he felt sparks flying through his body, causing him to moan with pleasure into Dean’s mouth. His hips rocking forward involuntarily, on pure instinct, to get closer, to melt with Dean.

 

When he pulled back, he was breathless, aroused, his heart beating a million miles per second. His expression probably still one of surprise, considering how such a small action had such a profound effect on him.

 

Dean let out a shaky exhale. “Yeah, we’re gonna have sex before we hit the road,” he growled before he yanked him into another kiss.

 

Cas groaned into the kiss, trying to awkwardly get rid of his tented boxer shorts  –  that he couldn’t fathom  _ why  _ he had put back on in the first place. He rocked his erection against Dean's as soon as he was naked, his hands sliding over the expanse of Dean's chest, his nipples, his shoulders. He would never get enough of feeling his hot skin under his palms. "How do you want me, Dean?"

 

“What do  _ you  _ want?” he asked in a breathy groan.

 

There was something he wanted to try, so it didn't take him long to answer Dean’s question. He slid off of Dean, bracing his palms on the mattress as he knelt on all fours on the bed. “Get behind me, fuck me hard.”

 

Dean had never sounded as animalistic as he did in that moment, when he growled and immediately got to his knees behind Cas. He felt the bed shuffle slightly and the sound of a bottle being squeezed. Without even saying anything, any sort of warning that Dean usually gave him, a slicked finger was probing his hole before slipping inside with almost no resistance. 

 

“How rough do you want me to be?” Dean’s voice almost shook from the way it rumbled, sounding as needy as Cas felt in that moment.

 

“I want to feel what you do to me for the next fucking week,” Cas pressed out, canting his ass towards Dean like an offering.

 

Dean let out a growly chuckle and without warning, slipped two more digits into his entrance. The burn from the rough prep was amazing. Dean had never been this rough with him, and while Cas loved when he was gentle, this side of his  _ boyfriend  _ was intense on an entirely different level. 

 

Just as he was starting to get used to the way Dean was finger fucking him, the fullness was gone. Before he could growl out a demand for more, the head of Dean’s cock was pushing in. He halted for a moment, only about halfway in. “Shove yourself all the way back as hard and as fast as you want it, then I’ll match you.”

 

Either Dean wanted to see him fuck himself on his cock, or he wanted to give him control on how hard this would go down. Maybe a little of both, but either way, Cas couldn’t stop the quick smile playing around his lips as he braced himself against the mattress and shoved back as hard as he could, to ram Dean’s cock deep and hard into himself. The pain was almost completely overridden by the animalistic urges driving him as he made Dean fuck him.

 

Dean’s grip on his hips tightened as he yanked Cas into each of his thrusts, matching his pace as promised, fucking into Cas like they were a couple of animals, with only an instinctual need to breed. 

 

The thought pushed him into a maelstrom of maddening lust and need. He couldn’t think, his mind only filled with Dean, like his body was. All he wanted was to be claimed – completely. He pressed his eyes closed, harmonizing his thrusts backwards to meet Dean in the middle, the sound of Dean’s skin slapping against his own echoing around them. “Fuck, Dean!”

 

Without even a hindrance to his pace, Dean leaned forward and grabbed a fistful of Cas’s hair, gently pulling his head back. “This what you need? To get fucked like a bitch?” he growled into Cas’s ear.

 

“Yes!” Cas cried out without thinking about it. And then he felt ashamed, probably for the first time in his life. He suddenly was reminded of all the times he felt needy like this and would have let anyone fuck him, just to fill the void. A sob fell from his lips when he realized that that was the reason why he wanted Dean to fuck him so hard. He wanted to be punished for his behavior.

 

“Tell me,” he panted out as he started thrusting into him faster. “Tell me how much you love having my cock in you.”

 

Tears fell onto the pillow beneath him, he felt the pain from the hard thrusts more than the pleasure, his fingers gripping the sheets, holding on. He tried to answer Dean, but the words were stuck in his throat for a moment before he finally pressed out, “I love you, Dean. I love you so much.”

 

Dean suddenly stilled completely, slowly pulling out of him. “Baby?” he asked, tone incredibly concerned.

 

Cas quickly wiped his hand over his face before he turned around and slid onto Dean’s lap, trying to line up Dean’s cock to feel him again. “Please, Dean. I need you. Please, like this, please,” he begged desperately.

 

“Hey, hey,” he soothed as he cupped Cas’s face, trying to stop him. “What’s going on? I thought you liked dirty talk. I’m sorry if I upset you.”

 

Cas shook his head. “I do… I thought I did. I don’t know. Just please, I don’t want to ruin this.” Cas leaned in, nudging his nose against Dean’s cheek. “Please take me like this, hold me. I need you.” He still felt shaken with his confusing emotions and he needed Dean to ground him again.

 

Dean hushed him and pulled him into a hug, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “Talk to me, Cas,” he urged in a gentle whisper, pressing soft kisses to his shoulder.

 

Cas rocked his half hard cock against Dean’s stomach with a protesting whimper, trying to get Dean to fuck him again. He wanted Dean to finish in him, feeling like a failure that Dean felt the need to stop this. He didn’t want to be comforted, he didn’t deserve it, so he tried to pull away from Dean. “Dean, please. I promise I’ll do better now. I can take it.”

 

“Hey, hey,” he breathed out as he cupped Cas’s face, keeping him in place. “Please, baby. Talk to me. You’re scaring me.”

 

Cas froze, staring at Dean before he swallowed dryly. He desperately tried to hold back the tears that were on the verge of escaping in a flood of confusing emotions. “I’m sorry. I don’t know… I thought… I’m so sorry, Dean.”

 

The pad of Dean’s thumb caressed the side of his cheek. “You thought what?”

 

"I'm a slut, Dean. I let myself get fucked like this by so many men and I'm sorry... I thought you wanted the same from me..."  He felt a treacherous tear run down his cheek and he hated himself for being so weak.

 

Dean’s expression softened as he shook his head, lips slightly turned up in a soft smile. “Oh, Cas. I just want you. However you want me to. Slow, fast, soft, hard. As long as it’s with you, the rest… doesn’t matter. And shit, Cas. You think I’m a saint? I’ve slept with more people than you, I can promise you that. So am I unworthy of you?”

 

Cas shook his head. “Of course not.” He leaned in closer, pressing his forehead against Dean’s. “I don’t think I’m ready for hard sex again. But… but I want you.”

 

“So do I, but let’s get showered and hit the road. We’ve got all the time in the world. Well, until the next apocalypse,” he joked, winking at Cas as he pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. 

 

Cas gave him a pained look. "Please, Dean. Please." He felt himself getting desperate again. "I’ll feel like a complete failure if we don't do this now."

 

“The last thing you are is a failure, Cas.” Dean grasped both of his hands and held them. “Look, I don’t want you to have sex with me because you feel like you have to, because it’s some sort of obligation, or punishment, or whatever is happening in your brain right now. I want you to have sex with me because you love me and because you want to. You’re a little conflicted right now and that’s okay. But let’s get out, get some fresh air. Maybe pancakes and I promise, we can fool around in the library. Always wanted to have sex in a library.”

 

Cas took in a deep breath and tried to pull himself together as he slowly nodded. “Okay,” he murmured quietly, wincing when he got up from the bed. Well, he couldn’t say that he didn’t get his wish of feeling how hard Dean had taken him. “I’ll grab a quick shower.”

 

Dean gently grasped his wrist and halted him. “Hey. Olive juice.”

 

Cas tilted his head and gave him a confused look. "Have I ever told you how weird you are?"

 

“I think I’m adorable,” he said haughtily, smirk firmly in place.

 

“Pretty sure it’s just weird, though,” Cas replied dryly before he pulled Dean into a tight hug and turned around to go into the shower.

 

“Hey!”

 

Cas turned around, giving Dean a questioning look. "What?"

 

Dean folded his arms over his chest and looked at him expectantly. “You’re supposed to say it back.”

 

“Olive juice?” Cas asked, feeling thoroughly confused now. He had no idea what they were talking about.

 

“Olive juice you, too.” Dean gave him a cheesy grin and grabbed a change of clothes from his duffel bag.

 

With a lot of imagination, it almost sounded like, “I love you, too”. Which was probably the reason why Dean had said it. He shook his head and rolled his eyes over Dean’s ridiculousness before he went into the bathroom and started the shower.

 

He felt a weird pull in his chest, a voice that was telling him Dean couldn’t say those words to him because Cas didn’t deserve them. A part of him knew that wasn’t the case and didn’t want to listen to that other voice inside of him, but the doubt was still there.

 

And although Dean had explained to him why he didn’t want to fuck him now, he still felt bad about ruining it. He had wanted Dean. He still wanted him. And there was a big part of him that just couldn’t stop feeling like he had failed Dean. He knew it was rooted deep inside of him, the urge to be of service. Being afraid of being useless when he didn’t fulfill his tasks. 

 

He knew Dean didn’t see it that way, but it didn’t make it any less true for Cas. He leaned his forehead against the cold bathroom tiles as the hot water engulfed him, being on the verge of too hot, but it was just enough to keep him in the here and now.  

 

He tried to suppress the sob that escaped his lips when more tears ran down his cheeks. He had no idea what was wrong with him. Why he was suddenly feeling so anxious, tense, and affected by his emotions.

 

When he glanced down, he noticed that his dick was hard. He shook his head at himself. He was so messed up. Even thinking that, he still wrapped his hand around it and started to stroke himself. His mind went back to the time the two guys had attacked him in the bathroom. How one of them had held him against the wall and how they had pushed two fingers inside of him, using him like the whore he was. He let go of himself, biting his lip as he pressed his forehead against the tiles.

 

Suddenly, he was wrapped in startlingly cold arms from behind. Dean hushed him and gently swayed with him under the heated shower. “You make me so happy,” he murmured fondly before pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck.

 

Cas turned around and pressed himself into Dean’s arms, hiding his face against his shoulder as he kissed his wet skin. “Dean,” he pressed out as he tried to calm down his breathing.

 

_ “Ooh, you’re making me live, whatever this world can give to me, it’s you, you’re all I see… Ooh, you make me live now, honey, ooh, you make me live,”  _ he gently sang as he proceeded to slow dance with Cas in the shower.

 

Cas could feel himself getting calmer by the second. The way Dean was holding him securely in his arms while Cas listened to the soothing timbre of his voice. His muscles relaxed and he melted against him with a hum and a murmured, “I love you so much.”

 

Dean hummed a few bars and continued the song,  _ “ _ _ Ooh, you're the best friend that I ever had, I've been with you such a long time. You're my sunshine and I want you to know, that my feelings are true… I really love you. Oh, you're my best friend.” _

 

He drew back and cupped Cas’s cheek, giving him a pointed look and an almost insecure smile. 

 

Cas nodded. He knew what Dean was trying to say and he knew it was true. He gave him a soft smile, trying to tell him he was okay, even though he wasn’t sure if that was the truth. He still felt this weird pull in his chest – maybe he just needed time.

 

“I won’t make you talk to me if you don’t want to, but if something is bothering you, I want you to know you can tell me. When I said I’d support you, I meant more than just in your decision about whether or not to become an angel again.”

 

Cas bit his lip and nodded slowly. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you. I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just feel very… weird.”

 

“I think I know what it is,” Dean said cupping the side of Cas’s face to gently swipe the pad of his thumb over his cheek.

 

“You do?” Cas asked, feeling surprised and confused, wondering how in the world Dean knew how he felt, when it didn’t even make sense to himself.

 

“Don’t be mad, but I googled what was happening with you before I joined you.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Apparently, I guess your body gets a severe drop in endorphins after rough sex and if there’s no real care or affection after, it can make you go through like, a severe bout of depression.”

 

Cas tilted his head, trying to let that information sink in. This was what depression felt like? “So, I get rid of it by not having rough sex anymore?”

 

Dean shook his head. “No, you just gotta get some cuddling and affection in afterwards. And maybe some chocolate. At least that’s what the message board said.”

 

“Dean–” Cas shook his head slightly. “I started feeling bad while we had sex. I think it reminded me... of that one time when–” He couldn’t say it. “I don’t even know why this is still affecting me. I should be over it.”

 

“Dude, shit like that doesn’t just go away.” Dean pulled him in for another hug. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that again.”

 

“ It’s not your fault. I had plenty of rough sex afterwards and I wasn’t affected. I have no idea what triggered it–” He stopped and frowned when he suddenly realized that wasn’t true. He  _ did _ know. “The dirty talk. It started then.”

 

“Shit, I’m sorry. I just figured since you wanted it rough, you wanted me to do what I did that first time with you.”

 

Cas nodded slowly. “Dean, please. Don’t feel sorry about that. I wanted this. I love when you make me yours and tell me those things. I didn’t expect this to happen. This was just as surprising to me as it was for you. And I’m not sure how to deal with it.”

 

Dean shook his head. “Well,  _ clearly, _ no more dirty talk for a while.”

 

Cas took in a deep breath and nodded before he grabbed his shampoo with a frown. “That sounds like a sensible solution. I’ll get ready now. And I’m sorry, Dean… for everything.”

 

“Me, too, Cas,” he said, voice sounding resigned. “Me, too.”

 

Cas pulled Dean into a deep kiss, leaving the foam of his shampoo everywhere on Dean's neck. When he pulled back he kissed the tip of his nose. "Library, huh?"

 

Dean smirked. “What can I say? The thought of having to stay quiet for the fear of getting caught by a mean, old librarian does something for me.”

 

“I mentioned that you are weird before, right?” Cas asked thoughtfully, but he couldn’t help but smile. He kissed Dean’s cheek, adding a soft,  _ “My _ weird boyfriend.”

 

“Your weird,  _ ogre  _ boyfriend,” he corrected with a wag of his finger.

 

Cas  splashed some water and foam in Dean’s face and grinned. “My dirty ogre needs some water on his onion layers. I bet when I peel them away, there’s a knight in shining armor hidden away under them.”

 

Dean chuckled. “Nah, just a skeleton and some internal organs.”

 

“Disgusting, Dean.” Cas chuckled. “And I know that’s not true.” He pulled him closer and into a soft, quick kiss. “You may not see it, but you’re my hero.”

 

“Funny,” Dean murmured, “that’s how I see you.”

 

“I thought I was the princess.”

 

“Who says the princess can’t be the hero? Disney?  _ Fuck  _ Disney.”

 

“I’d rather fuck you.”

 

Dean waggled his eyebrows. “Good to know you find me more attractive than a cryogenically frozen corpse.”

 

“Slightly. But I’m not choosy,” Cas replied dryly, before he chuckled and pushed Dean against the wall, kissing him deeply.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

It was night when they arrived to the library. They had to break in because it was already closed, which didn’t seem to be a big problem for him, because the security for the building was very lax. Dean even said something like, “Who in the world would steal a book anyway?” when they entered the building through a back door. 

 

It was quiet and Cas took Dean’s hand in his as they entered the long corridors filled with book shelves. He couldn’t feel his grace, so they needed to find the book Jerry had seen in his vision. Classic literature. 

 

As they started going down the different stacks, Dean was in the “V, W” section of the authors. He let out a sharp, offended sounding gasp. “Why the fuck does this place have no Vonnegut?”

 

"We're not here to borrow a book, Dean. The author we're looking for is Miguel de Cervantes," Cas whispered tensely, trying to read the names on the backs of the books.

 

“I’m just sayin’,” Dean grumbled. “Dude deserves to be here. Have you  _ read  _ Slaughterhouse Five?”

 

“No, I haven't.” Cas gave Dean a surprised look. “I thought you didn't like reading.”

 

Dean gave him an annoyed look. “Why doesn't anyone believe I read?”

 

“Because you always complain about research,” Cas replied without needing to think too much about it.

 

“Well, yeah. That type of reading is boring,” he grumbled as he slipped close behind Cas, pressing a kiss just behind his ear.

 

“But necessary,” Cas added huskily. He loved when Dean was close to him and whenever he did something affectionate. They had broken into a library at night to find his stolen grace, but every time Dean kissed him like that, he felt a sense of nice, domestic normalcy.

 

Dean chuckled and nudged his nose against Cas’s ear. “Only necessary if you don’t have a nerdy brother, friend, and boyfriend all willing to do it so I don’t have to.”

 

Cas gasped and closed his eyes when he felt Dean’s breath ghosting over his neck. He hummed as he braced himself against the bookshelf. “You need to pay me in kisses, though.”

 

“Can I give them to you anywhere?” he practically purred into Cas’s ear as he snaked his hand to the front of Cas’s jeans, slowly unbuttoning them one handed.

 

Cas liked where this was going. “Yes, anywhere is fine by me.”

 

That was met with an appreciative chuckle as both of Dean’s hands were now yanking Cas’s jeans open, pulling them and his underwear to his ankles. Cas was unable to repress the gasp when Dean’s hands gripped his ass and spread his cheeks. “How about here?” he asked, soft lips brushing over his pucker. 

 

Cas leaned forward against the bookshelf with a gasp at the unexpected onslaught of pleasure. “Oh, fuck, yes,” he breathed out. “That, um, works.”

 

Dean chuckled before he started tonguing his rim, gently tapping the wet muscle in a circular motion, and finally, plunging inside. 

 

Cas cried out in pleasure, trying to suppress the urge to fuck himself on Dean’s tongue. “Fuck, Dean. I hope you’re not just teasing me here.”

 

It was impossible to repress the gasp that escaped him when Dean tried to answer with his tongue still inside his ass. It came out as unintelligible nonsense. So Cas just closed his eyes and groaned, enjoying the way Dean took care of him. His erection was being pushed against the shelf every time Dean pushed his tongue into him, fucking him with it. 

 

Cas didn’t even know why they were there any more.

 

When Dean withdrew from him, a pathetic whimper escaped. Dean chuckled and gently blew on his stretched open hole. The cool breath against wet, heated skin caused Cas to moan louder than was appropriate, considering they still had security to worry about. 

 

Dean hushed him with an amused chuckle and moved to stand. Cas had no idea where the lube came from, but suddenly Dean’s slicked finger was probing his entrance. “You make me so fucking crazy, you know that?” he whispered.

 

Cas grinned and turned his head to kiss Dean. The angle was awkward, but it didn’t matter. “Good. That was my goal.” He chuckled, feeling so incredibly happy.

 

That was met with an appreciative hum. “You’re still stretched from this morning. No resistance.” Dean slipped a second finger in and let out a deep groan. 

 

Cas leaned his forehead against the shelf and practically whined, “I’m ready for you. Please. Take me. I need you so much.”

 

For once, Dean didn’t even question it and before he could gasp at the loss of his fingers, the head of Dean’s cock was pushing in, slowly sliding in to the hilt. Dean groaned into his ear, “Fuck, baby.”

 

It felt incredible. LIke being exactly where he should be. The slight burn and stretch was exhilarating, making him feel so filled and complete, with pressure on the exact right spots, like Dean’s cock was made to be inside of him. He panted heavily, trying not to be too loud. “Dean, move, please. Fuck me deep.”

 

Dean let out an almost animalistic growl as he grabbed Cas’s hips and started a more brutal pace, grunting and panting with every thrust. 

 

Cas could only hold onto the shelf in front of him, not capable of anything other than letting himself get taken, helpless against the way the heat coiled in his throbbing erection, ready to boil over. “Dean, I’m close, fuck. So close. Need your come in me, please. Fill me.”

 

“Fuck, fuck,” he muttered through gritted teeth as he angled his hips, thrusting even deeper, a barrage of strikes against his prostate as Dean’s pace quickened.

 

Cas gasped as he couldn’t hold back any longer and came all over the shelf and the books in front of him, not capable of feeling sorry in that moment with the hard way Dean was fucking him through his orgasm.

 

“Cas!” Dean growled out as his hips suddenly stilled and his fingernails dug into the meat of Cas’s hips. He could feel Dean’s cock twitch with each pulse of his orgasm.

 

He loved this moment. He loved when Dean came deep inside of him and how his come dripped out of his hole when he finally pulled out. He felt so thoroughly marked and claimed by Dean. He could still feel himself gaping after being fucked so hard, still feeling the burn from being stretched so wide. He leaned his forehead against the shelf. Breathing hard. He had never loved anything as much as he loved Dean. It was almost frightening.

 

“Goddamn, you make me happy,” he chuckled against the nape of Cas’s neck.

 

Cas pressed into him, a big smile spreading across his face. “I feel the same. I’ve never felt more happy in my entire existence.”

 

Dean pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck and gently pulled Cas’s pants up for him. He flipped Cas around and kept diving in for quick little kisses as he buttoned his jeans.

 

Cas chuckled as he kissed back, letting Dean take care of him. He felt light, like he was flying, and he just couldn’t stop grinning. When he felt the wet spots on his boxer shorts pressing uncomfortably against his skin, he turned around to look at the mess he made. “I came all over the books.”

 

Dean barked out a laugh. “Awesome.”

 

“Sometimes I think that you’re a terrible influence on me, Dean.” Cas chuckled as he shrugged and intertwined his hand with Dean’s.

 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he defended with a feigned pout.

 

“I bet Sam would say it is.” He leaned over and kissed the pout away.

 

Dean chuckled. “Come on. Didn’t we come here for something?” He winked and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. 

 

“Yeah, I think we came here so you can fulfill your sexual fantasy.” Cas chuckled as he pulled him towards the classic literature section, looking for the book Jerry mentioned.

 

“Have I told you in the last five minutes what a great boyfriend you are?”

 

“I don’t think you have. But you can do it as often as you want to, you know? There is no limit.” Cas chuckled, squeezing his hand.

 

Dean smiled and his eyes widened. He reached past Cas and pulled out an old tattered book. He flipped it to the cover.  _ Don Quixote.  _ Dean offered it to Cas. “Think it’ll be a key or something?”

 

Cas opened the book and nearly dropped the softly glowing vial that fell out of it. He quickly caught it and held it up. “My grace,” he said breathlessly. It really was his grace.

 

“Well, that was anticlimactic,” Dean complained.

 

“You just had a different climax though.” Cas shrugged with a giddy smile before he swallowed. “Okay ...” His fingers wandered over the cork, but he hesitated.

 

Dean clapped his shoulder and smiled. “I’ll love you still, no matter what you choose.”

 

Cas nodded determinedly. “Step back.”

 

Without hesitation, Dean ducked behind the end of the stack, peeking out from behind it. “You won’t get hurt doin’ this, right?”

 

“Maybe a little.” Cas shrugged even though he knew better. It would hurt like a bitch, but he didn’t want to worry Dean.

 

“Can I watch?”

 

Cas nodded and tilted his head. "If it gets too bright though, just look the other way, okay? It shouldn't be dangerous."

 

Dean nodded. “Okay.”

 

Cas carefully removed the cork on the vial and watched his grace rushing out towards him as he inhaled it. It felt like he was running through fire and was inhaling it at the same time, burning everything away in a rush of incredible pain. He knew he was screaming when he felt his wings as they burned away from the way his grace was diminished from Metatron’s spell. He would never be able to use them again. He fell to his knees when the pain finally ebbed away, the power and energy thrumming through every cell of his being.

 

Suddenly Dean rushed to his aid, kneeling down, cupping Cas’s face in his hands. “Cas?”

 

Cas covered Dean’s hands with his own, giving him a weak smile. “Fuck, that was unpleasant.”

 

That didn't appear to appease Dean, who had a horrified expression on his face. “Your wings, baby.”

 

Cas stood up slowly, bracing himself against Dean’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

 

“You've got nothing to be sorry about. Does it… does it hurt?”

 

Cas shook his head before he leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Only for a moment. I don’t feel them anymore… Let’s go home, Dean.”

 

Dean brightened at that. “Yeah. Home.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 

Because Cas had his mojo back, he drove most of the way back to Kansas, leaving Dean free to catch a nap in the backseat. Dean wasn’t sure how he felt about Cas being an angel again. It had a lot of perks, like the fact that they could do stuff like drive straight for a couple of days, but… Stuff like not needing to pull over, get a shitty motel room to sleep in a bed, was a loss he wasn’t anticipating. 

 

Dean didn’t realize how much he was going to miss the little human things that he never would have thought about otherwise. He didn’t doubt that Cas’s feelings wouldn’t change, but there was this almost… uncomfortable imbalance. Dean kind of liked the weird, human faults Cas had. The fact that he was kinky, the fact that he was a little over emotional sometimes, but it was post a traumatic experience, so it was understandable. The fact that he hated a cat with all of his might. 

 

That emotional side of Cas as a human was weirdly endearing and one of the many reasons he had fallen as hard and fast as he did. And just when Dean would get freaked out enough to maybe have some sort of talk, Cas would give him a shy smile and all of those weird insecure feelings would fade.

 

He really did mean it when he said he’d support Cas. Whatever he chose. Would he miss some things? Hell yeah, but maybe they could find new little things they could share. Dean loved Cas, no matter his form. And that was a mind blowing realization.

 

When they reached the bunker, Cas expertly pulled into the garage and Dean pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Good. If you scratched her, you’d be in the doghouse your first night home and that would have sucked.”

 

“You don’t have a doghouse, Dean.” Cas rolled his eyes before he took in a deep breath. “So how do we play this?”

 

Dean shrugged his shoulders. “Go in, let Zeke know he’s off the hook, and thank him for his service, or whatever.”

 

“Sounds good. Ezekiel is, after all, a very nice angel,” Cas said hesitantly before he got out of the car.

 

“S’up,” Dean asked as he approached Cas, grabbing his hand. “Why’d you hesitate?”

 

Cas shrugged, scratching his chin thoughtfully. “Just a feeling. I don’t know. It’s just, it always weirded me out to hear Ezekiel was afraid of something. It just doesn’t… Ignore me. He must have had a good reason to feel that way.”

 

“Not everyone’s as fearless as you,” he murmured fondly as he pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek.

 

Cas smiled at Dean shyly and wrapped his arms around him to pull him closer, answering with a gentle kiss on Dean’s lips. His blue eyes shone with happiness when he pulled back. It was reassuring to see that, even though Cas was an angel again, Cas’s feelings for him were still so easy to read. “I love you, Dean.” He didn’t need the whispered words as a confirmation, but they didn’t hurt either. 

 

“Ditto,” he said with a smile. Hey, so saying the words was still awkward, even though he had told him already. Dean chuckled and opened the door to the bunker for him. They were still holding hands when they ran into Kevin.

 

The kid quirked his brow and looked at their hands. “S’up, guys?”

 

“The ceiling,” Cas replied dryly. “Have you seen Sam?”

 

“Yeah, doing research in the library,” Kevin murmured before disappearing down the hall. 

 

Dean chuckled and looked at Cas. “Well, Kevin took it well.”

 

Cas gave him a confused head tilt. “He took what well?”

 

“You and me,” he said, unable to stop the chuckle as he raised their stilled entwined hands. “First thing he noticed.”

 

“Oh.” Cas looked at their hands like he was just realizing that they were holding hands. “I’m sorry. I think I’m so used to being with you, I forget others don’t know about us.”

 

“Well, now we get to break it to my brother and Zeke. Maybe Sammy will be so excited for us, he’ll forget he needs to be pissed at me for tricking him.” Dean sighed and tightened his hold on Cas’s hand, moreso for his own comfort than anything else.

 

Cas gave him a pained look. “We could kiss each other senseless right in front of him if he gets mad. Maybe it’ll distract him.”

 

Dean grinned broadly. “Good idea!” Dean saw Cas’s sarcasm and raised him. 

 

“Always happy to help.” Cas grinned, squeezing Dean’s hand and he got the message. Cas would have his back, no matter what.

 

When they entered the library, Sam’s eyes lit up at seeing Cas.

 

“Dude! Long time no see!” Sam stood up and approached them.

 

“Hello, Sam.” Cas smiled at him, looking very happy to see him. “It’s good to see you again.”

 

When Sam pulled Cas into a hug, Dean was ready for the bitch face he was about to receive from Zeke over Cas’s shoulder. When it came, instead of pulling his usual helpless shrug, Dean said, “Yeah, Zeke. I brought Castiel here even though you told me you’d have to leave.”

 

When Cas pulled back to look at the angel he suddenly froze and stepped back. “You’re not Ezekiel. Who are you?”

 

Dean instinctively withdrew his angel blade. “What the fuck?”

 

“I always thought I knew every angel in Heaven, but I have never seen you before,” Cas stated coldly and Dean noticed he also had his angel blade at the ready.

 

‘Ezekiel’ looked uncomfortable, squinting his eyes at Cas before he looked at Dean. “I healed your brother. I didn’t harm you in anyway.”

 

“You lied. Why would you lie if you ain’t hidin’ something?” Dean never once lowered his blade.  _ Fuck!  _ Dean seriously was the official winner of the shittiest brother in the universe award. 

 

“I have my reasons. But I didn’t lie about your brother. I healed him, so will you let me go without a fight?” the angel asked carefully.

 

Dean’s hand wavered slightly. “You’ll leave without hurting him?”

 

“He is still not completely healed,” the angel replied in a serious tone. “But I have no intention of hurting him.” 

 

Dean lowered his weapon. “If you’re legit, if you’ve been helping us… why would you lie about who you are? Who the hell am I supposed to address the annual Christmas card to?”

 

The angel squinted his eyes at him. “You don’t need to send me a Christmas card.”

 

Cas rolled his eyes. “It’s an expression! Who are you?”

 

The angel shook his head. “I don’t want to tell you. You would just ... You wouldn’t understand. I’ll leave in peace. Just ... you need to heal him every day. It will take at least a few more days until Sam will be okay again.”

 

“Why us? Why did you choose to answer  _ my  _ prayer?” Dean demanded, but there was no real bite to it. 

 

“Because no one else did.” The angel looked uncomfortable. “And I needed a place to stay hidden from the other angels.”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. “But you showed up in a vessel, you already had your way to stay hidden.”

 

“You’re famous, though. And you’re protective of your brother. I figured I would be safer with you.” The angel took a step back and gave Dean a serious look. “So, will you let me go?”

 

Well, great. Now Dean felt guilty. He looked at Cas and sighed before he prayed,

 

_ We should invite him to stay, shouldn’t we? _

 

Cas didn’t look happy with his suggestion, slightly shaking his head before he whispered, “We still don’t know who he is.”

 

Dean took a deep breath and a tentative step forward. “Provided Sammy is cool with it after I tell him what I did, you can stay with us, help us… If you tell us who you are.”

 

“It’s a nice offer, Dean.” The angel shook his head and looked carefully at Cas. “But I can’t. It’s because of him.”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him. “Are you afraid I’ll kill you when I find out who you are, like the other angels, or are you afraid you won’t be safe here anymore because I’m back?”

 

“Both,” the angel admitted.

 

“Who  _ are  _ you?” Dean breathed out, brow furrowed as he took another step forward.

 

The angel retreated again, looking down before he shook his head. “I –If I tell you, can you promise you’ll keep your friend from attacking me?”

 

Dean turned to Cas and gave him a pleading look. “You gotta promise me, Cas.”

 

He could see Cas folding under his gaze as his boyfriend grumbled out a hesitant, “Alright. I promise.”

 

With a soft smile in Cas’s direction, Dean turned back to Mr. Unknown. “Alright. He won’t hurt you. You have my word.”

 

The angel was still hesitant, shooting anxious looks at Cas, before he finally said, “My name is Gadreel.”

 

It took a moment for Cas to react.  Dean could feel him tense up when he pressed out, “The sentry?”

 

“The hell does that mean? Do you know this guy, Cas?”

 

"That's why I've never seen him. He's been imprisoned since the dawn of time. Gadreel was the sentry who allowed Lucifer into the garden." Dean could practically feel the turning point in Cas's voice. He was about to snap in anger.

 

“Wait,” Dean said, shaking his head in confusion as everything started sinking in. “Like,  _ the  _ garden? Garden of Eden with Adam, and the apple, and everything?”

 

“It's his fault – all of it. The corruption of man, demons, hell. God left because of him. The archangels – the apocalypse. If he hadn't been so weak, none of it would have happened.” Cas took a step forward, white knuckling the grip on his blade. “You ruined the universe, you damn son of a bitch!”

 

Dean grabbed him by the shoulders. “Hey! Hey, you promised me.”

 

Cas instantly relaxed under his grip and even let himself get pulled back a little. “I know, I’m sorry, Dean. But he –”

 

“I know. But does any person in this room have the right to judge him? Like any of us didn’t believe some sleazy archangel’s word? And almost cause the end of the friggin’ world because of it?”

 

Cas looked down at the floor, clearly ashamed. “I’m sorry. You’re right, Dean.”

 

Dean turned back to Gadreel. “I don’t back down on my promises. If Sammy is okay with it, you’re welcome to stay with us. But I need to talk to him, so, uh… If you wouldn’t mind?”

 

Gadreel nodded tensely, his eyes still wary over Cas’s presence. “Thank you. Do you want me to leave his body now, or just talk to him?”

 

“No.” Dean sighed. “No, I need to stop making Sammy’s decisions for him. Just, uh, go into hiding for a minute. I want him to have the choice to do it or not.”

 

“Okay –Um, what the fuck?” Sam suddenly finished the sentence, looking totally confused. “Didn’t I just hug you, Cas? What’s going on?”

 

Dean moved to sit on the table and fixed Sam with an apologetic look. “I gotta talk to you, Sammy.”

 

Sam gave both Dean and Cas a suspicious look as he moved to sit down at the table. “Okay, spill. What did you do?”

 

With a deep exhale, Dean opened his palms, already in pre-surrender. “I never told you, but the trials messed you up bad, like… you were knockin’ at Death’s door level bad. But, uh… There was a way to save you, which seemed way less drastic than anything either of us have done before, so… I took it.”

 

Sam glared at him. “Dean, what did you do? Is it the reason for my weird blackouts?”

 

Cas sat down next to Dean and replied in a soothing voice, “Sam,  it’s nothing bad, okay? And this wouldn’t even be a problem if I had been with you at the time and capable of healing you.”

 

He’d never been more thankful for Cas than in that moment. Dean flashed him a grateful smile and took a steadying breath. “An angel could heal you from the inside, but you needed to say yes, and you were unconscious and… I got through to you, you were ready to die, but I wasn’t ready to let you go… I tricked you into saying yes to being a vessel for an angel.”

 

“You did  _ what?  _ You let an angel possess me?” Sam asked in shock and obvious anger before he stood up from the chair. “Wait! Am I  _ still  _ being possessed?”

 

Cas stood up to try and calm Sam down. “Sam, calm down, please and listen. Would you really have said no to me healing you if you had been conscious? Because that is basically the same thing.”

 

Damn, Dean really did love that dorky angel. Dean nodded and held his hands up. “Yes. He was ready to leave, but I wanted you to know. I didn’t want to take any more choices from you. Look. I’m a fucking dick. I’m selfish and willing to sacrifice just about anything to keep you by my side, in my life. Because… Fuck, Sammy. You’re all I’ve had most of my life. With the exception of Cas and Bobby. And we lost Bobby. Almost lost Cas a couple times. I couldn’t lose you. I’m sorry.”

 

Sam slowly sat down again. “Who’s possessing me? What happens if he leaves me?”

 

“His name is Gadreel and he said you still need some healing, but it isn’t anything Cas can’t take care of,  _ without  _ possession,” Dean reassured.

 

“Okay…” Sam breathed out. “I want him to go. What do I need to do?”

 

Suddenly Sam started to glow and he opened his mouth. Dean had to look away from the sudden brightness when the angel left Sam and disappeared through the walls of the bunker.

 

Dean swallowed dryly and looked at Sam, taking a hesitant step forward. “Sammy?”

 

Cas was instantly at Sam’s side, holding him up before his brother almost collapsed. Gadreel hadn’t been lying about the fact that Sam wasn’t quite all healed up. “Yeah, I’m good. Oh, man. That was… weird.”

 

“Do you need anything?” Dean asked, feeling too damn helpless. 

 

“Chair.” Sam groaned before Cas helped him sit down. Cas leaned against the table, pressing two fingers against Sam’s forehead. They started to glow and Sam looked a little better after that. Not as pale anymore. 

 

“It will still take time for me to heal the rest,” Cas explained tiredly.

 

Dean nodded and leaned against the table again. Letting out a sigh, Dean looked up at Sam. “Alright. Lemme have it.”

 

Sam shrugged and didn’t even look up at Dean. “What do you want me to say, Dean? You lied to me,  _ again. _ You said we would talk to one another. We promised each other to stop hiding shit from each other and you fucking did it again. I’m pissed, okay? I get why you did it, but you still lied to me for weeks. Is that why Cas left?”

 

Unable to maintain eye contact anymore, Dean nodded as he swallowed against the lump in his throat. “Yeah. I kicked him out because Ze – _ Gadreel  _ asked me to. He was scared that Cas would bring heat down on us, which would get him found out.”  _ Why the fuck was Cas in love with him again?  _

 

“You did  _ what?”  _ Sam yelled. “After everything he went through with that reaper and us searching for him to bring him home?”

 

Cas  looked incredibly uncomfortable. “It’s okay, Sam. He didn’t really kick me out. He just told Gadreel that. I was close by the bunker the whole time.” 

 

“I’m sorry,” Dean breathed out, unable to hold back the couple of tears that slipped through. He looked at Sam and then to Cas. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to both of you. I’m a fucking coward and I don’t expect you to forgive me, even though Cas has for some fucking reason.”

 

Cas walked around the table and wrapped his arms around Dean. “We’re good, Dean. We always will be.”

 

Sam sighed and shook his head. “I’ll need some time to wrap my head around this.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “What about this angel. Where did he go?”

 

Dean looked up and gave Cas a sad smile, before letting out another sigh. “Probably finding another vessel. I, uh… He’s the angel that let Lucifer into the garden and has been in Heaven’s lock up forever. It’s why… He lied to me about who he was. Because he was scared. Because he fucked up. So I said if you were okay with it, he could stay with us.” At this rate, Sam was probably going to kick Dean out over any angel anyway.

 

Sam stared at him. “Seriously? Do I have a say in that, too?”

 

“Yeah. I told you. I’m not taking decisions like this from you anymore. I’m trying to be better.”

 

Sam tapped on the surface of the table with his fingers. “I want to meet the guy. I, at least, want to thank him for saving my life.”

 

Dean nodded. “Done. I’ll, uh… I’ll invite him back.” He quickly sent a silent prayer to Gadreel and looked to Cas. Dean sighed and turned back to Sammy. “Got something else I need to tell you.”

 

Sam rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Dean? How much shit did you pull in the past few weeks?”

 

With a deep exhale, Dean stepped towards Cas, giving him a pointed look before grasping his hand and intertwining their fingers. He resolved himself to look up at Sam and said, “Cas is also my boyfriend and who I’ve been sneaking out to be with these past few weeks.”

 

Sam stared at him. “You’re kidding me.”

 

Cas shook his head and Sam’s chin dropped. “You were Dean’s hot, blue eyed thing? You two are together? Like a couple? How did that happen?”

 

“Cas threw himself at me,” he quipped, smirking at his boyfriend. 

 

Cas shrugged. “He let me.”

 

Sam still stared at them before he mumbled, “Fucking finally.”

 

Dean let out an awed chuckle and shook his head. “What do you mean, ‘finally’?”

 

Sam raised his eyebrow. “Oh, come on. The two of you killed me with your sexual tension and the constant eye-sex going on. It’s about time you finally got your head out of your ass.”

 

Had he gone completely insane? Did he live in a world where everything turned out okay? His brother was pissed at him, but okay and on the way to being completely healthy;  _ and _ was not only okay with him and Cas being a thing, but actually knew all along? And hold up! Dean didn’t even realize he had a thing for Cas until recently.

 

“How did …”  Dean shook his head. “ You know what? Doesn’t matter. At least you’re only pissed about one thing and it isn’t my choice in boyfriend.”

 

“Did you really think I would have been pissed about you and Cas being a couple? I’m happy for the both of you. I may be pissed at you at the moment, but this is some seriously great news. You both deserve some happiness and you couldn’t find someone better than Cas.”

 

“That’s for damn sure,” he murmured fondly and squeezed Cas’s hand. 

 

Cas smiled at him and squeezed back, tugging at it so they bumped their shoulders.

 

Sam chuckled, interrupting them as they started to get lost in each other’s eyes. “Yeah, that’s about as sweet as I can stomach right now. I need to go to bed. I’m freaking tired.”

 

“Okay, Sammy.” Dean looked down again, still feeling like a heel. 

 

Cas leaned over to him and whispered, “Help him to his room. I’ll wait for you in yours.”

 

Dean nodded and approached his brother. He gently grasped his elbow and started walking with him. “For what it's worth, I'm sorry I lied, but I'm not sorry you're here.”

 

“Yeah, I get it, Dean.” Sam sighed deeply, bracing his weight against Dean. “But this has to stop. Lying and asking for forgiveness afterwards. How am I supposed to trust you?”

 

“I know. And telling you to trust me is bullshit, too. But… Cas kind of showed me the repercussions of my bullshit and I  _ am _ sorry. And I'm not gonna promise I won't fuck up, but lying is off the table. I'm not gonna lose you, or Cas, because of my own fucked up sense of priorities.”

 

“Hallelujah,” Sam replied dryly when Dean lowered him onto his bed. His brother took in a deep breath. “I’m glad you have Cas, Dean. Seriously. Be good to him.”

 

“I intend to,” he murmured and nodded. 

 

“Good. Because this is how you start. This isn’t going to get better between us as long as you think you don’t deserve anything good. As long as you put other people over your life and make decisions for me because you feel responsible for me. You have your own life. I have mine. And Cas has his. We all make decisions and are responsible for them on our own. If you really want my forgiveness, I want you to start thinking of your own happiness, learn to be selfish in a way that you can enjoy having someone in your life that you love and that loves you. Believe in this and respect the choices that have led you there.” Sam punched his pillow a few times to get into a cozier position on his bed. “Go to him. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

 

Dean nodded, at a complete loss for words. “Get some rest,” was all he managed to say. 

 

Killing the lights as he left Sam’s room, Dean made the small trek to his own room, letting out a relieved sigh as he opened the door. 

 

Cas was lying on his bed in just his boxer shorts. He was on his stomach reading a book. The beautiful, still unfinished tattoo more prominent in the orange, warm light from the night lamp.

 

“How the fuck did I get so lucky?” Dean murmured fondly as he moved to sit on the bed beside Cas, trailing his fingers along his side.

 

Cas hummed, pressing his face against his elbow after he put the book aside. “How are you?” His voice sounded muffled against his arm.

 

Dean smiled and crawled onto the bed, draping himself half over Cas as he tried to nudge his face into the same space Cas pressed his own. “Weirdly content,” he answered. 

 

Cas partially moved to his side and wrapped his arm around him, looking at him with a soft smile. “You and Sam are going to be okay.”

 

“I hope so. He’s pretty pissed.” Dean hummed thoughtfully and then his eyes widened with realization. “How on board are you with manipulating him into forgiving me?”

 

“On a scale from zero to ten?” Cas asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

Dean smirked. “Maybe a seven?”

 

“Minus five.” Cas braced his head against his palm. “He will forgive you at his own speed. You should let him.”

 

Dean sighed and moved to lay on his back, looking up at Cas with his best go at Sam’s puppy dog look. “But what I want to do isn’t  _ that  _ bad.”

 

“Okay, tell me. What’s your plan?” Cas absentmindedly let his fingers trail over Dean’s arm and chest.

 

“How would you feel about opening up our home to a single mother and her five children?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him. “Are you talking about the demon cat and her spawn?”

 

Dean grinned broadly. “Just think of it: Winchester Home for Lost Angels and Cats. We could look into getting a business license and everything.”

 

“How does that correlate to Sam?” Cas asked, obviously ignoring what Dean had said.

 

“You kiddin’ me? Sam wouldn’t stand a chance against those friggin’ adorable kittens. And maybe he’d forget how pissed he is at me.”

 

“So you want them here as a distraction for Sam and not a means of hiring the demon cat to murder me in my sleep?” Suddenly Cas’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “I got my grace back. She won't attack me anymore.”

 

Dean chuckled. “Do we know for certain cats aren’t natural born enemies to angels?”

 

“All animals instinctively recognize an angel. She won't attack me,” Cas said in a confident tone of voice.

 

“So, is that a yes?”

 

“Yes," Cas replied with a soft smile. "I also miss Ieiazel. She was pretty nice."

 

Dean shook his head in amusement. What a weird name for a cat. He moved to straddle Cas’s hips, pressing him into the mattress as he leaned over, planting kiss after kiss to every part of Cas’s face he could reach.

 

A soft moan fell from Cas’s lips and Dean could feel him getting hard. Only then he realized that he had been worried about whether Cas would still be receptive to this sort of affection now that he was an angel again. 

 

“I love the sounds you make,” he growled into Cas’s ear before sucking the skin of his pulse point between his teeth. Marking Cas, feeling weirdly possessive in that moment.

 

Cas arched up against him, his breathing hitched as he rocked his hips. “Dean… Please.”

 

“Please what?” Dean drew back slightly, pleased to see lust blown pupils staring up at him. Castiel was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. It was breathtaking.

 

“Please, fuck me, Dean.” Cas sounded needy, his face flushed with want. “I’ve wanted this for so long. You taking me on your bed.”

 

Dean nodded as he moved to sit up on his knees, frantically ripping his shirt off of his frame, tossing it to the floor. 

 

And then they were suddenly naked from one second to the next. Before Dean could ask, Cas just shrugged. “I was impatient.”

 

“Can you do that to prep yourself, too?” Dean asked, tone slightly awed. Hell, if they weren’t going to mess around with getting undressed, why friggin’ bother with anything else that could hinder him fucking his boyfriend’s brains out?

 

Cas nodded quickly. “You can just fuck me, I have complete control over this body’s muscles and I won’t feel any pain. But maybe you still want to make your cock wet. It’s probably more comfortable for you that way.”

 

Dean furrowed his brow. “If you won’t feel pain, then how do you feel pleasure?”

 

"Full control over my body," Cas panted heavily, biting his lower lip as he rocked his erection against Dean. "That includes control over my nociceptors, uh, uh, as well as the reception of pleasure."

 

That was all Dean needed to hear. Leaning over to grab the bottle of Astroglide from the drawer, he coated his cock before guiding it to Cas’s entrance. “You swear this won’t hurt you?”

 

Cas gave him a pointed look, but his voice sounded beautifully desperate, “Do I really need to remind you that you stabbed and shot me the first time you saw me in my vessel? Please, Dean. Fuck me. I need you.” 

 

Dean chuckled as he slammed in to the hilt, instantly shutting Cas up by causing him to gasp. He kept his hips still for a moment as he adjusted his position, his weight now braced on his hands, that were on either side of Cas’s chest. The heat, the tightness, it was fucking glorious. When he slowly started to move, the friction was intense. “Oh, fuck, Cas.”

 

Cas was breathing hard, looking up at Dean, his lips hanging open. “Oh, fuck… feels incredible. Dean...” Dean could see the muscles in Cas’ arms tense as he braced himself against the bed’s headboard.

 

“Goddamn, baby,” he growled out as he picked up the pace. Fucking into Cas with the sort of abandon he had grown to friggin’ love. If things didn’t work out with Cas, Dean was ruined for all other people and sex. “Fuck, you’re so amazing…”

 

Suddenly Cas smiled brightly at Dean, his hand slid up to his shoulder, palm resting on the place that held Cas’s handprint in the past. “I can hear your prayers again. I missed them so much.”

 

Dean shook his head, not once breaking rhythm as he growled out, “What prayers? I’m not praying.”

 

“Subconscious longing counts as prayer. Uh, fuck, yes, Dean. Every time you think of me,” Cas moaned out, pressing his head against Dean’s pillow as he spread his legs further apart so Dean could fuck him deeper.

 

“So…” Dean licked his lips as he started fucking into Cas a little harder. “When I think of how good you feel, your tight hole clenching around my throbbing cock… What do you hear? Feel?” 

 

“You,” Cas breathed out. “Like you’re filling my body and my mind. Like you’re everywhere in me. Taking me.” Cas arched his body against him. “Kiss me, Dean.”

 

Dean captured his boyfriend’s lips in a surprisingly gentle kiss, considering the way he was fucking into him. There was this intense tingling. Dean had no idea if it was because of Cas’s grace, static electricity, or what. But Dean liked it.

 

And suddenly he got hit by an overwhelming wave of pleasure. A feeling of being filled, of being complete in every way possible. And it wasn’t coming from his own body. He somehow knew it was coming from Cas. His shoulder was getting warmer at the place Cas had braced his hand and he could see a faint glow in the corner of his eyes. They shared a connection, a link, that made him feel so much of Cas. From his true self, his warmth, his love, his devotion.

 

And he could no longer hold back as he succumbed to his orgasm, crying out Cas’s name as he shuddered and he felt the shockwaves in him and around him. It was awesome. 

 

He could feel that Cas was right there with him, which only made it so much more incredible.

 

“I swear I’m gonna come again, Cas, you need to let go already,” he groaned out as he shuddered against him. Diving in for another kiss. 

 

Cas slid his hand from his shoulder, moaning into the kiss as the connection slowly ebbed away. Dean’s breathing stopped for a moment when he looked at his angel. Red, wet lips, hanging open, flushed cheeks and his hair – well, its usual mess – blue eyes glazed over in bliss and happiness. Dean’s eyes wandered over his torso, his tattoos, the splatters of come decorating his skin, his beautiful hipbones, cock lying spent against his stomach, but still half hard. He was pretty sure he could fall in love with Cas all over again in that moment.

 

“Dean?” Cas breathed out. “Are you okay?”

 

Dean shook his head in amazement. “How the fuck did I get so lucky?” he repeated.

 

Cas tilted his head and smiled up at him. “My theory is because you earned it.”

 

While that was probably the farthest thing from the truth, Dean couldn’t bring himself to give a fuck either way. He had an awesome angel boyfriend, a brother who was miraculously still on speaking terms with him, and for the most part, shit seemed to be going right for them. Dean wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

 

Crawling over Cas, nuzzling his nose against his cheek, Dean murmured, “Stay?”

 

“Of course. Always.” Cas chuckled lowly, like what Dean was doing was tickling him.

 

Dean drew back. “Are you still ticklish?”

 

“I could also sleep,” Cas admitted with a shrug. “Healing Sam has really powered me down.”

 

“So, you’re like angel light? I Can’t Believe It’s Not Humanity?” Dean teased, waggling his eyebrows.

 

Cas frowned at him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

Dean chuckled. “Sorry. Post orgasm goofiness is one of the many things you have to put up with now.”

 

“I can live with that.” Cas pulled him close into his arms and peppered soft kisses over Dean’s cheek before he mumbled, “Oh, fuck. I’m tired.” It was nice to hear that, even though Cas was angel-ed up again, he had kept his new found human vocabulary.

 

“Say it again,” Dean hummed contentedly as he carded his hand through Cas’s hair.

 

Cas gave him a dopey grin before he repeated tiredly, “Oh, fuck. I’m tired.” He leaned over to kiss him. “And I love you, Dean.”

 

Dean curled into Cas and hummed, “Olive juice you, too.”

 

Cas pulled him closer, murmuring, “I know, idiot.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas had to revise the theory that cats would automatically respect him when they recognized him as an angel. The demon cat wasn’t impressed. Not in the slightest. And she thanked him for moving her and the kittens with an angry hiss and scratches right across his face.

 

Instead of being a help, or even a comfort in the situation, Dean couldn’t stop laughing. At least Ieiazel still loved him, maybe even more so. He wasn’t sure. 

 

Dean had been right about Sam. Sam adored the cats, and all of the cats, without an exception, adored Sam. Even the demon cat.

 

Dean had carried the cats in in the box he brought them to the loft, the kittens all meowing and scratching at the cardboard. Sam and Kevin were standing over it, cooing and making awed sounds at them.

 

“What are their names?” Kevin asked.

 

“That one, the black one, is Aziz Ansari or something weird that Cas came up with,” Dean said as he rested the box on a table in the library. 

 

“Ieiazel,” Cas corrected with an eyeroll.

 

Dean snapped his fingers. “Yeah. That. And these furballs are Larry, Curly, Moe, and Shemp. And Momma is D.C.”

 

Sam had an amused, yet slightly baffled expression on his face. “D.C.?”

 

“Short for demon cat. Cas’s loving pet name for her.” Dean winked at Cas. 

 

“Loving?” Cas asked skeptically. They had very different definitions of ‘loving’.

 

It was frustrating how nobody understood his pain. When Gadreel arrived to the bunker a few days later, he had hoped the demon cat would hate him, too. Logic would suggest because Gadreel was an angel, that the demon cat would scratch him as soon as he walked through the bunker’s door. But she purred and brushed against Gadreel’s legs instead, wanting to get petted.

 

Cas hated his life. 

 

He sat down at the library table and pouted, wondering what he did wrong while he softly scratched Ieiazel’s head.

 

Ieiazel startled when Dean plopped down on the chair next to Cas with a loud sigh. “D.C. will  _ not  _ stop meowing to go into Gadreel’s room. I’m convinced she’s in love with him.”

 

Cas gave Dean an unamused stare. "So, it's just me she hates?"

 

Dean was clearly trying very hard not to laugh. “Apparently?” He lasted about half a second before he started laughing, causing poor Ieiazel to startle again. Dean reached over and pet her head. “Sorry Z. Didn’t mean to scare ya’.”

 

“At least  _ I-ei-a-zel _ ,” Cas intonated slowly, “loves me.”

 

“See? No need to get jealous! You have the love of an awkwardly named cat. You’re not completely hopeless.” Dean winked at him. 

 

“It’s a beautiful name for a very beautiful cat,” Cas glared at him before he pouted again and mumbled, “I thought you loved me, too.” 

 

Dean pulled him in for a kiss. “I do, you big baby. I love you and Liza.”

 

“Who the fuck is Liza?” Cas asked in shock.

 

“Her,” he said as he pointed to Ieiazel. 

 

Cas just stared at him. “You will not call her Liza. If you want to nickname her so badly, then call her Zel. Or Azel. But not Liza.”

 

“How about Zsa Zsa?” he challenged with a smirk.

 

Ieiazel hissed at Dean and Cas couldn't help but smirk. "I guess there's your answer." 

 

Dean chuckled and shrugged in surrender. “Fine. Zel it is.” He nudged Cas’s cheek with his nose. “Baby,” he whined.

 

Cas smiled softly when he recognized the desperation in Dean’s whine. “Yes, Dean?”

 

He grabbed Cas’s hand and pressed it against his jeans covered erection. “I want you.”

 

Cas gave him an innocent look. “Oh?” He rubbed playfully over Dean’s groin area, stroking his erection over the jeans. “Maybe you should kidnap me. Your room?”

 

Dean waggled his eyebrows mischievously. Which meant he was feeling adventurous. “Let’s go to the telescope room.”

 

“Does it count as a room if it doesn’t have a door?” Cas asked curiously.

 

“Are you trying to argue semantics with me right now? Come on,” he murmured fondly as he stood up, grabbing Cas by the wrist as he started dragging him in that direction.

 

Cas followed with a grin, biting his lower lip as he gave Dean a seductive look. "You want me to blow you?"

 

Dean barked out a laugh. “For starters.” When they reached the telescope ‘room’, Dean grabbed Cas and lifted him onto one of the counters before diving in for an ardent kiss. 

 

Cas crossed his legs around Dean’s waist and pulled him closer, practically melting into the kiss. Dean always kissed with everything he had and he loved it, couldn’t get enough of it. 

 

As he tugged at Cas’s tie, he growled out, “Come on, Cas. Naked time.”

 

For a moment, Cas thought of using his grace to get rid of their clothes, but he also liked the way Dean undressed him. The quick, desperate fumbling to get where they wanted, to feel each other’s skin under eager fingertips. It was exhilarating. So he let Dean pull off his tie and open the buttons of his shirt as Cas’s fingers went directly for Dean’s jeans, opening the belt and the buttons before he roughly pulled them down along with Dean’s underwear. Just enough to free Dean’s erection and to stroke over it unimpededly. “Fuck, I love your cock.”

 

He knew Dean loved it when he said stuff like that.

 

Cas was rewarded with an appreciative groan. “Yeah, baby. Unleash that filthy mouth,” he murmured as he lifted Cas’s hips to yank his pants down to his knees, before proceeding to take them off. 

 

Cas arched his hips against Dean, already desperate for some friction. “Dean… Tell me what you want.”

 

Dean pulled Cas’s hips forward, causing him to almost dangle in the open space. He pulled out a small lube packet from the pocket of his flannel shirt and smirked. “I’m gonna fuck you until the only word you know is my name.”

 

Cas canted his ass up for Dean in a desperate motion before he grabbed the package of lube from his hands and ripped it open. He spread all of it over Dean’s erection, stroking it with a whimper because he couldn’t wait to have Dean inside of him. “Dean, please.”

 

Without hesitation, Dean plunged forward, bottoming out in one quick thrust. Dean gasped out at the sensation. “Holy fuck.”

 

Cas wrapped his arms and legs around him, pulling Dean as close as possible, moaning over how huge Dean felt in him. He purposely let himself feel the burn and stretch. He kissed Dean, right under his ear, whispering, “Dean, please fuck me hard. Make me feel you.”

 

The groan that escaped his boyfriend was animalistic as he held Cas’s hips and started a brutal pace, the sound of skin viciously slapping against skin echoing in the practically barren room.

 

“Dean, oh, fuck yes,” Cas moaned, his head thrown back as he pressed his eyes shut with the delicious pain he let himself feel, mixed with incredible pleasure. “Fuck, you feel… so good.” 

 

“Cas, fuck… I’m not gonna…” Dean’s breathing came out in ragged pants between moans as he somehow managed to fuck into him even faster as he leaned forward and captured Cas’s lips in a desperate kiss.

 

Cas bit Dean’s lip before he growled, “Fill me, Dean, fill me with your come.” He knew the only reason he hadn’t come yet from the constant pressure on his prostate was because he cheated and used his grace to stop himself from coming. He would let go as soon as Dean finished coming inside of him.

 

“Castiel!” Dean cried out as his hips stilled and his cock spasmed inside of Cas.

 

Cas could  _ feel  _ Dean coming deep inside of him and he gasped out, cutting the control his grace had over his body to let his orgasm finally hit him, his ass clenching around Dean's cock, making him even more aware of how much Dean was filling him. "Fuck, yes, Dean! Uh, Dean!"

 

As they both came down from their proverbial highs, Dean let out a shaky chuckle. “When I think of all the years we could’ve been doin’ this…”

 

Cas shook his head and laughed. “Don’t think like that. We have the rest of our lives to make up for it.”

 

“You know,  _ usually,  _ I would have to pay good money to see a show like that.”

 

“Son of a bitch!” Dean cursed as he flipped around, yanking his pants up.

 

How they missed Crowley chained to a chair in the far corner of the library, Cas would never understand. He felt incredibly embarrassed the demon had seen him like that. So embarrassed that he hid his face against Dean's shoulder and murmured, "Fuck."

 

“Oh, Cas. Don’t be bashful. You were captivating.”

 

“I’m gonna kill him,” Dean growled as he grabbed Cas’s clothes and gently braced them over Cas to cover him, turning to go straight for the demon.

 

Cas didn’t think he could love Dean any more in that moment. 

 

And,  _ of course  _ Sam had to walk in in that moment. His eyes widened when he saw Dean dart for Crowley, angel blade in hand. “Whoa, whoa, Dean! Hey, man! We need him!”

 

Sam managed to catch up to his brother and yank him back before the blade was plunged right in Crowley’s face. Cas was pleased to note the demon seemed to look genuinely concerned for a fraction of a second.

 

“If you won’t let me kill him, let me at least hurt him,” Dean implored as he struggled against Sam’s hold. 

 

“Dude, why?”

 

Dean halted then, cheeks reddening as he rubbed the back of his neck and ducked his brother’s gaze. He stammered slightly and then suddenly became mute.

 

Of course Crowley couldn't keep his mouth shut as he said in a chipper tone, "Because he and his angel sex toy turned my evening program from reading a boring old book into racy gay porn."

 

Cas was clothed again as he joined Dean's side, glaring at Crowley. "I will end you, demon."

 

Sam let out an exasperated sigh. “Seriously, guys? Again? You both have a bedroom!”

 

Dean folded his arms over his chest defiantly. “Don’t judge us. Explain why the fuck Crowley is in the goddamn library instead of the dungeon!”

 

“Don’t judge –dude! I  _ read  _ at those tables!” Sam exclaimed, shaking his long hair before he continued, “You both have a perfectly adequate room to do whatever you want to do. And Crowley is helping us with the translation of the tablet. It’s easier in the library.”

 

“It was a nice distraction though. Castiel, I didn’t know you were such a good taker?” Crowley chuckled.

 

Dean started struggling against Sam again as he reached for Crowley. “If you say one more fucking thing!” 

 

Crowley pursed his lips and batted his eyelashes before he grinned. “Oh, Dean, fuck yes?”

 

“Sammy,” he growled in a warning tone. 

 

Sam hit Crowley upside the back of his head. “You wanna go back to the dungeon?”

 

Crowley sighed and tilted his head. “I apologize. It’s actually nice to see you two finally together. It was about time. Seeing how long Castiel was pining for you. So annoying.”

 

While Dean’s shoulders sagged slightly, his expression was still irate. “Apologize to Cas, too.”

 

“Sorry, Cas.” Crowley smiled falsely and Cas just wanted to smite him into oblivion. Although he knew the ex king of Hell was probably right. When he critically thought about his past, he knew he had  –  maybe on some level  –  pined for Dean.

 

Dean exhaled slowly and turned to Sam. “Just gotta ask. Did it ever occur to you to let me or Cas know about Crowley’s move?”

 

Sam stared at him like he had lost his mind. “I _ did _ tell you, Dean. At dinner, yesterday. You remember the dinner where you couldn’t stop making heart eyes at Cas?”

 

“Dude, how many times do I gotta tell you? If I’m staring at Cas, I’m not paying a goddamn bit of attention to you.”

 

“You always stare at Cas when he’s in the room, Dean!” Sam yelled in frustration.

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Fine! I’ll make him wear a paper bag over his head or something when you have important shit to tell me!”

 

“What?” Cas asked him with a puppy eyed look. 

 

At that Dean approached and grasped his hand. “Babe, you gotta realize when I’m  _ clearly  _ lying to get Sam off my back.”

 

Sam threw his hands up in the air. “You two are gross.”

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion and looked down at himself, without being able to spot anything gross. He looked back up at Dean. “We could go back to your room?”

 

Dean turned to Crowley in that moment and just as the demon had opened his mouth, Dean barked, “Don’t!” He returned his attention to Cas and smiled. “Okay.”

 

Cas returned the smile, in that moment the rest of the world blurred into non existence. He cupped Dean’s cheek as he got lost in those beautiful green eyes.

 

The moment was disturbed by Sam shouting, “Fucking leave already!”

 

And Crowley groaning a pained, “Ugh, just hand me the bloody blade, I’ll kill  _ myself.” _

 

**…. :::: :::: …..**

 

“It’s done, baby.” Jerry tapped his shoulder and shut off his tattoo gun.

 

It was a whole lot easier to get tattooed as an angel. No pain anymore and paying the rest of the money wasn’t a problem either.

 

“Damn, Jerry. It’s fucking amazing,” Dean breathed out in awe.

 

Jerry chuckled and moved aside for Cas to stand up. “Yeah, if you came to me for work other than your stupid hunter shit, you’d know that.”

 

Cas looked over his shoulder and into the mirror. His breath kind of got stuck in his throat. It really looked incredible. “Jerry, you’re an incredible artist.”

 

“Thanks, sweetheart. So it's what you wanted?” he asked as he started cleaning the station.

 

“It surpassed my expectations. And they were pretty high to begin with. Thank you, Jerry. They look incredible.” Cas still felt in awe over the detail and how much they looked like his real wings.

 

Jerry smiled. “Good. Get your sweet ass over here so I can put some bactine on it and wrap you up.”

 

Dean sighed. “Can you at least  _ try _ to not hit on my boyfriend while I'm standing right here?”

 

“I could try, but what would be the fun in that?” Jerry smirked at him. “Plus, I still hope he’ll dump your sorry ass.”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at Jerry and folded his arms over his chest. He turned to Cas then. “If you leave me for Jerry, I’m putting D.C. and all of her anti-Cas friends in your room and locking you in it.”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow at Dean. “You really think threatening me with a painful death is the reason I choose to stay with you?”

 

“Well, I’m sure it helps.” Dean winked at him.

 

Cas gave him a soft smile before he leaned over and kissed him gently. “And completely unnecessary. You’re stuck with me.”

 

“Damn, you’re lucky, Dean. You seriously won the jackpot with this angel.” Jerry grinned and waved Cas over to him before he took care of his back.

 

As Jerry carefully wrapped cellophane over the areas his tattoo reached, Cas couldn’t take his eyes off of Dean’s face as the hunter said, “I really did.”

 

Cas thought he couldn’t blush anymore as an angel. Boy had he been wrong.

 

“You two are disgustingly cute. But I’m really happy for you,” Jerry said with a chuckle. “Even if it’s my loss.”

 

After he was finished, Dean helped Cas gently pull his shirt back on. Pressing a quick kiss to his lips before casting a genuine smile in Jerry’s direction. “Thanks for everything, Jerry.”

 

“You’re welcome. If you think about more additions to this, text me. I bet Dean agrees with me that you look damn fine with tattoos.” Jerry leaned forward on his counter. “I’m not just saying that because I get paid for doing them.”

 

Dean nodded. “I’m actually kind of surprised how hot it is.”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him. “Thanks, Dean.” 

 

He startled a little when Jerry put his arm around him and growled, “You can still dump him, sexy.”

 

Neither of them were prepared for how fast Dean whipped out his gun and aimed it at Jerry’s groin. “We owe you a lot, but I'm not above shooting your anaconda dick off if you touch my boyfriend again.”

 

Jerry held up his hands in a defensive gesture. “Alright, alright, chill, Winchester. Just saying, take good care of him.”

 

Cas gave Jerry a smug grin. “I think he just proved that he does.”

 

Dean grinned and tucked his gun away before reaching his hand out to Cas. “Let's get you home.”

 

“You want to kiss the pain away?” Like hell would he tell Dean that it didn’t hurt in the slightest.

 

“Anything you want, baby.”

 

Cas was about to answer when Jerry quipped, “If you’re ever interested in a threesome, you have my number.”

 

Dean gave Cas a pointed look. “Don’t even think about it. I don’t share.”

 

**…. :::: :::: …..**

 

Cas was sitting alone in the library reading a book about the unbearable lightness of being, which didn’t seem to be about angel lore like he had assumed from the title. He was actually bored and that had never happened before.

 

Dean wasn’t there because he was accompanying Kevin somewhere. Crowley was –no. He wasn’t bored enough to socialize with him, and Gadreel was out somewhere, doing who knows what. 

 

Although Gadreel had turned out to be a decent angel, Cas still didn’t talk much to him. He reminded him too much of his old self, and that kind of felt strange in a way he didn’t want to think about.

 

The only other person left in the bunker was Sam, who suddenly sat across from him when Cas looked up from his book, steepling his fingers like the ugly yellow cartoon character from a show Dean liked to watch sometimes.

 

“Hello, Sam,” he greeted the younger Winchester hesitantly.

 

Sam smirked triumphantly. “Hey, Cas. You know where Dean is?”

 

“He is out with Kevin.” Cas put down the book and folded his hands over it. “Why?”

 

“No reason,” he said with a light hearted chuckle, the smirk still firmly in place.

 

“You’re lying,” Cas stated dryly, squinting his eyes at Sam. “You are up to something.”

 

Sam laughed and nodded. “Come on. I’m dying to show someone.” He moved to stand and nodded for Cas to follow.

 

Cas followed Sam with a weird feeling in his stomach. It was like the gleeful excitement of the younger Winchester was somehow contagious.

 

He followed Sam into the kitchen. There were seven pies laid out on the counter and Sam’s expression grew exponentially more mischievous. He pointed to them and said, “Notice what’s in them?”

 

Cas frowned and shook his head. “You made seven pies? For Dean?”

 

Sam barked out a laugh. “Can’t you use your mojo to see what’s in them?”

 

“No, what’s in them?” Cas tilted his head.

 

“Nothing.” Sam chuckled and pushed one of the plates closer to Cas, gently pushing his pinky finger into the slot, pulling it out clean. “Dean’s gonna come home, get all excited, and there’s not going to be any  _ actual  _ pie. Just crusts.”

 

Cas’s eyes widened. “That’s evil, Sam.” And then he couldn’t stop grinning when he imagined Dean’s face. “Why do I find this amusing?”

 

Sam reciprocated the smile. “Because it is! Dean and I used to prank each other all the time. We haven’t… Man, for a long time.” He nodded to Cas. “You wanna help?”

 

Cas nodded with a smile. “Yes, sure. What do you need me to do?”

 

He walked over to the hutch and pulled out a notepad. Bringing it to Cas, he smirked as he handed him a pen. “Write Dean a note saying you made him the pies, or something.”

 

Cas suddenly hesitated as he took the paper and the pen. “Won’t he get angry with me?” 

 

Sam nodded. “Oh, yeah. It’ll be hilarious. He’ll be pissed. Especially when he finds you helped me.”

 

Cas bit his lower lip, but decided then that Dean’s face was probably worth getting killed for. He put the note on the table and scribbled a bee and a heart on the note before he wrote.

 

_ I made you some pie. ~ Castiel _

 

Sam laughed again and looped his arm over Cas’s shoulder. “Now all we gotta do is wait for him to get home.”

 

“I should probably write my will,” Cas replied dryly as he gave Sam a lopsided grin.

 

“Cas…” Sam started but couldn’t hold back his chuckle. “You kinda need to have stuff to write a will.” 

 

“I have an angel blade.” Cas shrugged before he smiled. “Are there more… ‘pranks’ that we could do? Maybe on Kevin? Or even better, Crowley?”

 

Sam’s eyes lit up. “Let’s hit the library and plot stuff out.”

 

“Can we put holy water in his whiskey?” Cas smirked as he imagined Crowley drinking it.

 

“Good one! Or draw a devil’s trap on the bottom of the glass so he can’t let go of it?”

 

Cas’s eyes widened. “That’s a perfect idea! Can we also draw one under every library chair?”

 

Sam clapped Cas’s shoulder. “Hell yes. Alright,” he said as he sat down at a table. “How can we mess with Kevin?”

 

Cas rubbed his chin, trying to come up with something. Kevin wasn’t easy. “We could switch out his coffee for coffee without caffeine.”

 

Sam’s expression was slightly unreadable as he just stared at Cas. He slowly shook his head and sat back in his chair. “Cas, I do believe this is the beginning of a beautiful prank war.”

 

Cas nodded and gave Sam a grateful look. “Thank you for letting me take part in this.”

 

“Thanks for being my backup.” Sam smiled and leaned forward. “Thanks for always being there for Dean.”

 

“It’s my pleasure, Sam. I love Dean. More than anything.” He looked over to the pies. “I hope he still remembers that he loves me when he finds out about the empty pies.”

 

“The guy is stupid over you. He’ll probably be mad for five seconds and then he’ll cave the second you bat your lashes at him.” Sam chuckled and looked down with a smile. “I’ve never seen him like that.”

 

“I’m glad I make him happy.” Cas looked away for a moment. “He deserves it.”

 

“You’re more than that, Cas. You gave him the ability to see that he deserves it. And that’s kind of amazing, dude.” Sam moved to stand. “Couldn’t ask for a better brother-in-law.”

 

“Thank you, Sam.” Cas felt incredibly happy with Sam’s words. “That means a lot to me.”

 

He was completely surprised when he was suddenly enveloped in huge arms and pressed to Sam’s body. “This is where you hug back, Cas,” Sam murmured through a chuckle.

 

“Oh, um, sorry,” Cas apologized as he hesitantly wrapped his arms around Sam. He couldn’t stop smiling.

 

After everything that had happened in the past few years, he had never thought he would get to this place in his life. Being happy, having a family, loving someone and being loved in return. Participating in a prank war.

 

And now he couldn’t wait for Dean to come back.

 

Sam drew back and clapped his shoulder again. “Alright, I’m gonna switch out all of Kevin’s coffee, do you want to get started on the devil’s traps?”

 

“With pleasure.” Cas smiled and turned around. “Where is the chalk?”

 

**…. :::: :::: …..**

 

Dean and Kevin had checked out a possible lead on Metatron, that turned out to be nothing. He hadn’t meant to not include Cas or Sam, but they weren’t there when he found the article. Since it was just Kevin, he got dragged into checking it out. 

 

There had been a weird death the next county over, but when they reached the police station, the autopsy report had come back with confirmation of a weird disease, ruling out foul play.

 

When they finally got home, Kevin was still grumbling his annoyance about Dean’s overreaction. They reached the kitchen and took a grateful step away from each other. Kevin went straight for the coffee pot, while Dean thought his heart might have stopped. There were a fuck ton of pies on the counter.

 

Dean walked as if in a trance towards them. There was a note under the closest pie. He pulled it out and read it, unable to stop the chuckle that escaped.  _ Damn.  _ He really loved that angel. 

 

Sam and Cas walked into the kitchen in that moment. Cas looked a bit tense. “You’re back,” he stated the obvious.

 

“Yeah, baby. Thank you for this,” he murmured fondly as he pulled him in for a kiss. “Don’t know how I deserve you.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, not looking at Dean. "Yeah, well, enjoy." Cas cleared his throat. "Sam helped me."

 

Dean couldn’t help but smile at that. Things weren’t always going to be great – and Dean still had a long way to go before Sam  _ really  _ forgave him – but maybe this was a step in the right direction. “Thanks, Sammy.” Dean grabbed a knife from the drawer and pulled over the first pie. He slipped the knife in, which caused the crust to collapse in the empty tin.

 

At the snickering coming from Sam and Cas, Dean let out a scoff. He poked his finger in the crust of the second closest pie. Same deal. He looked up at them and shook his head. “Are they all empty?” 

 

Cas shrugged and shot Sam a questioning look. Of course this had been Sammy’s idea.

 

Dean tongued the inside of his bottom lip. “Did you both really just declare a prank war on me?”

 

Cas looked hesitant. “Um, no. Is it too late to say I’m sorry and please don’t kill me?”

 

The way Cas winced when Dean cracked his knuckles was perfect. Dean chuckled and folded his arms over his chest. “Way too late.”

 

“Can I bribe you into having mercy?” Cas asked hopefully.

 

“Oh, not even a little bit. You started a war, you gotta see it through to the end.”

 

Cas tried batting his eyelashes and gave him his best ‘puppy eye’ look.

 

Dean chuckled. Apparently, his boyfriend and his brother were a bad team. He found he kind of loved it. “Nice try.”

 

Cas turned around to Sam, giving him an incredulous look. “You said it would work!”

 

“I said it  _ might  _ work!” Sam defended. 

 

He loved those two dorks. “Don’t worry, I’ll still punish him more than you,” Dean murmured and pulled Cas in for another kiss.

 

Cas’s breathing hitched and he instantly deepened the kiss before he pulled back and bit his lower lip. “Do you want to punish me in our bedroom?”

 

“I like the way you think,” Dean said with a soft groan of appreciation. 

 

“Ew, seriously, guys. Not in front of my salad,” Sam complained while eating a bowl of salad.  _ Where did that even come from? _

 

Dean shook his head and looked at Cas fondly. “Pranks? Really?”

 

“Sam sold the idea very well.” Cas shrugged, looking apologetic. He leaned forward and whispered into Dean’s ear, “You should see what we have planned for Crowley.”

 

How the hell could he even pretend to be mad anymore? Dean chuckled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Can’t wait to see.”

 

Cas gave him a cute little smirk as he leaned forward. “Can you ask Crowley to drink something in the library and sit down?”

 

Dean couldn’t help the way his lips curled up in a knowing smirk. Not that he knew what Sam and Cas had planned, but knowing that Sammy was a) in a pranking mood and b) had wrangled his boyfriend into his plans, was satisfying in a way he never thought imaginable. 

 

It was weird, since Crowley had slowly been welcomed into the library to help with research, they actually gave him his own room in the bunker. It was sparsely decorated, they kept the cuffs and collar on him that kept his powers on lockdown, and the devil’s traps throughout the bunker insured he wouldn’t be able to escape, but considering how much help he had been, they’d all agreed to treat him a little better, provided Kevin was okay with it.

 

They had been surprised that Kevin had been, considering he was still pissed at Crowley for killing his Mom. And strangely enough, Crowley had been so touched by the gesture, he confessed that Linda was alive and being kept in one of his many “safe” houses. They had picked her up and freed the rest of the people holed up in the storage facility they were being kept shortly after. 

 

So, over the course of the past few weeks, the bunker had become a group home for wayward folk. From demons, to angels, to mothers of kids in advanced placement. It was a come one-come all situation. But that meant there was always the comfort of noise at any point in the bunker. It was a nice change.

 

Dean kissed Cas’s cheek and left the kitchen to growled and annoyed complaints from Kevin about his coffee tasting different, which was underlined by Cas trying to hide a snicker into his hand. Sammy needed to work with him on his poker face, which was terrible.

 

He made his way to the bedrooms and knocked on Crowley’s door. Dean barked, “Yo! We need you in the library!”

 

Crowley opened the door and squinted his eyes at him. “What’s with all the ruckus?”

 

Dean gave him an eyeroll, because unlike his boyfriend, he  _ did  _ have a good poker face. “We hit a snag with one of the cuneiform translations. Need you to give it a onceover. There’s a glass of scotch in it for you.”

 

“ Why didn’t you open with that?” Crowley followed Dean into the library, looking like he wasn’t suspecting a thing.

 

Dean pointed to one of the chairs at a main table. “Take a seat. I’ll grab the booze and the prophet.”

 

Crowley squinted his eyes at Dean, looking suspicious. “Why are you so friendly? What are you planning?”

 

At that, Dean looked around to make sure they were alone and shrugged. Knowing his brother, the prank was harmless, and while it was silly, he kind of didn’t want their bubbles burst. But Crowley wasn’t stupid. So, because apparently that was his thing now, Dean answered the demon honestly, “Cas and Sammy have a practical joke planned on you. Just… Do me a favor and pretend you don’t know. Alright?”

 

Crowley rolled his eyes, but he gave Dean a smirk and nodded gracefully before he sat down on the chair. He made an exaggerated surprised expression before he looked at Dean. “There’s a bloody devil’s trap under my chair. What do you say, Squirrel? Want to prank them back and destroy the sigil? I can pretend to be trapped.”

 

Dean knew he should take his boyfriend’s side, but the temptation of pranking them back was almost too good. He nodded and leaned down to look under Crowley’s chair. There was a freshly drawn trap and he laughed. He just used the pad of his thumb to smear it. He looked up and asked, “Good? Or do I need to break it completely?”

 

Crowley smirked at him. “Perfect.”

 

He’d done it in the nick of time, because Sam and Cas came into the library a moment later. When Cas’s eyes fell on Crowley, Dean could see how his boyfriend was biting the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from laughing.

 

“I told Crowley about needing his help with that new cuneiform,” Dean said pointedly, making sure they were on board with his lie. Cas’s smile grew wider. Man, his boyfriend was a  _ terrible  _ liar.

 

Crowley gave Dean a pointed look, like he was thinking the same thing.  Sam handed Crowley a glass of whiskey and a book. “Here, knock yourself out. See if you can translate this.”

 

Cas turned around and snickered.

 

Dean bit his lip to stop himself from laughing at the pair of them. It was like watching five-year-olds pull an April Fool’s joke. So, with a sly wink in Crowley’s direction, Dean pulled out a book from one of the shelves and said, “Crowley, do you need this?” He was pretty sure a random encyclopedia on Whispers wasn’t what he needed, but hopefully the demon was better at pranks than his brother and boyfriend.

 

Crowley raised his eyebrow and nodded. “Oh, yes, that would be helpful.” He then tried to get up from the chair and pretended like he had changed his mind before he cleared his throat and said, “Would you be a good, little squirrel and just bring it over?”

 

Cas snickered into his hand, still trying to hide his amusement very unsuccessfully.

 

“Do I look like your maid? Get your ass up and get it yourself,” Dean barked in annoyance. 

 

Crowley sighed and rolled his eyes. “Alright then.”

 

Dean could see the tense expectation radiating from his boyfriend as Cas watched Crowley. The surprise on his face was glorious when Crowley just stood up and grabbed the book from Dean, followed by Cas’s expression being confused and then incredibly disappointed.

 

“Was that so hard?” Dean quipped, doing everything in his power to not outright high-five Crowley.

 

“Now that you mention it,” Crowley replied thoughtfully. “It was kind of hard. I don’t know why.”

 

“As hard as putting your glass of whiskey down?” Sam asked dryly with a raised eyebrow and a pointed look to Dean. He knew.

 

Crowley put the glass on the table–well, he  _ tried  _ to, but the glass was stuck to his palm. “You put a devil’s trap on my glass of whiskey? That’s blasphemous.” 

 

Cas started to laugh and Sam high fived him. “At least half of your prank worked, Cas. Good job on your first one. But you seriously need to work on your poker face.”

 

Dean chuckled and couldn’t help but look at Cas with a loving smile. “Yeah, babe. You really do.”

 

Cas tilted his head. “I still don’t understand why the chair didn’t work. I guess I must have done something wrong.”

 

Crowley rolled his eyes again. “Hey, I’m still here. Could someone free me from the glass? It’s getting annoying.”

 

Dean smirked and walked over to Crowley, using the blade of his knife to scratch out a line of the trap. “There you go, you whiny demon.”

 

When he turned around, he could see that Sam was whispering something into Cas’s ear. Cas’s eyes widened and he looked at Dean with an astounded expression. “Is that true? Did you sabotage the devil’s trap under his chair?”

 

Being caught red-handed, Dean raised his hands in surrender, showing literal proof of being caught red-handed, the chalk dust still on the pad of his thumb. “You guys started a prank war against me. Who else was I supposed to team up with?”

 

Cas looked like Dean had punched his favorite kitten. Or rather, the only kitten that he liked. “You have no right to be angry with me anymore about the pies. This makes us even.”

 

“Oh, baby,” Dean murmured fondly through a chuckle as he shook his head. “This doesn’t even come  _ close  _ to making us even.”

 

“My first prank ever in my life and you sabotage it by working with Crowley. Oh, yes, we’re even.” Cas crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

 

Dean couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped, which only furthered his boyfriend’s ire, by which he narrowed his eyes in anger before turning to leave. “Awww, babe, come on!”

 

Cas turned around for quick moment, quirking his brow. “You want to make it up to me? Follow me.”

 

Well, he didn’t have to tell Dean twice. He waggled his eyebrows at Crowley and winked at his brother. He received disgusted eyerolls from both of them as he followed Cas to their room.

 

**…. :::: :::: …..**

 

Cas squinted his eyes at Gadreel, who was currently covered in cats that were all snuggled up to him. Even the demon cat. 

 

At least Ieiazel was still on his side, but it was weird seeing the other angel so popular with the other cats.

 

“How are you doing that?” Cas asked incredulously when D.C. snuggled against Gadreel’s chest and started purring.

 

Gadreel looked up at him with a truly perplexed expression. “I do not know. But they are quite endearing, aren’t they?” He smiled fondly down at D.C. and started scratching under her chin, eliciting another round of purrs.

 

“Actually she’s not. I’m rather surprised she hasn’t cut you into pieces yet.”

 

Gadreel tilted his head. “I sense hostility. Are you upset with me?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at the other angel. “Why would I be upset? Just because all the cats seem to love you.”

 

Gadreel carefully sat up, gently moving the cats, before he stood up and approached Cas. “Castiel, may I confide in you?”

 

“Of course.” Cas put Ieiazel to the side and folded his hands in his lap, giving Gadreel his full attention.

 

“Metatron isn’t to be trusted, correct?”

 

“He used me. He lied to me to get my trust and played me, for his own nefarious purposes. Why are you asking?” Cas asked, starting to feel suspicious.

 

Gadreel rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “He tracked me down.”

 

Cas sat up straight, feeling alarmed. “You met him? What did he want?”

 

“He says he can rebuild Heaven. And if I help him, my name will be cleared.” Gadreel sighed and looked down. 

 

Cas rubbed his palm over his face, shaking his head. “I understand your wish for redemption, believe me. But Metatron needs you because you’re a good soldier. He just wants to use you to do his dirty work. He did the same with me.”

 

Cas leaned forward, his voice getting serious. “Help me to find a way to get all of the angels back to Heaven. I can’t promise you redemption, but you would be doing the right thing.”

 

Gadreel grasped Cas’s hand and held it. “I trust you, Castiel. You were the first angel to give me a chance. I will do whatever you ask of me.”

 

“I’m not a Commander anymore, but thank you for your trust. What can you tell me about Metatron? Do you know where he is?”

 

He let out a saddened sigh. “No. He met me while I was out picking up supplies for the cats. He asked me to meet him at a specific location tomorrow night. Should… What should we do?”

 

Cas nodded thoughtfully. “We tell Sam and Dean. And then we prepare a trap.” He stood up from the chair, putting his hand on Gadreel’s shoulder. “Thank you for telling me. This is our best chance to do right by all the other angels.”

 

“Should we grab them now? Or work out a plan first?”

 

Cas rubbed his hand over his chin. “I actually have an idea. It’s from a science fiction movie. But we should tell them immediately.”

 

“A what?” he asked with a perplexed head tilt. 

 

Cas couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to be on the other side of a reference for once. “Star Wars. I will make you watch it when this is over. I’m sure you will like it.”

 

Gadreel returned the smile. “I’d like that.”

 

Cas mirrored the smile and nodded. “Wait here, I’ll get Dean and Sam.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Considering the way things had started for all of them since the angels fell, Dean was surprised at how far they had come. With Gadreel’s intel, they successfully captured Metatron, and after Cas and Gadreel had removed his grace, they found a spell to open a portal back into Heaven. 

 

Cas and Gadreel had spent the following weeks reaching out to their angel brethren, communicating the successful opening of a doorway back to Heaven, and helping them find their way home. They had to keep Gadreel’s identity hidden, because while Cas had been relatively understanding, it took holding him to a promise to do so, and the other angels didn’t have the excuse of being in love with the Righteous Man in order to hold their anger inside.

 

Sam and Kevin had been diligently talking to and explaining things to the angels who had a personal vendetta against Cas. It was… surprisingly amicable. Even the angels that had been trying to start wars had found their gratitude at being allowed back home almost eliminated their discontent with each other. 

 

It was almost too easy. But then, Dean was a Winchester. It would have been out of character for him to believe that everything could have turned out alright for them. But somehow, it  _ did.  _ With the angels now happy, it was one less thing for them to worry about. Which freed up a lot of time for Dean and Crowley to find a way to defeat Abaddon.

 

Which came with them locating Cain. The friggin’ father of murder. That was a weird day. He didn’t expect the guy to be so low-key and mellow. Hell, he kept bees. If he wasn’t a knight of Hell, Dean would have been half tempted to introduce him to Cas. He was pretty sure they’d get along great.

 

Dean managed to convince him to take on one last kill. The knight that caused him to murder his precious Collette. Because he made a promise to never kill again, Cain had tried to offer the Mark to Dean. But when he thought of Cas, his brother, the stupid decisions he made in the past without talking to them, he just couldn’t. That was when Crowley did him a solid and used his smarmy, prissy ways to manipulate Cain into taking one more kill.

 

To thank him, Dean had freed Crowley. Now that got him in big trouble with Sam and Cas, but… After everything Crowley had done for them, it was the right thing to do. And he knew eventually they would see he had done the right thing.

 

Because of everything that had happened with the angels and the demons, it was unsurprising that Dean had sort of forgotten about an issue that had needed to be taken care of months ago. And with his changed relationship with the newly re-throned king of Hell, he decided it would probably be worth a shot to try and see if favors were a thing he could pull off.

 

Dean slipped out of the bunker, because now that Cas was all mojo-ed up, he had really annoyingly good hearing. So much for sneaking up on his boyfriend. He pulled out his cell phone and, thankful for putting Crowley in his phone, called the snarky demon.

 

“Surely you can’t be calling for a chat, Dean,” Crowley greeted.

 

Dean rolled his eyes, despite the fact the demon couldn’t see it. “Yes and no. I, uh… There’s something I need to do, and I figured you might want to help?”

 

That was met with a snort of laughter. “I can’t possibly be your first choice. What? Moose and Dudley Do-Right turn you down?”

 

“Actually, um… What I need to do is kind of on the immoral and illegal side of things.”

 

“Ah, so I’m the other woman in this scenario.”

 

“Crowley,” Dean growled.

 

Crowley chuckled. “Fine. What do you want?”

 

Dean let out a sigh of relief and proceeded to explain everything, hoping against hope that Crowley would be relatively mature about it, especially considering Cas’s involvement. 

 

To his surprise, Crowley listened attentively and finally responded with a sincere sounding, “What do you need me to do?”

 

“That’s it?” Dean questioned warily. “You don’t want something in return?”

 

“My dear Squirrel, must there always be this assumption of quid pro quo?”

 

Dean scoffed. “With you? Oh, yeah.”

 

“Just tell me what you would like me to do, and provided it isn’t outside of the realm of my capabilities, I’ll take care of it.”

 

It was really fucking with Dean how much of a stand up guy Crowley was continuing to be. But he really could use the demon’s help, so he wasn’t about to question it. Dean proceeded to break down his plan to Crowley, who simply hummed in the affirmative, and when he hung up with the demon, Dean couldn’t help but smile. 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

When Dean arrived to the abandoned warehouse just after the sun had set, he was not even a little surprised to find Crowley where he said he’d be. Dean nodded to him as he approached. “Any trouble?”

 

Crowley pursed his lips, silently conveying his annoyance with Dean’s question. “I’m bloody Crowley.”

 

“Guess I’ll take that as a no?” Dean sassed as folded his arms over his chest. “They inside?”

 

“Up on a rack and everything,” he said with a smirk.

 

Dean nodded and opened the door. Just as promised, the two assholes that attacked Cas all of those months ago were, quite literally, strung up by their arms on a genuine medieval rack. They both had a fair share of bruises and cuts on their faces, from having clearly struggled against Crowley, or his goons. Whichever. 

 

When the smaller guy’s eyes widened with realization, Dean instantly recognized him. It was the little prick the first night Dean had taken Cas to that bar to meet Jerry. 

 

“You?” he breathed out, half accusatory-half terrified.

 

Dean smirked. “Yeah. Me. Should have known better than to try and fuck with me, and that includes what’s mine. Like my boyfriend.”

 

The taller guy was shaking his head, struggling against the restraints. “Look, man. We’ll do whatever you want, give you whatever you want. Just let us go.” His voice trembled in fear, especially when Dean pulled out an angel blade and carefully examined it.

 

Crowley chuckled as he stepped next to Dean. “They were even more pathetic when I grabbed them. Sniveling little weasels, begging me not to hurt them.”

 

Dean chuckled and approached them, blade at the ready as he drew closer. “What do you think, Crowley? Should I cut off their dicks and let ‘em bleed out? Or torture them a little before the grand finale?”

 

“Are you really asking the King of Hell whether or not you should torture them first?”

 

“Silly me,” Dean quipped as he brought the blade slowly down the cheek of the smaller asshole. Barely grazing it, not even enough to break the skin.

 

“Please. I’m sorry, I’ll do whatever you want, just… please… Don’t kill me.”

 

“And did you stop when my boyfriend pleaded with you fucks to not rape him?”

 

“We didn’t! Jerry stopped us!” the other guy cried out. 

 

Dean turned to give him an incredulous look. “And that’s supposed to help your case,  _ how,  _ exactly?”

 

Before either of them could answer, Dean grabbed a fistful of the smaller guy’s hair and yanked his head back, throat now exposed as he trailed the blade down a nervously bobbing Adam’s apple. The tears started running down the guy’s cheeks as Dean gently dragged the tip of the blade over the hollow of his throat, down his sternum, before stopping just above his groin. 

 

After a beat of harmonious crying from both men, Dean placed the blade back in his jacket and roughly grabbed both of them by the balls, causing simultaneous cries of pain.

 

“Here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m not gonna do anything to you, and that’s  _ only  _ because my boyfriend would be upset if I got my hands dirty with your blood. So, I’m gonna leave, and you fucks are going to live good, Christian lives. No more rape  –  and make no fucking mistake, what you did was rape. If you even so much as  _ think  _ about raping another person, then you’re gonna have to deal with me. And I’m a helluva lot more scary than prison, you get me?”

 

They both nodded through the pain, letting out soft sighs of relief, that sounded slightly pained from the insanely tight grip Dean had on their balls.

 

Dean smirked. “But you need to keep in mind: how easily my friend collected you both. Oh, and how easily we can make you both disappear. So, I wouldn’t bother trying to report me, or get me arrested, ‘cause if that happens, my friend here won’t be too pleased with you.”

 

Crowley scowled as he used his demon tricks to make the racks shake with a flick of his wrist. He then caused a few boils to start popping up on their exposed skin, letting out an amused chuckle.

 

“Alright, Crowley, I think they get it.”

 

The demon actually friggin’ pouted as he waved away the boils. Dean had to refrain from rolling his eyes. He turned back to them and twisted his fists slightly, causing the pair of men to scream.

 

“You’re getting off light, considering how easily we can rip you to fucking pieces. So, you’re going to leave here and do as I suggested, because if you don’t… Who knows? Maybe in two weeks, two months, or even two years from now, we might show up to see how well you’re doin’. And lying is pointless, that guy? Isn’t just a demon, he’s the fucking king of them. And will be able to tell if you’re lying. Do I make myself clear?”

 

Again, two emphatic nods met his question and Dean finally let them go. Not before slamming his fist into the smaller guy’s chin, the echo of his teeth clacking together music to Dean’s ears. 

 

Dean shook out his hand and approached Crowley. He clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Seriously, thank you.”

 

Crowley waved him off. “A Winchester owes me a favor. That’s worth more than you realize.”

 

“Well, either way. Thanks.” Dean looked back at the two men. “What’re you gonna do? Take ‘em home? Leave ‘em here to be found?”

 

“Don’t you worry about that.”

 

Dean nodded and made his way out of the warehouse. As he closed the door behind him, in that moment his cell rang. He looked down at the display and shook his head in amazement.

 

“Baby, you have  _ impeccable  _ timing.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

For the first time in years, the Winchesters had nothing to do. It was surprisingly refreshing. Dean would usually get an itch to hunt, or kill, or something after a couple of days of nothing. And for once that wasn’t the case.

 

Dean was happy. What a concept.

 

That’s how they found themselves in the library of the bunker. Kevin was working on college applications, Sam was doing research on, god knows what. Gadreel was on the ground playing with the kittens, Linda was in the kitchen cooking them dinner, and Cas was glued to the screen of a tablet they stole from a werewolf, binge watching something on Netflix. Some shitty show about vampire hunters or something.

 

Dean moved to sit down next to Cas with a loud enough plop that it made Kevin jump. It didn’t even faze Cas, he was so engrossed in whatever he was watching. Dean rolled his eyes and waved his hand in front of his boyfriend’s face. “Hey. Pay attention to me.”

 

“But Angel is… oh, no, no, no! She killed him, Dean! But he wasn’t bad anymore, he got his soul back and she killed him!” Cas’s eyes widened as he stared at the screen. “Fuck. That’s sad.”

 

“Alright. Put down the Netflix,” he gently chastised as he grasped his hand. Dean smiled at him and said, “Come on. I’ll make you feel better.”

 

Cas wiped his hand over his face, it almost looked like he was crying, before he put down the tablet and buried his face into Dean’s shoulder.

 

Dean refrained from laughing outright as he carded his hand in Cas’s hair. “Awww, you’re a baby in a trenchcoat,” he teased. 

 

“I’m not crying. I was cutting onions in the kitchen earlier,” Cas replied, sounding muffled against his shoulder.

 

“You’re a terrible liar,” he said with a soft chuckle.

 

“But you won’t call me out on it because you love me.” Cas leaned back and raised an expectant eyebrow at him.

 

Dean grinned. “Exactly.”

 

“Did you want anything, or just my attention?” Cas asked with a flirtatious smile.

 

Dean waggled his eyebrows, purposefully licking over his lips. “I got somethin’ that needs your attention.”

 

“Dude, we are literally a foot away from you!” Sam groaned as Kevin plugged his ears.

 

“What?” Dean asked, feigning an innocent tone.

 

Cas seemed to be also very unimpressed with the complaints when he leaned closer and whispered, “Oh? Well, I should be quick to attend to it, then. What do you need?”

 

Dean really did love the angel. He chuckled and said in a completely nonchalant tone, “I’ve had this pesky erection for several minutes.”

 

“Can we kick them out? Please?” Kevin begged Sam. 

 

“Do you want me to take it into my mouth?” Cas asked Dean with a grin.

 

Sam groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can you both please take your stupid sexcapades to your bedroom? Where it belongs?”

 

Cas bit his lower lip seductively, his focus solely on Dean. “Where do you want me, Dean?”

 

“Baby, you’re about to snap my resolve. I’m half tempted to take you right here.”

 

That was met with a chorus of boo’s from the peanut gallery as Sam crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it at his head. “Get out of here!”

 

Dean chuckled and smiled at Cas. “First one to the bedroom tops.”

 

Cas drew Dean in for a quick kiss before he pushed himself up and ran in the direction of their bedroom without looking back.

 

“Joke’s on him. I’m still gonna top,” Dean said with a smirk, which was met with another chorus of boo’s and another paper projectile. He laughed them off as he made his way to the bedroom. Cas was already naked on his bed by the time he got there.

 

Dean smiled as he closed the door. “Someone’s eager.”

 

“Someone is fucking good at advertising,” Cas replied smoothly.

 

He couldn’t help but chuckle as he started unbuttoning his shirt. “I love your filthy fucking mouth.”

 

“Because I said ‘advertising’?” Cas grinned and waved Dean over to the bed with his finger.

 

Dean smiled broadly as he approached his bed, shedding his clothes onto the floor as he did. “When did you get so snarky?”

 

“It’s a survival skill when you’re with a Winchester,” Cas replied smoothly, making no secret out of the fact that he was eyeing all of Dean’s body with a lot of interest. 

 

“So, what you’re tellin’ me is: I’ve rubbed off on you and not just in the dirty, fun way?” Dean was completely naked by the time he reached the bed, crawling onto it, gently shoving Cas to his back before he dove in for a soft kiss. 

 

Cas wrapped his legs around him and chuckled against Dean’s lips. “In all possible ways, my love.”

 

Dean hummed contentedly as he nudged his nose against Cas’s cheek. “You cornball.”

 

Cas grinned brightly. “So, I guess the, ‘who gets here first will top,’ was a ruse?”

 

“While that eventually will be on the table… yeah. I had every intention of fucking your brains out.” Dean winked as he slid a hand between them to tease Cas’s rim. 

 

Cas pressed his head against the pillow with a deep moan, giving Dean a lustful look. “Uh, okay. I can, hmmmm… totally wait.”

 

“You should mojo the lube over here,” he growled before he sucked his fingers into his mouth, getting them nice and wet, before he started teasing Cas again. 

 

“Uhum,” Cas moaned, waving his fingers around, but nothing happened. He groaned in frustration. “Can you stop touching me for a second? I can’t get the lube as long as you do that.”

 

Dean chuckled and stopped moving his fingers, but didn’t remove them from where they were presently resting. “Come on, baby, I  _ need  _ you.”

 

Cas bit his lip to stifle the cute little hitch in his breath as he waved his fingers again and this time got the bottle. “Yes!”

 

Without hesitation, Dean grabbed the bottle and lubed up his still damp digits. Dean leaned in to kiss the only lips he would ever be interested in kissing as he slipped two fingers in at once, swallowing Cas’s sharp gasp with an amused hum. 

 

“Please, Dean.” Dean loved how receptive Cas was to sex, how he always let go completely and how much he enjoyed himself. It was incredible to watch him just lose himself in pleasure.

 

“Please what, Cas?” He growled as he tapped Cas’s prostate.

 

Cas let out an indecent moan, one that was probably heard by the whole bunker. “Please fuck me, Dean. Please, I need you.”

 

Dean chuckled again and slipped a third finger inside his lover, hammering his prostate with each thrust of his fingers. “How badly? Enough to shove me down and fuck yourself on my dick?”

 

Cas didn’t answer with words, but with action. He pushed Dean off and against the mattress, his fingers slipping from Cas’s ass as the angel pressed Dean’s arms into the sheets and slid into Dean’s lap. He let go of Dean in favor to grab Dean’s cock and line it up before he sank down with a deep moan.

 

“Oh, fuck, baby!” Dean’s head sank into the pillow as he tried to get his breathing back in sync from the sudden onslaught of intense pleasure. 

 

Cas didn’t start slow. He fucked himself on Dean’s dick at a frenetic pace, his eyes closed and his lower lip askew with how he was trapping it beneath his teeth. Cas’s erection leaked with precome and Cas stroked himself lightly while fucking himself on Dean’s dick, murmuring explicits and Dean’s name. Probably even an ‘I love you’ in between.

 

It was kind of amazing how every time they had sex, it was still new and exciting. They’d fucked in just about every way imaginable, and still it left Dean a little breathless. Dean wrapped his hand over Cas’s own and helped him pump his erection as he rode Dean like his life depended on it. The pressure and heat around his dick had Dean moaning his own litany of expletives. The lust blown gaze that met his own caused Dean’s breath to hitch. Castiel was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen. How the fuck did he get so lucky?

 

Cas gasped and leaned forward slightly trying to brace himself on his other hand. “Dean, I’m... so close. Fuck!” 

 

Every time there was this tiny expression in Cas’s face shortly before he came. That of surprise, like he still couldn’t believe how good it felt. Dean hoped Cas would never get used to it as he watched Cas come all over Dean’s stomach and chest with a deep moan, his eyes locked with Dean’s.

 

It was all it took for Dean to follow his boyfriend down that ecstasy inducing rabbit hole. “Cas!” he cried out as he shuddered through his orgasm, filling the impossibly tight channel with his seed. 

 

Cas groaned over him, throwing his head back. “Fuck, I love when you come in me.”

 

Dean chuckled and pulled him down for a kiss. “I love coming in you.”

 

“I think we’re a pretty good match.” Cas smiled and kissed the tip of his nose.

 

“We are,” Dean affirmed as he let out a contented sigh. He carded his hand through Cas’s hair as his boyfriend rested his head against his chest. “Kinda crazy, huh?”

 

Cas chuckled and snuggled into his chest like a content cat. Maybe that was the reason why D.C. hated Cas. He was sure somewhere in Cas was some cat DNA. “Yes. Very crazy. If I don’t respond, I might have fallen asleep.”

 

Another thing that he loved about Cas. He didn’t need to sleep, but he did it anyway, just to be with Dean.

 

Dean smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Like this? With me still inside you?”

 

“Yes,” Cas almost purred. “With you inside me.”

 

Yeah. Clearly D.C. hated Cas because she sensed he was competition. Dean chuckled and nudged Cas’s cheek with his nose. “Well, clearly, I’m stuck like this, aren’t I?”

 

“You’re my pillow. Get used to it,” Cas murmured, half asleep.

 

Dean smiled and kept carding his hand through Cas’s hair. When his boyfriend’s breathing evened out, he looked down at his sleeping form. He really was beautiful. As he watched Cas sleep, he chuckled to himself for doing exactly what he told Cas was creepy behavior. So Dean looked around. He wasn’t even a little sleepy, but he’d be damned if he moved and disturbed his boyfriend.

 

That’s when something caught his eye. Cas’s human journal was laid out on the nightstand on his side of the bed. Dean looked down at Cas again, waving his hand in front of Cas’s face to make sure he actually was sleeping. At the passed test, Dean carefully reached out for the journal.

 

Using his fingers to drag it a little closer, Dean had to repress the urge to make a noise of success as he one-handedly opened it and held it above his head to flip through the pages. He hadn’t gotten the chance to really snoop through it, like he had hoped.

 

As he tried to balance the journal in his hand and keep it open, he noticed a more recent entry from about a week ago. Dean barked out a laugh that jostled Cas awake. 

 

“What’s so funny?” Cas grumbled as he blinked his eyes open and noticed Dean holding his journal. “Oh, tell me you didn’t see the last page!”

 

Dean smirked. “‘Freckle count as of this date: Seven hundred and fifty seven.’”

 

Cas smiled sleepily. “I’m not sure if there are more freckles. I think I might be done, but who knows?”

 

He adjusted his hands to grip the journal fully, flipping the book to the last page. “I’m guessing that clearly wasn’t the last page?” 

 

Cas hid his face behind his hand. “I can explain –”

 

In that moment Dean reached the last page.

 

  


 

Dean barked out a laugh. “Really, babe?”

 

Cas did a little awkward half shrug as he looked up at Dean. “I was on the phone with Kevin. And I was taking notes and then... I got distracted thinking about you.”

 

“So, what you’re tellin’ me is, I’m dating a teenage girl?”

 

“You think it’s horrible, right?” Cas asked with an insecure look.

 

Dean smiled and pressed a kiss to his nose. After a beat, in which Cas still looked unsure and reticent, Dean fixed him with a serious expression and said, “You know… I’m not in love with you for reasons that others might see. While you  _ are  _ attractive, and fierce, and protective... For me? What I can’t get enough of is the weird, quirky things you do. The fact that cats hate you. The fact that you make a weird face when you taste something you don’t like. The way your eyes crinkle when you laugh. Your lack of rhythm. The fact you behave like a teenage girl sometimes. You can’t see yourself the way I see you, which is a shame, because if you did? You’d see the definition of perfect.”

 

Cas stared at Dean for a moment before he smirked. “And you say I am a teenage girl?” He pushed Dean onto the mattress with a laugh and Dean could feel the smile against his lips as Cas murmured, “Thank you. Thank you for saying that.”

 

Dean chuckled and flipped their positions in one swift move, leaning over Cas with a broad grin as he drew him in for a gentle kiss. “Hey. I can be corny sometimes.”

 

“You’re full of surprises.”  Cas captured Dean’s upper lip in a soft kiss as he braced himself on his elbows. “So, what do we do now?”

 

“Now? Now I’m gonna kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before.”

 

Dean drew closer, revelling in the way Cas’s breath hitched. Just as their lips were about to meet, he quickly pushed himself down the length of Cas’s torso and blew a raspberry on his stomach.

 

Dean had totally underestimated how ticklish Cas was when he apparently let himself feel Dean, in combination with his angelic strength. The next thing he was aware of was the fact he was now on the ground next to the bed, with a heavily breathing and grinning angel in his lap. “That was a big mistake.”

 

And when they finally moved to lay next to each other  –  after a few minutes of rolling around on the floor, throwing pillows and tickling  –  Dean just looked at Cas’s happy face. It mirrored everything Dean was feeling and he pulled Cas in for a tight hug.

 

This was good. Happy was good. He could do happy.

 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Any here** : And yet another story is finished. Yeahhhhh! Thank you so much LoverAwakened for the prompt. We really hope you will like what we did with it. I had a blast writing Cas a bit different this time. Anyway the cats came out of nowhere but I'm super happy they did. Because all the scenes were so much fun to write.
> 
> As always thank you all for reading and a million thanks to Frankie for being my awesome everything. <3 Since we know each other we finished 17 stories (+ 3 that aren’t online yet) and we still working on a lot more. I think we probably even wrote more words than all three LORD books combined! 
> 
> Thank you for writing with me.
> 
> Frankie here: I can’t believe we’re here. Who would have thought fangirling over your work, offering to beta for you, would turn into something so damn important and amazing in my life. You’re so much more than my coauthor. You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had and I love you, kid.
> 
> I loved what we did here and I hope you like it, loverawakened. Thank you to you for being awesome and to our readers in general. You guys are amazing.
> 
> Keep your eyes peeled for the the sequel and prequel to PWF, and of course, the sequel to IAMD!! Not to mention our Dystopian AU as part of the dystopian bang coming up, and so many more. We’ve also got two or three other fics written and waiting to be edited. Just for shits and gigs, guys. And that’s not including some of the individual projects we’re working on.
> 
>  **Any here** : On a side note... I always laugh when you call me kid, lol. So Bogart of you. 
> 
> Frankie: We'll always have Paris.


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